IFish Fishing Forum banner
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

·
Administrator
Joined
·
120,054 Posts



Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington


June
2016

Flower Plant Plant community Purple Tree

This is the day
that the Lord made! Let us be glad, and rejoice in it!

Grass Font Terrestrial plant Symmetry Event
June
5, 2016

May what I do flow from me like a river, no forcing and
no holding back, the way it is with children.
Rainer Maria Rilke


Oh, I wish... I'm trying so hard to do that, lately, but nothing
is flowing but ideas that stay jammed up in my mind until they grow stagnant
and uninteresting. Maybe that's what it is, though. Maybe this is my "nothing"
time. That is what is flowing like a river! Just, nothing!

The real river... the Kilchis river, and the many coastal streams that surround
me are low and clear and... nothing. It's early for the pinch period, but
it seems like it is as dead! The rivers barely move as they head out to the
ocean.

And yes. That's me. I'm barely moving.

Yesterday, I moved a couple of pieces of wood from where we plunk fish in
the winter time. It kept grabbing our tackle, so I got in there with my bare
legs (brrr!) and moved them. I just wish someone would do that to me! Pick
me up, and give me a shove, so that I can float a little! Move a little! My
energy seems at an all time low.

I'm stuck in a hole like those logs, going nowhere any time soon!

I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere! And when I decide to not
go somewhere, I stay home and feel badly about not going somewhere! Doing
something! Guilt!

Bill and I were discussing what effect my loss of vision has had on me. It's
been what? A year? Maybe more. But, he says that I'm not as interested in
the birds. I guess that's true. It is frustrating not to be able to spot them,
the way I used to. I used to be fascinated by the colors on their feathers,
but they aren't as easy to see, now.

I used to be a slave to dusting the house. At the first sight of dust, it
would drive me crazy. Now, I just don't see it! I'm free! I dust, now, by
Braille. If I can feel it, I dust!

I think that my stagnation is partially due to not being able to see as well.
I've only lost 10 points of sight, actually, but I've had to yet again, change
my lead eye. It's just that I have try to see things,
that used to "flow like a river"... or be easy. It old my doctor
that it was like there is a disconnect from my brain to my eyes, where I have
to work to see. Things that I used to "see" without effort, now
takes my concentration. Social situations aren't as easy as they used to be.
I can't as well see who I am talking to. Now, that was hard, before, so now?
I just want to stay home!

It's so embarrassing not to know with whom you are talking without getting
four inches from their face, and then having time to process! I have met so
many people through ifish.

People know me, because I'm kind of front and center, here, but maybe I have
only met them once or twice. This is not to say that if Bill walked up in
a crowd, that I wouldn't know it was him. It's just people that I don't know
well.

Anyhow, add to that, the fact that I have a dog with separation anxiety, which
gives me a sort of excuse for not going out and doing things. It drives me
crazy that he's like that, but at the same time, I hate to see Willie suffer
like that.

We have a house cam with our alarm system, and we can see the dogs, while
we are out. Bill bet that Willie would just cuddle up and rest like Revvie,
when we left. NOPE! He paces and whines, and whines and paces. I don't think
he sat down, once!

So, I am his constant companion. This drives Bill up a wall, I think! :)

Bill is over 70, and seems to have more get up and go, than I do! His river
is flowing! Sometimes I think our age difference is perfect, because
I'm disabled, and he's older. We get tired, sometimes, but lately, I think
he is the younger one! When he was younger, he was kind of hyper, and I think
that tendency keeps him going, even after he's tired! My curiosity is usually
what keeps me going, but lately, that's a bit missing.

I've had spells like this, before. I know that this, too, shall pass.

Many years ago, I lost my husband, my Grandmother, my 16 year old cat, (Catarabbit)
and then my Mother... all in a period of two months. I fell into a period
of depression. The doctor prescribed prozac or something like that, and I
absolutely detested it. Instead, I bought this book on depression, that I
so wish I could recall the title! It was so good! It actually celebrated depression
as a normal phase of life! It taught me to enjoy it, and revel in it, and
it worked! Before I knew it, I was off and running normally, again! Partially,
because the book emphasized the need to coddle my soul... to do creative things
that I enjoy. To paint, to write, to go on long bike rides, by myself. Things
that I enjoy doing. I think the bike riding got my heart up and ticking and
the art work and writing brought me home to feeling good, again.

