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Old 10-21-2002, 10:49 AM   #1
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Default Momma said there would be days like this...

Another chapter gets added to "As The Impeller Turns"...

This is long. It is true. Some of it has happened to you. Maybe not all at once...

The week started out with a decision to “Go East, young (not!) man”. Had heard a report that there was a certain tributary of the Columbia that was kicking out fish last weekend like walnuts falling off the tree in October.

Mainly steelhead, even a few nooks sneaking in for catching enjoyment, and almost no pressure. Shhhhhhh!

Well, as the week wore on it became apparent that the SS Hog Heaven was not going to be going as a full boat in spite of my best attempts. Timing was just off for most of Hogmaster's immediate fishing universe of potential victims, most preferring next weekend. Next weekend is Dad's weekend at OSU. Like I am going to miss that one, right? NOT!

As it turned out, the Saturday trip got changed to Sunday and "Donny" (not his real name) and a certain ifisher that I will leave guilty but anonymous agreed to go.

Then Donny calls Saturday night to attempt the escape. Seems he had work to do that didn't involve fishing. I overruled, however, seeing how it was a long way, a plug pull show, and as Newt calls it, a wall of death is important! He upheld his commitment and faithfully showed up at 5AM. We threw the gear in and off to Troutdale to meet our third.

We got to Troutdale at 5:28 AM for the 5:30 rendezvous. Hmmmm.... No one here. Well, we are 2 minutes early and all. Then we were 20 minutes past our agreed upon time. Hmmm... A cell phone hailing resulted in voice mail only, but a message was left. At 30 minutes a second message was left to the effect that "The Hogmaster waits for no fisher past the 30 minute mark!" Donny and I were going to have to run a narrower wall of death.

When we got to our destination launch the first thing that couldn't help being noticed was the 328 trailers in the lot. Hmmm... Guess the secret is getting out.

We ran to the secret spot that seldom has more than a boat or two in it and found 13 boats in the stretch. Hmmm... Fishing must be good here. Except it really wasn't. Saw lots of Steelies jumping, rolling, porposing, doing all of those things they do to aggravate fishermen since they have no fingers to wave, but not bite. Lots of fish on the graph.

We trolled several areas, saw absolutely no one with fish on, and as the morning wore on, more and more long faces from the other boaters. It was actually a beautiful morning and, though overcast, little wind was present so for an October day in this area it was nice fishing. Just the catching was starting to suck.

Finally about 10 AM we saw three guys in a boat obviously fighting a fish. They were going to net it, but saw it was wild so they seemed to carefully unclip it.

As they were doing so, Donny’s rod doubled in a vicious slam and the yelp of “Fish on!” came out of his flap trap. The fish slammed it really hard, but then turned and came right for us. Donny, not being fully aware of his surroundings most of the time was saying, “He got off”. I could tell otherwise and told Mr. Less than a full hay truck to, “Reel! Reel Reel!” Fortunately, Donny can usually take orders if one can actually get his attention, so he did as instructed.

Well, Mr. Steelhead came right to the boat, then started slow rolling and later I knew why as I have seen this behavior before. As it turned out about 5 of the 6 available treble points had scored and his mouth was sewn completely shut. When this happens I have found that fish frequently roll in what is a basic last gasp effort since they can’t breath. All it managed to do, however, was wrap itself up tight in line and came to the boat with a fight about as exciting as reeling in a loaf of bread.

It was a big buck and had no fin, but wasn’t all that bright. I suggested we let it go, and almost had Donny convinced of the same. We were just looking at it in its trussed state, not even in the net. But the plug was hopelessly sewn in place and needless to say he was not cooperating with the idea of me doing oral surgery, so ultimately Donny decided to keep it. It was the right choice, even if we were to have sacrificed the plug he would not have survived what with not being able to breath and all. Weighed just under 15 pounds.

Beyond that, though, we saw no other fish caught and we just had a couple of real light drive byes. We did, however, see (apparently) the wild fish the other boaters had released floating belly up. We motored over to it and tried for several minutes to revive it. Not to be. When we got to it a fin or two were still twirling, but it just could not be made to wake up. Really nice big bright nate, too. Finally had to let go of it and let nature take its course on that one.

So, by the time we decided to get off the water I felt both lucky that we enjoyed action since so few did and disappointed that the pressure? (man and barometric?) didn’t line up for a good bite. I swear Sunday is consistently the worst day of the week to fish! Anyone else find the same?

