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Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington
June
2006

Jennie's Fishing Life





June 1st! 2006!

June! Wow!
I rolled over in my bed and reached for my clock. 5:00 A.M.. Darn. I
am tired. My body creaks and doesn't want to get out of bed, but something
pulls at me. Why, like a child, am I always so eager for the day? Why
can't I sleep in till noon like my teens? I've always been like this,
as long as I can recall. Especially as a child, but even through my
teen and early adult years. I just can't sleep in. What is it, that
keeps me from it?
I sat in the half lit dawn of my office and listened to the fullness
of Spring. It's amazing, and I love it.
The air is warm and moist and a heavy fog reaches down to rest on the
tips of the forest trees that surround me. The greens of new growth
are nearly incandescent as they come into focus.
The newly winged birds are in full chorus, yet still hidden in their
camps. I imagine them to be the same as myself. Eager for the day. I
can understand their motivation and excitement! They made it through
a dangerous night, with predators all around. I image the parents as
summer counselors. Hushing and shushing and trying to lead off giggling
campers to the showers and then to the mess hall.
The babies are hungry in their nests, and the parents are eager to teach
them to feed.





jentill06spa.jpg

25 pound springer, my first this year! June 7th 2006


Even in the half lit day, Francis, my hummingbird friend, flies in to be
first at the feeder. There is no one to fight her right now. She's got it
all to herself! I feel her joy of being alone. Soon the rest will wake,
and fight her for the empty spaces at the feeder. Chaos will ensue as the
masses stir.
I certainly understand my fatigue by mid day. I start too excited, too early.
I am not a reluctant enthusiast as Abbey describes. I am an ecstatic enthusiast
for nature, and I don't think many could keep up this wonder for long! I
wish!
The trees now stand brightly defined against the fog. Everything is dripping
fresh from the rain. The air smells sweet as my coffee maker steams, and
expresses it's last drop. Ah, fuel... to keep on.
As I take a sip, I open The Bible to where I left off. Good morning, God.
Let's talk.

June 2nd

Still... No doctor call from the results on my CT. I really
liked it when I went it, got the test, and headed over to another building
for the results. This waiting can drive a kid wild!
When, oh when will they call? It's interesting when they are so casual about
it. No hurries, no worries. I wonder if they'd be the same if it was about
them, or their children? I guess they just get so used to it that it is
just another walk in the park.
Waiting... waiting... waiting...
I'm headed to Portland for another doctor visit.
I had yet another appt. for another doctor at a pain clinic. I found out
my insurance doesn't cover that well, so you know what I did? I cancelled
it. To heck with it! No one can fix what I have, so why go?
There comes a point where you'd rather just let live, than to face another
round of tests and "Tell me about yourself..."
I'm starting to feel like a kid when school is out--
No more doctors! I quit!
laughin.gif

Instead, I'm doing yoga at home, and just trying to eat right. I think it
does about the same thing or better than taking all those pills. I have
to take some, I know, but not all of 'em.
The birds are beautiful and busy this morning. I think I'll just sit for
a bit and watch. :)

June 3rd

Although the report is that the test came out alright, the
good doc' was impressing on me how I would get to graduate to 1 year after
this test, if it looked good.
For some reason, I did not graduate. I have to have another one in six months.
I'm not sure I understand why, as last time we spoke, he was all for it.
Oh well, no matter! As long as he isn't talking surgery, I'm good with it!

At least the waiting is over! Phew!

June 6th

Did I tell you how much I adore Freesia? Well, I do. When
I was married, that was my favorite gift. Just one stem is so powerfully
scented that it nearly overpowers the room with scent. But, what a lovely
scent!
So, when I accidentally flipped on one of those TV sale channels, they were
holding up, of all thing, Freesia! A whole box of bulbs
of Freesia! I simply had to have them, so I dialed up their web site, and
ordered them!
I planted them here, and there, and everywhere, but especially in pots so
that as they bloom, one by one, I can bring them in the house, rather than
cut them!
Every morning, I pad out in my slippers, (getting them wet, wet, wet!) to
check on the stem with the most mature blooming going on. Still, nothing,
but I haven't checked today! I wish I had taken pictures, every morning
to track their progress! That would be fun, on the net. Maybe I'll do it,
still! But they are so close to bloom! Maybe today?
I took a picture, but it didn't turn out. While doing that, I captured a
picture of my favorite girls.

favgirls.jpg

Big Bird and Bette

Please meet Big Bird and Bette! They are darlings and very
friendly. Bette is our house chicken. Often, if you accidentally leave the
door open, you'll find her cleaning carpets of debris, or waltzing through
the kitchen. Big Bird is not very smart, but charming, all the same. Yes,
she has funny hair!
I'm feeling overwhelmed lately, by ifish. It is at these times that I concentrate
on things that soothe me. My girls, above, blooming flowers, the out of
doors, steelhead on their redds. These are a few of my favorite things...
I need to fish more, but it just never seems possible! I was out sick for
a couple days. Thought I felt better yesterday, but today, I'm wimpy, again.
It's a state of mind, right? I'm not going to let it get me down!
Off I go. Today I plan for our annual party, Ifishstock. I do hope you can
make it!
Join in our poll, so that the planning is yours, too?
Thank you!
The cutest thing! The baby birds are out this morning, and all of their
parents are out, trying to teach them to feed. Fun to watch their little
wings flutter, in trying them out. They are precious!

