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Anybody had to fire their doctor?

4K views 53 replies 36 participants last post by  1pump 
#1 ·
Not my primary care guy, but a specialist. I really don't want to do it, but her behavior during my last appointment causes me some concern. I'm not questioning her competency or expertise, but I have outpatient surgery scheduled with her in a few weeks and I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with her at this point. I was completely confident in her until she p----- me off during my last visit (I'm not sure she's aware that she did, but I did leave her office suddenly in a huff without saying a word. Due to her bizarre demeanor at that point, I don't think she noticed).

If it was anybody else, the situation would be easy to handle. I'd just drop in, politely air my grievances, give her a chance to make it right or tell me to get lost. In my experience, that's what normal adults do, and that's how I'd prefer to handle it. I don't give up on people just because they irked me a couple of times.
 
#3 ·
Yeah pretty hard to gauge what's going on without knowing the story...from what you've said though if you dont feel comfortable with her then dont let her do the surgery...
 
#4 ·
IMHO ask for another referral from your primary. No need to say why unless asked, and if asked Just say you are not comfortable with this particular specialist. Going into a surgery with any thoughts of not being confident in the people performing the procedure is not wise. Nothing wrong with advocating for yourself regardless of reasoning. :twocents:
 
#5 ·
Get it together? Okay. I shortened it up. I'm not particularly upset, but this is uncharted territory for me. And I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

3 key things:

1. I've had three appointments so far with her this summer. Her demeanor has been all over the place. Anywhere from "my new best friend" to "in law who doesn't like me but has to tolerate me".

2. During my last appointment I was waiting in an exam room after her MA got me ready for a procedure. She came in, I said "Hi, how are you doing?" and she completely ignored me. No response. Didn't even look my direction. Went right in to starting the procedure. Rude, and out of character based on my experience with her so far. I know she wan't in hurry, but it seemed like her head was somewhere else. Like I was an unpleasant chore and she just didn't want to think about it.

3. The one that set me off- I was in her office discussing treatment options with her. I didn't particularly care for the way she was addressing me- nothing wrong with it, but during previous appointments when she was in "best friend" mode she would talk to me like we knew each other for years. Now she looked and sounded like a routine Power Point presentation at an uptight board meeting. I was starting to wonder if I did/said something to p--- her off.
I had a couple of questions which she answered to my satisfaction. But then she suddenly turned toward her computer monitor and stared at it for a minute. Then she looked down at her desk and started gathering up papers. Then looked back at the monitor again for a bit. Then more paper shuffling. Didn't say a word or look in my direction. It was like she had totally forgotten that I was sitting four feet in front of her. Maybe she was hoping that if she ignored me long enough I'd go away. It was bizarre for anybody, let alone a medical professional. I sat there for most of a full minute in silence, not quite believing what I was seeing. I could sense that I was about to go from zero to abrasive in about .3 nanoseconds, so I got up and left without a word.

I'm not angry anymore, just bewildered. I'd like to give her a chance to explain that weird interlude. I've never had anyone do that to me before, just letting me sit there like an idiot, wondering what is going on.

So am I overreacting? Seriously.
 
#6 ·
I guess it depends on how lucky you feel getting the competent vs incompetent one. I’d get another specialist. Drs are like other professions, there are flakes and solid people. She seems like a flake with issues, and not the kind of person I’d trust my life with.
 
#8 ·
Could be most anything unrelated to you. Maybe she brought something to the office she should have left at home. Probably never know.

Here’s my tale of poor bedside manners. I was lying in bed after coming out of surgery and in terrible pain. Had my eyes closed but was not sleeping. Dr. came in and walked over to me, slapped my face and said, “nobody sleeps when I’m in the room.” He was a lucky man. Could have ended up with his own bed in the hospital. Last time I ever saw him. Pulled a Trump, you’re fired.
 
#10 ·
Check reviews. Check her credentials. With all that hubby has gone through the last two years...you have every right to switch docs. Some have great bedside manners but that's about it. Some are great in dealing with their specialty but stink as far as personality. Surgeons tend to be just a little on the arrogant side, I've found. Not all but a lot of them. I think his current infectious disease doc could be diagnosed as bipolar Maybe yours is too.
 
#12 ·
Check reviews. Check her credentials.
Did that a while ago. Her CV is impeccable. Honors all through med school, board certified, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Reviews are all good, but there's not a lot of them since she's young and has only been practicing a few years. I did find one negative review, but oddly enough I wasn't able to read it. Like maybe it was blocked or being contested.

