Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington
Steelhead waving to me!
May 4, 2013
I missed May first! I thought I had written on May 1st! Did
I lose it? Dang!
I love May! How can you not, at least this year? Temps in the 80's? What? Really?
It reminds me of my grade school days, right before school got out. I remember playing prison ball at the Green building in Canby, and how hot it was. Prison ball! I want to play prison ball, again! Let's put together some teams! I was so good at prison ball! Especially for a little blind girl! Well, I wasn't blind, but my site was not good! I could throw that ball so hard, though. Look out! It stings! My best friend, Judy Perkins was really good. My other "besty" was Joni Harms, and you know? We had different recesses, so I don't recall playing prison ball with her. I think four square was more her thing.
Speaking of Joni... she sure is doing well. She is a country singer, and she travels all the time, singing here and there. She's always at the Canby fair, too. I went to see her last year. She's really good!
It's Springer time at the coast, and I'm headed there, just for that. I can't wait! I have Springer on the brain. I asked Bill how come we haven't hauled the boat up to fish here in the Willamette, and he told me that he had gotten very few good reports. We always go after Dudley says fishing is good. He never said that! One day, really early he had two bites and two fish on within one hour, but after that? Not so much luck.
So, it's the coast for us. You know, it's a whole different run and timing and everything. Even though it never really lit up here, it just may there! I hope so! I mean, we don't clip fins for nothing! We can thank Jerry Dove and his fin clipping crew for the fish we catch at the coast. :) Thanks, Jerry!
Springer fishing and cutthroats, my favorite fisheries! I can't wait! Both are coming to the coast, really soon! Springers, now, and cutts later! I don't like that you can keep cutthroat. I don't think the runs are that good to allow for a "keep" fishery, and I bet we are going to find out the hard way. I would love to be able to say that a keep fishery is a good thing. I really would! But, I am not going to be bringing one home to the table. I just don't feel good about it. As I've written before, cutthroat are a spiritual fish for me, and I don't believe they want to give themselves up for my table. I would rather catch them, admire them, and let them go. Some people think that's not good at all. Like it's just tease and torture. I have to admit, I feel a little guilty about that, but I can't stop myself. I just have to touch them. I have to admire them up close. Call me mean, but frankly, I don't feel mean at all. I feel a connection. Some kind of spiritual connection. Call me silly.
I had the worst steelhead year I have had in probably 20 years. Yeah. 20. I live on a river. I have access to a full fleet of boats. I have wonderful river access. I mean, it's right in my back yard. And I had a terrible year.
Frankly, I had a pretty rough year. Losing a child put a damper on just about every aspect of my life. I am on the upswing, though. Life goes on, and I must, also. I am fighting, tooth and nail to get my "happy" on. I have people that count on me for strength and a smile. Living life bitter and sad is not an option, nor does it sound any fun. So, get up and smile, Jennie. Life is more fun, that way.
How come no one told me I had to clean my gutters at my house? I've never cleaned a gutter, nor seen it done, in my life! But, I found out that is why my window was leaking. I had a pond in my gutter! And about two inches deep of the most awful smelling leaf debris, you've ever smelled! Yuck! So, I used a ladder, and David spotted me, and I cleaned them all out! No more leaks! Yay!
There is one part of the roof I can't get to, unless I get on the roof. So, I borrowed a ladder from my neighbor. This morning, I put it up. Climbed up the ladder, put my arms out on the roof and said. "Nope! I'm not doing this!" It's too darn scary and not worth the risk! No one was around but me, either. I'm just going to say, "Thanks, but no thanks, Scott!" Too scary! I'm not even going to let David do it! It's just too steep, even if I were to be able to get up there! Plus, even climbing to clean out the gutters has me so sore I can barely move! So, no thank you.
I have a bit of very sad news, and I am not looking forward to driving to the coast, and looking over to the chicken pen.
Every time I look at the pen, I see our old, but beautiful banty hen, Robin. No matter how old a chicken gets, they never "look" old. She's always there. Always so sweet. Always sitting atop the chicken house, looking for special treats, just for her. We lost Robin, two days after I wrote that she was ill. We did everything we could, but you know, when a chicken's lifespan is done, it's just done. Her batteries just ran out. She was four years past what they say a banty lifespan should be, so I guess we should count ourselves lucky.
Bill and I held hands, and as tears came, we went out to our pet cemetary and said our final goodbyes. We had Robin almost as long as Bill and I have been together.
