Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington

MAY 2005

Fishing Life

May 2nd, 2005

Stan's new column is up! Please read!

When I went to Disney World in 1999, I didn't stop moving, much. In constant motion, I walked, and walked, and walked! I walked more than I had even walked in my life. I spent a month prior, getting in shape for it. I'd heard that getting around that place is a real workout! It was!
When I returned home, I slept like there was no tomorrow. Visions of Cinderella and Mickey danced in my head... Sweet, peaceful, blissful Disney sleep!
Well, I feel the same way lately! Yesterday I slept 2 hours in the early afternoon, two hours in the late afternoon, then from 6 until 10. I woke up, watched my new favorite show, "Grays Anatomy" (I love that show!) and caught a little news. Then, I slept from midnite till six thirty. Sweet, blissful sleep! Either something is very wrong with me, or very right. I'm not sure! I'm just plum exhausted! I think it may be the result of having my test behind me. No visions of Mickey this time, just visions of sweet, blissful life ahead of me!
There are steelhead spawning out in what we have termed "the bedroom hole." You can't see them until they swish on their sides to dig, but they are there! It's a blast to watch! Almost better than any ride at Disney or any show on Discovery. It's right there!
My goldfinch are gathering in numbers. The other day I had nearly a dozen. How beautiful they are! My hummies are low in numbers this year. Speaking of which, I need to clean my feeders, today. If you take up feeding hummingbirds, make certain you don't add dye, and keep those feeders clean of mold. In this warm spring climate, I have to clean mine and add clean fluid every two to three days, depending on their location. I use one cup of sugar to three cups of water, boiled and cooled, and stored in the fridge. The red dye some people used is accused of damaging their eggs. Do not use soap on the feeders of any kind. Just boiling hot water, and a scrub brush, made for bottles. I bought some really neat brushes made just for hummingbird feeders. It was an excellent investment.

Aha! How hard could it be?

My dippers are still nesting, and we have some rock birds nesting in the rocks on the river beach. Spring is full of new life, and I feel quite like I'm fitting right in. Since my surgery, in many ways, I feel the right to celebrate Spring, like never before! I am new, alive!
I just finished reading a wonderful book. I read it in two sittings. "Tuesdays with Morrie" available, here.
It's the story of a professor who mentored a young man, and an intimate look at how the professor deals with living with terminal illness.
There are so many wonderful lessons in this book. So many uplifting moments.
Near the end, he leaves us with a thought that will never leave me.
As he holds a hibiscus plant, Morrie ponders human lives compared to the rest of nature. He tells his friend that we are given the gift and ability to die, without ever really going away. We are capable of loving, and having relationships, while plants and animals cannot. The love one creates while alive, he says, remains long after death.
I love that! We are all afraid of our mortality, but this book has helped me to come to terms with it, and hopefully helped me to realize what is important in life, while I have it.
Repeated several times throughout the book, and now drilled into my head is a simple phrase.
"Love one another, or perish."
I choose love. --and oh, there are so many people on this earth in which to practice!