I DO like her, I know she's competent, but this is a fiduciary relationship and I have to be able to trust her. I'm not worried about telling her or anybody why I'm switching, if it comes to that. I'd be brutally honest. I'm actually really curious to see her reaction if we have a Come To Jesus moment. That would tell me everything I need to know.

I think his current infectious disease doc could be diagnosed as bipolar Maybe yours is too.
Drs are like other professions, there are flakes and solid people.
I have a relative who's an MD, and he has Borderline Personality Disorder. It derailed his career just as it was getting started. He has his MD degree, but he can't actually practice.
My mom was an RN and worked for an MD that was a recovering alcoholic. He fell off the wagon one weekend and attempted to remodel the office. :palm:
 
#22 ·
I have a few in my circle that are or were docs. In general many providers right now are frustrated with the system and feel they are unable to practice medicine how they believe it is supposed to be done. If you have a doc or nurse friend, bring it up over beers and hang on.

What about just shooting straight with her? "Hey, I'm having a hard time with some of our conversations. I need to know [insert need here] before we go farther and it feels like your head is elsewhere."

The response could tell you all you need to know.

My own health issues of the past 6 months taught me the need to be proactive and almost to the point of aggressive to get the care you need. If you are not on death's door, you are a low priority regardless of how much you are suffering. Keep calling, keep requesting information, keep politely asking for return calls. Often it is a nurse of PA who ends up being the most helpful.

This is very stressful and I totally get it.





Did that a while ago. Her CV is impeccable. Honors all through med school, board certified, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Reviews are all good, but there's not a lot of them since she's young and has only been practicing a few years. I did find one negative review, but oddly enough I wasn't able to read it. Like maybe it was blocked or being contested.

I DO like her, I know she's competent, but this is a fiduciary relationship and I have to be able to trust her. I'm not worried about telling her or anybody why I'm switching, if it comes to that. I'd be brutally honest. I'm actually really curious to see her reaction if we have a Come To Jesus moment. That would tell me everything I need to know.




I have a relative who's an MD, and he has Borderline Personality Disorder. It derailed his career just as it was getting started. He has his MD degree, but he can't actually practice.
My mom was an RN and worked for an MD that was a recovering alcoholic. He fell off the wagon one weekend and attempted to remodel the office. :palm:
 
#14 · (Edited)
I have dumped 2 Doctors, one wouldn't answer my E-Mails, and one thought he was King George, and about to dump A** h*** one I have now. They are only people that have a different job than I do, I pay them I want service.
 
#15 ·
as long as they are good i dont care how they act. if they lie about anything they are done.


go with your gut feelings. but she may be a person that when into something devotes all her thoughts to just that. and that may be good in your case.


it never hurts to be bold and ask as soon as you have thoughts about something to a doctor. they need a perspective on you as well.
 
#16 ·
I would "fire" her, based on your second post.
Not so much for her behavior but for your reaction to it.
I'm not saying you are wrong, at all, and I would probably feel the same way. If I needed this person I would adjust my behavior and expectations accordingly, but if there are other choices available then I would take advantage of them.
Going to the Doc is stressing enough as it is.
 
#17 ·
I’ve fired more than a few in my day... talking and not listening seems to be a pattern.

I’ve also walked out of appointments when they are running late. I love the phone calls after I walk out too. My time is much more valuable to me than it seems to be to them sometimes.
 
#20 ·
MD's know patient's will gauge them more on their "bedside manner" than anything else, so that could be the reason for the "new best friend behavior" on one given visit. Then back to normal. , As I understand it, that is 15 minutes to 1) review the chart, 2) see the patient, and 3) chart the visit. That;s what the carriers want to pay for. Heck, in many cases you are lucky if we see an MD, and feel lucky if we get past the PA's/MA's.
Over the years I have learned that some of the better MD's I have had are chronically running late, especially late morning and afternoon as things back up. Why? They are taking more time than they are getting paid for. A couple of my MD friends have confirmed this.
Maybe if the malpractice carriers were the same corporate entities as the health insurers things would be different, lol.
 
#21 ·
They are taking more time than they are getting paid for. A couple of my MD friends have confirmed this.
Yeah, I know. That's how it was in the old days. Unfortunately, most doctors these days are employees of the practice and have to answer to the management, who may or may not be MDs themselves. Doctors with their own practice can do whatever they want, but that has a lot of pitfalls.