This death thing... why do we never get used to it? Why is it never easier, how many times we go through it? Why is it so hard to understand? And why, oh why... does it have to break my heart, each time?
I'll just have to prepare myself for a chicken pen full of lively chickens, but just without Robin. I am thankful for the ones we have.
So, I'm not going up on that roof, today. I'm just not. Probably ever. I'm just too old. Maybe I can do it with a hose. Maybe not. Maybe I'll have to hire someone! With the sun shining so bright and beautiful... well?
Frankly? I'd rather be fishing! So, Willy and I are packing up and we are heading to the coast!
Springers? Gutters be darned, here I come!
May 6, 2013
I was on my way to the coast, driving along, minding my own
biz, when all of the sudden, the truck in front of me, loaded down with
sand rails dropped their ramp. It came clanging at me, at wharp speed. Yikes!
I had .03 seconds to react. What to do? It was large, metal. Kind of looked
Anyhow, I didn't want to hit it straight on, my mind quickly decided. It might shoot up at me! So, I hit the brakes and ran over the tip of one side of it. Yikes! I ended up in the gravel, off the side of the road.
Willie was a bit shaken, and so was I. We sat there, breathing hard, wondering if there was any damage to the car, or to us! Just scary!
The guy was pulled over, ahead of us, and cars coming to us were weaving all over, trying to miss it. He ran back to get it, and on the way said to me, "I'll be right back!"
I got his card, and we talked. I thought I was OK. I am. It was two days ago, and I see no damage to the car, or to me, although yes, my neck hurt! I told him so at the time, and I could just see it. He was thinking, "Oh, great. Another fake whiplash case!" It wasn't! It hurt! But, I'm better, now.
I'm just so thankful I'm OK! I'm also thankful I'm not one of those who tailgate. Had I have been closer, I would have been hit higher up.
Traffic was really heavy this weekend with the weather so nice. Is it ever nice!
Too windy to fish, but warm and just strange feeling!
Bill is off to the dentist, today and my brother is coming down to pick up my old Traeger. Bill bought a new one, and my I already have one in Oregon City, so David gets my old one! He's happy about that! It's the great big one! It's older, though, and kind of rusted. He's excited about fixing it up.
So, I'm off to get ready. I hope the weather allows for fishing in the morning, because I have business back in Oregon City, later this week.
Enjoy the weather, friends! It seems summer is here, early!
Happy Mother's Day!!!
Bill and I went out on a shake down run at Memaloose in Tillamook bay, when I was there. We had the greatest day. It was one of those beautiful sunshine, windless days on the bay, that are so rare. I got to use my newly crystallized lures! I'll go grab a picture of them for you!
No fish. Well, I did catch a smolt, but no springers. I guess
we missed the bite, again. We are going to have to get up earlier in the
day. Still, we had a wonderful day, and it reminded me how much I love to
fish, and how I miss doing it, almost every day. I am convinced that I'm
a beach girl and I need to get back to the coast on a more permanent basis.
To heck with my health. Living closer to the doctor's can't beat the goodness
that the coast and fishing every day does for my health! It makes sense
to me that I will need a doctor less if my soul is happier! And Bill and
the beach brings happy!
David is doing so well. He's going to ITT tech and just loves it.
I can't help dreaming about David moving back to the coast to be with Bill and I, so I have all my loved ones around me. But I know that David needs his school, so he needs to stay here.
I guess Moms always want their children near to them. It's just a fact of life. And, after losing Andrew, I feel that need, even more.
I'm going to be a good Mom, though, and think of his needs. He needs school. He needs to live here.
To all the Mother's in the world, I wish you a happy day. Happier than just a Hallmark type day, but a deep appreciation day, for a full 24 hours, - even 365 days of 24 hours a day, repeated each year! But, especially on this day, I want to thank you! Show that I love you, and appreciate all that you (we) do!
When I think of Mother's Day, I automatically think of my own Mother, and all she gave up for our family of five children. I also think of Mother's that I know that just gave birth, or who are still holding a child, and waiting for that awesome birth date!
Darnit, but life wasn't fair for my Mom. When she was finally free of the hard work of raising children, she was diagnosed with cancer, and spent years fighting a battle that she lost, much too young in life. It was a cruel illness. She rapidly lost weight, and told me how she was excited to finally wear clothes that she'd dreamed of, but couldn't, as her mid section was swollen out of proportion. I'll never, ever forget her saying to me, "This isn't how I expected to spend my golden years." Oh, Mom. How I wish I could call you on the telephone, and wish you a Happy Mother's Day!