OK, now the true adventure starts. We trailer Hog Heaven and then have to wait in line for about 15 minutes for someone to check in a multi-camp site before we could buy a simple bag of ice for the fish. Late start is now combining for a late return. A good portion of this wait the rig was sitting and idling. Fateful.

Then we hit the freeway. I was motoring at freeway speed when I saw a small car behind us flipping its brights at us. The driver pulled along side and yelled, “You lost something!” He made kind of a dipping motion with his hands and went on by. I looked at Donny since I thought the boat was well secured when he stated, “Hmmm, I don’t see the net back there anymore.” Dang! I had made the rudimentary mistake of not looking over everything that Donny does when he tries to be helpful. He had put the net next to the rail of the boat but I had not noticed he did not secure it.

A 20 minute round trip loop on the freeway and we came back to the net. It was laying in the center lane of the freeway and had obviously been sail-pizzaed by an 18 wheeler. Not a pretty site. Donny properly said we needed to get it out of there, then left it for me to do my best impression of a sprinter (Yeah, right – I may be slow but I have terrible form, too!). He wasn’t going there – “Bad knees”, says he. I managed to grab the net and get back off the freeway before becoming fisher-pizza myself, but not without almost hyperventilating and a fast beating heart. That 20 minute loop was a killer as it turned out.

I have a rule when traveling – No Sleeping Shotgun! If the shotgun position snoozes, who will keep the coach driver safe, in particular safe from snoozing as well? But of course Donny immediately is out like a light and is sawing logs rhythmically within minutes of the net incident. I do my best to stay awake in the now getting toward late Sunday afternoon traffic, and manage to succeed to enter Hood River noticing the Tahoe is getting low on fuel. No big deal thinks me, I can get to Troutdale. Well, Donny wakes up as traffic comes to a near standstill due to a one lane funnel of road construction. He looks at the gage and points out that I might want to get gas. The last Hood River exit approaches as the lanes separate back to two, but there is a big semi that ends up between us and the exit. I am being molested by traffic – you know, the basic combo of tailgaters and lane changers who have no idea what 9000 pounds of rig, boat and trailer would look like on their windshield and because of this I miss the exit.

Oh well, I know I can make Troutdale, the gage isn’t even on the “E” yet.

Well, guess what? The gage never actually gets to the “E” on the frggin Tahoe! About 2 miles before Dodson that disconcerting feeling best described by “Chug, Chug” happens. I slam the tranny first in OD, and then coast to Dodson and make the exit. The rig actually never stopped running. It was great to be off the freeway, but now what?

Hmmm. We do have a boat basically full of fuel… Donny convinces me to sacrifice the wash down system hose to use as a siphon. Cut,cut, off goes the ends, in the hose goes to the boat tank and the other end goes right into the Tahoe. We try blowing in the hose to start a vacuum. Nothing.

Hmmm the Tahoe’s filler looks to be above the in floor tank in the sled. Plan “B”. Siphon into the 5 gallon bucket in the sled. Blow, hear lots of gurgling, no gas. Create a seal around the filler hole and hose. Same result. Well, I guess it is to that point. You know, instead of blow, start the siphon action with a suck.

Well, I learned something valuable last night. I think the last time I sucked for gas I was about 15 and even with statutes of limitations I will not divuldge any more detail about that. But between all those years they did something to gas. They added all sorts of chemicals. About the second attempt at sucking and I was seeing double, spinning wildily and burning noxious fumes into my lungs that clearly did not belong there!

A lesson for those of you at home: Duh! Don’t suck for gas!!!!!!!!!! Of course Donny pulls the hose out of the boat tank and notices that the hose isn’t actually wet. “Here. Let me push it in further and try again” By about the 8th pass I am beyond caring about getting home and just want to go take a nap.

Well, somehow from my self-induced fog it occurred to me that I could save a lot of brain cells if we disconnected the fuel line from the motor and used the ball to pump gas into a container. Duh! I had been influenced by Donny early on with the hose plan and bypassed a much less lethal solution.

Dug out the “Type I Coast Guard Approved Waste Container” (at least that is what the pee can is labeled) and, as Donny pumped the ball and held the container as I pressed in the fuel stop with a screwdriver and a multi-fill transfer started from boat to relatively small container to Tahoe and back. We did it a bunch of times. I was trying to count, but I kept losing concentration. Don’t know why that would be…

Finally decided that we had enough of this fun and we started back toward Troutdale as evening was approaching. It was nip and tuck, but we did make it through the back loop and around toward the truck stop side only to find there were about 37,094 rigs in front of the gas pumps. Seems there is a bit of a gas war going on out there. I knew we would have a hard time pushing the Tahoe and sled after it ran out again in line so I made yet another loop to come back to the station at the front of the “truckers row”. You know, the one that charges about 50 cents a gallon more than everyone else. At this point who could be choosy?

