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Thoughts to consider:

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Plan to be spontaneous....tomorrow.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.




Oklahoma Style Holiday Turkey recipe:

Ingredients:
4 cups of stale bread crumbs
1/2 cup of sage
1 cup of dried onions
2 cups of unpopped popcorn
2 cups stale beer
2 Tbsp. salt
2 Tbsp. ground pepper
1 stalk chopped celery
1 pint of fresh oysters

Cooking instructions:
Rub the salt, pepper, and sage into the inside cavity of the turkey. Mix all remaining ingredients together well. Stuff the bird and firmly sew shut. Bake at 475 degrees for 5 - 6 hours or until the popcorn blows the ass of the turkey!
 

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My favorite color is CHROME!!!
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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I realize it's just political humor, but I know folks both in California and Oregon who lost pretty much everything. Just something to think about, CopperMan.
No offense intended. Sometimes humor can be funny but hurtful to others.
 

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Walked into my house Friday night and my wife was gone and a note nailed to the wall said. “We have your wife, if you want to see her again alive, we want $1,000,000, do not call the police, we are very determined. Await a phone call.” l tell you what? They weren’t joking about being determined! Since Saturday morning I’ve had 72 missed calls... 😀
 

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A software tester walks into a bar.
Runs into a bar.
Crawls into a bar.
Dances into a bar.
Flies into a bar.
Jumps into a bar.
And orders:
a beer.
2 beers.
0 beers.
99999999 beers.
a lizard in a beer glass.
-1 beer.
‘qwertyuiop’ beers.
Testing complete.

A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is.
The bar goes up in flames.
 
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Walked into my house Friday night and my wife was gone and a note nailed to the wall said. “We have your wife, if you want to see her again alive, we want $1,000,000, do not call the police, we are very determined. Await a phone call.” l tell you what? They weren’t joking about being determined! Since Saturday morning I’ve had 72 missed calls... 😀
Like my brother used to say: "Every man needs a wife. Can't blame the dog for everything."
 
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