June 9th

I have to block out all else that is going on. I need to.
I have something very important to tend to. I promised myself I'd write
here, first.
It's been so crazy out! So, so crazy!
This morning was a zoo! Still is!
But, before anything else, I have to tell you that last night, before all
of the light left the valley, I walked outside to check on my freesia blooms!
In the dusk of night, shining oh-so-brightly out of the surrounding deep
greens, was one very tiny but opulent yellow touch of a bloom! It was SO
exciting! I can't wait to go check, this morning.
I just bet.. I just bet it will be in full bloom! If it is in full bloom
it will help me so much get over the stress of this morning!
Last night, Bill and I were speaking about how sad it is that Dee Dee won't
follow me outside, anymore. I can't help but think of "Puff the Magic
Dragon." As a small child, that song tore my heart out every time.
I have visions of peanut butter sandwiches, Captain Kangaroo, Puff the Magic
Dragon, and... OK, tears. Come on! Who would write such a song? Only to
bring tears? Furthermore, why would it be on children's TV?
Anyhow, Dee Dee is my Puff, or I, the other way around, and we want to keep
frolicking in the autumn mist, by the sea.
Dee Dee is just my speed. Kilchis runs like fire. Dee Dee and I trudge along
slowly behind, poking at agates and sniffing branches, as we go. Sometimes
we find a nice warm patch of sand, and we sit for a while, to catch our
breath. I rub her warm fur as it absorbs the suns good rays.
Meanwhile, Kilchis entertains us, racing against dippers and charging through
the river. Dee Dee and I reminisce about younger days when we, too, had
Kilchis's energy. We shake our heads, together, as if we were making fun.
Not admitting that we are envious. Instead, we poke fun at his silliness
in youth.
I need a friend like that. Dee Dee is my home. My anchor. My rock. I understand
the aching muscles and her quietly wagging tail, these days. I see her joy,
still, and her eagerness to wake in the morning. Even while she struggles
to stand, she smiles and makes it across the kitchen floor to receive her
treat and welcome to the day. Her wagging tail still tips over my glasses
of water. Proof right there, of her joy!
This morning, after I helped Dee Dee down the stairs outside, and back in
again. (She needs assistance or she'll fall.) Then, right on schedule, we
went for the treats. We serve soft chewy treats, now, and she took it, just
as eager as a pup. Just as labs so often do, there was no chewing involved.
Just a full swoop of air, and... food gone!
But this time was different. She began having what I'd describe as an asthma
attack. She couldn't breathe! Foam began building and dripping out of the
sides of her mouth as the whistle became more evident. "Bill!"
I screamed. "Bill, come help! Dee Dee is choking!" --Or, so I
thought! I still don't know!
We tried the heimlich as she struggled for breath. We tried to put our fingers
down her mouth. We thought we felt the treat there, and tried, try again!
Our hands got bitten, but we didn't stop. Pretty soon, there was blood everywhere
from our desperate attempts to free her airway. As we did the heimlich,
it caused her to defecate. There was blood, excrement and foamy vomit, everywhere!
Mind you, this is at 5 in the morning, pre coffee, pre anything. The house
was in turmoil!
I did a web search as her breathing became more shallow, and her exhaustion
showed. Bill worked on her, all the while. No luck! I called the vet. They
took our information oh-so-slowly, or so it seemed. We finally decided we'd
rush her to the clinic. I yelled for Andrew to help, as Bill and I both
realized we shouldn't be lifting a 90 pound labrador. Andrew, glanced around
him in his sleep, and did what was required, obviously in shock by what
his eyes took in. The place looked like... well, I don't know!
While Bill was gone, I went into a half sobbing, half panicked state. I
began cleaning, furiously, totally frustrated by not knowing what was happening.
And my cell phone that was usually in my car, was in my purse. No communication!
Ach!
I wrote on the moderator board on ifish. They are so near and dear to me.
My extended family, always there. They talked me through it, calmed me.
Finally, Bill pulled up. I flew open the window and he stopped short. "She's
OK!" He yelled. I flopped down in my chair and let her fly. Tears poured
down my cheeks. I had thought it was my fault. I had thought I'd choked
my dearest big, black, adorable lab friend! I was so relieved, and yet the
tears just increased!
Outside, Kilchis ran to his friend and licked her face. Obviously, Kilchis
knew the importance of the incident. I watched, as the happy family seemed
just fine!
Soon, Dee Dee came in the house. But, something was wrong. She began foaming
again, at the mouth! "Bill! She is not alright!" I pointed out
the dripping foam, as she settled on the carpet. I grabbed a towel and knelt
by her side. I pet her cool back. "Dee Dee! What is wrong, sweetheart?
What is it?"
Dee Dee is resting soundly right now. I don't know what is wrong. Could
it be congestive heart failure? Is she still choking? Regardless, her breathing
is calm, now, and she currently just seems exhausted. (So am I!)
Our plans were to go fishing this morning. So much for that, but who really
cares about fishing? My dogs, of course, come first.
I have vacuumed and shampooed the carpets. My back is killing me and my
heart, my emotions, they are tentative and unsettled.
Oh, Dee Dee. What power you have over my soul!
Well, I figure that her days are to be counted, from here on in. I knew
it was coming. Still, that is no consolation. Death, the loss of any friend
or loved one is never easy. I realize she is beyond the capacity to enjoy
life much and I don't want to be selfish. I know it will be better on the
other side. I know all of these things, but my heart cannot be still. I
am selfish in my wanting her, here, with me... forever. My Kilchis river
fishing dog. My friend who loves the word "Ducks!" but cannot
hear, anymore. My friend who spent so many long hours swimming, retrieving,
racing for sticks with my son, David, but now, can barely see.
She's had a wonderful life, I know. What better life can you have, than
on the Kilchis river banks, running free? I know that it is good. So, so
good. Dee Dee was rescued from the humane society many years ago. What luck!
A dog can have it no better, than living here.

DDDave.jpg

Dee Dee and his namesake, DD
Click for larger image.


Besides having the flu all week, my life has been filled with
fish and joy. It just makes me realize how full life can be, even if good
health is not one of the joys. Dangit, that's why I want Dee Dee to stay.
It's still so good! I went out on Tillamook Bay this week when all of a
sudden my line went slack. Whoo hooo! Fish on! Click
here for that post.

My hummingbirds are just magnificent! You can see pictures of those, by
clicking here.
A new migration of them came in. There are just clouds
of hummies! They are starting to thin out now, though.
And oh! My yellow roses are beautiful! Look!

yellowrosej.jpg
.

And now there is my Freesia to look forward to. Each morning,
there are wonderful things in life to enjoy, to pursue, to wait for! I love
to have things to look forward to. That is what keeps me keepin' on! I have
to go check now! Just wait. I'll be right back, k? I have only my slippers
and robe on, but who cares? It's raining, but I'll just get wet!

fresnya.jpg

Freesia bloom. See it?

Alright.... not yet! But, I guess that's a good thing, because
now I still have something to look forward to!
Well... Poor Dee Dee. I just pet her. I want her to wag her tail, if even
just a bit.
I'm just exhausted. I think I should lay down a bit and rest. I've never
gotten so much done before 10 in the morning, before!
That darn "Puff" song is now playing over and over in my head.
Especially this part:
A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
Ohhhhh!
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.
Kilchis and I are going for a walk by the river.
Say a prayer for Dee Dee. Alright?