I don't think I'm really depressed, so to say. Just in a bit of a slump. I'm
ticked off that my eyesight isn't as keen.. It really is effecting my life.

Do you know how much it is affecting my life? I stayed home last night, when
I could have attended the Bounty on the Bay Banquet, and I missed Jim Martin's
speech! That is how much it affects me! There is nothing more special than
hearing him speak on my favorite topics, and last night, I guess he got a
standing ovation! Oh, dang! If anyone has a recording of his speech, last
night, please... please let me hear it! He is magic to my soul!

But yesterday, against my first wishes, I did go fishing! I climbed in Bill's
truck with two wild and happy dogs, and we went fishing! It was going to be
hot, and I knew it. I didn't think it would be that good, and I didn't think
we'd be comfortable! But, we went, anyway! I'm SO glad we did!

Why do I never learn, that when I make myself do something, I am always glad
I did!?!

On the water, a cooling wind blew, and it was actually pleasant fishing in
85 degree weather! The dogs were really well behaved in the boat, and we just
had a great time! We made plans to make an effort to bring home some spring
chinook, this week! We are going to fish hard, this week!

And while we were out on the river, I did a few of my favorite things! I love
to stare into the water, over the gunnel as we proceed from the shallows to
deep, seemingly bottomless pools, and into the shallows, again. The extreme
tide exchange yesterday was so strong, and as the current pushed upstream,
it created a swirling, mixed up muddy- seaweed stew! But, that flow! That
energy! It was catching!

That's when the title quote came to me, but a bit different... and I believe
it reset my mood! It just made me smile!

"May what I do flow from me like a [coastal] river, no forcing and no
holding back, the way it is [with the tide!].

May I never lose the tides of youth!-- or something like that!

Grass Font Terrestrial plant Symmetry Event

June 8, 2016


...and I'm panicked.

Molly Mae, the fishing cat shows up every morning for breakfast, until today.
Where is she, you guys? Who has borrowed my fishing cat?

I'm so panicked!

She never misses a meal. Molly is slender and wonderful, but call her late,
but never call her late to dinner!

Head Cat Felidae Carnivore Small to medium-sized cats

Ms. Mae

Water Cat Felidae Small to medium-sized cats Carnivore


Yesterday, Revvie went to the vet. We've been having troubles
with her ears for about three years, so yesterday we had her in. She was put
to sleep so that they could clean out her ears, and put in some kind of one
time medicine that is to fix things, once and for all. I sure hope so, because
in all of this time with trouble, I do believe her hearing has been affected.

So, yesterday I spent worrying about Revvie, and today, Molly? Agh.

Please say a prayer that she will come home, and I promise that if she does,
I'll come straight here and report it. Until then, prayers, please! I love
my Molly Mae!

June
9, 2016
later..

Still no Molly. I'm even more heart broken.

When Revvie was at the vet the other day, the house seemed so vacant. Even
though Revvie is so quiet, her absence that day was so loud!

Now it's that way without Molly. Molly is a cat. Quiet, demure, sweet... and
that sweetness is gone.

I keep thinking of her head butts. She comes up to me in the sweetest way,
and we bow our heads together. How I want that, right now.
Ms, Mae! Come home to your Mama!

I have searched high and low. I'm exhausted. I can't sleep.

Bill said he doesn't want another cat, if Molly is gone, and if we should
get one, he doesn't want to be close to it.

Now, that's a rotten attitude, but I can relate.

Loss is so hard! But, I'm not.. N O T going to be that way.
I'm going to open myself up for heart break again! And again! And AGAIN!

And frankly, I know that Bill will, also. He can't help but love animals.
Both of us, be damned. We are fools for fur!

I can't stand it when we close ourselves off to love, because love hurts so
much. I refuse to be that way, no matter how my heart hurts, now.
Love? Sign me up! We hopelessly fall into the fur! :)

I'm not thinking that far ahead, yet, but I'm just saying... I'm a fool for
fur, and I will furever fall.

Grass Font Terrestrial plant Symmetry Event

June 12, 2016


All is quiet on the Kilchis front. Very, very, eerily quiet.

Everywhere I go, I expect to see Molly. In fact, it startles me at times.
Shadows, etc., and even my mind playing with me.

