[Califbill]

Sarcasm.

 

[DogZilla15]

Sarcasm, one of the many free services I offer.

 

[Califbill]

More sad than humorous.
June 18, 1975
On this day, NBC News & Information Service (24 hr news) premiered on radio. It was the start of ‘more talk about the news’ programming, with less actual news talked about.

 

[Denneroll]

I saw about 15 fish caught yesterday. We didn’t get a bite. I guess my gear was off.

 

[slickitem]

A FLORIDA Highway Patrol officer stops a man on a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. But, to play around with him the officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a 'nut case' on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.'
I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, and residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while, I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, and got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.
Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

 

[piscean]

Facebook

www.facebook.com

 

[slickitem]

 

[slickitem]

Ford and the Dodge would do the same!

 

[DogZilla15]

That's not a jet engine. Idiots shouldn't post on FB..... but they do.

 

[cchinook45]

That's not a jet engine. Idiots shouldn't post on FB..... but they do.

That's not a jet engine. Idiots shouldn't post on FB..... but they do.

The point is that Tesla truck is junk.

 

[cchinook45]

View attachment 1039412

Boot rockets

 

[slickitem]

One day a guy was on a sunny beach in LA and was thanking the Lord for everything he had, and then all of a sudden the beautiful California sky got cloudy and the Lord spoke to the gentlemen thanking him for acknowledging the Lord in everything he had and said "I will bless you for that, so for being faithful to me I will grant you one wish, for anything" and the man said "well thank you Lord, I want you to build a bridge from LA to Hawaii, so I do not have to fly" the Lord said " that is a very selfish prayer, don't you realize how much steel and concrete that would take and man hours to get a job like that done and the safety issues involved?" "I want you to wish for something else," said the Lord, "something that is not so selfish, so the man asks again "Then Lord I want to understand a woman, why she gets moody, why she acts the way she does at certain times when she can be happy at one moment then change and cry the next moment" The Lord then said to him "do you want 2 lanes or 4 on that highway?"

 

[The Jester]

 

[slickitem]

The point is that Tesla truck is junk.

some people just don't get it

 

[slickitem]

?

 

[cchinook45]

View attachment 1040200

Or Texas,

 

[slickitem]

I remember when Girls used to cook like their Mothers, now they drink like their Fathers!

I changed my car horn sound to sound like gunfire, people get out of the way a heck of a lot quicker now.

 

[positize]

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, who weighs 191 lbs.

I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had: an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

 

[Coastalhounddog]

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches.

 

[DogZilla15]

You’ve most likely heard the one about the girls track team and a group of pigmy women.