May 5th, 2005

The truth is, I'm scared spitless. I smile, I laugh, I write funny things and welcome e mail jokes, but I'm... scared spitless! People are amazed at my vitality, my spirit, my hopefullness! But, I'm scared spitless!
There is just too much information on the internet, and people just keep sending it to me. I am on the marfan e mail list, and I find that helpful. Sometimes, though, it's information overload. I've had to unsubscribe myself at times, when it starts to get to me.
So, what did I do? I found myself signed up for's email list.
Oh, good move, Jen! NOT!
They wrote to me out of the blue, asking for my story. I wrote it and submitted it. I did it in the interest of sharing-- of giving back. Yes, I had an aortic dissection, and I can relate to people who have. I thought it might be interesting for me to write, and for them to read. Likewise, I read other stories.
Yesterday in my e mail, I got a most distressing link from them. Note: This is highly graphic, so don't click on it, if you don't like the sight of blood. I am sharing it for those that are interested in understanding what happens when you dissect. Certainly, if you don't want to know, like me, don't click!
See how that works? No matter how it's introduced, I was seduced into clicking on it!
It was sent to me as a "Great summary article on the history of Marfan's and some good pictures too!"
OK! I clicked! Bad move!
Oh, my...... That's what happened to ME. I couldn't help but read on. It was late in the evening. I was tired. Oh, my did it ever hit me hard.
My stomach swirled, my head ached, my heart beat faster. I did not want to see this. I did not need to be privy to this information!
You know, it's interesting. When I was at Stanford, I had all these innovative and amazing tests done. Cat Scans that were made into 3D studies. I was absolutely exhausted when they took me into a dark and modern room filled with wall to wall screens and wanted me to view them. My sister, the doctor, and the assistant were all in awe. I heard quiet whispers of things like, "Wow! Cool! Awesome!"
And me? I cried! I did not think them wow, cool, or awesome. I saw a broken heart, broken parts, and a broken body. I did not want to know. Seeing them with my own eyes brought to me, a certain reality that I most often like to avoid.
There is a certain seduction, though, in viewing. In knowing. In seeing. It's a darned if you do and darned if you don't.
Through out this whole process, I have gradually been able to take in the information. I have to do it, though, in bits. I wonder if this isn't part of why healing takes so long. Every time I learn something, I likewise take in a rush of depression, which I have to heal from.
As you can see, I'm still stuck on what I read last night. It's still affecting me. I need something to fix me up, I'll tell you the remedy for all of this, and it's pretty darn foolproof.
I'm leaving now, to go fish on the bay. I need to stare into that water that reflects the trees on the hillside, turning the waves that lap against the boat into a thousand colors of spring green.
I need to stare at the tip of my rod and think of nothing but the possibility that it could come alive at any second... bringing new hope, new life, and a refreshing lack of reality to my mind.
Fishing is an escape to me. It wipes the slate clean and all things become possible.
I can take a pill for this, and a pill for that. That's what the doctors recommend. No one really prescribed fishing, and I'm satisfied that it's my best medicine!
I know it can lower my blood pressure better than the best blood pressure pills. I really feel it can lift my spirits, as I refuse their "miracle" anti depressants. Somehow, it relieves my pain better than any narcotic that they may mix up for me.
Fishing is a miracle drug for me, and it's really not that expensive when you calculate the alternatives.
I'm just wondering that if I'd done more of it, earlier, if it could have been preventative, also.
Fishing, and watching my birds... hearing the sound of songbirds bring the first light of spring to my mornings. Staring blankly into the river that runs in my backyard, until I notice the side of a steelhead, digging redds in the shallows... These things are all undiscovered, until now... as medicine that cures all ills.
Fortunately for me, I know what's good for me, and I'm in dire need of all of this medicine.
I tell you one thing, though... There's a song I sing in the back of my head, sometimes... as I choke down the amazing array of alternative meds in that large plastic box. I think I'll try it.
"Just a spoon full of sugar, helps the fishing rod go down... the fishing rod, go downnnnnn... fishing rod, go down...."

May 6th, 2005

Funny how things come and go. I'm feeling much more hopeful, today. Please, don't send me any more bloody pictures and reality checks!
I'm going to physical therapy this morning, and then... maybe fishing, if I have the energy. Seems I start out the morning feeling pretty darn good, and then I fizzle after noon! I hope that this is the start of me feeling better and better. I feel a little like my old self again. They said that it takes 4 to 6 months to get on your feet. It's been 5 months, now.
I'm on my way!
Well, it seems I can't write anything, today. That could be a good thing. I just don't have anything I need to say. Silence is a good thing, I suppose.
Silent, hopeful, and at peace.