Last night I dreamt about her, and seeing her in my dreams shocked me so much
that I woke with a start. I almost yelled to Bill, "Molly is home!"
But, I caught myself in the dark of the night, knowing that I was all alone.
There was no Molly sleeping softly on my legs. No Molly leaning over to head
boop me. No Molly at ally.

It was but a dream.

I used to enjoy my time with Willie outside, singing to him as he raced around
the field, but now, it's half songs, half searching in bushes, and calling
out, "Here Kitty, Kitty, Keeeee."

Willie is a bit disgruntled over that. Instead of me sitting calmly on my
little travel stool, I find myself exhausted, constantly. I walk the road,
searching. I make signs for Bill to hang on street poles. I spend time on
"Lostkitty.com" on the internet, even all the while knowing that
it is mostly fruitless. I mean, are the coyotes reading my signs? Do the bobcats
have her imprisoned somewhere? I don't think cash rewards are what they were
after.

But there is a slim chance, and I have to play my cards. A slim chance that
someone on the way to Kilchis park saw her on the road, and thought she was
a stray? Took her to the vet after being hit on the road? (Where she rarely
in 13 years, ever got near!?)

I check the game cam for clues, nearly every day. I used to leave it soak
for weeks, so as not to spook the normal animal pattern of things.

I'm so tired of calling "Kitty Kitty", but I can't help myself.
I listen with the keenest hearing that I have, so to hear any slight noises
she might make if she were hurt, somewhere. I flash my flashlight into the
bushes, everywhere and anywhere. I have trudged through brush and blackberries,
searching endlessly. I wish we had less brush!

How do you give up? How do you finally say to yourself that she is gone, when
you have no proof? Do I even want proof, if it is so? Could I handle that?

Oh, Ms. Mae... Come home to your Mama.

At the same time, I thank God for every lovely moment I ever had with you.
I know it was a gift, and I know that what comes also goes. Maybe this is
the first sign I am releasing her.

As I watch the terrible tragedy that happened last night in Orlando, I have
to realize that a missing kitty isn't much, in the scheme of things. But,
still, my heart aches.

My sympathy goes out to those who suffer so much more than I. Somehow, it
doesn't take my pain down, though. The whole of it just increases.

This too, shall pass and get more tolerable.

But, Molly. Oh, my sweet Molly!

Grass Font Terrestrial plant Symmetry Event

June 18, 2016


Good morning! Good June... Good all that.

It's been a week and one day. No Molly Mae. I'm beginning to give up, but
I just can't. Everywhere I look, I see her, but it's in my mind.

I look at the back door, to see her tiny head popping up. "Let me in..."
She was demanding, yet demure. Tiny. Sweet. Dolce

It was the worst, when I went for a canoe ride. I looked toward shore, as
I was picking out my landing place, and I saw her, there. Meowing pleadingly
to get in and go for a ride. She did that. She loved a canoe ride, but I know
why. She wanted to get to the other side. It wasn't about the canoe ride,
I don't think. But, she did enjoy it, I think. She'd look longingly down into
the water, as if she was interested in what was down there. But, when we got
close to the shore, I saw her main interest. She wanted to get out, over there!

Molly was so adventurous! I couldn't let her out over there! I'd never find
her! I had to protect her from lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!

Oh, Molly. I can't write here. I can't function. I can't do anything but think
about Ms. Mae. She was my side kick, just like Willie.
Fishing. I try to think about fishing. I do! I heard that
the summer chinook season on the Columbia is starting off with a bang. It's
looking positive! A friend of mine hooked six and got one to the boat, but
it was wild. Exciting fishing! Now, see? That's fishing! Even if you don't
bring one home to eat!

As for here, the hummingbird season is in full swing! They are just thick
this year, which is so awesome! We haven't had a good hummy year in ages!
I have to fill the feeder at least once a day. When they first got here, I
had to fill it three times, the first day! The only problem with a good hummy
season is that it takes quite a few of them little buggers to make a good
meal. Hey! I'm joking! I might be getting over Molly Mae!

I did a funny! I'm worried, though, that my "funnies" are getting
darker and darker with each life loss!

One thing that has been especially difficult, is writing! Or, so I thought...
but once I sat down here and put my mind to it, it did flow quite easily.
It's just that I'm sure you are tired of hearing about Molly.