MD's know patient's will gauge them more on their "bedside manner" than anything else, so that could be the reason for the "new best friend behavior" on one given visit.
Every MD I've seen on a repeat basis has been consistent in manner until now. I could bet $10,000 on my primary's demeanor every time I see him. Always a handshake, always calm, always asks about concerns from previous visits. Been that way for 12 years. He's not an abundance of personality, but he's steady. Lately it seems like he's trying to develop something resembling a sense of humor, although it's not working to well for him. But at least he's trying. :palm:
 
#23 ·
Unless it's something super serious and the Doctor is #1 in that field, I would be out. I don't care how busy they are or what the superiority complex is, if they can't be decent then it's a no go. See how they act if you're 30 minutes late for your appointment, but they think nothing of keeping someone waiting for hours.
 
#24 ·
What about just shooting straight with her? "Hey, I'm having a hard time with some of our conversations. I need to know [insert need here] before we go farther and it feels like your head is elsewhere."
That's exactly how I want to approach it. That's always been my style. Knock down the doctor/patient barrier for a minute and talk like normal people. I don't want to do it on the phone, but I might not have a choice.

I don't mean to keep moaning about this, but there's a lot of factors at play. About 6 months ago I decided to listen to the warnings I've been getting about my health for the last 20 years. My body was like a old satellite in a decaying orbit above the planet. Not a matter of if, but when it was gonna burn up in the atmosphere. So I made some big changes and dropped about 50 unneeded pounds. Just when I was starting to feel pretty good, I started coming apart at the seams. In the last 4 months I've had more doctor appointments than in the last 15 years. I was always aware of the sorry state of our health care system, but now I'm getting a buttfull of it. A lot of frustration. This latest issue that I'm seeing this specialist for isn't life threatening, just really annoying and inconvenient. And I need to get it fixed ASAP due to some potential insurance issues, which is why I'm reluctant to just fire her outright. And it's VERY expensive for such a short procedure.
 
#26 ·
I didnt go through all the replies but the ones I did I'm surprised at the number of people who side with you and say you should switch docs...reading your post on what she did...u said hi and she ignored you? Could it even be remotely possible she didnt hear you or was just super busy? She is a person and probably has a life outside of work and who knows what kind of day she was having...maybe her dog died, husband left, family issues...who knows...maybe she just didnt hear you. Then you say she answered some of your questions to your satisfaction but then looked at her computer, papers, back to computer and you sat there for a MINUTE in silence before deciding to just get up and walk out...I'd guess when you left she probably thought you were the one who was rude as hell. If you had an issue you should have voiced it to her right then and there. Not sure why people try to avoid confrontation so much. It probably could have all been resolved with a quick "hey you ok, you seem a bit distant. If this is a bad time or you got to much going on I can come back another time". At that point she probably would have told you why she may not have been present or at least would have been after that. Speak up.
 
#28 ·
FishOnSHawn, you're absolutely right. I already considered all that. I should have said something then and there...........BUT- I already said I was about to uncork and say something really unpleasant that I would wind up regretting. Therefore the best option was for me to get up and leave. Not the best reaction, but the best I could do at the time. I'll take the hit for that. But that doesn't change the situation as it is now.
I didn't mention that I got all the way down the hall to the lobby before I really got p----- and went back to her office. Luckily for everybody she was already with the next patient. If she was still available I might have made an ugly enough scene to get tazed and dragged out by security. That's how torqued I was. I don't avoid confrontation- but my confrontational style is weapons-grade and leaves nothing but devastated landscape, weeping children and shattered souls in it's wake, so I use it sparingly. That's just me, and I make no apologies. Luckily I have a wife who recognizes when it's about to happen, and she knows how to stop me before I turn into Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Unfortunately she wasn't there, so I had to go Zen and exit the premises calmly before I started swinging a 26" Stihl around.
 
#29 ·
Well if it was that bad there must have been more going on that doesnt translate through txt very well. What you wrote doesnt sound all that bad to me but obviously something else must have been going on to rile you up that bad. It must be one of those you had to be there situations.
 
#30 ·
Look (retired health care worker here) Docs are people too and have bad days like us all. BUT many have the bedside manner of a brick. Had a neurosurgeon jump all over me because my primary sent me to him for followup. Needless to say the next spine surgery was done by someone else. What if they get upset during a surgery? It is a maturity thing.
 
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