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Dear Mom,
This is for you.
I really, really miss you. You have no idea!
Your Birthday came and went, and I'm so sorry that you and I weren't together for lunch, or tea, or shopping!
You know, when you are really hurting, no one cares, like your Mom.
When you were ill, your Mom was ill, too. I'm so sorry that she was in a nursing home and couldn't come see you, or that you didn't want to tell her you were ill, because you were worried about her.
You always took care of everyone else, first.
When I was in the hospital, fading in and out and feeling that horrible pain in my chest, I wanted you more than I wanted anything.
There are times when even as an adult, you don't want anyone but your Mommy.
I was so scared. I didn't tell anyone I was scared, but just like a child, I just wanted my Mommy!
Somehow, somewhere, during it all, I swear that I saw you, and it was then that I finally started to fight. It wasn't long after that, that I woke up, to the light blue cold and sterile walls of the critical care unit. Dad was there, and David.
I think I woke up because I knew you were there, but as I looked around, I couldn't see you anymore. I kept wanting to call for you, but there were tubes down my throat, and I couldn't talk. David was really frustrated, trying to communicate with me. I was in and out of sleep.
I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go, but David held up a picture of my dog, Kilchis, to try and bring me to, and I thought about my kids, my family. I knew what I had to do, what I should do, what I wanted to do.
Mom, you took care of me through all of my medical battles for so long! I'll never forget all of those long drives to the doctor's office when I was little. All of the long waits, while scores of doctors lined up to see "the little girl with marfan syndrome."
It is with those memories, that I've done the same with Andrew. And I know that you know it! I know that you've watched over us, and I've felt your presence.
It is because I knew that Andrew is going to need his Mom that I came around and decided to stick around here, when times were a little iffy for me.
So, just like you, when you were very ill, I heard that song you love. "God will take care of me." I sang it in my head, when I couldn't speak.
I've written that song down, for both kids, for when I'm gone. I want them to know it.
andrew and David are both doing so well. You'd be so proud of them, and you'd love to spend time with them, I'm sure.
You don't know how much it scares me, that should Andrew have the same thing happen to him, that his "Mommy" won't be there for him. So, I'm trying my hardest to be healthy and to be happy, and be there for both of them for as long as I can.
Some day, I'll get to see you again, sit with you and talk, and maybe play the piano. four hand, again.
But, until then, I know that you are watching over us.
I really want to be here for Andrew and David, but if I'm called home early, Andrew, nor David will be alone.
He'll have both you and I to watch over them, and they'll know that song that we both sang, in times when we felt alone.
God will take care of them.... and so will we!
It's so nice to know that you are still, and always there with me. Even if I can't always see you. You are in the wind, in the rain, in the flowers in my garden, in the "quaking aspens" that you loved so much at Black Butte.
And PS... Mom? Look at this web site I did! :smile:
Fishing! Ha! Who woulda ever guessed?
Jen
This is for you.
I really, really miss you. You have no idea!
Your Birthday came and went, and I'm so sorry that you and I weren't together for lunch, or tea, or shopping!
You know, when you are really hurting, no one cares, like your Mom.
When you were ill, your Mom was ill, too. I'm so sorry that she was in a nursing home and couldn't come see you, or that you didn't want to tell her you were ill, because you were worried about her.
You always took care of everyone else, first.
When I was in the hospital, fading in and out and feeling that horrible pain in my chest, I wanted you more than I wanted anything.
There are times when even as an adult, you don't want anyone but your Mommy.
I was so scared. I didn't tell anyone I was scared, but just like a child, I just wanted my Mommy!
Somehow, somewhere, during it all, I swear that I saw you, and it was then that I finally started to fight. It wasn't long after that, that I woke up, to the light blue cold and sterile walls of the critical care unit. Dad was there, and David.
I think I woke up because I knew you were there, but as I looked around, I couldn't see you anymore. I kept wanting to call for you, but there were tubes down my throat, and I couldn't talk. David was really frustrated, trying to communicate with me. I was in and out of sleep.
I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go, but David held up a picture of my dog, Kilchis, to try and bring me to, and I thought about my kids, my family. I knew what I had to do, what I should do, what I wanted to do.
Mom, you took care of me through all of my medical battles for so long! I'll never forget all of those long drives to the doctor's office when I was little. All of the long waits, while scores of doctors lined up to see "the little girl with marfan syndrome."
It is with those memories, that I've done the same with Andrew. And I know that you know it! I know that you've watched over us, and I've felt your presence.
It is because I knew that Andrew is going to need his Mom that I came around and decided to stick around here, when times were a little iffy for me.
So, just like you, when you were very ill, I heard that song you love. "God will take care of me." I sang it in my head, when I couldn't speak.
I've written that song down, for both kids, for when I'm gone. I want them to know it.
andrew and David are both doing so well. You'd be so proud of them, and you'd love to spend time with them, I'm sure.
You don't know how much it scares me, that should Andrew have the same thing happen to him, that his "Mommy" won't be there for him. So, I'm trying my hardest to be healthy and to be happy, and be there for both of them for as long as I can.
Some day, I'll get to see you again, sit with you and talk, and maybe play the piano. four hand, again.
But, until then, I know that you are watching over us.
I really want to be here for Andrew and David, but if I'm called home early, Andrew, nor David will be alone.
He'll have both you and I to watch over them, and they'll know that song that we both sang, in times when we felt alone.
God will take care of them.... and so will we!
It's so nice to know that you are still, and always there with me. Even if I can't always see you. You are in the wind, in the rain, in the flowers in my garden, in the "quaking aspens" that you loved so much at Black Butte.
And PS... Mom? Look at this web site I did! :smile:
Fishing! Ha! Who woulda ever guessed?
Jen
