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One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
And whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment,

Onestone finally cracked and said,'

If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,

'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.

He made love to her all the next day,

Until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until

A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin,

Was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

Then he made love to her all day,

Made love to her all night,

Made love to her all the next day,

Made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???


OH, come on... Take a guess !!!


Think about it !!!​


You're going to love this !!!



Everyone knows..


You can't kill Two Birds


With

OneStone !!!​

 

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Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a catapult shot from the carrier. Due to the heroics of the rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't otherwise physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance....


One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"


The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.


The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well, yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear."
The Admiral threw him out as well.


The third interview was with the Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Navy Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"


To his surprise, the MGSGT said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."


The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.



The MGSGT replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty damned hard to wear glasses with only one f----n' ear. "
 

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Local News:
The hunger strike at the Oregon Penitentiary has ended peacefully after three days. Guards provided striking inmates with weed, matches and family sized bags of Doritos.
 

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Found a dog that was up for adoption from the local blacksmith. It didn't last though. As soon as we got home the dog made a bolt for the door.
 

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The other day on Facebook I referred to someone as a Chewbacca. I was quickly corrected: Chewbacca is a name, not a species.
It was a wookie mistake.
 
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Funny one on Chehalem Neighborhood Watch yesterday. Lady posted seeing a man being savagely eaten. You can guess where that went.
 

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Sort of jokes, got this in an email.

How did the person who made the first clock know what time it was?
Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke? Go ahead and try it...

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?(taxes)

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours and cry?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Think it over.
 
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