June 11th

Dee Dee is getting on. She has all but put an end to any fishing
life. No one can leave home around here, without worry over her. I can't
count the times I've said or heard, "How is Dee Dee?"
Sometimes she lays so still, I'm afraid to approach her.
Her days are countable, I'm certain. Rather than choking, I've decided that
her problem is congestive heart failure, suggested by STGRule. I think that
is what is happening.
When Dee Dee so much as walks outside, she becomes exhausted, begins wheezing
terribly, and pretty soon she is seizing, foaming at the mouth and has no
control of her bowels. We sit by her and pet and soothe her. We lovingly
pinch our noses and clean her messes until the attack passes. It's heart
breaking and keeps all of us on edge. There is no restful sleeping in. There
are no long absences from home.
Every time these episodes occur, I swear that if I had a shot to put her
down, I would. She is suffering, terribly. Kilchis is so keenly disturbed
when it happens that he shakes, uncontrollably. Still, after the attack
stops, she smiles at me, wags her tail, and acts as any happy old dog would.
She lays on her side and opens her legs wide for her belly to be rubbed.
Kilchis jumps up and down, and life is back to normal, all over again!
~~
My freesia are still not blooming! Bad Freesias! Every morning I go out
to check on them and they seem to be in a state of suspended animation.
Those tight little buds stay tight and tiny! I make the rounds. I have several
in pots surrounding the house that I will bring indoors once they bloom.
The fragrance of freesia is out of this world, and I can't wait to inhale
it! I'm nearly tempted to order some cut, because my patience is wearing
thin!
Yesterday, I worked out some of my frustration, pulling weeds. I have always
loved the phrase, "A weed is simply a flower, misplaced." But
I decided yesterday that the very strong difference is that if you pull
the head off of a weed, it will grow back. Try that with one of your plants,
and they die, straight away. That's the difference!
I have a strong feeling towards wanderlust, lately. I want, need, crave,
to romance the road. The boys on the Salty Dog board are driving to Mexico.
A dozen of them or more. My wildest dreams is to show up and go with them!
What fun that would be!
Back to more reality! If only to bundle a backpack with necessities only,
and hit the road down the coastal highway. Who knows where I'd stop. Could
be the town next to me. Could be the mighty red woods, or further. I want
to travel at my own pace, stop where I wish, small roadside shops, unique
beachy inlets, a long nap and a cooling poke of a bare toe into a small,
meandering stream. I crave warmth, so Kahneeta calls me. The back roads,
where wild horses dart into the highway. Perhaps the joy of seeing a small
town ahead that has a welcome 7-11 store. That's where I'd stop for a slurpee,
and sit on a concrete curb in the heat as the sun goes down, barefoot.
Although it sounds dirty to most, after living in such a pristine place
of nature, here on the Kilchis, (cool, clean and green), the stagnant warmth
of asphalt and concrete call me. Nasty things like chewing gum and city
flotsam and trashy jetsam at my feet bring back memories of my youth in
downtown Canby in the summer, and call to me. I have to experience them
just once, for the season. It's kind of like that thick, sweet odor of a
carnival that gets sickening if you are forced to stay, but somehow can't
resist going for a little while!
Ah yes, travel. And if I can't go, due to Dee Dee's last days, at least
I can write about it. It somehow satisfies that wanderlust in me, if only
temporarily. I find that I get much joy out of planning trips, and then
just staying home. After all, it prolongs the satisfying anticipation. I
can plan trips over and over. I can go, only once.
Watching a loved ones last days are tortuously difficult. It's no wonder
I would rather wander. Staying and watching is acutely painful, but I wouldn't
miss her last precious days for anything. She needs us and every minute
with her, now, is a gift that I will treasure.

June 12th

Running an internet forum is difficult, at best. It's a whole
different thing. Not many would understand, unless they've run one, themselves.
I have found inner strength in me that I didn't know existed. It's amazing!

June 13th

It was a rare day. The kids were both home. The sun was shining.
No one had to go anywhere. The day was as long as the sun would shine, and
even into darkness! The barbecue was smoking both filets of salmon and breasts
of duck. The air was thick with delicious smoke billowing from the chimney
on the Traeger. We peeked in from time to time. Some of the salmon was pecked
at. "Is it done?" Oh! It was so good!
The air was warm, and the breeze was gentle and calm through the open doors.