I tell you about my Mom, because I want you to appreciate your good health, if you have it, as it is the most important thing you own. I feel good, even though my health can't be classified as "good". I tell all of you Mothers this, so that you can spend the day lavishing in the praise that all of your family and loved ones give to you, on this day. Appreciate yourself, treat yourself to something awesome, knowing that you deserve all the praise in the world! Appreciate your health! Be good to you, and celebrate all that you do and have done!
There are so many Mother's who have never had a child. Male or female, we are Mothers to our pets, to our friends, to our clients ... there are Mothers of all kinds! Mothering is a nurturing tendency, and you can Mother to so many things! Even the plants in your garden! Happy Mother's Day to all of us!
The other day I wrote a thought I had, on Twitter. I said, "Grab hold hard of the good stuff in life. Don't let go. There are too many things that go on their own, and they never come back." I was thinking of Andrew, when I wrote that. That I need to hang tight to the good things in life, no matter where I find them. We need all the good that we can get, in this world, today.
Later that night, I was laying in bed, and David came to lavish attention on our dog, Willie, and to visit with me. We do this, often, and these are memories in the making, I'm sure of it. David and I talk about our day, about our thoughts, and it's an awesome Mother-son time that I love!
I told him about my Twitter thought. I hugged him and told him that he was the "good stuff" in my life, and that I was holding on to him and that I would never let go!
Mother's Day is kind of a half wonderful, half awful day for me, but I think I got most of the 'half awful' out, yesterday. Today, I'm going to relax and enjoy the half awesome. I hope that someone around here can give me a mani pedi, because that is what sounds good! A treat for the feet!
One day I was laying next to Bill, and I rubbed my foot against Bill's leg. He said, "Are you wearing your shoes?" Um, no, Bill.
I guess I do need a pedicure. Nothing like hearing that my feet are a bit dry. Dry as an old shoe, huh? Lolz.
I tried to cry about Andrew, yesterday. I had heard that "The Notebook" was a sad movie. So, I looked it up on our movie channel, and sure enough, there it was! I was hoping for a release of nine months of pent up emotions. I watched! Actually, it took me a couple times to get through it, as I kept falling asleep during the end. It was a good movie. I really enjoyed it, but I laughed more than I was sad. Not one tear fell. Darn. Some day, I'm going to cry my eyes out about losing Andrew.
Somehow, I feel like if I could spend a good while really crying, sobbing, that I'll feel better, afterwards. I want to go through a whole box of tissue! I want to clean that awful sadness out, clear to the bottom of my soul! I want to be done with the awful inhalation of breath when I think of the tragedy of it all. It still happens, when I see the images in my brain. I stop short, and have to realize it really happened, and that I was there. I saw it. I found him, there.
Part of me, though, must feel numb about the whole thing, or scared to let it all out, or... I don't know!!! I do have trouble crying about it. I feel, somehow, like crying my eyes out would help. I want to be able to casually drop a tear at the thought of him. Just a few tears, every now and then, but I come up dry. I want to be free of this difficult emotion that I have about it all. Somehow, it's like it is not real. Andrew is coming back. Right? He's just gone somewhere, visiting, and will be back. You know, I may be right, too. Heaven will have wonderful rewards!
Still, I have to remember the wonderful gift of giving birth to Andrew, and all of the wonderful times we had together. All of the times he made me laugh to the very bottom of my gut. The times I laughed so hard that I had to pull the car over, or I'd get in a wreck. David makes me laugh like that, but put the two of them together, and we'd laugh so hard that tears fall! I have to remember the times Andrew touched my soul by something he said, or when he'd casually hug his "Mama" and kiss me on the cheek. He was such a good love to me. I carry it with me, to this day. I'll always carry Andrew in my soul.
I still cry about things in general.
Andrew talked many times about "Grandma Grass". When we found a lawn to sit on, or a park that had especially green, soft grass, Andrew would call it "Grandma grass". My Dad took such good care of our lawn in Canby, and Andrew and David spent much time, playing on it, as kids. He asked me many times, in assorted houses we have lived in, how come we didn't have Grandma grass.
So, when we moved into this Oregon City home, I promised Andrew we'd have Grandma grass. I read about it, endlessly on the internet. I've written about it, here. I have fertilized. I have weed and feeded, watered, mowed high, left compost on it, and still, (and especially with a puppy) we didn't have Grandma grass.
It wasn't for a lack of trying, I'll tell you! I have put more into that lawn, than I have the house! That's a lot!
