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please add yours ,hope this has not be done?Maybe this can be a daily thing

This one is perfect for this time of the year,heard it every year from my gramps and gr.uncle when we were cutting.Forgive me if i tell it wrong:doh:

Saw salesmen shows up at the old woodcutters ranch and wants to show him the brand new first ever McCulloch.Salesmen said this Mac can more than double your production and is alot easier than your old cross cut.Wood cutter says that sounds great.Salesman says give this a try if ya dont like it just bring back,woodcutter says ok.Some time passes and woodcutter comes into Saw shop ,salesmen asks how did you like it,did you cut lots more cord wood?Wood cutter says the same amount as before?Salesmen looks it over and it looks fine so they both go outback to the wood pile,salesmen pulls the rope!Woodcutter jumps back and says WHATS THAT NOISE!:whistle:
 

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A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the “Pie rates of the Caribbean.”


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A little girl asked her father, Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with "once upon a time?"
His reply was: "no, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with "if elected I promise..."
 

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How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”


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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh..........................10 tickles :)
 
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When I was in NYC visiting my daughter a few years ago, we went into an Irish bar for some local color and beers. NYC is full of tourists so ya never know who you’ll run into. We sat down at a table close to some rather large ladies who spoke with an accent. After a while I turned around and asked if they were from Ireland. Well, that was the wrong question and the biggest of the lot really lit into me. Wales, you idiot!! Wales!!! So I rephrased the question hoping she’d settle down a bit. Okay I said, are you whales from Ireland? Good thing there was an ER nearby.
 

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What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
He then addressed the men.
Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.
 

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True story here.
I once caught salmon that was ...
 

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What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!


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This one is best when told by a child.

How do you catch a polar bear?


Cut a hole in the ice and put peas around it.



When a bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice-hole!


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A plumber fixes a leak at a Dr’s house and charges him $1,000. The Dr. says, wow that’s a lot of money. I don’t charge people that when the come to me. The plumber says, I didn’t either when I was a Dr.
 

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I've determined that it's a sign of getting old is when you go to take a leak.....and your zipper is already down:palm:
 

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Building a duck blind for a guy in his boat, says to make sure I give enough height to clear his hat also while sitting. He didn't say what hat he was wearing so I just assume this one as a duck hunter...
 
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