"Summer breeze! Makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in
my mind..."
People came and went. Down to the river with the dogs for a short walk,
out to the garden, across the field to check the mole traps.
The television was playing a movie that we were all watching in broken segments
as we'd stop to do something else.
Everything came easy. The laughter, the chatter, the ease of life. Ifish
was nowhere in sight. No where in thought. The fan of the computer hummed
in the background, but it hadn't been noticed.
It was indeed, a rare day.
Usually, every day is ifish. Ifish is open 24/7 366 days a year! Why the
extra? I don't know. Because it feels that way.
I don't know much, other than that I have been here for years with impassioned
loyalty, glued to a box on my desk.
I have been more attentive to ifish than I have been to any friend. More
supportive than I have been to a loved mate. I have been more protective
to ifish sponsors (that pay the bills that run the wheels) more than I have
been as a Mother to my own two children. I have given it my all, even when
I didn't have it all!
"Please put it on pause" I yelled to the living room. I had to
check on my baby. Do you know how much ifish has grown? Wow! Look at the
hits! It just keeps growing! I used to be astonished to see 1000 people
on ifish at a time. Now it's nearing 10 thousand! I have so much to be thankful
for! This is really a hit, this fishing web site, here! I am so proud of
it! I have many people to thank for it's success. It is by no means my own.
It is a community project and has so many signatures involved.
But... on such a wonderful family day... why would I do this? Why would
I stop to check on ifish, literally out of the blue (skies)? Was this rare
and wonderful day not enough for me? Had I no sense? No reason? Why on earth?
I could just tell when I headed for the computer that all eyes were upon
me. I knew they were all shaking their heads at me. Thinking, "There
goes Mom! There goes the movie! There goes dinner!"
I had a good thing, a rare thing, a wonderful thing in this relaxing day,
and I was headed into the office, knowing full well that I was putting an
end to peace. Had I no brains?
I knew that I shouldn't, but yet the fear of becoming more behind is very
real and is becoming more and more of a concern.
Alert! Alert! There were multiple
moderator alerts in my e mail.
Oh no. This looks like a big one. There was a drama explosion on ifish!
These are not rare incidents, but sometimes there are events that affect
me more personally than others. This one concerned a sponsor. Those are
never good. Oh, no. Never, ever good.
You know, even when I'm not on ifish, my mind is often full of ifish. Thinking
of this thread and that, and this moniker and that, and registration and
bills, and miles of people who want to advertise on ifish that I am unable
to accommodate, but wish I could.
I spend time wondering how real marketing people do things, and real book
keepers, and real web masters. I use google to learn the basics of what
I need to do. I am not up on any of these things. I am a pianist. How did
I end up, here?
Chopin, Mozart! Come back to me!
My mind races ahead to what might happen. It's like sight reading music.
My vision, always four bars ahead and my fingers, stumbling to catch up.
Sometimes I'd just like to think "nothing". Real business people
are able to do that. For me, taking a break from ifish seems nearly impossible.
It is more than my ability, to put it aside. Ifish takes all I have and
more! A vacation, even in my mind, would be so refreshing! But, I don't
know how!
Someone I admire once told me that ifish was not a successful business.
Not until I am vacationing at some sunny resort and able to do it peacefully
and financially without strain. By that measure, (giggle) Ifish isn't a
success!
Sometimes I go out to the garden, and staring into the dirt, feeling it,
working it in my hands, helps.
I've tried yoga, and I'm still trying. It helps, but I don't think I have
it down, yet. I've tried meditation. It too, helps!
Since my health took a turn for the worse, it's even more difficult. It
takes more effort, for less return. When I'm not feeling well anyhow, things
that used to bother me emotionally, now weigh me down even more. Little
upsets can turn into tragedy, even when it shouldn't.
I tell you, without the ifish moderators, I'd be lost. More, or how much
more do I have to be thankful for? The moderators, to whom I am forever
indebted.
Work wise, small tasks, what used to take me an hour, now often takes me
an interrupted three. I have to take breaks and go feed the birds, or lay
down, or simply sleep. I never was as fast as some, but it was all I knew.
Now I know what I was, and I struggle to try and regain at least, my old
pulse. I am not only behind, but the hurrier I go, the behinder I get. Is
it the beta blockers? I don't know!
The other day I tried to vacuum the house. I couldn't finish. I was totally
exhausted. Giving up, I tugged at the cord. It has one of those retracting
cords. The end snapped me in the ankle, and oh! Did it smart! That's how
it seems for me lately, in everything! Not only can I not finish, but I
get zinged in the end.
I find myself losing things and forgetting things, and making even more
mistakes. Billing folks for the wrong year. (How embarrassing!) And, this
is the year of "the lost". Right now, I can count three major
losses. My glasses, my record book, (which I totally had to recalculate,
but did, successfully!) and my...my.. my.... I forgot! I can count just
fine, if only I could remember!
Anyhow, by around late O clock in the evening, totally and most utterly
exhausted, I clicked off the computer screen. Things had settled as well
as I could expect.
The kids were no longer waiting for me, but instead, wrapped up in their
own private events.
I walked down to the living room, and sat on the couch. The room was silent.
The doors were still open, and everything was incredibly still, quiet and
vacant. I patted Kilchis on the head.
The chatter, the laughter, the ease and warmth of the day were just memories,
floating in the air, now, and the chill of the evening made it downright
cold. I shivered.
Another stolen moment?
No. It wasn't stolen. I freely gave it away. I traded it for something that
has value, yes. But so little value, compared to that of a day spent entirely
with my family. My children, who are so rapidly growing up and away from
me?
My gosh! What was I thinking?
My thoughts turned to something that I had often joked about, when criticizing
others for working too much.
When I am on my death bed, do you think I will say, "Gee, I'm so glad
I worked so much!" ???
It was with that day, that I realized that I can no longer do ifish by myself.
My problem is that no one on earth would do what I try to do, for so little
money. I do what I do out of love for fishing, but it has become more than
any one person could ever love! I will find an answer. I have to, and I'm
spending this week trying to make that happen.
Dear Father,
Thank you for the gift of my children! I am so blessed!
Forgive me all of my weakness. I am so far from what you want for me. I
know that you are just waiting to fill my life with everything that gives
me pleasure.
Please give me another chance to receive what you want me to have. To enjoy
a full day of relaxation and laughter with my children. I promise to not
only be thankful for it, but to enjoy it without fear of becoming behind.
I know that you will take care of me, and give me the strength and the brains
to come up with a solution.
And Father? Thank you for my Freesia blooms! They are purple! I just went
out to see them! They are gorgeous!!!
Amen!

June 15th

What a catching tune Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" is.
It's playing in the background, and I find myself humming along. It's simple.
I like it. It fits. It's lifting. Listen to it, k?
The hummies are happy, today.

hum06a1.jpg


Bill said with a grimace, "All the birds.. Poor birds...
They are all wet! Soaking!" I said to him with a smile, "I just
spoke to one of them. She said how lovely it was, the Oregon warm rain,
falling on their backs.. and how they loved it."
Bill laughed and shook his head. You know, it's probably true. I'm certain
they love it. They aren't looking unhappy to me!
It's all how you look at things.
Speaking of looking, I can't stop. This is hanging from my window, in front:

stainsteel.jpg


Click for a larger image.

What a work of art! This was a gift from a neighbor who lives
in Bay City. It's fun to find an ifisher nearby. Especially one with such
talent, and one who wants to share that talent! I was blown away by this
gift. Truly, I spend many long minutes gazing at it. It comes to life the
more I stare into it! Isn't it truly magnificent?
The craftsman's name is Billy Schreiber. We dropped by to visit, not long
ago. In discussing the local band tailed pigeons, it turns out that he has
more than we do! He goes through more cracked corn than we do, too!
Billy is a local fisherman and charter captain. He used to own and run a
cannery, locally. Fascinating background, fascinating people.
Their household is full of amazing artifacts. They have so many hobbies!
These are people that enjoy life! If you are interested in his stained glass
work, you may contact Billy at this
e mail. Everyone should have a piece of this glass.
My freesia is in full bloom. I visit it at least 5 times a day. My knees
are stained from leaning down to smell it. I brought one indoors to enjoy
it and watch it as it, too, comes into bloom. I can't wait for it's fragrance
to fill the room!
I have been through the ringer this past week, and it feels good to feel
some kind of soothing blanket of peace come over me. It happened one day
as I sincerely gave it all over, walking on the river beach. I just stopped
cold, and sang a song I love from my past, "I surrender all."

I'm convinced. I truly believe it is only then that we are able to feel
peace. You just have to give it all up! I'm not sure why we, as people,
insist on trying to handle life on our own. It just can't happen. Time and
time again, I'm guilty of trying to take the wheel. It's not mine. I'm not
capable, so Father, again, I do surrender all... and I am so thankful that
you take care of me. Life is so much more pleasant when I trust you to do
the driving! What a lovely scenic route you travel!