I talked to my brother about it. Yesterday, he came to my home with an aerator. Imagine my surprise when he worked in the hot sun and aerated my lawn for Mother's Day! That's what it needed. I knew that, and so did he.
I went to the store and bought grass seed, and sprinkled it over the little holes in the lawn. I'm so excited!!!
I had given him my older Traeger grill and he said he did this in trade. In doing so, we had to trade cars, as my car had a trailer hitch to carry both the Traeger and the aerator. He wrote me a check to reimburse for gas I put in his car, and on the bottom of the check, it read... get this... "Happy Mom's Day from Andrew."
He had gone, and I was standing in the lawn, when I read it. I cried. I will never cash that check, and in fact, I will frame it and put it on the wall.
Andrew will have Grandma grass, yet!
Happy Mother's Day!
May 14, 2013
This... in my e mail this morning. I watched the youtube,
and there they were. Tears. I had to watch it till he talked about Andrew,
as this was Andrew and his best friend, Dan's dream. They built the dream
while hiking up in the Kilchis Forest, behind the house. (From the park)
Dan and Andrew played music together, and dreamed, together. The day before Andrew passed away, he was trying to form a site to get donations for this dream.
Dan, is carrying the dream...
Tears came heavy about 3:23.
May 17, 2013
Bill and I were off to fish, today, but got interrupted by
our kitty, Molly. She was limping last night, and we discovered a bite wound
on her leg. So, it was off to the vet, instead of the bay. Ho hey.
I have taken to drinking dessert for breakfast. I used to drink my coffee black. I loved my morning coffee. I really did. I enjoyed the taste of it just plain black.
Then, they came up with these tasty creamers, and I was having so much fun tasting them all. It started as innocently as hazelnut, but then? Ice cream flavors!
Oh! But, then!? Then, some evil gal added whipped cream to my coffee at one of those coffee drive throughs one day. That was so good! But, you can go further, yet! Someone drizzled some caramel over my whipped cream, over my flavored coffee! Oh, my! There is nothing like that first sip of Carmel and cream. Oh, my... my.
So, now I walk up to the desk and order a grande- extra hot, extra shot, three pump toffee nut latte with whip and Carmel driz. There you have it! Dessert!
And I can do this at home, too! Every morning when I rise, I have dessert! What a great way to start the day! Not only does it taste yummy, but it wakes me up! A coffee rush and a sugar rush! Ho Hey!
Bet I've put on about a dozen pounds since this discovery!
After chemo last year, I thought I could gain no weight nor wrong. I thought I was home free! I could eat anything I wanted, and not gain an ounce! I had more fun! Felt awful, but I ate all the Chex mix I wanted! I added all the goop to my coffee that my little underweight heart desired! And now? Well? Now, my pants are tight! Dang!
I had been so cocky about it all, too. I'd laugh while pulling my pants down, without unzipping them. "Look?! Nothing fits me any more!"
Well? Nothing fits me now, for sure!
Nothing like tight pants to remind you that these things are not good for us!
I'll never forget when I was young, and started to gain weight on my once bony frame. I nearly died when a lady friend of my Mom's said, "You are getting quite a caboose there, aren't you?" Who would say that?! Especially to a freshman in high school, who thought only of her looks at the time? I still remember that, to this day.
I decided, then and there to never put sugar on my cereal, again. Believe it or not, it worked and over a year of that, I lost the weight I needed to.
So, imagine when I lose the whip, the sugar, and the driz? I'll be skinny again, right? I hope it works! I'll have to just save dessert for dessert, and have coffee (black) in the morning. I liked it once, I can like it again!
So, maybe tomorrow we can fish. We were hoping to go today, because the weather was to be the best of all this week. It sure didn't turn out that way, though. It's been raining most of the morning. Tomorrow... The sun will come out, tomorrow!
May 20, 2013
I paid how much to be able to garden?
Really. I feel that way, sometimes. My entire time here in Oregon City is spent gardening. That's what I do here!
I thought I bought my home for health reasons. To be able to be close to medical resources. But, I'm healthy, lately! I mean, as healthy as my health gets. No emergencies. That's what healthy is to me!
I also thought that Bill and I would fish the Willamette for Springers, but it turned out to be a really odd year, here.
I've been sick lately, actually. I finally got some antibiotics and I'm on my way to being better! My fever has gone down, and I'm feeling a bit better. But, I could have gotten medicine in Tillamook!