May 7th, 2005

It's no fun being a drag! I feel like I have unfinished business... to not be a drag!
My brother called, waking me out of an afternoon nap. "How are you?"
Zzzzz. I was tired, and it echoed in my voice. What was I doing, sleeping at two in the afternoon?
"Well," (He tried to help.) "You should try this new herbal juice that I am using. I couldn't get off the treadmill after I tried it! It's called Ageless..."
He listed some of the ingredients, telling of what a miracle it was for him.
"I can't take that with my blood thinner, Dave."
"Well, you should try getting out to walk or jog. Really get your heart rate up, Jen. You'll feel so much better."
"Doc says I should keep my pulse below 90 at all times, Dave.."
"Oh. Well, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and live each day at a time."
I caved.
"I'm trying, Dave, but I have a lot of pain, and I get tired a lot."
"Well, you are a real drag, aren't you?"
He joked, but I knew it was true. We finished our conversation with pleasantries and hung up. I have unfinished business. I don't want him to think I'm a drag!
I think it gave me a little kick in the 'whiney', though. Yesterday, I played in the garden. I did more work outside than I've done in... well, months! A year? Maybe!
I helped Bill put up a fence that will keep the chickens out of my garden. Deer will laugh at it, but it will work for chickens! I emptied out a rotten barrel and reorganized the tools that were in it. I replaced the wooden barrel with a plastic garbage can that held memories of my children's youth. Balls of every shape, size and summer sporting activity! Volleyballs, soccer balls, baseballs, and basketballs. What to do with them all? They are grand memories for Mother's Day. It sure took me back.
Later in the evening, I was served dinner in bed by my son, Andrew. It was so sweet of him, and after dinner, I invited him to the river to talk college with me. This is by far, his most favorite subject.
The river was quiet. A steady soft rain fell from the sky. The river was low and motionless. We sat on a damp log and whispered budgets and checking accounts, and how we would figure out his new independence.
Kilchis dug several holes all around us. A lone spawned steelhead somehow generated the energy to bolt out of the placid, low water. One last burst of energy. Molly May (my cat) purred on my lap.
All of the sudden it occurred to me. So many different levels of energy around me. So many different stages of life!
Not only do I not want to be a drag, I can't! I have too much to do, still. Too many people to help, too much life to live!
So, with one foot in front of the other, I'm beginning a new day. Maybe I'll see if my doctor will let me chug this new "Ageless" stuff he's talking about. It's all the rage, you know. Maybe I'll go for a jog.
Next time Dave calls and asks how I am, I'm just going to say, "GREAT!!!!" and I'm going to great.
For now, it's off to Tillamook Bay. Doc says I shouldn't fish for salmon, but I have to start defying, somewhere. I'm not spawned out, yet!
Wow. I just glanced at my life on line. Click here. I've been doing this a LONG time!!! I'm on my seventh year!

May 8th, 2005

Happy Mother's Day!

It's a day of mixed blessings and concerns.
Bill got the dreaded phone call last night. You know it when it happens. The ring of the telephone has a hollow sound. No one wanted to answer it. Finally, we picked up.
His Mother is 90, and failing. He had to leave for Portland, today. On Mother's Day? That seems awfully cruel. I feel for him so much. He is really shaken up.
Bill's Mother rests comfortably in her own home in Lake Oswego. She has had no severe health problems, and seems to be peaceful.
On one hand, he is so lucky to have had so much time with her, and lucky that she isn't suffering.
I lost my Mother many years ago. She suffered with cancer pretty badly. I miss her terribly, but oh! Was she ever a wonderful Mother! My memories of her are enchanting.
Last night I was shuffling through a kitchen drawer and found her handwriting on something. It sure took me back. She had the most beautiful handwriting. I stared at it for long enough to be noticed by my family members.
I asked David if he remembered her. "Of course I do!" She was a wonderful Grandma, too.
Bill is in a state of shock. "What is wrong with my Mom? What should I do?" He shakes his head and holds back the emotion. He's tumbling, and yet standing steady.
His life is going in slow motion, I'm sure. Too many thought processes going at once. I remember all of those feelings. It's an absolute shock when losing someone that is so near and dear to you.
It is with all of these thoughts that I realize the absolute importance of celebrating each moment with my own children.
Andrew rose early to make me breakfast. I told him to stop, that we were going out to eat. I want their full attention, and I want a day to be remembered.
The weatherman promised rain, but a blue sky is prevailing, and I'm really pleased to see it!
I'm excited to spend the morning with my boys!
At the same time, a sadness hovers over the day, just knowing what Bill might be going through. It magnifies the importance of celebrating every minute we have together.
Live each day like it is your last! Celebrate! --and while you are at it, drive over to Roseanne's in Oceanside and have a bite to eat! You won't be sorry!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you