June 19th

Last night was like a bad dream. Well, the last couple of
days, actually. It's been touch and go for Bill's Mom. Last night was a
flurry of phone calls, regarding her health. The nurse, Bill's brother,
Bill's Mom's caretaker, and then another round, and another... Bill's Mom
is now at the hospital, and her blood pressure was down to 60.
You just never know about Bill's Mom. She is a very strong woman. At 92,
she has given us many scares, but then pulls out of them, and goes home!
Bill's dog is the same. What a strong family he has!
But, last night we heard those words that you never want to hear. The nurse
said that if Bill wanted to say goodbye, it would be good to come in.
We had just arrived home from joining my immediate family at Nehalem State
Park. Our family has a golf tournament, complete with trophies, prizes and
awards, each year on Father's Day. It's a hoot! We even have an awards banquet!
I pulled out my press card and did interviews, afterwards. Lots of hugs
and lots of laughs, all around.
Coming from a festive atmosphere to an atmosphere of worry and deep sadness
was a real flip. From laughter to heartache-- A whirlwind of deep rooted
family emotions.
T o those of whom are familiar, this all adds up to a migraine for me. Yep.
You guessed it. I woke and couldn't open my eyes. The dawn's early light
hit like a lazar beam. A direct shot of pain, straight to the eye. Ah! Shut
down! My stomach turned and the slightest noise, even the birds in the trees
were magnified to a squeaky scream.
"Bring me some ice! Something!"
I'm better now, but man-oh-man, migraines are interesting. Interesting and
awful! Sensational overload!
Pete is here for three days. He's vacationing, (ha!) or was supposed to
be. We tricked him. "Come to the Kilchis Valley and relax!"
Little did he know he'd be playing family rescue, should we all need to
be close to Bill's Mom in Portland.
He'll take care of Kilchis and Dee Dee. Dee Dee, who by the way is also
on her last legs. If she so much as walks from the kitchen to the laundry
room, she is out of breath and gasping for air. Her two left legs are not
working well, so you kind of have to stand by her, to support her and keep
her from falling over. She often needs to be carried, which leaves me helpless.
I just can't do it. She's a big dog!
Pete ran for the hills. He just left for Memaloose for fishing, then to
the Bay for crabbing. He'd better go while the getting is good!
Bill was planning on fishing with him this week, and I was going to jump
in the boat here and there, when I could and felt good enough.
Things have changed. Now, with Bill's Mom's passing, and Dee Dee's tentative
health, our schedules have "caretaker" written all over them.
In one way, it feels good and strong not to be the center of attention,
this time. I can be support person, instead of a support-ed person. In another
way, it enlightens me to the worry that people felt for me, and it's not
a very good feeling. Now, I have more compassion for all!
My freesia, they comfort me through it all. I have so many planted and in
so many different stages. They are going to entertain me for a long time
to come! I have some that I have carried inside, and some out. Some in pots,
and others scattered and hidden about the yard like easter eggs.
I discovered one last night that is rare, indeed! A deep crimson freesia
bloom, that I didn't even know I had! Some of the colors are fragrant, and
others not, so with each bursting flower, I have to get down on my knees
and breathe in. I grade them from one to ten as far as their fragrance,
and then decide for next year, which ones will grace the indoors, and which
the out.
They have been a gift to me, and I'm enjoying them so much that I'm preoccupied,
and tending to slack off on my real garden!
I'm being very selfish with my berries. I have deer netting up and bird
netting. Those berries are mine, darnit, and that will be a whole new season
of fun, after the freesia show ends.
Off I go. It's time to call the hospital for the next round of information
on the support system.
Say a prayer for Bill, please. This is not unexpected, but it is never easy.
I think we can all say with total sincerity, "I'd rather be fishing."


June 20th

I am currently out of the office on personal leave due to serious
illness in the family. Thank you for your patience. I will not be answering
e mails or PMs at this time.

June 21st

Bill's Mom passed peacefully at 4:30 PM yesterday afternoon, approximately
1/2 hour after we left the hospital. Bill's brother, John, and his wife, Bea
left 20 minutes after we had.
That was particularly remarkable, because Carolynne Fairweather, the hospice
worker and chaplain had just enabled us to understand what was happening, and
commented that often parents will wait until their children have gone from the
room, to go.
I have peace. Most importantly, I think Bill and his brother have found it,
also.
When we walked into the door after the trip home over the mountain, the phone
rang. Indeed, Bill's Mom had made the journey home, also.
I was able to apply it to finding peace regarding my own Mother passing. That's
been so long ago, but through years of struggling, I think I finally put it
to rest, yesterday.
This, thanks to the most wonderful hospice lady at Meridian Park. Carolynne
has been the doing this work for 27 years. She was amazing. I don't think I'll
ever forget her or what she said. She was like a direct descendant from Christ!
Carolynne kindness was soothing to us all.
We held hands, forming a circle around Judy, and she prayed with us in a wonderful
way that included and inspired us all.
You know, I asked Bill about prayer, and had she had any? Bill didn't think
so. We asked the caretaker, and come to find out, she didn't think Judy was
religious, so no one had come.
I asked the nurse on call, and sure enough, within minutes, the chaplain entered
the room.
This amazing lady introduced herself, and began to paint a picture with words
that made it so much easier to digest what was happening. Oh, how I wish someone
would have been there to help me see it this way when my Mother passed on!
She explained to us the process when the body is shutting down, naturally. Judy
was 92 wonderful years young, and had no specific illness. It was simply her
time. She explained what her cold hands meant. That it was her blood pooling
around her center more, and that she was indeed, very close to the end.
Like I said, one of the things she said that was so helpful, "You can stay
here to try to be with her all you want, but the minute you leave to go get
a coke, or go to the bathroom, she might choose that moment. Often parents want
to spare their children the experience of their death."
Absolutely amazing that she able to predict that. There was no suffering involved,
and I know that Judy knew her children were gathered around her. Everyone was
able to say goodbye and share their love with her.
The chaplain talked to us about encouraging Judy to not be afraid of the light
when it comes, and that if we were afraid, that Judy might be more apt to be
afraid of it.
One by one, we told her we were alright, and that her dog, Becky was alright,
and that we were all taken care of. It was alright to go.
Death is like birth in reverse. She talked about how when we go through the
process of birth, we are in a dark and cramped place. We might get kicked, and
we may be in pain in that small place. Then we go through a tunnel, and all
of the sudden we come into the light where someone is there to joyfully receive
us. Death is just the same. Our friends and lost loved ones will be there after
pain, after the light, and then to receive us with happiness and joy!
She also told us that we were to talk about things that made us happy about
our past together, and also to chat about the people she's loved, who will be
there to welcome her.
We then discussed the book of John where it said that they will prepare a room
for you. In that room, God will think of all the things that make your life
on earth joyful.
Judy would have her dogs there, and her horses, and since she loved gardening,
some seeds, and a lovely garden with bulbs to plant, etc.
(Just think of our own rooms... Fish, huge salmon, steelhead and cutthroat!
Streams, rivers, oceans forever! Freesias in bloom!)
Anyhow... it makes death so much easier for me to talk about, and essentially,
for me not to be afraid of in the least!
Please, when dealing with death, find a wonderful hospice worker like this one.
It can be so helpful. For me, it turned Judy's passing into a celebration of
her life, rather than a scary, lonely and unspeakable event.
I have this picture in my mind, now, of Judy being with her deceased husband
in heaven. Of being surrounded by her old friends that she had called for so
often, before her death.
I have a vision of Judy gardening again, which she so loved, and riding horses,
and doing all of the things in life, that she had recently not been able to
do. Her body here on earth, no longer allowed her to even rise from bed, let
alone to ride horses, or to run. She has broken free of all the pain, and she
is now in a place with all of her loved ones, where there is no sadness.
For me, all I can say is, Hallelujah!
You know, I've heard of all the trumpets blowing, the welcome into Heaven's
gate, and all of the regular old time biblical funeral passages. Never in my
life had I been able to translate it into real-time, or see it in my mind in
a way that made me celebrate the way I see it, now.
Of course it's terribly sad for all of us, but I'm almost envious of her for
some of the things... for peace, for not being in pain, for endless joy in heaven!
Her beloved dog, Becky is nearly 15 years old. She is blind, deaf, arthritic,
and messes the floor. Today will be another difficult day as we have our dear
Becky put to restful sleep. She will join Judy in the room that God has prepared
for them.
This coming week we will have a service, outdoors. Judy and Becky will be buried
together at Riverview Cemetery, this coming week.
This, also, was Carolynne's idea. God bless this wonderful woman!
To read more about Carolynne Fairweather, I found this piece, written in The
Daily Oregonian.