Meanwhile, I'm mowing lawns, planting the garden, tilling soil, and watching the strawberries turn color. It's nice to have David around. He does the muscle work, like tilling the soil, etc. I do the planting and the weeding. (and the harvest!)
He helps me with unusual willingness. I don't remember him being so helpful. I'm not complaining! He's fun to have around.
I take Willie to the middle school to run, or to the puppy park. That's where we go to run, run, run. He's so funny. I have taught him to do a flying lead change! We have horse (I mean springer) shows. I tell him to walk, trot, canter. He doesn't always mind me, but we have fun!
I keep thinking if I didn't have this home, I couldn't be as close to David. And, with Andrew gone, being close to David is important to me. Very important. It used to be that I really enjoyed my time away from the kids, but now, when I'm in Tillamook too long, I really miss David's company.
David and I have become increasingly close. You know, I have realized how much attention Andrew always required, with his health needs.
Andrew and I became close through medical appointments that began shortly after birth. He always needed medical care. We'd spend long hours waiting in doctor's offices, together. Laughing, reading children's magazines, together and as he grew up, learning to play "toss things into the waste basket" basketball, while waiting.
I'll never forget how funny he was. Once, he picked up a plastic mold of an eyeball, used to demonstrate eye diagnosis, for people. It had many parts, like a puzzle you put together. He grabbed it and displayed it for me. "This is an eyeball." Then, he mixed up all the parts inside, so they weren't fitted together. Making a loud clatter, he shook it hard, and said, "This is an eyeball on Marfan syndrome."
We had a sadistic sense of humor, together.
Or, how bout the time he had moved to a new school, and he was defensive about his differences. A boy came to sit next to him and he said, "I have marfan syndrome. This means my heart can explode at any minute. Do you really want to get that all over your nice, white shirt?" !!! He was not even 12 when he did that! The teacher called me in, very seriously concerned. I just laughed. You do what you have to do, when you are different. The teachers and the kids came to love him.
David and I don't have marfan syndrome in common. Our time together has always been traditional. Basketball games, soccer games, sleep overs.
Thank God, really... but, it's nice, now, to get to know David, better. I'm slowly and carefully even working on getting him to go fishing with me! Don't tell him, please. I have to do this very, very carefully and with stealth. I think it might work!
When Andrew and David were little, I think I ruined them for fishing by taking them too many times in the pouring down rain. Way to go, Mom!
The other night I was so sick feeling, and he came in, sat by my bedside and said, "Mom, I think you should just close your eyes and go to sleep. In the morning, if you aren't better, I'll take you to the doctor." Oh, what a sweetheart! Did I teach him that!?
He's going to school at ITT and he is doing really well. It has taken him some time to get back on his feet, after his brother passed. I totally understand. We are still (and always?) in process. You go through stages. I'm still stuck in the shock stage, I think. Every once and a while, I realize that it's really true, and it hits my heart really hard. I almost cry. Almost. I'm getting there.
The other day, I was walking through the neighborhood, noticing that those lovely spring flowers on the rhododendrons were dying, already. Had Spring already come and gone? The once beautiful white flowers were soggy and dead. They had the look of wet toilet paper, on the ground.
The seasons come, and the seasons go, just like always. Things are different, without Andrew. It doesn't matter to the seasons, though! Things just go on, like normal. How could they do that? Just like normal?
There is nothing normal, lately!
Not once this Spring did I hear Andrew exclaim how beautiful things were. He didn't rejoice in how great the air smelled, or how green the lawn was, or how awesome the garden he saw on his walk was, this morning.
Oh, how I used to love hearing him describe things like that. He was always in awe of beauty. From the time he was little, telling Grandma how beautiful her dishes were!
Grandma described Andrew as "Such a winsome child." He was! When I told him that, years later, he laughed. "Yeah. I suppose so." He agreed.
When he was 15, he took some kind of test at school, and he was way ahead of others in the English language. Like, third year in college level, or something that shocked the teachers and I.
We attributed that to his loss of sight as a child, and how listening, instead of seeing probably enhanced his speech. He always loved and used big, dramatic words. I loved that. I so miss that.
Sometimes at night, David and I will be laying on my bed petting Willy and talking, and all of the sudden, one or the other of us will have an Andrew moment. It happens out of the blue.
We have that loss in common, unfortunately. That's a closeness I'd never wish on any Mother and child. But, it is a gift, regardless.
I guess when God closes a window, he opens a door. That door has lead me to an unusually wonderful closeness with my remaining son.