May 10th, 2005

To find my son... That is my mission.
This house is big, but this task shouldn't be very hard. There are signs of him everywhere!
To start, I wander until I find some leftover food, or a piece of his clothing. Yesterday it was a shoe in the hallway. From there, I follow it to the sock, half stuffed under the couch. Then I spy around the corner, and there is his backpack. Aha! I'm getting closer! Another shoe! The other sock is missing, though... will I ever find him? Aha! The missing sock, lying just inches from the laundry basket! I'm nearing his room. Think he's in there? I bet he is! There is a an empty Ramen container outside the closed door!
"David! I've found you, David!"
And there is a half eaten box of Cheezits lying on it's side, too! David MUST be in his room! I open the door. David is not there.
Sigh. I glance around at the tornado that must have hit his room. The weather here has been nasty. His window is half open and... could the wind really pick up all of these dishes and scatter them about his room? Half eaten cereal lies crusted to the dish on top of his game cartridges. Several chemistry papers litter the room like large snowflakes.
"David!!!" I finally cave and call him. No answer.
I go sit at the computer and calculate my next move. Aha! There is a red cord attached to my modem! He has hard wired into my cable connection. Little thief is stealing my bandwidth! I pick it up and follow it. Through my office and lined neatly against the wall in the living room, so no one will notice. Across the entry way, neatly tucked next to the carpet line. I didn't see that, earlier! Past the fireplace, and oh! There he is! All wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, laptop glowing underneath the blankets.
No answer.
Odd video game noises compete with his attention. I can tell he doesn't really know that I am there. If I'm not careful, he'll shoot me with the weapon of choice from his Halo game. Mistaken for the enemy, I'll be shot down. Or, dare think I am the enemy???
:"I need you to put a log on the fire. Please clean your room, and pick up your clothing. There are food wrappers everywhere, and your room is a mess!"
"Uh huh... OK..."
I settle next to my own computer now.. waiting for miracles to happen. The rain pours outside.
Just for fun, I'm reading what I wrote, before my dissection. Oddly enough, my last column was about death. It was centered around salmon carcasses on the river beach, but it's theme was death. Click here for December 8th.
Some of what I wrote haunts me.
"But, is it also a joyful thing? To see the end of the journey that they have fought so hard to complete?
Is it a sad thing? To see life end?
Or, is it just all simply amazing?"
"Now, the journey is over. Their rotting carcass litter the shores. Is this where I want to live? At the end of the road?"
"Yes, death of any kind rings a hollow fear in me. But, it all comes full circle, and the realization of the good it brings balances out... and it settles alright with me."
Yikes! Where was I going with this? For months prior to this, I was having extreme pain in my neck and shoulder, and now we are wondering if I actually dissected then and it was slowly leaking? The doctors say it is a real possibility.
I shake my head to clear these thoughts and wander off to check on David's progress.
There he is, still bundled in covers, playing his video games.
Somehow, in the scheme of it all, I couldn't get mad. Both of my sons are still alive. In a few years, neither one will be living with me. They'll be off to college, and there will be no tennis shoes, no wrappers, and no warm bodies wrapped in covers on the couch.
I snuggle in next to him and watch.
The fire roars in the wood stove in the corner.
"Wow, David! How do you do that?"
He wears headphones and whispers to his friend, across town. "He's in the cellar! Get him! Get him!"
"David! It's your Mother! I am here next to you! Can you hear me?"
"Uh huh..."
It'll sure be sad when he leaves for college, but you know? Sometimes I think he has already left!
But, it all comes full circle, and the realization of the good it brings balances out... and it settles alright with me.

May 12th, 2005

After my physical therapy, Bill picked me up in the Hospital parking lot with the boat, and we headed out to continue my physical therapy on the bay.
It's all a matter of trying to extend my times. Extend my time on the stationary bike, extend my repetitions of exercises, and... to extend my time holding a fishing rod.
Hey! It's what I do! Or, what I did, and the whole point is trying to recover to how I was, right?
I fished for almost three hours! That's awesome for me! However, my shoulder is really, really sore now!
But, what a lot of fun I had! The bay was beautiful and flat calm. We saw a couple fish caught and heard of a few more. There are a few fish being caught every day, lately. It's the luck of the draw and I'm ready to be lucky!
It's girls day, today, however. Time to sit and chat in the salon with the other girls. My hair is absolutely driving me nuts. Something about all the drugs they gave me and the stress my body went through. It sure shows in my hair! It's awful, and it needs to be fixed! It's still falling out a bit. That drives me nuts! It's a frustrating thought to pay money for styled hair that ends up on the floor! Oh well, I'm sure it will stop, soon.
After that, it's off to the dentist. That's where the BIG money will be dropped. Man, those crowns are expensive! I guess that's why they are made of gold! I am forever indebted to my dentist... Truthfully!
The boys are both recovering from the coastal crud. Some kind of nasty virus that had David home bound for 7 days. I woke up this morning with a very sore throat. Uh oh. I wouldn't mind so much, but this weekend is the Bounty of the Bay tourney and I have tickets! I have to be well! I have to! It's all booked up, by the way. Next year they might make it bigger!
Well, off I go, zinc lozenges by my side, and plenty of fluids...

