Re: My son
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts all my life. I first had a loaded gun in my mouth when I was about 13. Sometimes I wonder how I made it another 50 years, but more than anything I thank God I managed never to go through with it, and cause such a deep and abiding wound to loved ones.
Years ago I read a eulogy a minister gave for a young man who had taken his life. I wish I had a copy of it. In it, the minister pointed out that this young person had been waging a ferocious civil war with a part of himself in a battle that no one else would suspect or begin to understand. Finally, exhausted, he had put an end to the war and was at peace at last.
I found some trace of grace in this, a trace of understanding, a basis for forgiveness.
I don't know if this helps, friend, but I really hope that it does.
I have had some counseling over the years and it has been a blessing.
You have my prayers, Beachbum.
The language of God is science.