IFish Fishing Forum banner
601 - 620 of 635 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
38,814 Posts
Cali... The bathroom/pee thing requires a comment. Not because it’s wrong, it certainly isn’t. I found myself doing just that and the result was my bladder shrank which made me want to go more often. Let the bag fill up and you really won’t have to go as often and it’ll help you get through the night.

My wife didn’t think some of those were as funny as I did.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,596 Posts
Written across the wall of a cave were the following symbols:

2image002.jpg


It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3,000 years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The president of the society pointed to first drawing and said:

2image002.jpg


"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.

2image002.jpg


You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

2image002.jpg


The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.

2image002.jpg


Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that during a famine, they seek food from the sea.

2image002.jpg


The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then an old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,

2image002.jpg


"Idiots... Hebrew is read from right to left... It says: 'Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,596 Posts
A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for social security. After waiting in line for a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asked. The woman said, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opened his shirt, revealing lots of silver, curly hair. She said, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.” And she processed his social security application.
When he got home, the man excitedly told his wife about his experience at the social security office. She snorted at him, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,596 Posts
UNDENIABLE FACTS

5 Undeniable Facts of Life


1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.



THE 5 ANSWERS YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR:


1. Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'downunder'.


2. Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear .


3. Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they go, they take your house and car with them.


4. Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.


BONUS QUESTION & ANSWER

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?

A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.


Nominated as the world's best short joke :

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
558 Posts
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

I never wore one when I was a kid...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,321 Posts
Overheard at the bakery this morning,...

"My daughter took her driving test today, she did pretty good, got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 guy's jumped out of the way."
 
601 - 620 of 635 Posts
Top