Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington

October 2011
Kilchis on the Kilchis River
Love that dog!

October 1, 2011

Happiest October to you! (Am I first?)
I know I'm late. Kilchis is taking up a lot of my time.
You know, I worked hard and long to find a dog that I could handle, should he get ill. I didn't want a dog over 40 pounds. What a dummy am I? Now, I'm only to lift 10 pounds! I should have gotten a poodle! Poodles aren't dogs though. Are they? :)
And, not only did I get a now 50 pound dog, but I got one that won't mess in the yard! EVER! I guess that's a good thing, except that I have to take him to the pot (the park, nearby) every morning and every night. Sometimes, he can barely make it. He's so funny. Ever seen a dog try to hold it? He does! And sometimes he'll drop little mementos on the way, trying so hard to hold it! Why in the world won't he mess in his own yard? I'd clean it up for him, the same as I do in the park!
So, today, after cleaning up the mess he made while trying to make it to the park, I picked up some of the road accident and placed it in the bag, and brought it back home. I put it in the corner of the yard. Do you think he'll smell that and learn to go here? That would be so nice! I could stay in my pajamas a little bit longer, in the morning!
I do see, though, how dogs are good for folks. They make them get up and at 'em! No rest for those who own dogs!
So, yesterday I took him back to the vet, and the vet had no more ideas without an x ray. So, we'll take x rays in a week, if nothing has gotten better. I feel so heart broken, both for him, and for my aching back! I have to help him up on the bed, and down. I know he shouldn't be on my bed, but last night, I tried to get him to sleep on his bed down on the floor, and he just kept staring up to my bed, with the most mournful eyes. I'm a sucker. Up he went! There is nothing better than reaching over to feel the warm, soft fur of your best friend. (OK, maybe second best...) But, it's like cuddling up to the very biggest, most cuddly teddy bear. It's nice, because I'm never alone. Kilchis is my constant companion, my shadow. Everywhere I go, he goes. I hope that the sun never sets on our friendship.
Hey- I've learned a couple things that really make me wonder how dumb I really am. I never even considered that the pavement on the roads in the valley get HOT in the summer, and here I had Kilchis walking on them, without a second thought. I'm so thankful for Google. I'm so sorry to Kilchis, that I had no idea. Now, I know. It's not what is wrong with Kilchis, but still, I had him walk short walks on the pavement, but remembering how much it hurt me as a child, barefoot, I can't believe I wouldn't think of that, for him. I must have hurt him, doing that! Never again will I walk him on pavement, without first testing the temperature, with my hands.
And, when we had that accident out in the river the other day, where he almost drowned, he contracted that limp tail syndrome, again. He first was stricken with that virus, or whatever it is, about 7 years ago, when we first took him duck hunting with Dee Dee.
On the way home from a long, cold romp at the duck lake, he cried out in pain, from the back seat of the car. I thought he had gotten his leg stuck, somehow, or perhaps got stepped on by Dee Dee? We pulled the car over, and could find no problem. But, when we got home, his tail was totally flaccid, and he appeared ill. He had a slight fever, and for 2 days after, his tail would only stand up about four inches, and the rest would drop, as if it were broken.
I took him to the vet, and they had no ideas. Still, when I told the vet, yesterday that I thought he had that same illness again, the vet said he didn't know what I was talking about.
It is this. (Click on those words). It's also known as Cold Water Tail.
I still find it very interesting that the vet didn't know about it. My vet is a very good and knowledgeable vet, too. I hope that it is a real thing, because it's happened to my dog, now, three times! Each time, after being stressed in cold water. Stress can be just heavy playing, but it always happens after being in cold water.
So, his limping on his rear leg, yesterday, I would attribute to this cold water phenomena. I hadn't thought of that, until my friend Tammy, suggested it. But, yes! It does seem likely! And Kilchis' rear leg is better, this morning. Rest and doggy NSAIDs.
So, I'm up and dressed on an early October morning, (before I'd rather be!) and I'm going to clean my house, soon.
Sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking, now that I have two houses to keep clean. I wish I didn't have such high standards when it comes to clean houses.
Somehow it doesn't bother my two kids to have clutter and dirty dishes. They still smile. I just can't! Can't smile till the dishes are done!