May 13th, 2005

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a fire? It's an alien? A meteor? What the heck?
It was 11:35 PM.
The house had fallen silent except for the soft keying of a senior in high school, trying to finish his senior paper. That would be Andrew.
The river whispered a quiet spring nocturne, accompanying my stressed out student, who was trying to make certain all would be well on graduation night. What greater terror is there, to imagine not graduating?
I'll tell you what!
I was sound asleep. I had been, since 8 in the evening. A long and solid spring nap.
I woke with a start. The house was pitch black and I had heard a loud boom!
My new valve pounded like it was going to jump out of my chest. I tried to gather my senses. I took account of my surroundings. Looks like the electricity is out, but why? What was that noise?
The bedroom deck door was left open and a slight breeze sent a shiver down my spine, and moved my nightgown like a ghostly image. As I drew near the sliding door to close it, I noticed a bright and eerie glow, over 100 feet away, off in the woods.
I yelled for Bill. "Bill! Get up! Look! What is that light in the woods?" He couldn't answer as he stumbled towards the glow and stared off into the woods. We stared in silence, hearts pounding. It was like trying not to stare at a solar eclipse!
Andrew slammed the door to his bedroom and interrupted our trance. "I lost all my work! All of it!"
"Remember what I've always taught you, Andrew. Jesus saves! Even His computer work!"
He did not laugh. My attempt at humor did not still my heart.
I lit a candle and headed downstairs. "But, Andrew, look at this! What is it? What is this glow? Come see this!!!"
My heart rate had yet to settle and in fact was increasing now, thinking of the possibilities.
Had an airplane crashed in our woods? Was there a fire? Was it a meteor? Andrew was confused as he wandered to the back door with me. "No, really! Look!"
"WEIRD!" He mumbled, as he backed away from the glow. "Is it the full moon's glow? Or, is it a fire?"
In duet, Andrew and I stared, without moving a muscle.
David calmly stumbled from his bedroom covered by a blanket to see what was the matter. Just having made it home from the State Band tournament, he was tired, and not too keen on having to get up.
Bill headed to the garage to find a flashlight, obviously more than a bit concerned.
"Bill, shall I call 911?" I asked half doubting myself.
"Yes! Call them!"
Well, now I was really concerned!
Luckily, we had a non electrical phone. I dialed.
"911, What is your emergency?"
"We need assistance. There is a glow like a fire out in the woods and our power is out." I spit the words out, confused as to why I was actually saying this. What on earth was going on? Is this a dream?
She confirmed my address and was abnormally calm.
"Are people on the way?" I asked.
"Yes, they are in route."
Just at that time, Bill yelled to the office, "It's gone! Tell her to cancel the call!"
"What? What the???"
"It was the emergency flash light." Bill explained.
It's high beam turns on when the power goes out. It was placed on the utility room shelf, and it was pointed out the window and into the woods.
With 911 still on the phone, chaos ensued trying to listen to both parties. "Bill, this is beyond my ability to explain to the dear 911 lady!" Frustrated, I handed the phone to Bill, and went to the door to see. Indeed, the glow was gone.
Oh... my....gosh. How totally embarrassing!
"But what was that boom? That noise?"
"Oh" Andrew said. "That was me. I was ticked about losing all of my homework. I threw down my books."
Argh! Why didn't you say so?!?
We all laughed. Relief settled over the filtered darkness and we all sat around the living room, candles lit, finally laughing at the experience.
"That was FREAKY!" Andrew started.
"I want to see what it looked like." Stated David the realist. David is too calm, too experienced, far too intelligent to be tricked by such foolishness!
I went to the utility room to reenact the drama. I held the flashlight near it's resting place and told him to go to the door to see.
"Do you see it? The glow?"
"Not really...." He said with a "are you nuts" lilt to his voice. I don't think he'd admit it, if he ever did see it. Besides, the cheap flashlight was losing it's powerful glow by then. Yeah, that's it.
911 called back shortly after, and reassured us that it was a wide power outage. "There are no aliens at your home dear..." She didn't say that, but I'm sure she thought that! You know, she and David the doubter. The realist... The calmly "know it all" smart one.
I'm surprised they didn't send folks out just to make certain we didn't all need a free ride to the mental hospital! (Well, all of us but David!)
David asked that we all go back to bed, now.
But-- it was the weirdest light! It was like it was coming from deep in the woods and glowing outward!
I needed time to be calm. I went up to my bed, and Andrew followed. We spoke excitedly about the experience until our voices softened with the darkness of the room. My heart rate slowed, and Andrew finally returned to his room. You know, the room without all of his homework.
It reminded me of years past. Nights when I was a single Mom, and something like an electrical storm would drive both boys to my room. We'd giggle with fear each time the lightning struck, and we'd cover our heads with down blankets. It was exhilarating, exciting, and fun, all at the same time.
Back then, there were no senior papers, or State Band tournaments. Nothing serious like that. Just two kids and a Mom, with all the time in the world.
It's a darn good thing to have David around to straighten us all out. To bring us back to reality... To settle our childish fears.
It's a bird! It's a plane... It's!!!!--Just those silly kids all excited for nothing, and David in the parent roll, telling us all to get to bed, and to forget about all this nonsense!
He was long sound asleep in his bed, visions of band competitions, dancing in his head.