Great service and lots of gas later we finally made the last leg home. By the time I filleted Donny’s fish out for him, cleaned the boat, put the boat away in the dark and got myself cleaned up, the headache was almost gone. So much for watching the series…

Key learnings:

That ifisher that missed the trip missed an adventure! But now on rendezvous probation, there is no more than a 20 minute window of waiting next time. We could have missed the morning bite. There wasn’t one, but we could have!

You can’t revive dead fish.

Sunday is the dubious day.

Captains, never trust passengers of questionable caliber to do what you need to do to ensure safe travel. Donny may have blown the net securing, but it was my responsibility to ensure it was really secure. Mighty glad no one was injured or worse trying to dodge the net. If I was a cop I probably would have written myself a loose load ticket!

Never believe you have enough gas. You don’t.


Oh well, for the price of new ends on the wash down hose and a new net, I learned a lot yesterday. The old one was getting pretty worn anyway…

[ 10-21-2002, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: Hogmaster ]

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Old 10-21-2002, 11:10 AM   #2
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Priceless Hog, Just when I thought you were quiet. Wondered how the catching was. Ya know, you should skip the game saturday and
go fishing. We pretty much know what the outcome is gonna the game anyway.
Since Sunday is such a bad day for fishing.

I want an autographed copy of "as the impellor turns". Good stuff.

Unleaded was common during my youth, that must have been where I went wrong. Bad stuff maynard. Too Funny. Ask my wife about running out of fuel for the boat in that same canyon.
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Old 10-21-2002, 11:37 AM   #3
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I don't feel so bad reporting on my mishaps any more. I have a feeling that this kind of stuff happens to everyone ( sure it does) you and I just fess up so others do not tred in our "experienced" footsteps!

I have to agree with you on Sunday. I dont like fishing on Sunday because after the travel, washing the boat and all the other stuff I dont have any time to relax before I have to go to work on Monday. I need to be fresh to read the Ifish board and plan where I am going to fish on Wed. :shocked: :grin:

Reminder for Nichols... if I ever have the good fortune of fishing with Hogmaster make sure that I watch my P's and Q's because it will get back to everyone if I don't! :grin: :grin:

It is better to say, "This one thing I do" than to say, "These forty things I dabble in."
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The gods do not deduct from man's allotted span the hours spent in fishing. ~Babylonian Proverb
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Old 10-21-2002, 11:45 AM   #4
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

thanks for the story.
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Old 10-21-2002, 11:58 AM   #5
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Newt, you missed an, err, "interesting" time.

Nickle, I admit I am pretty merciless with Donny, (but if you ever met him you would understand :smile: )

Yes, you have to watch your Ps and Qs, but then again, at least I am consistent and admit my own screwups.

When we go together, we might need to take both boats so we can hope one will actually be fishable!!

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Old 10-21-2002, 02:04 PM   #6
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

I enjoyed reading that.

Rule #1, if it is suppse to be great fishing and no pressure, bring your own rock and a baseball bat. :grin:
I think that might have been the take out point.
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Old 10-21-2002, 03:03 PM   #7
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

I love reading your adventures!
It's not funny... or is it?
Can I at least smile a little?

"Don't suck gas."

OK, I won't!

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Whoo hooo! What a Ride!”

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Old 10-21-2002, 03:41 PM   #8
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Trust me, It was not funny at the time but it is going to be in say......2 weeks or so. Let's just say I have had an adventure or two with the Hogmaster and I can relate.

And Hogmaster is not harsh with Donny.....He is exaclty as he needs to be. He is Donny to the core!

Always think like a fish, no matter how weird it gets
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Old 10-21-2002, 03:59 PM   #9
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Excellent Post Hog Master... :smile:

Most everyone who fishes with me asks the same question at the boat launch prior to launching.....

"Did you put the plug in the boat This time?" [img]graemlins/stupid.gif[/img]

I have a few comprehensive lists of "things to do and bring" before fishin' depending on the venue...... if I could only remember to bring the Right list......

Oh well..... we do what we can, and we all have those "Momma told me there'd be days like this" kinda days.....

It's good to have fellow ifishers that own up to it!! to you HM...... :smile:

Catchin' is great, but Fishin' is the Greatest!
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Old 10-21-2002, 04:02 PM   #10
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Hogmaster Rocks for being so honest and entertaining at the same time.