October 4, 2011

I'll tell ya what.
I think that the colors orange and black were chosen for Halloween, due to the beautiful leaves on the wet, black pavement. That's what I think!
Orange and Black. So easy to grab out of the crayola coloring box. No weird named shades. Just orange and black!
I was driving to Tillamook yesterday, and as I approached our driveway, the leaves on the pavement were just stunning! So much so, that I had to stop the car, and take it all in. It was like an artist had just finished a collage. If only I could frame it!
Yep. That's Halloween for ya!
I used to gather those leaves and arrange them on top of my piano. How do you arrange them? Like God does! Just dump them out of your basket, and call it good! I'm going to go do that, now!
I thank God for my eyesight, every day. I know what it's like to have none. I know how wonderful it is, to see things like this! What a blessing! What a miracle eyesight is!
Everything around me shouts out Fall!
Wet, cold GRUNDEN waders on a fisherman out in the boat, against the dull, grey sky.
Everything that is fall is orange, and black, and yellow! Pumpkins in the patch! Pumpkins in the store! Pumpkins on people's porches! Fallen soggy leaves on the river rocks! Crisp, yellow and orange, swirling leaves in the blue sky! Look up! I love it all!
The other day I was out on the patio in the Oregon City house, when it began to rain. I lit a candle and listened to it gain momentum. First just a couple drops, and soon, a steady downpour!
I texted Andrew. "Get out here!"
Soon, I heard footsteps, and then they stopped. I heard him take a deep breath in. He immediately appreciated it, just like I do. I love how he loves things! "Ah, rain!" He breathed out.
Yep. Rain on the roof. Leaves on the lawn. It's Fall!
I may fish out on the river, today. I know there is barely a chance to catch a salmon, but what the heck! It's fun to try!
Kilchis is no better. I called to make an appointment with the specialist, Dr. Lozier, in Clackamas. He is a wonder-doctor. He did Kilchis' cruciate surgery about five years ago. Remember that? Oh, what a process that was, but it gave Kilchis many good years on his otherwise lame back leg. Now it's his front leg, and he is in pain.
I can't take Kilchis in pain. He pants, and I'm right there with him. I just can't rest when he hurts. All night long he has spasms in his legs. Of course, I can't make the poor thing sleep on the ground, so he "runs" against my back, all night long. It used to be that I thought those were nightmares, but these are different. I know he's in pain.
I took him for the third time to the vet in Tillamook and he did x rays. I was so hopeful that something would be found. But, they only showed mild and expected arthritis changes. Nothing that would cause this much pain. But, X rays don't show soft tissue damage, I guess. So, it's onto a specialist. I just can't keep him in this much pain. Kilchis is so active, otherwise. You can tell that he is embarrassed, when he falls, or can't make it up the stairs. He so hates it when I try to help. He's like a little man that refuses to be helped by a woman. He's so macho!
He's on Tramadol right now, and I just turned around to find him "running" in his sleep. I hope they are muscle spasms and not seizures?

This is the toughest time for a pet owner. Kilchis is 10 years old, now, and has been my best friend for so long. It doesn't seem like 10 years should be the end. I still believe there is hope. Dr. Lozier? Help us!
I lay next to him and run my fingers thru his soft, long hair, and kiss him on that soft spot, right behind his eye. "We are going to make it thru this, too, Kilch."

October 5, 2011

My brother and gang with a limit!
Click pic to zoom

My brother keeps asking me to take him fishing. Ha! How bout the other way around?
The other day, Bill and I were out fishing the same time that my brother and his co workers were out. It was another one of those, "Shoulda been over there!" days.
We were fishing the ghost hole, and they were on the other side of the bay.
Yeah... excuses, excuses! They nailed the fish! We were texting back and forth as they landed fish after fish.
Bill and I cruised the ghost hole back and forth while we didn't nail the fish! We didn't see more than 2 fish landed in the whole hole! Talk about no action! At least Dave's texts kept me entertained!
I don't know the names of all the people above, but I do know that the girl is Angel, and my brother is the second one from the left. I do know that their host was Bob Thompson! I've written to my brother to ask for more info.
Edit alert! This just in, from my bro:

"The Guy on the left is Aaron. He lives in Tri Cities and came all the way over to go fishing with us for just one day. He spent the night at Dad's house. My first house guest. Very nice man.
The one in the middle, well you know... He is the nice brother that taught you how to drink lots of water.
(From Jennie: David Logsdon! Yes, when I was little, David made me drink a million little tea cups of water until I got sick!)
Angel Becker is Traffic Manager for Evergreen International. They are the really cool Airline facility in McMinnville that have the neat space and aircraft Museum, plus the water slide that comes out of the 747. The Spruce Goose is there also and that is what Dad always spoke of as he helped wire it for Howard Hughes. Angel loves to fish and is a fan of your web site. She carries fishing gear in her car at all times.
Bob Thompson is one of the owners of General Transportation. He loves to fish more than anyone I know. He was our host that day. Bob is not shown in the picture.
Wayne Priddy is in the back ground."

- Anyhow, I was excited that David told me about Angel, and that she had never caught a salmon, yet she always has a fishing rod in her car, at all times. Girls fishing always makes me happy-happy! Go, Angel! I wish I would have been in the boat!
Oh! And I do know that they were fishing with Wayne Priddy!
So, go, you guys! I'm so glad you got fish!
I've been having fun with my web cam. Here's the latest:

Aren't they cute? Click to zoom

I really like this new camera we purchased. The deer aren't afraid of it at all, like the other one. It's a Bushnell Trophy cam. You know, it's taken us three tries, three cams to find one we really like, and this is the best, so far. It's small and really easy to use. The deer aren't afraid of it, and even Bill can run it! Most of the photos are at night. I have to lighten them in my photo program, but once I do, presto! Deer pics! Most look like this:

Picture straight out of camera.

Picture after I adjusted the light
. Presto! Animals!

So, if you have problems with pictures straight out of your cam that you think are vacant, just adjust the light in your picture program. It's usually under something like "enhance" or "view". Look for "Brightness and Contrast" or do a search in the help files for "brightness".
Kilchis has an appointment tomorrow for 9:00 with the miracle doctor. I sure hope he can help, because Kilchis is worse, yet. Today, he wouldn't get up at all, to come downstairs. :( I had to nearly lift him and my back is really stressing. Then, after I got him out to do his business, he sat outside under the stairs and just whined. It was so sad. The poor pup couldn't come up the few stairs to get in the house!
I saw him out there, and thought, "Well, if I go to help him, he won't like it, so maybe I'll let him figure it out." Nope. He wants help, now. When that's the case, you know it's bad.
I'm headed back to the city, today.
One thing I didn't know... I think this is awesome! Bill says that Oregon City is a fishing headquarters! I didn't know that! So, now I have a home in the fishing headquarters at the coast, and one at the city! Whoo hooo! Perfect for "fishing Jennie!"
Now-- if only I could get this skunk off my back!!!

October 7, 2011

It sure is time to make a decision.
Kilchis is on the bed, and I can't move him, this morning. He seems totally paralyzed. Totally paralyzed, but still loving and sweet. He tried to wag his tail, but it just got kinda stuck in the up position.
He seems to have nerve damage.
We were at the vet, yesterday and went from the orthopedic specialist, to the neurologist. Dr. Prouty was so nice to him. Kissed him on the head, as she tried to find the problem.
Today, I take him in at 8:30. No food or water after 10, last night. He will get an MRI to find out if it is cancer or a disc problem. From then on, it's a huge decision as to what to do. Bill says we must get the surgery, but I'm not so sure. He's 10 years old. He has lived a wonderful life. I can't imagine putting him down, but perhaps that is the most humane thing to do for a dog that loves to chase and run and swim and cannot?
Dr. Lozier says that if it were his dog, there is no question that he would proceed. But, notice the "DR." in front of his name? He has money. I do not. So... I don't know what to do. I have a black plastic card that would enable me to do this, but is it the right thing to do? For me, or for Kilchis? Even without the money issue? I am just so upset. I can't think right. I just can't think straight.
Kilchis has fished by my side more times than any other friend in my entire life. We have shared so many fishless days, together, but had more fun, regardless. He has taught me how to be still and just watch. Just listen.
He sat by my side for hours, for days, when I was "paralyzed" after my aortic dissection. He wagged his tail as I made progress towards getting back out to the river.
Oh, dang, this is so hard.
Pete wrote to me, "The burden of pet ownership is so heavy when they rely on you to make decisions. They give you years of unquestioning love in return for ripping out your heart when it's time to make decisions."
That sure put a lump in my throat. A lump that I can't swallow.

October 8, 2011

This is just killing me.
He is so not well. He's on gabapentin and pain pills.
We were going to try to make him feel like a King this weekend and give him chicken and beef and yummy things, but he doesn't want anything. He did this morning. He ate a part of a scone with me, and then cheddar cheese, this afternoon.
But, after I gave him his gabapentin, he just lays there, all stiff.
Oh, man. I'm just heartsick. So badly... I have never felt the depth of this much pain.
And, my sister explained it to me. It's not that we value a pet's life more than a persons. It's just that it affects us more, as they are such a constant companion. Such a deep part of our every day. It's difficult and so strange to start life, without that constant smile. He is my every breath.
I've been so struggling over the part in the Bible where it says that an animal has no soul. That's so hard for me. I do believe an animal has a soul! Kilchis has a soul! I know he does! So, he will be in Heaven! I just can't imagine it, otherwise. I know we can't conceive of what glorious things Heaven will be, but my room? My room has to be prepared with Kilchis in it.
This in, from my dear friend Stan, who I knew I would hear from. Thank God for my friend Stan.

“I'll Miss You Maudie”

It won't be the same
As it has been before
She's not there to greet me
As I walk through the door

With tail a waggin'
And soft eyes aglow
Saying more clearly than words
Master I love you so

And no matter how dark
My day might have been
She somehow made it brighter
As it drew to an end

She made no complaint
When she knew I was wrong
And I'm convinced her one wish
Was to simply belong

To know that I loved her
The way she loved me
And that she was welcome
Right there close by my knee

The years pass more quickly
As we grow old
I watched as time took the swiftness
Of her movements once bold

She couldn't tell me
When the pain was too much
But what helped her the most
Were my words and my touch

I've watched men die at war
And it tore me apart
But when Maudie died in my arms
So did a piece of my heart

You don't hear that dogs
Have a heaven on high
No one made them the promise
God gave you and I

But Jesus said love
Is most important of all
And that's what she gave me
Without reservation, completely, her all

And so Lord I ask you
As I kneel down to pray
Please make an exception
For my little Maudie today

Just keep her there for me
Please tell her to wait
And when I at last climb the stairs
Have her there at the gate

Stan Fagerstrom
August 31, 1998

October 9, 2011

It's that time. Thank GOD that Dr. Cameron is on call. Last time this happened to me, the vet refused to come out, and I had to stay up all night with a terribly suffering and dying dog. I even tried to help him along, but he wouldn't "along" at all.
God Bless Hershey.
I have all of these silly love songs going thru my head.

I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give any more
Can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give any more

Kilchis was so the center of my life. He is what I am. I really don't know how to take a step without him, but I will learn.
I remember a time when I used to think this world was all good and golden and without pain.
I have grown up.
And of all days, the Humane Society has their big fund raiser today on television. Man, oh man.
I hurt to the very bone. To the very core. My head is screaming. I feel like I'm going to blow up.
It seems like one thing after a sad, terrible another. It's been a tough life, lately. Cancer, death, cancer, death...
The only thing to save me, that I can think of, is that old equals thing. If I have the potential to feel this bad... if I can wait, I have the potential to feel equally joyful.
I'm not ready for joy, yet.... but it makes me anxious for my future, and that is what will save me.

October 9, 2011 later..

Kilchis passed at 9:47 this morning.
God rest his soul.
Kilchis video
Kilchis bunny
YES. He has a soul.
Never has someone loved a dog more.

"The burden of pet ownership is so heavy when they rely on you to make decisions. They give you years of unquestioning love in return for ripping out your heart when it's time to make decisions."
Pete Morris

October 12, 2011

I'm going to make it!
The first day that Kilchis left us, I cried all day. Terrible, sobbing, hyperventilating tears.
The next day I cried a bunch, and sighed a bunch. Yesterday I sighed most of the day. Just every time I turned around and thought of him. And that is every time I turn around! Everything reminds me of him, because he was always there.
When I get in the car, when I go to the girls room. When I go get coffee. When I go to the river. When I eat dinner. Just everything!
Today, I haven't cried at all. I think I can... I think I can...
I am going back to Oregon City today or tomorrow. Not sure which. I'm sure that is going to be hard, as there are little reminders everywhere. I told the kids to clean it all up, but you know how that is. I hope they can do it, knowing how much it hurts me. But, we'll see. You can't very well clean up all these memories. Like I said, Kilchis is everywhere.
When I close my eyes, I see him so clearly.
Poor Rev is moping. I took her for a walk on the river, and she didn't race and run, and had no other dog to bash into. She didn't cross the river and go explore. She clung to my side.
She is my saving grace, right now, as she lays by me, and receives my petting, and now gets to lick the bowls, instead of Kilchis.
She knows that's a good deal, but I doubt she'd choose it, if she had a choice. She loved Kilchis. We all did.
Poor Bill is still having a hard time over it, too. We all are.
As Bill says, "Kilchis was the center of our household."
He really was.
Oh! I found out that Kilchis was actually a breed! A "labradinger" or Springador" depending on who was the Mother. Kilchis would have been a Springador, as his Mom was the Springer from down the road. I could NOT believe my eyes when I looked at pictures of them. Amazeballs! They looked exactly like Kilchis and many of them lay their heads on stuffed animals and carry them around, just as Kilchis does. And an article about what amazing companion animals they are.
They are. Kilchis was.
I loved him with my entire heart.
But, I will still live life with joy. I must. We all must.

October 13, 2011

When I cry, I find myself calling out "Kilchis" like a crazy person. Or, perhaps when I call for Kilchy, I cry out like a crazy person.
He's a dog, Jennie. Get over it.
I'll get there.
What I really need (besides a new puppy) is to go fishing. I need a salmon and a puppy in my life.
And... I'm going to make them both happen. Just watch.
Watch and smile. Cuz, I will be soon, too!
This just in from Stan:


I have this friend named Jennie
Who loves to fish you see
And when I get to see her
It always means so much to me

And always I look forward
To seeing her warm smile
To know she’s glad to see me
And then we visit for awhile

But one day late this summer
There were tears brimming in her eye
And it didn’t at all surprise me
When I learned the reason why

Because you see she’d often told me
About the place deep in her heart
She had for her dog named Kilchis
And that they might soon have to part

Because Kilchis had grown much older
As dogs so quickly seem to do
And she dreaded when she’d face the time
That her fears would all come true

And I so wanted to do much more
Like being there to hold her hand
Because while a wise man I am not
I for damn sure understand

That mere words simply can’t describe
The searing ache that tears the heart
And the gloom that just enshrouds us
When from a beloved friend we finally part

But dear Jennie please remember
The deep love I know you had
For your beloved dog named Kilchis
And I beg you don’t be sad

Because love is by far the greatest
Of all the gifts we give
And you gave it to your Kilchis
While he could still with you live

You can bet that he remembers
Wherever it is dogs go
When they leave this crazy, mixed up world
And he still loves you this I know

So always keep his memory with you
But let it brighten up your day
And don’t forget to just thank God
For having sent Kilchis your way

Stan Fagerstrom

October 16, 2011

Why do I not write, sometimes?
I get asked that, quite a bit. What causes me not to write. Hm. Well, I'll tell you.
I feel guilty, sometimes, because this is a fishing site, and I'm not fishing much, lately! That's why!
I guess I could talk about when I did fish, or what I know, being in a circle of fishers. But, what's on my mind is what I want to write, and that doesn't always line up with the fishing end of things.
I want to write about the fact that the city smells of Fall remind me of a whole different set of things, that the river in the Fall remind me of. It's been so long since I've taken in the city Fall smells!
Around here, when I breathe deeply, I remember picking up walnuts in the Fall. Now, that's not a very good memory. Thinking about the awful wet, green stains on my jeans, and how we'd hate to hear my Mom yell up the stairs, "We are going to Grandmas to pick up walnuts, today!" Oh, that stung! We'd be snug in our beds. The heat hadn't been turned on, yet, and the worst place to be was on those cold, wooden floors, getting ready to go pick up walnuts.
It was almost as bad as my Mom yelling up, a bit later in the year, "Christmas is clean!" That meant that we were cleaning house, that day. Bah!
But, there are good memories, too. Memories of Football on Friday nights, and basketball games, coming up. No, I wasn't that "into" sports, but it was fun looking for the cutest guy at the game! "Hanging out" in the crisp, night air. Yep. That was fun! I was probably a big disappointment to my Dad, who was Canby's athletic director.
What was my sport? Socializing!
And yes, it smells like that out, at night.
I remember having a very romantic boyfriend. His name was Jean Claude Chantlion. He was a French foreign exchange student, and I remember- as if it were yesterday, kissing him in front of my house, sitting on the cold, somewhat wet, front lawn. The Football game was over, and I was to be home, within 15 minutes of the game. I was home! Technically, I was home! But, my mind was miles and miles, away! Now, that was a fun memory! I really liked that guy! I can't even remember how or why we broke up. I do remember that Fall kiss, though. Oh, la la!
OK. So, this is why I don't write, sometimes. This is not about my fishing life.
I have things on my mind, like puppies. Do I want a puppy this time, or an older dog?
I have an option open for either, right now, and I just can't decide!
There are these gorgeous springers, that I'm looking at. The breeder is an ifish member, that shared with me, the photos. :) Made my heart happy! I want to go see them, today. Think I'll come home with one?
We'll just see, won't we? :) (I think I know the answer!)within 15 minutes of the game. I was home! Technically, I was home! But, my mind was miles and miles, away! Now, that was a fun memory! I really liked that guy! I can't even remember how or why we broke up. I do remember that Fall kiss, though. Oh, la la!
OK. So, this is why I don't write, sometimes. This is not about my fishing life.
I have things on my mind, like puppies. Do I want a puppy this time, or an older dog?
I have an option open for either, right now, and I just can't decide!
There are these gorgeous springers, that I'm looking at. The breeder is an ifish member, that shared with me, the photos. :) Made my heart happy! I want to go see them, today. Think I'll come home with one?
We'll just see, won't we? :) (I think I know the answer!)

October 18, 2011

If you are my age, (50ish and up), do you ever wonder when you are feeling down, if this is it? If all the fun is over, and now it's just time to relax? Let it all happen slowly, while things happen fast and fun, all around you?
Or, is it just a passing thing? (I hope!)
I know... I know... It's probably a passing thing. Just that I don't feel good, lately, due to... well, breast cancer, chemo, losing Kilchis, Aortic dissection, losing my Dad, moving, selling a business, etc., amongst a few other things.
That sounds like a lot to me. Will I recover, though? Or, like I said. Am I finished?
Am I finished fishing 24/7? Am I finished being dialed in? Do you know what being dialed in is like?
It's so exciting!
You can't wait to get home from fishing, and you can't wait to go fishing! You race home because you didn't see "so and so" take out, and you can't wait for their report, so that you can compare notes! You fish in the rain. You fish in the freezing cold. You just fish and the rest doesn't matter! If you have things to do "tomorrow", somehow you get up "tomorrow" and fish anyhow, making excuses for everything that you were ever supposed to do. Everything must wait!
You know every riffle, every corner, every branch on the river, and where the fish are, and where they are not.
You know all the people on the river, and who is a stranger, and who is not. Who belongs, and in your 'not so humble opinion', who doesn't!
You know what kind of spinner blade to use when it's sunny, and which one to use when the river's visibility is at precisely 2.5 feet.
You know that you can pin a pink worm on the back of a lure and make the fish bite, if they otherwise, are not. At least you think you can produce a bite, and when you don't produce that bite, well, you know why and what to use next time! (Yeah, right!) Well, at least you THINK you know why and can't wait to try it the other way!
That's what dialed in is.
I know what not being dialed in is, because today I was on the river, and I looked at Bill and said, "Bill? Can we still keep wild coho?" We were on the Nehalem, and by golly, it had been so long since we had heard if the quota was caught, that we didn't know! It was on one of those special reg things, and we didn't have it handy, couldn't find it online, and finally had to call Tillamook ODFW and talk to someone! We found out that yes, you can still keep a wild coho. There are probably about 200 left on the quota and after this week, it will probably go back to no more wild coho!
It didn't matter, though. We weren't dialed in, and we weren't catching fish, anyhow!
You know who was? You could tell! The ones that were dialed in to that fishery! The ones with the nets up!
Still, the warm sunlight, cooled by the brisk east wind felt really good, today. Listening to the water lap against the chine sounded good, today. Rev climbed up in my lap several times and made me giggle, despite my sadness over losing Kilchis. Just holding onto that rod, and feeling that K13 work against the current, well? It felt good, today.
Even though it didn't jerk me out of my seat. Even though it was uneventful. Even though we didn't have to clean fish. Even though we aren't dialed in. It just was good to the brim.
I used to be busy. I used to cook and clean house, and fish, and I used to get up at 5. Occasionally, I'd stay up too late, having too much fun... and I'd still fish in the morning!
Those days may be gone. I'm not sure. But, they are gone for right now.
I'm tired, and I'm over 50.
All I have right now is hope...
Hope that someday again, I'll be dialed in.
Because once you are dialed in, the rest comes easy.

October 19, 2011

I got the nicest sympathy card about Kilchis, today, and I cannot figure out who it is from! It's from a gal that has a new dog named Sadie. Anyone? It's a mystery! No return address and no signature. Hm!
I am SO excited! It's that time of year, again! The ifish coloring contest for lures! First, we are doing the kwikfish, and next, the mag lip!
The ifish Kwikfish entries and rules are here! Get on in there, and get your entry (ies) in!
I'm going to go out and throw a spinner around, this afternoon. It's going to be so hard, without Kilchis. But, I'm going to do it.
Later, I'll take a new dog with me. A pup, perhaps, or maybe an older adopted dog. I still haven't decided what I want. But-- I did fall in love, the other day, when I held this one. :) But-- like I said, I still haven't decided. But, isn't he cute? What's the name, if I do get this one? River? Perhaps! I'll have to see! Wilson? Hm....

What a doll! If you are interested, the ad is here. He's an ifish member by the name of Del!

October 26, 2011

Willie (Willamette)

PUPPY. The happiness of the world!
I'm glad to be a part of it! But-- anyone who thinks they are busy already has no clue! Just get a puppy, and you'll see how much time you don't have!
This puppy requires 244444/7!
And, of course I started it all wrong. I was so tired the day I got the puppy, that come night time, I put him in the crate without any prep beforehand, and of course, the puppy howled and cried, and there was no way I could sleep. So, what did I teach the puppy? Yes! If you howl and cry, you will get your way! You are the boss, puppy! You run this house! I am at your beck and call and you win! Argh!
Puppy 101. I failed!
I did it all backwards. Now, I have to work to undo the damage I've done..
It's time to start by gradually teaching him that I was wrong. A crate is a GOOD thing! Puppies love it in there! There are treats in there! I will let you out, only when you are calm. I will put you in only when there are good associations!
Regardless how tired you are, it is so worth it to read up on puppies and do it right the first time!
Oh, but is he ever a doll. I'm going to take pictures of him, today and post them on facebook. Videos, too. I'll then upload them to youtube and then try to post them here. Someday... someday I'll have this ability on ifish. I'm waiting! (Hint, hint!)
I'm at the coast, and thinking Rev would just "love" the new puppy, we came bursting through the door. Rev! Rev! A new friend!!! Hm.. Rev doesn't like puppy much!
I honestly think Rev is still heart broken over Kilchis. It takes time for all of us, I guess.
You know the weirdest thing? Willie (that's what I named the new pup-- for the Willamette) was laying on the couch at one end. Rev came for a little loving. She kissed me, and then, as Rev will do (all 70 pounds!) She started to climb in my lap. That little 10 week old puppy growled and barked at Rev, as if he was claiming ownership! At 10 weeks! How bizarre! No wonder Revvie doesn't care for pup!
And Molly? She's downright mad. Every morning, Molly can't wait for me to get up, and races me to the treat area. She gets a half a can of wet food (only the best!) and some treat kibble. This morning, Molly was no where to be seen.
It makes me sad. It's not fair. Here I lost Kilchis, and trying to do right, got a new puppy for everyone. I guess it will just take time to adjust... for all of us.
I just feel so badly. Revvie looks like she's aged. She has that look in her eyes of a heart broken soul. She's lost her best friend. We all have.
And Bill? He's still a mess. He loses it at the drop of a hat.
I guess I've been so busy with pup, the last three days, that I haven't cried. I'm just too busy.
Harumph. Pup just got too close to Rev, and Rev growled and got up to move.
Well, pup may be the happiness of the world, but not for everyone... yet! I am working on it, though!
I put out my back, working with pup, but I'm still going to try to fish, today. I think I'll use jigs, as the water is low. Will report back, and look for pup pics, soon!

October 27, 2011

WOW. I'm exhausted. Last night was a bad night with puppy. He has um... bathroom problems. Time to get out the shampooer. Took him to the vet with a stool sample yesterday, and awaiting results. Puppies just don't normally go this often. You know, under the table, by the fireplace, and all over the place! It's totally liquid! Yuck!
I can't think straight!
I slept from 5-6 and then 7-9, and then was up every hour, after that. At least he tells me when he has to go, but geemany. Every hour!? Pheh!

I don't care what religion this is from. (If it is or not.). I received this from my brother, and It's so good for forum posting! I wish everyone would follow this advice. (Including myself! I will practice it!)
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using using words to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one practice you can completely transform your life.

Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

-From the best selling book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

I'm going to go post that to the forum, somewhere, or everywhere!
OH! And despite it all, Willie is most adorable. :)

October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween!
Bill and family carving pumkins!
Wow! Ages ago!

The tears are still fresh. I was looking at past October writinngs for Halloween images and of course, on almost every one of my journal pages are incredibly darling pictures of my beloved Kilchis. They make my heart weep.
"Oh, my heart aches, deep inside me..."
(Songs like that, keep going through my head.)
Does it never get easier?
I keep hearing that getting old is not for wimps! There is a price to pay! Thing is, I never planned on getting old! I was told as a teenager that this just wouldn't happen for me, but guess what? I fooled them!
BOO! I'm still here! And, it's NOT easy-- but darnit, anyhow, it's worth it and I am living my life as the gift that it has been.
I especially miss my Dad, lately. I want so badly to show him my pup. My Dad loved to tell the story of when Mom was getting ill from her cancer, so he brought home a darling springer pup for her. Although my Mom absolutely adored springers, and animals in general, she was just not feeling up to taking care of a puppy, and had Dad take the puppy back. Yep, she KNEW who would be taking that puppy out in the middle of the night!
My Dad was heart broken, and said that he'd never forget driving that puppy to the breeders home. It was raining out, and he looked over beside him on that old pickup seat, and as he looked into those soulful springer eyes, he said, "We are just going to run away, you and me."
He couldn't stand having to take that precious animal back.
But, sometimes that is reality, and sometimes life hurts, and man, oh man... if you grow old, be prepared for your share of stabs to the heart!
I am getting to the point where occasionally I'll think about something regarding Kilchis and smile. It's rare, but I hope it keeps getting more and more like that. I know from past experience that it does, but this time, I'm going to have to experience it again, to believe it. My heart hurts so badly. It was this picture, that killed me, today.

My darling Kilchis
Mine sweet.

Does anyone know how to train a pup to not chew up his stuffed toys, and carry them with them, wherever they go? Use them as a pillow? Know the difference between "bunny" and "bear"?
But then, I'm sure that Willie will have his adorable habits of his own. He IS incredibly darling. "Angelic" is what I've heard. Everywhere I go with Willie, people stop to ooh and ahhh. He is totally and forever incredibly darling! His eyes? They stare through you with sweetness! He is SO cute!
I tried to take some videos of him, and they are on Youtube. One, he had to go to the bathroom (forever!) and I had to turn the camera off of him, because you can't take a video of that! The other just got cut off. I'll try again, next time we are home at the river.
Funny. Wherever I am, I call the other place "Home." I say things at both places like, "I'll do it when I get home." I find myself incredibly confused by it all, and I'm not sure I like it. I'm missing the river more and more, all the time. I miss waking up and hearing it, in the morning. I miss hearing it as I go to bed. I miss walking there, on a whim, taking a break and breathing the fresh coastal air.
I guess, altogether, I miss the day to day familiarity with the rivers character. I miss knowing it, so intimately.
Perhaps when the boys are more adjusted, I can be "home" to the Kilchis more often. I'm not sure. I just need a place in Portland to do all my medical stuff.
The Kilchis is paradise for dog and owner, alike. There could be no better place for an animal to run and play and live. Oh, Willie loved it, there! I've never seen a more joyful puppy! Run! Play! Tumble! Get wet!
He loves the river and water, like none other I've seen. He fell in the river, when I was there. I panicked. He laughed! He did! He swam to shore with no direction, shook himself off, and rolled in the sand!
OK, I've worked myself into a mass of "missing the river and Kilchis!" now!
Guess I'll do something I can't, there. I think I'll go take a hot tub. Grab a cup of coffee, and warm up on this cool, crisp,Autumn Halloween Day!
OH! I know what I'm looking forward to! Trick or treaters! I haven't had that experience in years! I can't wait! That, and taking down my Halloween decorations, and moving on to Thanksgiving! My little Thanksgiving candles and glittery leaves and squash and gourds. Yeah!
Happy Halloween, you guys!

Kilchis Funeral
Kilchi's funeral at the river, right next to Dee Dee and Hershey.