Life goes on... Flowers fade and streams go dry, and I can't help but wonder why...
Once Pete on ifish told me that often times women grow gardens and treat their little plants like children, when their own children have grown and gone. I do think that's why it's so important to me to garden. I do treat each little plant like a baby, and when it dies, I'm unusually stricken by it's death.
I have a white rhodie in my front yard, and when I saw its dead white flowers beneath it, I shook the leaves hard, to get the remaining ones to fall off. I raked them up and put them in the compost pile.
There. All better. I just couldn't watch that slow death happen, any longer.
There will be another Spring time, where the flowers come, and the flowers go.
May 23, 2013
Whoo. That was one sick sickness! Whatever I had, bit me hard.
I've been out, really, since I wrote last. Everyone was convinced I had
appendicitis, by my symptoms. I'm on antibiotics, and finally, the pain
is gone. I don't know if I did (do) have appendicitis, and the antibiotics
are just masking it, or if I didn't have it, but I'm hoping for the latter.
I thought I was getting better, and then, bam! Down for the count!
Everyone plays doctor via google. You know? Drives me batty.
I was so near going to ER, but only because people kept bugging me. Bill called all the time, "Have you gone to ER, yet? Still have the pain?" urgh. I should be happy folks care, and I am, but... I don't know. And, I probably should have gone, just to make sure.
Thing that worries me is that there is no test for appendicitis, and knowing my health, the docs would not take any chances and open me up. Know why I think so? Google! :)
I'm working on not going to the hospital for at least two years, so this just wouldn't have gone along with my plans, at all! I'm at a year and a half! Go, me!
ANYHOW.... just made flight plans for Las Vegas for ICAST. I can't wait!
I'm going to visit everyone I know, this time. I'm making a list! If you are going, and would like to visit, let me know! I would love to see you! I'm going to be writing about the highlights, here on this column. I'll post them on the board, too!
So, write me! Just go down to the bottom of this page, tick on "Contacts" and let me know where you will be! If I haven't met you, and you'd like to meet, write me!
I read somewhere that the line of work my son David is going
into, coding of some kind... that if he is interrupted for even a minute,
he can lose hours of work.
I believe it!
I am not designed for this kind of work.
Actually, I kind of dig it, and I can really get into it, but I'm not into the "getting disturbed" part!
It frustrates me to no end!
I've been struggling with some software for the weather station, as I have so many times, before.
I have updated this software so many times, and I have not been a tidy housekeeper. Each time you update it, it's good to have a completely new folder for the upload contents. However, you must also have all of the records in the database in the newer folder. So... How can I explain this? It's almost as difficult as doing it, if not more so!
Davis "Weatherlink" doesn't make it entirely clear from what directory it is getting the information to upload!
I have been reading all kinds of terror about Oracle's Java, and I have decided for myself, I will do without Java. The weather station kind of leaves my personal computer wide open for hack attack!
If you've noticed, up until this morning, (I hope!) and if you've installed the newest Java, (Version 7, I believe...) you'd get a security warning. It was about the little ticker at the top that used to say, "Welcome to the Kilchis Weather Station..." that scrolled across the top. It would give you the time, date, and current weather stats.
Be gone with it! Who needs that cute little scrolling applet at the price of hacking? At the time I put it up, I was proud of my Java Applet coding skills. Proud, be gone! Applet, be gone! Security warning, GONE!
In order to do so, though, I had to hand edit the .htx files before the weather station turned those files into htm files!
Unfortunately, I couldn't tell where it was coming from, so I had to hand edit 15... get that! 15 .htx files to delete the applet codes! Pheh! And if I lost my place, I had to start all over again, because the weather station would grab it and convert it, before I had time to do them all! Pheh! Pheh! Pheh!
I'd almost be finished, and Willie would bark. I'd almost be finished, and Bill would turn on the TV and talk to the dogs.
OK, I'm done. I've accomplished my task. I'm done ranting, too!
Tell me, please, if you still get a warning. Make sure you've cleared your cache, though.
Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't!
All I know is that I don't want to be what David wants to be when we all 'grows' up!
I'm never going to grow up, anyhow.
Speaking of David, he sure is doing well. I'm a proud Mama. So proud that I'm scared.
"Do you still like it, David?"
"How is school, Dave?"
"Do you still want to do another term?"
"How bout now?"
I try to sound casual, sweet, without a care in the world.
I tread delicately, so hoping for positive replies! I read his facial movements with too much sensitivity. What's that? Is that a slight hesitation in his eyebrows, I detect? Argh.