May 15th, 2005

The Bounty on the Bay tournament was a blast. I did pretty well. No, I didn't catch a fish! I'm talking about endurance!
It's a comparative thing, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It would be easy to become depressed at what I cannot do. But, I have to force myself to look at what I can do, and revel in it!
Friday I fished for two hours or so, and was able to attend the dinner function. That is, until ifish went down and I got an emergency call to come home and try to fix it. I was alright with that, as I was getting very tired.
Turns out I learned a whole lot of new things about ifish. We had our DNS set to the same domain name, twice, and when it goes down, we go down. We added a new and different tertiary server. In the future, if the one domain goes down, we can bounce off the new one. I guess a main fiber was cut from Portland to Salem. We were down until shortly after 10 PM.
Saturday I woke early to a house full of teenage bodies asleep, snoring, and strewn across my living room. We had been invaded! Andrew had a "small" get together. It was an internet party.
He indeed lost much of his work on his senior paper the night of the power outage, and I guess his remedy was to have a party, instead of work on his paper. I guess he's learned from Mom's attitude, "If you are overdrawn, go out to lunch!"
Or something like that...
I reminded myself that Andrew will live on his own soon, and the mess of empty pop bottles and pizza wrappers brought quiet giggles, instead of frustration.
Bill and I whispered as we got ready for fishing.
It was really slow on the bay, Saturday. Bill finally landed a Tillamook Bay Springer! I got to net it! A feisty little 14 pound springer that ended up winning third place in the tourney! Congrats, Bill!
He was awarded a boat rental and three crab traps from Garibaldi Marina! I don't know how we'll ever use that, but it was fun!
We fished for five hours!!! Get that! I did get a little tired and cranky after the third hour, but I stuck it out! I'm not sure that was a good thing to do, because by the afternoon I couldn't move! My resting pulse was over 80! I was laying on my bed, and every time I tried to get up to get ready for the evening dinner, my pulse would rise immediately, to almost 100! That was a pretty good indicator that I would not be attending the dinner! Back down I went, as Bill left for the festivities.
Later, Kilchis persuaded me to take him to the river. I slowly made it out to the wonderful log bench that the last high water brought in for me. Clad in slippers and Exotherms, I rested quietly beside the Kilchis River.
Dee Dee the big black lab had come also, and barked at imaginary predators on the other side of the river. The echo of her bark initiated more barks. She thought she had company!
Molly climbed onto my lap and purred so loudly that it blocked most of the noise out. Kilchis the dog dug a 30 foot long ditch, nearly 2 feet deep.
We were all content. I settled in.
As I rested, I was overcome by the beauty of my surroundings and thought about writing about it, today. How on earth would I describe what I saw, though?
I glanced from left to right, trying to take in the total landscape. Words escaped me! Such complex beauty!
I thought back to some private art lessons I took as a young adult. Vance Richardson was my art teacher, and taught me to paint only what I saw. To instill this method, he'd have me paint things upside down. Have you ever tried to paint a face, upside down? It's no easy task until you totally let go, and think about ONLY what you see. It's not creative, this way. It's an exact art to capture facial expression. I have used this technique, in addition to creativity, for years.
The movement of water is one of the most difficult things to capture on canvas. Using the technique described above is the only way I can do it. Not upside down, so much, but using the "only what you see" method. You have to break it down, almost to pixels, and grab the colors from your palette, measure what you see, and put brush to canvas. It's amazing, using this technique, how well you can reproduce things.
It's much the same with words, and it's very true that water is as difficult to describe in words, as it is to paint. To capture the multiple expressions and moods of the river is more difficult for me than painting a face, upside down. You can't let it overwhelm you. You have to simply break it down to what your brain tells you that you see.
The river was low, clear, and quiet. The approaching storm brought moisture to the air which gathered as fog, dancing upon the water. It moved without the aid of wind, taking on a life form of it's own.
As it moved, it changed height, form, character and width.
A partial blanket of fog kissed the top of the water as it passed before me. Traveling to the riffles on my right, it became whispy and playful, mirroring the water's activity, below. Then moving up to rest on the flat, slower currents upriver, it melded into a flat down blanket. At times, it would pass by me, enveloping all three of us, until we couldn't see one another.
I stared so hard, trying to make out the figures before me, that when the ghost of fog cleared, I would be staring deep into the clear water. It was then that I noticed several steelhead working on their redds right in front of me! As the fog moved, so did the fish! It was like the fog was acting as a cover from predators!
As the curtain of fog parted, the steelhead would flash as they dug their redds, and then suddenly, as if they noticed their protective cover lifted from them, they darted to hide underneath it, once again.
It was mystical, magical... as if something out of a fantasy book. The gathering dusk seemed to magnify the luminescent light of the fog. Right before the sun set, the fog took on the most unearthly color!
I let out a deep sigh, knowing that the evening's performance was finished. It was time to go in.
I missed the festivities of the Bounty of the Bay tournament... the good food, the camaraderie, and the music. But, somehow I felt as though I, too, had been rewarded with a perfect end to a perfect weekend.
When I came in from the river, I sat at my piano and composed the story of what I'd seen. It's still playing in my head, this morning!
Now, I've got to get out my oils and try to capture the evening on canvas.
My beloved pets, and the beautiful river constantly bring pure joy to my life, and I never want to forget moments such as these.