I'm going to speak with her later today. She told us three things that were
important to remember, during the passing of a loved one. I'd like to share
those with you so that they might help you, too. I just want to get them right,
though. So, stay tuned!
And
as promised... here they are!


June 21st...later

Please note that our local bass columnist, Stan Fagerstrom is
introducing a family camp for those interested. It is an awesome opportunity
to spend some quality time with Stan and your family.
Please click here
to learn more about this unique opportunity! Man, that sounds fun!

June 22nd

freesiared.jpg

Click on the
Freesia!


swall22.jpg

Swallow babies!


Summer!

Oh my!

June 21st...later, later!

It's night time. I put a freesia by my desk, so that when I wake
in the morning, it will be in bloom, and fill the room with fragrance. I also
have a candle to light.
When we are under stress, we should take care of ourselves, and that is what
I am doing. I have wonderful fresh ground coffee that will be ready when I rise.
I'm going to take good care of me! If I don't, who will?
As for now, a hot bath and a long, summer's nap.

As promised, here
are those papers
on dealing with grieving and death. So well thought out!
Thank you to author and hospice expert,
Carolynne Fairweather!

June 24th

My fly cast is getting longer and more effortless, all the time.
It's a relief. Fly casting should be easy. It's getting there! Funny to work
hard to make something less effort. It is how it works, though. Don't try with
fly fishing, and you are getting nearer to your goal.
It surprises me, sometimes, how far my fly will go with such little force. Just
let the momentum of the line work for you. I like that!
I'm getting better at casting at awkward angles to keep it out of the trees
behind me. Still not much luck with a roll cast, but I'll learn.
My purple Joe lays out straight and quietly on the deepest pocket of the other
side of the river. The line's shadow plays on the clear shallows near me, glistening
in the sunlight. I can tell the take by the shadow's quiver, before I feel the
tug. Of course, it's not a big cutthroat. I can tell that by the movement, too.
A small steelhead smolt has taken a meal much to big for its britches.
I begin to bring it in, hoping that he'll come off, before the fly comes to
my hand. Sure enough, off it goes, and I giggle as it jumps out of frustration.
Another trick! Another falsely presented meal by that mean female trickster
that lives up the hill, there. Shame on me!
I try as much as I can to use hooks much to large for 'theys little ones mouths',
and I'm usually successful. Still, I can imagine the frustration of being lured
by a juicy cheeseburger when I'm really hungry, and then biting into something
that bites back. That's just not nice!
Still, the naughty in me giggles as the fish continues the protest. Jumping
here, there, and one last goodbye. No doubt. It's not pleased with me.
I just wish it'd tell it's big brother, "Hey! There is an awesome meal
I'm saving for you, and it's on the end of that girl's line over there!"
I've always wanted to "get" my big brother. Haven't you? Wonder why
it doesn't work that way. Those fish, they hang together, protecting one another.
The long summer evenings are my very favorite... You know, just like Fall is
my favorite, and winter snow is my favorite, and the first breath of Spring.
Yes, those are all my favorites. Oh wait... My very favorite, the first full
blown storm of Fall. Oh, yes. That's my fav.
As I walk across the rocky river bank, an odd East wind rushes a blast of warmth
in my face. So different from the chill that surrounded me, as I fished. In
the next moment, stillness, and the chill hit my legs again.
I spied a Freesia, bursting forth the color of the picture below. I also caught
a whiff of the fragrance which lingered after the wind. I fondly call them "kneesia"
because they are at a height where you can't lean over to smell them. You have
to get on your knees, cup them in your hands, and fill your face with them.
The first time I smelled them, this year, I burst out in tears, I was so happy.
Freesia do that to me... Oh! And parades, and Safeway openings. Get that! Can
you believe that the other day when I went to our new Safeway opening... I cried?
Oh brother! How embarrassing to be greeted by Joe handing out coupons in the
produce section, and not to be able to look up due to tears? Give me a break!
And please, a handle on my emotions! No one gets this excitable over mangoes!
David was playing in his jazz ensemble at the doorway, and Andrew was working
in the deli. It was just all too much! I think it was the music. Yeah, that
was it! Same as parades. I do alright until the marching band comes along. Then,
I get those sup-sups that I can't suppress. Dang! I start nervously looking
around for a place to hide the dampness in my eyes.
"Why is that lady crying?" A young child tugs at her Mother's dress.
Ach!
The sun is rising over the mountains, and everything glistens in the sun, this
morning. There is a soft dew, and my slippers are wet, from watering the hanging
baskets.
I think I'll wrap up in a warm robe and greet the morning with a cup of coffee,
out on the deck.
Soon, the Tillamook parade starts, and Andrew will be playing bass in the back
of a truck bed with his friend, Kyle on guitar. I can't wait. Do you think I'll
cry? Shoot, yeah.
It's a lazy Summer Saturday morning... and these are my very favorite.