I remember a card I once got for my Birthday from a friend, Mark Pihl. It said, "Hang loose, Mother Goose!" I try. Boy, do I try. I try so hard that I'm as tight as a guitar string about to burst.
But... it's difficult dealing with someone who has gone through an intense heartbreak in the recent past. He lost his brother. His partner in crime.
I know. I'm there, too.
I've dealt with what I feel was a very long, difficult job, raising two children by myself. One child of who suffered from a pretty serious health problem. But- we were doing so well! I felt we were getting places, and then... BAM. God shut the window.
Sometimes I think it's due to the fact that Andrew was so sensitive about things. He'd come to me, in tears, telling me about what happened in Syria, or some other world problem. He cared so much! Too much?
I'm so hoping God is opening a door for us, now. I'm so hoping that David will do well in school, but mostly, I just hope for his happiness.
For our happiness.
That's one tall order, after you've lost a child, and David, a brother.
Happiness. Joy. It seems so far off, sometimes, and other times, it streaks across my heart. I feel it, it comes and goes fleetingly. This lightness in my step. This thing that makes my lips curl up, funny. You know. A smile. :)
I was walking Willie the other day at the park. The wind was gently blowing and there was a soft mist falling. Out of nowhere in particular, and nothing at all in particular, it hit my heart. Joy! I felt it! It was only for the most brief moment, but I felt it! It makes me want more. I think we want to be happy. All of us do. That's what keeps us going. The want of happiness. We all know it exists, and we work for it.
My happiness still exists out there, and I'm going to dig it out of my heart until I feel it, full force!
I so want that for David, too!
And, that's why I am so afraid of it! So afraid of approaching it! It's like knowing that a baby deer and Momma will be inside the next woodland shelter, as I walk a trail, and carefully, quietly spreading the tall grass aside and peeking inside, but being so afraid that I will scare them away!
Boy. Don't I have a weird imagination?
Well. Fact is, things are going well, right now.
The rain is falling softly outside, and I love the sound of rain on thick canopies of full, green trees.
I'm going to get my rain clothes on, and take the Wilster and the Revuless for a walk. (Nicknames for Willie and Rev, our two dogs.)
Maybe... just maybe, that fleeting joy will find me out there, today. It's kind of fun never knowing when it will happen.
At least I know in my heart that it will happen. For all of us.
In closing, I would like to offer a prayer to Thank God for this Memorial Day; where we remember those that fought for our freedom. Thank you. Each and every one of you. For without our freedom, it would be very difficult to find our joy.
May 28, 2013
Oh, no! I'm fast losing membership in a club that I was, well,
And... I'm losing because of it! Fast losing fish!
"There was a big bite first light!" Ever heard that? I sure have. And I keep hearing it!
I rose at 5:00 AM this morning. Something that I rarely do, these days. Get this! It was already light out!
In my mind's eye, I saw people launching, or worse yet, already on troll! Pheh!
What is with me?
What is with Bill?
I used to rise with the morning light, or even before. I have no clue why it is different, lately. All I know is I was shocked and disappointed when I'd call my Dad first thing in the morning, towards his later years, and he'd be asleep! At 7:00 AM! My Dad had always risen with the sun! And then... not!
I don't get it!
My sister called me the other day. (Teri.) She wanted to have breakfast at 6:30 or 7:00. I hesitated. That's so darned early! I told her so, and she came back at me, "I thought you were my early morning partner?" That made me sad. I wanted to be her early morning partner. I always had been.
Bill Monroe and Stan Fagerstrom used to e mail me first thing in the morning. I'd answer right back and they'd say, "What are you doing up?" I proudly replied that I was "always" up that time of day.
Always... used to be.
What gets me is what am I missing? You know, besides FISH!
Something has come over me. Is it old age? Does this happen to people? My sister is older than me and she isn't sleeping in. She doesn't even fish, either!
Bill is sleeping in and he is older than me. He doesn't sleep in as much as I do, though.
I used to get up before Bill, even.
I'd always been an early riser. Ever since I was young. I couldn't wait to get up in the morning. I might miss something! I loved the quietness of the day.
Part of me, though, wonders if I'm more relaxed these days. Was it that I was too uptight to sleep in? Am I now "down" tight? What's that?
It was always awful when I'd stay up too late, as I knew I was unable to sleep in like other people. Well? Now, I can. Not always, but a lot of the time. At least, till seven.
