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Old 04-17-2003, 05:09 PM   #1
Silver Hilton
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Default New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

I'd like to suggest an approach that could test for the best possible moderators, in a politically neutral fashion. New candidates could take the following:

Qualifying Examination


IFish Moderator Wannabees


Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. Time limit is
four hours.

1. HISTORY

Describe the history of all religions from their earliest origins to the present day. Prove which is best in a manner that will convince all other religions.

2. MEDICINE

You will be provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You will have fifteen minutes.

3. PUBLIC SPEAKING

2500 riot-crazed aborigines will be turned loose in the classroom with you. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

4. BIOLOGY

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to the probable effects on our next election. Show who would have been our next President and why.

5. MUSIC

Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

6. PSYCHOLOGY

Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the political stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramsesall, Gregory of Nicoa, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

7. SOCIOLOGY

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct a full-scale experiment to test your theory.

8. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE

Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm that can be used to optimize all managerial decisions. Design the systems interface and prepare all software necessary to program this algorithm on whatever computer may be selected by the examiner.

9. ENGINEERING

The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle will be placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

10. ECONOMICS

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan on the wave theory of light and on the overcrowding of citizens band radio channels.

11. POLITICAL SCIENCE

Pick up the phone on the desk beside you and start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

12. EPISTEMOLOGY

Take a position for or against the truth. Prove the validity of your position.

13. PHYSICS

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of mathematics on science, plus the possible effect of electromagnetic radiation on global pollution and on the love life of radar operators who spend long periods in that environment.

14. PHILOSOPHY

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare this with the development of other kinds of thought.

15. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Describe everything you know in detail. Be objective and specific.

16. EXTRA CREDIT

Define the universe. Give three examples.

[ 04-17-2003, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: Silver Hilton ]

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Old 04-17-2003, 05:19 PM   #2
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Nope, not enough there. :tongue:

--spud-- :smile:
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Old 04-17-2003, 09:43 PM   #3
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Ok, what do us old mods do with the other three hours?

Some ammo for the high powered rifle would have been nice. :shocked:
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Old 04-20-2003, 09:36 PM   #4
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Silver my man you pass just for thinkin' up the test! [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:21 AM   #5
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

I can't take credit for it. Like consultants everywhere, I take someone else's work, polish it up, and pass it off as my own!
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Old 04-21-2003, 07:53 AM   #6
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Translated: He deleted the <'s. :smile:
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:55 AM   #7
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Thanks for passing that along Silver Hilton.


A year and a half ago someone asked on our Wizardry 8 game board, "How would one become a moderator and what does one do?"

This was my response:

It's tough, let me tell ya......"

It all started many many years ago when I first aspired to be a board moderator. My family and friends just shook their heads and laughed at me saying that I didn't have what it took to be successful in that profession. But I was determined to prove them wrong and set out on a path that, unknowingly, would forever change me.

I remember that first day in Jr. college. Fresh and full of ambition. I took a heavy load (20 credits) at first, wanting to take it easy in my second year. But all too soon reality set in and I started getting behind. Oh sure, I was cruising through most of my classes like; Edit Posts 101, Move Thread 200 and the hard to get class, Edit User Account, but I got my first failing mark in Send Subscriptions 101. I was devastated. I tried to regroup, talking with counselors, group therapy, shock treatments, drugs... the normal campus routine. Nothing seemed to work and desperation was starting to set in.

To get a few extra credits to help with problem, I accepted internship at a local Safeway supermarket monitoring the coupon/rebate/message board. It was tough at first. People would post a message trying to sell their car over in the refund section and there was always seemed to be somebody willing to baby sit over in the coupon section. It wasn't easy but I stuck it out. Even through the Great Push Pin & Thumb Tack Shortage of 1996 I went to that Safeway and stood by that board night after night. One evening, for some odd reason, the manager tried to get me arrested for loitering. I told him I would go if I got a letter of recommendation. After a few minutes of negotiation he relented and I walk out of there knowing what I had do.

I made the decision to forgo my last semester of college and turn Pro. It was a big step, but I was ready. Yep... the real virtual world was calling my name. But the competition was tough. I couldnít get signed on with a company. As days turn into weeks and months into years, I started to wonder where it all went wrong. I started lurking. Passively wandering from board to board. Then there was the bad posts. I started blasting boards left and right not caring what I said or to who. A flame throwing keyboard with a bad attitude. I thought that the end was near. I just couldn't go on that way anymore.

Then one day by chance I happened by this board. It seemed....well.. different. It made me think of all the reasons why I want to become a Moderator. In short my life turned around 180 degrees and I have never looked back.

Oh sure, it not easy being rich and famous with all the money, cars, and board groupies I have to deal with on a daily basis now that I have reached the pinnacle of my profession. But I manage somehow.

But why should you have to go through all garbage when you can learn from my mistake and successes. For only $19.95 you have the my best kept secrets to being a professional Board Moderator.

This starter kit includes an introductory video and application to my 1 hour seminar, "Moderating People" "A Strategy For Successful Board Management".

If you are ready to take that big step into the glamorous world Board Administration please email me at:

"[email protected]"

Check, Money Order & Visa Accepted Sorry, no C.O.D's

:grin:
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Old 04-21-2003, 10:04 AM   #8
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Dude, they lowered the standards!

Hey Crabbait, where's your McGyver, you know ... stick of gum, paper clip and some brake fluid.

Wah la, ammo for the high powered rifle.
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Old 04-21-2003, 03:18 PM   #9
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Quote:
Originally posted by The Fishing Geek:
Translated: He deleted the <'s. :smile:
<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helvetica">Don't forget the carriage returns.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:22 PM   #10
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Default Re: New Ifish Moderator Qualifying Exam

Pilar - I prefer the more direct Ah-nuld method:

Both hands around the barrel, wah la, Bludgeon! :grin:
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