I think I'll go out and swing a fly around, today. It's kind of sprinkling
out, and the river is up a bit. I could really use a good fight on my 4 weight.
:)

Have a great weekend, and a wonderful Father's Day!

June
21, 2016


What terrible t"eye"ming!

A couple days ago, I scratched my cornea, and I thought it was OK. Usually
scratched corneas hurt like the devil, but this one didn't, so I thought I
was OK. But, then I woke up the next morning, and couldn't see well! Everything
was foggy! Talk about scary! I couldn't see to drive, or anything. It was
like looking through fog at it's densest!

And then.... and then it hit! The password change nightmare!

My email overfloweth! Oh__my__gosh!

Talk about frustrating, and I can't help anyone! So, I'm forwarding all of
the "contact us" emails to Verticalscope and they are sorting it
out.

I do have to say... What a mess this is!

Be patient, please! They are getting to every last e mail until they get everyone
back on and comfortable, again!

I'm good at passwords and that kind of thing, and even I had trouble!

Grass Font Terrestrial plant Symmetry Event
June
28, 2016


As you probably know, my voice is limited.

But.... I am frustrated. Just know that.

I have been at my keyboard way more than I am allowed. Way more than I should
be.

But, what am I to do?

No time for writing about pretty clouds that paint the wisps of tree tops.
Or, the feeling I get when I am alone on a summer day, walking through the
woods. Nothing about sand between my toes, and mud splatters in my hair when
Willie digs a hole on the beach. Nope. None of that.

We are talking about tappity tap tap on the keyboard for hours at a time.
My back aching, my eyes strained, and yearning for drops of moisture! Yeah!
I can feel that, baby! I feel it!

There is no stretching over the gunnel and gazing deep into the waters and
being surprised to all heck when a Fall Chinook races under the boat 20 inches
from my face! OH MY! That happened once! IT DID!

I longgggggg for that! I long for the water splashing on the chines! I long
for the salt air breeze and strong winds whipping my hair as we zoom along
the shore line! YEAH THAT!

Tappity tap tap tap.... at least I have time this morning to write about it.
In a way, it is taking me there!

But, no. Ding goes my e mail.

"I CAN'T LOGIN!!!!" Scream the voices!

I can relate to the frustration, but my soothing pseudo voice says, "I
am so sorry for the delay in responding to your email.... " yaddeee
yaddee ya.

Let's get you fixed up!"

"I have updated your e mail and resent your password form"

"I have updated your e mail and resent your password form"

One more time... No!

Use the contact form, if you are still having troubles, OK? I will help you!
I cannot stand to see these long time members, or even new ones, not able
to login to what I took years to build.

The community is becoming fractured. Things like this have happened in my
past. Wait. No they haven't. Not to this extent! If I owned ifish when this
happened, I would fareak out! Yes. That word now has an "A" in it.
FAaaaaREAK!

At least, there is that. At least it's not my fault!

Bill and I giggle at each other when something goes wrong, and we point at
the guilty party between the two and say, "Fault!"

If I could point that far, I would do it. "FAULT!"

I just realized that I am typing fast, my real feelings coming out, easily
and naturally for the first time in a very long time! Maybe this has been
a good thing!? Maybe I have just missed writing. I haven't been able to, with
all this password change stuff, for over a week, now!

I'm caught up for now. Uh oh. Email bell just rang. It's so funny, because
throughout the day, I keep saying that. "Caught up!"
Ding!

Wait! Nope! Not!

I go read another one, update the e mail, send out a password change form,
answer the e mail and think I'm caught up.
"Ding!"

Wait! Nope! Not!

So, as soon as I answer these next ones, (It has dinged three times, while
writing this...) I'm going to RUN this wobbly body away from the computer,
as fast and as far as I can!

I'm going to run from the ding!

That is, until I pick up my ipad to play, and accidentally see that I have
32, no, 48 new e mails.

I can't just not. I tried not. I have to. I must help ifish! I think it is
my life. My love. My lampadephore! And if it weren't for my lethonomia, I
could do this without so much latency!

Look those up for more fun. I'm passed crazy. But, what's new?

I WANT TO GO FISHING!

HOME
| EMAIL


 

Attachments

1 - 1 of 1 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top