Too many people would not tell the story for fear of looking silly...but the Hogmaster shares his adventures to the benefits of the rest of us.

Raise you hand if you have lost a net because you forgot to stow it (mine was on the boat and now is in the bottom of the Columbia).

Chacal -- who won't "suck gas" anytime soon.

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Old 10-21-2002, 04:08 PM   #11
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Fantastic story...and great lessons learned
with the appropriate choice of fishing partners your gear never gets too old.
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Old 10-21-2002, 04:30 PM   #12
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Hogmaster is not the only one that shares his mishaps. :smile: There is a member that almost burned his house down while smoking some fish. Then there was this story about some flashing lights at a bar crossing. What about the time he ran out of fuel at OC because someone sucked gas out of the boat. And then there was.................ah never mind. There are too many stories. Just do a search on member #31. :tongue:
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Old 10-21-2002, 04:54 PM   #13
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Hog just keep 'em coming

We ought to fish together some time :tongue:

I could have helped you on the getting gas from the boat thingy. I always fill my lawnmower by placing a finishing nail in the end of the kicker motor fuel line opening the valve and then squeezing the ball till the lawnmower is full.
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Old 10-21-2002, 06:07 PM   #14
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Vandal, I like your philosophy! Just hope I can afford it! :shocked:

Jenn, you can laugh, I already am.

ripper - Shhhhhh!

BOE - Figures we would have a common connection in Proton. A duck fan? Maybe we should go in a caravan, but if so I want to be in front if Skid Mark is taking Slider! :grin:

Chacal, Tim, et al, - I write these stories both to cleanse my soul and to relay what happens to all of us in ways even my mom can understand. Of course she just sighs and moves on when she reads the parts about sucking gas...

I really do catch lots of fish, but to me there is so much more to it than (just) that. I read what I write and think, "What a goofball!"

Then I have to remember that it isn't always me. Donny got his boat stuck in the mud of Tillamook Bay. I was just the mule to pull it out. Reel Dick parked his sled on the stump that as the tide went out left us 3' above tidewater to everyone around us's great amusement. Newt earned his Skid Mark alternative moniker all on his own. Lots of others had mishaps, I just happen to be around.

Oh no, "I just happen to be around"!! Nickle and BOE, are you guys SURE you would want to fish with me? I might be carrying a dominant "adventure karma gene"!!!

Oh, and BTW, no, it wasn't Newt that didn't show. He had begged out earlier, much to my chigrin after the duckies lost. But the ifisher that overslept has been lurking today and I am certain has read this post. Steelie Steve, I give everyone one screwup. I can't remember ever doing it, well once, but since the rondevouz was at my house I was quickly ready. But a second time would be grounds for great public humiliation!!! You have been warned. :grin: :grin: :grin:

[ 10-21-2002, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: Hogmaster ]
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Old 10-21-2002, 06:19 PM   #15
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

I love [img]graemlins/hearton.gif[/img] your stories. All the meat, just the right touch of potatoes, and enough vegatables to please any Mom.
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Old 10-21-2002, 07:12 PM   #16
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Great story enjoyed it thoroughly. If you ever need a fishing partner I'll go with you sounds like fun!

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Old 10-21-2002, 07:56 PM   #17
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Ok i have wiped my eyes and can see again :grin: Oh boy what a day. Yes i can relate to most of those mishaps but not all in the same day...great story....
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Old 10-21-2002, 09:47 PM   #18
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

It sounds like quite a day. Sorry I had other plans that day..... :-)

I usually try to disable my brain cells with whiskey, much easier on the liver!
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Old 10-21-2002, 10:03 PM   #19
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Tip of the Rod to ya HM.
That like all your stories are Top Drawer. Verrrrry entertaining. Keep them coming especially during this (no rain delay.)
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Old 10-22-2002, 12:25 AM   #20
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Good story Hog. You need to implement the no waiting rule. If your fishing buddy's don't show give them a few minutes then go without them. If I'm going with someone else I'm early, always! I think you oughta pass on any Beaver activities that intrude on fishing :grin: . you have to align those priorities.
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Old 10-22-2002, 10:39 PM   #21
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Hogmaster, how did I miss this???

You my friend have the gift of story telling. When is the book coming out?
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Old 10-22-2002, 11:15 PM   #22
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Default Re: Momma said there would be days like this...

Ahh, shucks, Pilar! You make me blush!

There isn't much point in the book idea. I am telling all the chapters on ifish!

The real job keeps getting in the way of the two things I love best. Finding out what it is about fishing and then trying to describe it!

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