June 24th

My fly cast is getting longer and more effortless, all the time.
It's a relief. Fly casting should be easy. It's getting there! Funny to work
hard to make something less effort. It is how it works, though. Don't try with
fly fishing, and you are getting nearer to your goal.
It surprises me, sometimes, how far my fly will go with such little force. Just
let the momentum of the line work for you. I like that!
I'm getting better at casting at awkward angles to keep it out of the trees
behind me. Still not much luck with a roll cast, but I'll learn.
My purple Joe lays out straight and quietly on the deepest pocket of the other
side of the river. The line's shadow plays on the clear shallows near me, glistening
in the sunlight. I can tell the take by the shadow's quiver, before I feel the
tug. Of course, it's not a big cutthroat. I can tell that by the movement, too.
A small steelhead smolt has taken a meal much to big for its britches.
I begin to bring it in, hoping that he'll come off, before the fly comes to
my hand. Sure enough, off it goes, and I giggle as it jumps out of frustration.
Another trick! Another falsely presented meal by that mean female trickster
that lives up the hill, there. Shame on me!
I try as much as I can to use hooks much to large for 'theys little ones mouths',
and I'm usually successful. Still, I can imagine the frustration of being lured
by a juicy cheeseburger when I'm really hungry, and then biting into something
that bites back. That's just not nice!
Still, the naughty in me giggles as the fish continues the protest. Jumping
here, there, and one last goodbye. No doubt. It's not pleased with me.
I just wish it'd tell it's big brother, "Hey! There is an awesome meal
I'm saving for you, and it's on the end of that girl's line over there!"
I've always wanted to "get" my big brother. Haven't you? Wonder why
it doesn't work that way. Those fish, they hang together, protecting one another.
The long summer evenings are my very favorite... You know, just like Fall is
my favorite, and winter snow is my favorite, and the first breath of Spring.
Yes, those are all my favorites. Oh wait... My very favorite, the first full
blown storm of Fall. Oh, yes. That's my fav.
As I walk across the rocky river bank, an odd East wind rushes a blast of warmth
in my face. So different from the chill that surrounded me, as I fished. In
the next moment, stillness, and the chill hit my legs again.
I spied a Freesia, bursting forth the color of the picture below. I also caught
a whiff of the fragrance which lingered after the wind. I fondly call them "kneesia"
because they are at a height where you can't lean over to smell them. You have
to get on your knees, cup them in your hands, and fill your face with them.
The first time I smelled them, this year, I burst out in tears, I was so happy.
Freesia do that to me... Oh! And parades, and Safeway openings. Get that! Can
you believe that the other day when I went to our new Safeway opening... I cried?
Oh brother! How embarrassing to be greeted by Joe handing out coupons in the
produce section, and not to be able to look up due to tears? Give me a break!
And please, a handle on my emotions! No one gets this excitable over mangoes!
David was playing in his jazz ensemble at the doorway, and Andrew was working
in the deli. It was just all too much! I think it was the music. Yeah, that
was it! Same as parades. I do alright until the marching band comes along. Then,
I get those sup-sups that I can't suppress. Dang! I start nervously looking
around for a place to hide the dampness in my eyes.
"Why is that lady crying?" A young child tugs at her Mother's dress.
Ach!
The sun is rising over the mountains, and everything glistens in the sun, this
morning. There is a soft dew, and my slippers are wet, from watering the hanging
baskets.
I think I'll wrap up in a warm robe and greet the morning with a cup of coffee,
out on the deck.
Soon, the Tillamook parade starts, and Andrew will be playing bass in the back
of a truck bed with his friend, Kyle on guitar. I can't wait. Do you think I'll
cry? Shoot, yeah.
It's a lazy Summer Saturday morning... and these are my very favorite.

June 26th

OK. Just visualize this, if you will.
I'm not pleased with Bill. I told him I needed help to drive to Portland today,
a full 10 days ago. He forgot, and made other plans, so I'm really nervous about
driving to Portland, alone.
At 5:00 AM, I rise to go downstairs.
Need coffee. Need coffee, badly. Need to check e mail. Quickly, I gather dog
treats, coffee and prepare to be rushed, before showering and going to Portland
for my doctor visit.
Not a peaceful "listen to the birds, and oh! look at the freesia"
type day.
Mind you, Dee Dee can't hold her waste. I had forgotten that in a sleepless
fog.
I get coffee and sit down.
Fog played in my head, craving caffeine.
I have no contacts on. I can only use them for driving, if that. They are old,
scratched and need repair. They hurt to wear!
I get to my computer as always, and my internet is off. I'm frustrated. My weather
station didn't record all night long, (Again!) and I have no internet connection
and don't know why.
"Internet disabled" I have no e mail, no connection, my weather station
has not loaded.
The boys... the boys... I'm on a hunt. The only one who would have touched it
is the boys.
So, I'm on my way to the boys room, and not casually!
I'm ticked! The logs say it went off at 10, just when the boys get in gear for
a night on the net.
On my way, without coffee, I tripped over the corded connection, then did a
face plant in Dee Dee dog dew.
Good Morning, David! I'd like to have a word with you!
It seems that last night, the second Dee Dee, (My beloved son, David) decided
he needed an extra internet connection, so little did I know, an internet cable
was strewn across the living room, mine unplugged, and his important X box cable,
plugged in it's place.
Things HAVE to look up, from here on.
Right?

June 27th

We are struggling with tears, today. All of us, fragile and tender
hearted. We walk quietly, we whisper, and find ourselves breaking into tears
all to often over things that key happy memories, throughout the day.
We had Dee Dee put to rest last night at 9:30 PM. I loved that dog so much.

I cried so hard that involuntary gasps for air and violent cramps seized me.
Invasive noises and guttural moans from deeper inside of me than I knew I could
go without a knife. I had no control, and I worried briefly about too much pressure
on my fragile insides. Terrible sobbing, gut wrenching, uneven breaths like
I was simply going to split open. The more I learn about and experience death,
the more I relate it to birth. So many similarities. Complete with fetal positions,
darkness, tunnels, coming into a light... all with violent contractions.
There is nothing easy about either.
If you've lost a best four legged friend, you know what I'm talking about.
I sat on the river bank past sunset, holding a box of Kleenex in one hand, building
a statue of tear soaked tissue with the other. Kilchis, for the first time ever,
thought it was well past time to go in, and sat by me, whining, confused.
The house is strangely quiet.
A family is like a mobile. When you rearrange or remove one part, the rest of
it gets thrown totally off balance, and hangs, limp and broken. A lot of rebuilding
and moving around needs to be done to regain some sort of balance. This will
take time.
Right now, we are still hanging like a mass of objects on loose and entangled
strings. We appear broken. But we will regain our balance, even if it means
adding a puppy. Boy-oh-boy would a puppy put a test to a fragile balancing mobile,
right now!
Somehow I know that this is the last wave of the Tsunami, and believe it or
not, I almost have a relief going, right now. I see a light ahead.
I'm looking forward to fishing. Some normalcy of life.