Whatever it is, I'm going back to the up tight crowd. The up tight crowd isn't up all night.
When I'm in Oregon City, both Tammy and David are night owls. That can be contagious. They often hang out in the garage, watching TV or playing video games. To get there, you go through my bedroom, so if I'm not up, they wake me up! Naturally, I sleep in after that.
Well, the garage is closed, now, after 9 pm!
The worst part of all, is yes... Early risers catch fish.
I'm going back to catching the worm and the fish!
No more sleeping in for me!
May 31, 2013
Annnnnd..... The winner of this month's thousand dollar repair
project on Jennie's home is..... Aylwin Construction Company!!! (Huge applause)
Actually, I do really like Aylwin, and Greg there is really nice! They deserve the money. That's not my complaint! They rock! But--
How many thousand dollar units do I have left on my credit card?
I keep thinking about selling this home. I may have to, and that's not fair.
The guy who owned it was a home inspector, and supposedly a very good one! Why would he put on a roof with the felt paper and the flashing in the wrong order, and then, not even nail down the flashing? It appears that he did the work, himself? Not sure, but I have the receipts from the sale of roofing materials, and no receipt for any work done.
The flashing is just tucked under the shingles, loose! Why didn't anyone tell me about this? Instead, it was sold as with a "new, 20 year roof"! (Or, fifteen, or I forget how many, but again, key word, "new".) How bout new roof, but put on wrong?
Mr. owner and home Inspector, you knew better!
I just looked up the ad that pulled me in for the sale. It's still on the internet.
"So Many Updates--Great Pride in Ownership on this 1-Level Home. Bamboo floors, new windows, 30 yr roof, s/s appl some w/ warr, crown moldings, new insulation, new exterior paint, new gutters, whole house fan. new plumbing. Lrg bkyd to entertain from the cedar deck to the hot tub."
Everything that they say above has needed repair or replacement.
Plus, the living room ceiling fell in, because they used the wrong kind of nails to put up the drywall. The electrical nearly burned the house down. The "new plumbing" has required five (count 'em!) plumber calls, so far. The whole house fan had to be repaired, and advised not to use. The "new" windows leak. The gutters were put on wrong. The insulation wasn't deep enough, so I had more put in.
Luckily, Bounty on the Bay starts this weekend, and I'm headed back to the coast! Back to sanity! Back to the where the house stands tall and stable and (knock on wood) nothing needs fixing, except for dinner!
I'm going fishing, darnit! I love Bounty on the Bay! I love spring chinook fishing on the coast!
Let's see.... Housing prices are going up around here. The coast calls me and I'm ready to go!
Think I should sell?!
Thing is, I do like it here. I absolutely love my garden, and working on my lawn and garden is something that I adore doing. (You should see it! I have Grandma grass!)
David needs a home, while going to school, and my friend Tammy needs a place, too.
If I can afford to, I'm going to keep fixing until I can start paying this darn thing off.
And then, maybe some day I'll either have a home where we can live without need for constant repair, or I can sell it.
I do feel like I was taken advantage of. Not that either realtor knew, but I'll bet that darn owner knew what he was doing.
Just don't understand how people can do things like this for money. Life is short, people. Money is not worth doing something like that.
I hate to say this, because it's more of what I feel has robbed my innocence and dimmed my bright outlook on the world.
I watched this movie, (Please click on "Salmon Confidential" and watch it. Please? It's long. 69 minutes of horror!) and I couldn't believe that the Federal Government would hide the fact that our salmon are dying, and they don't want to tell the truth, because it would hurt international trade.
Outright lies for money and for power.
Not only that, but... our salmon! Our SALMON!
Neither money nor power are sustainable resources! They don't last any longer than yours or my life!
I just shake my head. I don't understand how people can do this nor why? WAKE UP!
And Costco sells these farm raised fish to the unknowing public?? But- I love Costco! They are always known for selling the best! Perhaps they don't know?! Tell me it isn't true!
I don't like learning about these things. I have spent my entire life turning my head to ugly things. But, turning my head won't solve a thing.
I don't want to yell and scream and "make a difference". But, you know what? I can't just ignore this. I would be willing to sell my home, sell everything I have, if I could make a difference, in this instance.
If the movie is true, and if Alexandria Morton is right, then I want to hop on board, and I want to try to make a difference.
It's a little late in my life, but better late, than never.
I'm going to see what I can do, and to start, I'm showing it to you.
Please, tell me it isn't true. Tell me why it is wrong, and why I should have no worries.
I would love nothing more.
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