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please add yours ,hope this has not be done?Maybe this can be a daily thing

This one is perfect for this time of the year,heard it every year from my gramps and gr.uncle when we were cutting.Forgive me if i tell it wrong:doh:

Saw salesmen shows up at the old woodcutters ranch and wants to show him the brand new first ever McCulloch.Salesmen said this Mac can more than double your production and is alot easier than your old cross cut.Wood cutter says that sounds great.Salesman says give this a try if ya dont like it just bring back,woodcutter says ok.Some time passes and woodcutter comes into Saw shop ,salesmen asks how did you like it,did you cut lots more cord wood?Wood cutter says the same amount as before?Salesmen looks it over and it looks fine so they both go outback to the wood pile,salesmen pulls the rope!Woodcutter jumps back and says WHATS THAT NOISE!:whistle:
please add yours ,hope this has not be done?Maybe this can be a daily thing

This one is perfect for this time of the year,heard it every year from my gramps and gr.uncle when we were cutting.Forgive me if i tell it wrong:doh:

Saw salesmen shows up at the old woodcutters ranch and wants to show him the brand new first ever McCulloch.Salesmen said this Mac can more than double your production and is alot easier than your old cross cut.Wood cutter says that sounds great.Salesman says give this a try if ya dont like it just bring back,woodcutter says ok.Some time passes and woodcutter comes into Saw shop ,salesmen asks how did you like it,did you cut lots more cord wood?Wood cutter says the same amount as before?Salesmen looks it over and it looks fine so they both go outback to the wood pile,salesmen pulls the rope!Woodcutter jumps back and says WHATS THAT NOISE!:whistle:
That was my dad’s favorite joke.
 

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$7.00 SEX

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.'

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.

The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'



The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and best of all...



Medicare pays $43 of it.
 

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This is Truly Priceless! Note reference to the "Main Stream Media"...72 years ago
What is meant by the modern term referred to as "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS"...The definition is found in 4 telegrams at the Truman Library and Museum in Independence, Missouri.
The following are copies of four telegrams between President Harry Truman and General Douglas MacArthur on the day before the actual signing of the WWII Surrender Agreement in September 1945.
The contents of those four telegrams below are exactly as received at the end of the war - not a word has been added or deleted!
(1) Tokyo, Japan 0800-September 1,1945
To: President Harry S Truman
From: General D A MacArthur
Tomorrow we meet with those yellow-bellied ******** and sign the Surrender Documents, any last minute instructions?
(2) Washington, D C 1300-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur
From: H S Truman
Congratulations

, job well done, but you must tone down your obvious dislike of the Japanese when discussing the terms of the surrender with the press, because some of your remarks are fundamentally not politically correct!
(3) Tokyo, Japan 1630-September 1, 1945
To: H S Truman
From: D A MacArthur and C H Nimitz
Wilco Sir, but both Chester and I are somewhat confused, exactly what does the term politically correct mean?
(4) Washington, D C 2120-September 1, 1945
To: D A MacArthur/C H Nimitz
From: H S Truman
Political Correctness is a doctrine, recently fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and promoted by a sick mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of **** by the clean end!
Now, with special thanks to the Truman Museum and Harry himself, you and I finally have a full understanding of what 'POLITICAL CORRECTNESS' really means…..
 

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Always liked that one.

My own definition goes something like this. A way of speaking while avoiding the true meaning of what you’re saying.
 

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I recently bought a bag of air. The company that made it was nice enough to put in a few potato chips...

How many thin mints do you have to eat before they start working?

My wife just stopped and said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?”

I thought to myself, “That’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”

Mr. Rogers did not adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.

If stupidity were a disability, I know a few people who’d be getting monthly checks...

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I might as well pee, as long as I’m here”.

Pharmacist to a customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ... Simply showing your marriage certificate and your wife’s picture is not enough.”

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s check book”

“Political Correctness is just fascism pretending to be manners”—George Carlin

Mary Poppins, you’re under arrest for Supercallifragilisticsextrafficking.

“And with that kiss, Sleeping Beauty woke up at last and immediately reached for the pepper spray.”

He was put into the CAT scanner. Unfortunately, the cat was still in it.
 
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