June 28th

I'm so excited! Without difficult things in life, you can't fully
appreciate the good, the easy. Well, I've waded through the hard things, and
now I'm going to get the good things! I can't wait!
You know, despite it all, the other day was just so awesome. I had to go to
Portland and I was having trouble driving alone. I was also just going through
a difficult morning, leaving Dee Dee who was not well, all alone, at home. But,
I had no choice. It was my doctor's last day before retirement. I could not
put the appointment off.
In the car, I prayed harder than I had prayed in a long, long time. I prayed
that my Father in Heaven would 'drive' for me. I prayed that he would be with
us through Dee Dee's illness. I prayed that the doctor would be able to help
my vision.
And then, I surrendered it all to Him, and sang the song, "I Surrender
All" all the way to Portland. Funny. I searched the radio dial for praise
songs, and then just gave up and sang my own!
For a while, I wondered if He was listening to me. Boy, was He! And boy oh boy,
is God a good driver! I had no problem! No traffic jam! No rude drivers next
to me!
All day, I felt His loving arms around me. Little things kept happening that
made me 'know'.
There was a parking place in just the perfect spot. I felt God smile and give
me a wink as I pulled in, effortlessly, and walked the short distance to the
building.
When the doctor asked if I had my old contacts for him to see, I knew they were
in the car. (Oh, no! I don't want to walk back there!) But then, there they
were! Right in my purse! I didn't put those there! There, again, was God's hand
on me! Yay! I couldn't help but smile!
The latte I ordered was perfect! Hot, not too sweet! Wonderful!
Life was just as good as it gets.
The visits to both the low vision clinic and the contact specialist were on
time! No waiting! In fact, one was even as early as I was!
I was just sick with worry over the cost of my glasses. Over 800 dollars, and
not insured! And that was with cheap frames! I won't get into the details, but
they ended up costing me out of pocket, only $110!!!
WOW! GOD! Thank You!
With God's loving arms wrapped tightly around me, I left, and drove home with
a smile from ear to ear.
He knew what I was about to face, in putting Dee Dee down, later that evening.
He was with every one of us as we did, and He's been with me every since.
With every passing hour, I am healing. I will never forget our beloved Dee Dee.
She was so good, and so kind, and so quick to smile at all of us.
Thank you, Father... for keeping her loving memory in my mind. And thank you
for helping me through a very difficult time. I don't know how people get by,
without You.

DeeDeehunt.jpg


Dee Dee


...and I don't know how we'll get by without you, either... Dee
Dee. Save a place for us.

June 30th

The very last day of June! Wow! I'm still stuck on Spring, yet
the calendar days march on! July? No wonder my blue berries are starting to
ripen!
I hope you realize how much fun it is to pick out what color of freesia I want
to tantalize me, each morning.
Yellow? Purple? Violet? Crimson?
I walk, sleepy headed out to the porch where it's cold and crisp. I have no
idea what they might smell like inside, but soon after setting the chosen darling
on my desk, the heat of the office begins to turn on the fragrance. By the time
my coffee maker percolates it's last exhaustive sigh, the fragrance is starting
to brew.
It's all so steamy and warm and good. Warm toes by the heater, and the rich,
heady smell of freesia and elegant coffees!
Oh! I get packages quite often, so when one came the other day with Bill's name
on it, I was delighted to set it down in front of him and wait for him to open
it. He was like a kid at Christmas, and I was gifted the joy of watching him
open it.
A little history. Bill comes from a family where you are gifted things like
brand new underwear for Christmas. White pressed handkerchiefs or, as a growing
young man, beautiful hand crafted fine quality dress shoes.
This, for a growing fishing and hunting boy who rarely dressed up, and only
when his parents required it?
He would have been ecstatic to unwrap hip boots or a hunting vest, but... dress
shoes? Not that he didn't appreciate the dress shoes, not that they weren't
fine and beautiful, but let's just say that he still has them, and they are
just as shiny as the day they were unwrapped.
I'm from a family where you choose what the other person would be thrilled with.
The goal is to take time to think, and try to figure out what would make the
person incredulously happy, thrilled, and surprised by the givers insight. That
way it is fun for both!
The purpose of gifting is to create joy! Joy! Joy!
These days if I am sent a white envelope and he can feel that there is a sample
of an ifish advertising pen inside, Bill is eager to open it for me. He doesn't
get things in the mail, often, and he oos and ahs over the surprises.
Hey! I still get a thrill out of toys in the cereal box!
Sometimes I order tackle for ifish, and my hands are getting to the point where
it's difficult to open boxes and such, especially the secure way things are
packaged, these days. Bill is more than happy to assist. He's like a little
boy when he does!
So, day before yesterday, a package came and it was to "Bill and Jennie".
I set it down in front of Bill, at the kitchen table. Oh my gosh, the excitement
of it all! A total surprise! What could it be?
Inside were three pounds of Peet's coffee, and some almond biscotti from a dear
friend and ifish reader, "PhoebusGroup." Bill was absolutely beside
himself. The smell of fresh coffee overwhelmed the kitchen, and has been gracing
our mornings, ever since. Phoebusgroup? You have no idea how lasting the joy
of that gift has been!
Good smells can be so healing! Aroma therapy!
And so, with a deep breath we take in the heady aroma of freesia and fresh coffee.
Add to it, Bill's excitement over opening that surprise gift and I am certain
that despite the sadness, the loss, life is a treasure worth living.
Thank you!
This gift, (if even for a little while each morning) erases the sadness in his
eyes due to the loss of his best friend, Dee Dee and his Mother, Judith, and
his Mom's dog, Becky. Wow. That's a heck of a list, in one week's time.
It is the little things in life make such a difference and give us confidence
that life is indeed worth living.
Today we are up early, getting ready for his Mother's graveside funeral.
It will be a lovely gathering at River View cemetery.
Her
obituary is here
, and their history is deeply woven in Oregon's history.
A violinist will play on the hill. Around her grave site, we will remember Bill's
Mother and celebrate all of our wonderful memories of our lives with her.
Afterwards, we will gather at his brother's home with all of our friends.
Despite the fact that Bill feels more at ease in Romeos and jeans, Bill will
wear a black suit and his beautifully hand sewn black leather shoes that he
received as a boy for Christmas so many years ago.
His Mother would be thrilled.

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