If I need a laugh, I look in the mirror.

 

Send picture. :laugh:

 

This comes from my 6 year old son:

How do you make a tissue dance?

Answer: you put a little boogie in it.

 

A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the “Pie rates of the Caribbean.”


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A little girl asked her father, Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with "once upon a time?"
His reply was: "no, there is a whole series of fairy tales that begin with "if elected I promise..."

 

:applause:Thats not a fairy tale.

 

Brshooter. Or, I love you.

 

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”


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What's invisible and smells like carrots?






Bunny farts obv

 

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh..........................10 tickles

 

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When I was in NYC visiting my daughter a few years ago, we went into an Irish bar for some local color and beers. NYC is full of tourists so ya never know who you’ll run into. We sat down at a table close to some rather large ladies who spoke with an accent. After a while I turned around and asked if they were from Ireland. Well, that was the wrong question and the biggest of the lot really lit into me. Wales, you idiot!! Wales!!! So I rephrased the question hoping she’d settle down a bit. Okay I said, are you whales from Ireland? Good thing there was an ER nearby.

 

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
He then addressed the men.
Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?
Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
Gold Medal-All-Purpose, Isn't it?

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

 

True story here.
I once caught salmon that was ...

 

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!


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This one is best when told by a child.

How do you catch a polar bear?


Cut a hole in the ice and put peas around it.



When a bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice-hole!


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My dad told me this joke when I was a kid. I then told my kids and my wife was not as impressed with it as I was. Kids loved it though.

 

A plumber fixes a leak at a Dr’s house and charges him $1,000. The Dr. says, wow that’s a lot of money. I don’t charge people that when the come to me. The plumber says, I didn’t either when I was a Dr.

 

Love it!

 

I've determined that it's a sign of getting old is when you go to take a leak.....and your zipper is already downalm:

 

Building a duck blind for a guy in his boat, says to make sure I give enough height to clear his hat also while sitting. He didn't say what hat he was wearing so I just assume this one as a duck hunter...

 

[emoji3]

 

This actually made me laugh, mostly because there may be some truth to it with all that is going wrong with executions.

 

[emoji16]

 

Gold

 

Joe. You're a real card today.

 

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”



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Lol

 

What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?




The location of the dirtbag.


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WOOOOO! :excited::wink:



and the fight was on.

 

Whats the hardest thing about being an egg ? Your only layed once and it's by your Mom. :doh:

 

:excited: That's pretty hard boiled. :wink:

 

So at a Halloween party, a little lady asks an 8 ft tall Frankenstein, where you from?
Frankenstein say's "all over".

Then Frankenstein asks if she has some gender neutral candy.

 

Late Halloween evening and the door bell rings.
The big old geezer gets back up to answer the door once again, grumbling all the way.
He opens the door and hears a tiny voice yelling "arrrgh trick or treat".
Looking all around and he doesn't see anyone. Then he hears the voice again, "ARRGGGHH Trick or treat", and he looks down.
There is a knee high pirate, that can't be more than 3 or 4 years old, holding a burlap bag out.
Looking around, the old geezer doesn't see anyone else. So he asks the knee high pirate, "where's your bucaneers?".
The knee high pirate replies, "under me buckin' at".

 

WINNER:excited: