Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington
Support Breast Cancer Awareness!
My sisters... Teri on the left, Linda on the right. I love them!
No fair, but Pete beat me to the "Happy October!"
It is, indeed happy! So, even on the second of October, "Happy, Happy October to you!"
I'm not happy about having cancer at all, but yesterdays' initial biopsy of the lymph nodes under my arm shows no cancer cells! I guess the surgeon came out smiling, to tell my family that. That's a good sign to see a smiling surgeon! Such awesome news! That means that it hasn't spread, as far as they can tell.
Teri on the left, Linda on the right. My awesome sisters!
My family came to support me. Andrew, David and Bill were there! We had quite a parade following me from room to room! My brother was there, too! Thanks, David! Thank you, everyone! I am a lucky duck!
Of course, with this insidious disease, we must always squint our eyes and proceed with guarded hope and caution, but it's the best news I could hope for!
Thank God for Dr. Niak. I really like her!
The night before, I stayed in downtown Portland by myself. I thought I'd be fine. My son, Andrew was going to go with me, but after deciding he might not, kept asking me, "Are you sure you'll be OK, Mom? Are you sure you won't be sad and lonely?" He is so sweet! I love my boys.
"I'll be fine!" I said. And I honestly thought I'd be fine! I thought I'd be so busy doing tests and going to see my Dad, that I wouldn't have time to think. I was busy, but sure enough, around bed time, (negative time I have come to know it as!) I started to feel really wimpy and negative and... sad.)
It hit me. I had to pray. I had to pray for all my life. I had to pray hard! I was going to pray like I had never prayed before. I didn't know how it would be different, but there was a longing in my soul like I'd never felt before to feel God wrapping his loving arms around me.
The bed in the bedroom was rather ornate, with white and gold swirls on the bed spread, two shining lights wrapped in gold metal, one on each side. The head of the bed was tall and ornate scrolling, also. It looked like an alter! It was my alter!
I got on my knees. I folded my hands together like a child would, and no words came. I just began to sob. I had no idea what to say, or how to pray this prayer.
My God is my friend. Although I have the utmost, unspeakable respect and awe for Him, He is my sunshine. My happiness. I'd never approached Him with such fear, anticipation, doubt, and sadness, way deep in my heart.
You know, I'm OK with death. It's just part of of life. I'm fine, either here on earth, or in Heaven. Heaven sounds awesome and I know that earth is good! Unlike some people, in fact many, living with an aortic dissection has made me familiar, almost comfortable with the thought of death, at any time. I have this thing, in fact, where when life is bad, I just think, OK. Beam me up! This is a good time! Leave it to God, to further challenge me!
Death by aortic dissection comes quickly. Cancer is a slow, difficult death, as I have seen it. It seems to, test every part of your being. Your faith, your sustainability, your tolerance for pain, your tolerance for pain drugs, your ability to withstand chemotherapy and all of the challenges that go with it. The fear of recurrence and the very worst-- hair loss of all things! Things that ordinarily make a woman feel good! I love my hair! When I'm having a bad pain day, sometimes I do my hair up and it makes some of that pain go away, just because I feel I LOOK good!
To lose it would be very difficult for me! Yes, I guess I'm vain, but it's true about a "bad hair day". It really can challenge a girls day and flip side, a good hair day puts bounce in my step, seems to ease any physical pain, and puts a broad smile on my face!
I'll never forget a casual comment from another woman I had never spoken to. She said to me, "Every time I see you, your hair is just gorgeous! You remind me of the old commercials for Prell brand shampoo! Your hair is so full and bouncy! LOL" That felt so good!
Just last week I was in Fred Meyers right after getting my hair done and a checking lady said to me, (made me laugh so hard!) "Wow! Your hair is awesome! It makes me want to party!"
I'd never heard of hair that makes you want to party, but it gave me a deep down gut-chuckle that kept me smiling for... well, I'm still smiling! But, it's also so sad. I promise I'll use Prell if I can keep my hair!!!
Got news for you. We are all going to die. Isn't it funny how sometimes we catch ourselves saying, "If I die... instead of "when I die."
And with marfan, with my dissection, I was getting off easy with a quick attack and goodbye! Heaven, here I come! Dissections put you into shock. I believe that physical shock is God's graceful way to protect us from horrendous pain.
When I was in the ambulance, being transported from Tillamook to Portland with my dissection, I called scores of people on my cell phone to tell them what was going on! I don't remember a thing about that, but I guess I was totally coherent and making sense! Bizarre! I was in shock! Don't remember a thing! If I would have died, I would have been fine!
Later, I guess I did "die" and of course, I didn't know about that, either!
I have always believed with my entire being that this is how I would go.
But, surprise, Jen!
Que sera, sera, The future's not ours to see! That rug of comfort was pulled from under my feet. I should have known better. I don't believe we should ever get too comfortable with anything constant. Change is, in fact, the only constant in this world!
I'm thinking that we are meant to be fearful of death in order to take comfort in knowing our future is in Heaven, and that we must live in accordance with God's rules in order to have the only constant comfort that we are intended to have. The comfort of knowing in our heart that we are going to be with God in Heaven!
Not because we are certain of a pain free death, but because we have Faith in our good Lord, and because we live by his teachings.
In my prayer that night, kneeling before my hotel alter, I sobbed. I let Jesus pray for me, for the most part, because all I could say was "Thank you, Lord, for my flowers. Thank you for the river that I live on and can enjoy." I think I thanked him for my flowers a million times, while I sobbed, hysterically. And then I told Him, my God, that I didn't know how to pray to Him for what I needed, because I knew not what I needed!
I got up from my prayer, used an entire box of Kleenex, to wipe my tears.
I then lay on my bed and gave myself the required Lovenox shot to the stomach, and it didn't bother me one bit. It hurt, but that was OK, too. I just wasn't afraid. I just did it.
And now I know the gifts that were given me from Him.
Even with the fear of cancer, with the fear of losing my hair, and all that goes with it, I began singing, "I've got the peace that passeth understanding, down in my heart! Down in my heart! Down in my heart!"
I love that song!
And today, I'm woozy and wordy due to pain pills and pain, and I'm singin...
I've got the far out faith that freaks i-fishers down in my heart!!!
Down in my heart!
Down in my heart!
I'm hurtin' and that's for certain! Yeesh it hurts under
my arm! I don't think the other cut hurts, but under my arm are these
shock waves that keep coming over me. Put me down! LOL. I'm sure that
this too shall pass! Either that, or I'm going to pass out! I feel like
such a wimp!
I took the dogs for a walk, yesterday. Want to see?
I keep thinking how beautiful the drive to Portland was. The swirling leaves, makes me think of this river walk, before. I'll copy it here.
~~~October 28, 2008
I had to laugh the other day, traveling on Hiway six, over to Portland. A fire truck with his lights on drove by me. I thought, "Perfect! The trees do indeed look on fire!" He's going to be busy! Every third one was ablaze with color!
You'd drive by these masses of deep green conifers, and then all of a sudden, a bright, outrageous orange or ridiculous red or marvelous maple would steal your vision and well, it's a wonder that there aren't more accidents! I had to pull over three times just to stare. Amazing!
Last night on Grey's Anatomy, a lady was talking about how she saw leaves for the first time, when she got her first glasses. I swear I've written that on ifish, because that was my experience, exactly. When she said it, I thought, "Hey! You took my words!" It IS the internet and it is possible! I used to see green blobs. Now, I see leaves and they are stunning, thank you very much!
OH! And in this one place, near to 26, you go through a tunnel of trees and every two or three are bright maples or alders. It's like driving through magic. One very picturesque scene I'd like to paint, was a small stream, Gales Creek. -It's so low right now, that it was just flat mud puddles, still, and reflecting the colors of the sky and trees above. They were daisy chained together by small lacey riffles, pouring water into the next, and to the next... you know, kind of like a man made pond. But, it was so breathtaking because it held the magic and the story of the trees and of the sky and of the season, above!
At one point a slight breeze blew and leaves tumbled into the sky, round and round and then began to light on the water, barely making small imprints, and ever so slightly obscuring the perfect replica of what was above. And then, it was still again. As if nothing had happened!
Fall may be the end of summer, the end of much life, but man does summer ever go out in a blaze of Glory!
It struck me that God saves the best for last. Fall simply must represent Heaven on earth. The seasons that we go through might represent our lives on earth. Spring is our birth, summer, our youth, and fall... oh, Fall!
Fall is a taste of what we have to look forward to, when our lives here on earth are finished.
But winter? What is winter?
Pretty darn good steelhead fishing. That's what!
Wow! I can't believe I haven't written for four days! I
have been trying to keep up and no more.
Today is the day I hear the results of the "real" biopsy.
They say that the first one can be off if they didn't get a big enough "bite" out of the cells.
Also, the initial freeze section showed no sign on cancer in the lymph nodes, but then they do a more careful look at cells, so this could change that. (Or not! I pray not!) I want to be happy about that, please. Don't change a thing on that reading!!!
I'm nervous about hearing everything. I have an appointment with the oncologist, the radiologist, and the surgeon. I guess since they have all three, that I'm going to at least have to do all the chemo/radiology stuff.
I guess I should be happy about the fact that they have a way to fight this "triple negative" diagnosis. That is, unless that has changed, also. And it may, they said.
Anyhow, off I go to Portland. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you enjoyed our sunshine. It sure was a day to remember! Hold that in your mind until next Spring. I'm already looking forward to it!
So much to do! On top of my personal life challenges, I
have to get the Christmas "Ifish for toys" for the kids going
and the Kwikfish coloring contest!
I just walked to the door and bid Bill a fun time on the river. He's all dressed up in his fishing clothes, as if nothing were different. Just another Fall/Winter day on the river.
I wish. I wish nothing were different. I long for long, boring winter days, where we leave the rods on the back deck so that we can just grab and go, when we have a minute.
Things seem so much more challenging, now. Disrupted, crazy... tears come.
There is a bit of rage in me, this morning, too. -but no one would know it. I want him to have a fun time, but I want to go, too.
I smiled, wished him luck and closed the door on two barking, happy dogs, and a man with a fishing rod. It is a happy site. Something out of a Rockwell painting.
If only I could slip out of my life, and into that canvas.
I guess I did too much and a bunch of fluid built up under my arm by my incision. When I got to my appointment, yesterday, my arm really hurt. It's never a good thing when a wound gets better, and then worse. I knew that. Just didn't want to recognize it.
Sure enough, the good (questionable!) doc pulls out a horse sized needle and jabs it in my armpit. Ouch! She was really very gentle, but a Rockwell painting, this is not!
She drained off a bunch of fluid! Where on earth did that come from? Regardless, it felt oh-so-much better, afterwards. Isn't that how it always goes? No pain no gain? Better after worse? And then, the naturopaths always tell me that when you are taking the right thing, you get worse before you get better! So, under my arm is better, now, although the swelling is slowly beginning to come back again.
I'm going on too long. I want to write about joy, about the out of doors, about fishing. About swirling Fall leaves, and drippy rain, about nothing, and something, all at the same time, but just not about cancer. I don't want to write about cancer. I don't want to have cancer. I am learning too much, again, about something; specifically medical terms, that I don't care to have to learn. I'd so much rather fill my brain with terms about something I'd love to learn about. You know? Anything. The parts on a ships sail, or the body parts of a whale. I want to study something that is interesting.
But, that's what I have, right now, on my plate. Looming large over everything I do... cancer.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
This is my season for growth and I am having serious growing pains. What an adventure this will be! I suppose I need to look at it like that. I will learn compassion for a people that weren't in my group, and now are.
I saw someone yesterday with a bandana over her bald head, and it hit me. Now, I have something in common with this lady. Who is she? What is her story? I wanted to sit down with her and talk- this stranger lady I didn't even know... But I felt like I did! Like I could just start right in, talking and we'd fast be friends.
I may be going to Maui for a week at the end of October, but when I get back, I am going to do some serious new friend making!
You know, up until my Mom died, I lived a fairy tail life. No pain. No stretching, no serious sadness. I had a pretty wonderful childhood. My illness wasn't a big production. I didn't feel different from the other kids. My Mom's death was my first experience with tragedy.
Since then, I've been back to fairyland.
Yesterday I spent long, miserable hours learning about my condition. I had plans to stay over night, if it got too late. It was borderline too late, but all I wanted in the whole world, after my appointment, was my own home, a fire in the fireplace, my beautiful soft blanket, and my bed.
I walked in and Bill was cooking fried chicken, and even though I wasn't a bit hungry, and in fact, sick to my stomach, the smell was so cozy and winter like.
PS: I bought this blanket at Costco for (get this!) 12 dollars! I can't live without it! I even travel with it! It's so soft and so wonderful! I wrap it around me always! Even in the car, sometimes! It is absolute decadence, in the cold (and dry) weather, when I drag it down to the river and sip coffee, while wrapped up in it. It's my cancer cozy! It's a soft, pastel yellow and that really soft furry stuff? Oh, my! You MUST have one! Everyone must have their own soft furry blankie! I think I'm already reverting to childhood! Pretty soon, I'll be in the fetal position! (I hope not!)
OK. I am rambling. I can't seem to write what I need to write. I can ramble just fine and fast, and words are coming at me faster than ever, but not what I need to say.
It's kind of like how well I do, procrastinating. I get SO much done, procrastinating! If I have something awful to do, I can do 10 other errands I've been putting off, like a breeze, but yet put my feet up at the end of the day, and still not accomplish what I set out to do!
There is rain in the forecast, and Bill is threatening to put my canoe away, again. Wah. I didn't get one cruise down river to check for salmon. At least, successfully! And, now I can't use my arm to row, or fish, or anything!
Alright... so I can't say it here. If you are interested in how I am doing health wise, I'm going to try to finish it, here... on the Angler's Chapel. It's no big deal like imminent death or anything. Just a big decision I have to make.
I guess it's nothing surprising. It's just here. It's just now. I have to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life, and no one can help me. No one can make this decision for me.
I just want to run away to Maui and never come back. All of the sudden, I can totally understand our friend Dick Gammon, and the decision he made for himself. When his cancer became too much for him to handle, he ended his life. I can totally understand choosing no treatment, living out your life as long as cancer doesn't touch you. When it gets too much, too painful, and so that your life is full of suffering, putting an end to your life. I get it. Don't, please, lecture me for that understanding. I'm not saying that is what I would choose. Just that I understand it, now.
The truth is, we don't have good medicine for cancer. We are progressing, but right now, our medicine is archaic and just not good enough. I can imagine in 10-20 years folks saying, "Remember chemotherapy?!" in the same way as we do other, outdated, incredible things.
At least we have progressed to a place where we have good medicine to handle some of the side effects of the poison we administer.
I'm going to be starting a donation line on ifish, soon, to help research for triple negative breast cancer. I thought it would be interesting to do, and to be able to see how much we have raised. Have a goal, and try to reach it. You know? First, I have to find a way to do this, so that the money goes direct to the organization, and so that they have the software, capable of allowing us to see our progress.
OK. I'm making a decision right now whether or not to do a very intensive and possibly dangerous to me chemo treatment. A long, and very aggressive one that may endanger my life, just by receiving it. Pheh. This is harder than choosing the right shoes at Nordstroms!
OK- I'm off to write on the chapel, now.
I rarely laugh out loud, but this morning, before coffee,
even, I was laughing. That's a good thing, during these times!
I was so tired last night. Tired and hurting and frustrated. I don't do well with messy houses, but especially, not at night.
My underarm, where one of the incisions is, keeps swelling to the size of a tennis ball, so that I can't even hang my arm by my side.
This is why I worry about chemo. Everything medically done to me ends up a mess. I just don't react like "normal" folks.
Anyhow... I was upset. Upset about cancer. Upset about not feeling well.- And, further, the boys rooms are a mess and I'm upset at other "kid goings-on" (And not goings-on!), and so I decided to tell Andrew exactly how I felt, by instant message.
Uh oh! Incoming!
I was having a grand old time, hurling "instant insults" his way.- about how he should be doing things, and not doing things.
It's difficult having adult children at home. It's a contradiction in terms. "Adult/Children". Aren't we all adult children?
No matter what I said to him, though, he was silent. No back fire or anything! The more he didn't answer me, the more upset I became and the faster I typed!
Little did I know, he wasn't just "not answering" me. He was asleep during the "fight".
"Fine, Andrew. Don't answer me." I figured he was reading it, rolling his insolent eyes, and ignoring me. Perhaps telling his friends what an awful Mother he has.
I was fighting disabled, with only one left hand, as I couldn't type with my right, swollen arm. Pecking out the letters hard and clumsy, but getting the message thru. I was mad!
I finally began to doze off to the television set. I woke up to an awfully loud commercial, and prepared for bed. I took the laptop off my lap, and remembering the golden rule to never go to bed upset, I typed out to Andrew, "I do love you, Roo. I'm just frustrated." With that, I closed my computer and went to sleep.
Tomorrow would be better.
In the morning, I grabbed my coffee, treated the dogs and cats, as usual, and sat down, feeling refreshed, totally forgetting about the night before.
My computer screen greeted me, with an flashing instant message. Oh, no. It all came back to me. Here we go. Andrew had read my rant.
I clicked it on, and read Andrew's words.
"So... the whole fight was pretty positive for me in the end. " it read.
Made me belly laugh. He really is so funny!
From sisters and brothers, to cousins, neices and nephews, to my own close little family, I am the luckiest girl alive.
Family is so important. Thank God for each one of them, and for the awesome support that I have from my family and from my friends.
Oh! Last night I was cooking dinner. Beef Strogranoff, to be exact. It was almost done, and I got a message from one of my mods, to look on the bow of the duck boat. What did I find? Chanterelles! Chants for my strogranoff! Perfect! Isn't life lovely? :)
Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the
I can't write, today. :)
I keep sitting down to write, and then getting up, going out to the chaise lounge (which needs to be put away for the season) and laying down. I soak up the sun, thinking how good it feels and counting in my mind how many days it might be until we have this luxury, again.
But, I do love Fall! I do!
Got up this morning and Bill and I went out to throw spinners for coho.
Yesterday, I was out reading by the river, when a black flash caught my eye. I put on my sunglasses to gaze into the water, and sure enough, there they were. All lined up in the current, in a sort of half V shape.Then, they'd break up, spooked by something, and then reform for a bit.
When I got back, I told Bill. I told him I thought they were coho, but couldn't tell if they were dark, or if it was just the reflection on the water.
I heard the door slam a short time later.
When he came back, he said, "There are coho out there!"
"Yep, I know."
"I caught one... or had it on for a while."
How dare he hurt my fishies?
Oh well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. So, this morning I went out to hurt them, too! LOL
I'm not supposed to do anything repetitive with my arm, so I couldn't reel in more than a couple times, before I rested.
"What are you going to do, if you get one on?" Bill asked.
"Probably let you play it."
Oh... he liked that!
And I don't mind, at all. It's that first bite that excites me!
You know, there are more and more coho in the Kilchis, it seems, every year.
It is exciting to me!
But, as I get older, I seem to be getting gentler to them, less wanting to kill them and more wanting to just watch them. Yikes! What am I turning into, anyhow? A greenie? A salmon hugger?
Nah... If I'm hungry for fish, I'll bonk one, if it's a legal fish to bonk, and of course, if it is a hatchery fish, I'd probably bonk it and eat it no matter what!
But, I do have a harder time doing the bonking then I used to. Used to be I'd giggle and grab the persuader and bonk! Bonk! Bonk!
Now, I hesitate a bit, being careful to hit them right the first time, to avoid a second.
It's a sacred thing, this life we have been given. And, if I am going to take it from them, it better be for darn good reason. Whether from a hatchery or from the wilds, it was born and lived a life in this world, and I'm going to respect and thank God for what I'm about to... bonk.
I believe, somehow, that we assume the spirits of the fish that we bonk. It's not a weird religious thing. It just is what it is, in my mind. I believe in God and the Bible, but I also believe that the spirit of the wilds, the magic in this world that God created for us, becomes richer and more full, when we take their lives and eat of it.
I was sitting on the duck seat, earlier, by the river, while fishing with Bill, this morning. He stopped to stand by my side and chat. I said to him, praising his duck seat. "I love this duck seat, Bill. You should get one." He laughed, "I did once. Don't know what happened to it." (It is his!)
What a beautiful day we've been given, today, and all of this week! Every day, the sun dances on the golden, wind rippled water, reflecting golden leaves from both the bottom, and the few that fall from the ever increasingly barren branches. They fall so graceful, and tip the top of each tiny wake, as it lands.
On Golden pond, On golden river...
I think I'll go back out and sit on that lounge chair, or perhaps take my duck seat and go out to watch the flash and formation of coho, as they wait for the river to rise, so that they can go forth and multiply and make more magic.
More magic fish to flash before my eyes and dazzle my days.
Another fine day on Golden River, in the Fall, before the
winter grabs us, sticks us inside and attempt to make us stay there!
Not me! I'm not staying inside! I'm fishing.
OK, I'm dreaming. Perhaps this year, I'll venture back and forth to the hospital, getting treatment for the yuck. Breast Yuck. That's what it should be called. Not cancer. Just yuck!
Yesterday I promised David I'd drive him to Portland so he could get his OLCC server's license. "It's a three hour class."
"Great! I'll go to Costco, and then perhaps we can get more golden in our life! Chanterelles!" I was excited.
Well, that is, until he came back outside as I was dropping him off. "Mom? It's an eight hour course."
OK, so I went over to my girlfriend's home and we sat in the sun (after Costco, together!) and ate her fresh tomatoes and had crackers with smoked salmon. YUM!
We caught up. I went to piano lessons with Kim when I was very young, with Miss Pettibone and then, Nellie Tholen. The best teachers in Portland. I was proud of that, and out of it, not only came years of playing and enjoyment, but a very good friend!
She told me about her trip to Norway, and gave me some Norwegian chocolate. Yum!
Anyhow, the time flew, and of all things, I was late to pick up David!
Nice day. Life is good in this week before I leave for Maui.
But, when I get home, I have some pretty big challenges to face.
The rain is here.
It feels kind of foreign to me. Happily foreign, too! Dark shadows fall across the meadow. Dark, soft green is becoming the dominant color, although color at all, is sparse. Even the golden and yellow leaves of Fall are falling into the river, and shipped off to sea. It leaves our meadow with only the grass in color. The backdrop, the trees and the sky are browns and grays.
Soon, we'll have no sunshine on our deck, all day long. I'll have to drive to the beach to get sunshine. That's not a bad thing!
I suppose today will be spent, finally giving in to cut my flowers back. I'll dig dahlia and begonia bulbs, and put them away in nice beds of Pete moss for the winter. Buried, soft in the moss, as if a down comforter to keep them warm.
The winter... What a winter it will be!
I was rather excited, thinking that our 2010 October was spent, mostly bathed in sunshine. It put quite a dent in our upcoming spell of winter darkness.
I was talking to Bill, yesterday, as we walked off the trail, hunting for chanterelles. The sun filtered brightly thru the trees, lighting up any last chanterelles that folks had missed. Sometimes it nearly blinded me. Other times, little golden gems popped out of nowhere, like little gnomes playing in the dirt.
I was a bit sad, as we ventured off into our usual hidey spots. The trails were all mashed down by weekenders. I'd never seen it like this. Usually, these grounds are quiet and unvisited. Long tall grasses were mashed down, and trails, where no trails should be! Mushroom hunting is becoming popular in the Pacific Northwest! Yikes! Time to find new grounds!
I'm so glad people are getting out, but at the same time, that old zipperlip thing touches my soul. I don't like that, either! That's an awfully selfish way to think, and the minute it begins to come over me, I'm ashamed!
Mushrooming is a lot like fishing. The urge to get more than you need is really hard to resist! I wanted enough to make my cream of celery root and mushroom soup, and no more. But- I couldn't stop searching until my shirt was drenched with sweat. Lucky for me, I didn't have too many!
The biggest of chanterelles were taken, but the young, fresh ones were missed. We quickly nabbed them as we spoke in a hushed voice. Forests do that to us. Sh!
"So, just think... Winter is how long? Till April, perhaps, until we have one of those odd, nice days, again? We've cut almost 20 days off of that long spell!"
To me, Spring means so much! It marks the end of sickness, and the start of life, again!
One year that I won't ever forget, I spent an entire winter, sick and much of it, in a wheelchair. I'll never forget the excitement over that first ray of sunshine that hit our wet, soggy deck! It was so awesome! It pulled me! My energy was so slight, at that time, but the sunshine fed me, fueled me to get out there, and feel it!
At first, the sun brought me enough energy to push my wheelchair outside, and then, soon after, I had enough energy to lift that little duck hunting chair and actually walk out to it, setting down my chair, when I got tired.
One day, Pete came to visit and I said, "Will you walk with me?" And he walked with me, without aid of a chair, or anything! I think he thought I was silly, but that walk marked the first of my freedom from illness! I made it the whole way! Yipppeee!
Then, it came fishing, and then, I caught a Springer again! Oh my gosh! That first Spring Chinook was ahhhmazing! I sat on the cover of the jet pump saying over and over, "I did it!"
I was alive!
I'm trying my best not to think about illness, until I get back from Maui. But, how do I do that? People want to know, and how dumb is this? I made an appointment with an oncologist the day before I leave!
People have asked me, "Are you going to be able to have fun?" I hope so! I really hope so! I think so, too! I've done a darn good job of not thinking about cancer pretty much all of this week. The only time it comes to mind, is at night.
It is then that I can't sleep like I used to. I shuffle and toss and turn, waking with thoughts of it all, and then missing my favorite time of all, the early morning! It is then, that sleep is hard to resist, that my down comforter feels so good!
It is five days and counting, till Maui.
I'll never forget how excited I was, that it all came together for us, to travel to Maui. Just days later, I found the lump and days after that, that I was told it was, indeed, cancer.
It is weird, how everything works. I feel God's hand in everything. He wants me to listen to Him, and only Him.
Soon, most of ifish won't be mine to worry over. I can go back to enjoying ifish, to doing contests, and feel my writing flow, without worry over all the details. I'll be so grateful for that, Father!
I have so much to be thankful for. That is what I'll concentrate on, when I'm in Maui. Everything we do, will be a present from my Heavenly Father! I'm going to pray on the beach at sunrise, and enjoy all of the colors of life!
What a grand place to enjoy colors, too!
Then, it's home to what I need to face. Home, to trust in Him, that He will always take care of me. I will continue to seek the Lord and allow Him to cause the winter to pass and springtime to fill my soul.
No matter what, even through the wildest ocean storm, and the wildest winter, I am safe, in the palm of His hands. When Springtime comes again, as I have faith that it always does, I will once again, dance in the colors of new life.
The whole earth will break forth in a song of praise to God.
I love this. Just found it, wandering.
Oh! This is so cool! You simply MUST listen to this guy at River West Church. He's awesome! Download it to your phone or MP3 player and go for a walk or jogging or whatever... fishing! Just turn it down so you don't get hit by a car! These are so good, about the parables of... This is where my family goes to church in town.
If you want to hear the new stuff about my health (who would? Not me! Much finer finned things to do!) I posted an update on the Angler's Chapel.
Just bizarre. I'm going to... Maui? Totally bizarre. So
much so, that I haven't even packed and I'm leaving Tuesday! What am I
doing?!? I'm totally broke, too! Already! Even though the trip didn't
cost hardly anything, my checkbook still says less than 100.00! Yikes!
I sing this song at Christmas time, but I guess I can sing it now, too!
"It's going to be a VISA
For the next 10 thousand years...
Got cancer? Run away! Yeah! That's it!
There is no cancer in Maui! No such thing! It's just the Aloha Spirit! Nothing more!
I have to get to storage and get the guys a suitcase, so
I have to go, soon.
So sad. I woke up to a wind tragedy, this morning!
I have grown a kiwi tree for about 10 years, now. It's big and beautiful. We built an arch for it to drape over the deck stairs and... did I say it was beautiful? It grew gorgeous flowers, but never did it fruit. So, we bought a mate for it. Took forever to figure out if the flowers made it a male or female, but finally figured that out, and bought the mate. The mate didn't grow much this year, but we figured by next year, they would produce.
This morning, I woke and something looked weird outside. The entire arch for the tree was GONE! And so was our kiwi tree. I haven't had the heart to look to see if it's broken at the base, or just bent. I'm too afraid to look!
Nature is cruel, sometimes! That was my beautiful shade tree for the deck! It was so gorgeous and wild and beautiful! I'm just heartbroken!
Also, my orchid is going to bloom while I'm away. I hope Bill can take care of it! I've given him very specific direction! LOL
Anyhow, I'm off tomorrow to an oncology appointment. A second opinion for me, and then Andrew, David and I are off to do the hula! Can you believe that? I can't!
Due to the storm last night, Bill and I weren't able to attend my Dad's induction into the North Marion Hall of Fame. I was both sad and happy to see the pictures. He looks great! I guess he was the best speaker, there! (Voted kindly by my family!)
Above is the banquet that I missed, surrounded by my beautiful
family. :) I'm so sorry to have missed it! My Dad had a great time, as
did my family.
I won't be ifishing much from Maui, but if I upload pics, etc., they will be here, where I write, when I'm not home.
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