May 16th, 2005

Andrew's Senior Project
Now... look at the pic above of my playing my fish.
Pretty similar, eh?

Wow! This isn't just a parent thing. My son KJ's band is GOOD! Really good! Andrew can really slap that bass!!! I was more than impressed! Andrew, (Known as KJ at school) keeps his music private, and I rarely get to hear him, let alone his band. Sometimes I'll sneak down and listen to him play, and I've been incredulous, but I haven't heard their band.
Kyle, the lead guitarist is more than talented. He is gifted. He is very serious about his music and wants to attend Juliard. I can talk music history and music theory with him, as a musical contemporary. His guitar solos came off as shockingly beautiful and articulated as Satriani. In fact, that is who he reminds me of! Yes!
The band was so poised! They entertained the crowd with both humor and musical talent.
In case you are wondering, those are "Got Milk?" stickers all over KJ's bass. Funny thing, he doesn't drink milk. His entire life is an irony.
They played some of their original tunes which were amazingly complex. Their lyrics were difficult to hear. I'm not quite sure I'm upset about not hearing them, after listening to some of their favorite band's tunes!
KJ put this concert on as his Senior Project. The entry was a can of food, or a donation to the food bank. I'm not sure how much they raised, but I surely couldn't lift the box of food they collected!
Now, he needs to put together a 20 minute production of how he put it together, the work he went through, the problems he had to solve in planning, etc. He has a video production of the final event, and he had a team of adult mentors who he got together to help him plan, and to shoot questions to.
The production will be tomorrow night at 8:00 PM. After he's done with that, the rest of his senior year will be a relief. He's almost there!
I will be uploading one of their original tunes to ifish, once it is ready. I'm so proud of KJ!
Oh, the funniest thing happened at the concert. David acted as their roadie and bouncer. I was wondering if they'd have trouble last night. They had to have police standing by, in the event that there was.
A group of kids gathered in the "mosh pit" during the concert to play hacky sack. Always protective, David thought that was rude. Mind you, these were big kids. David is a big kid in his own right, but...
Anyhow, once the hacky sack got out of control and David grabbed it. In one smooth move, he grabbed the hacky sack and heaved it up, and into the crowd. Immediately, one of the smaller kids came over to David. I tightened my grip on my arm rest. Trouble! The kid yelled at David, but soon left. Shortly thereafter a huge guy came down from the upper audience and sat behind David. I couldn't hear the conversation, but the guy didn't look happy. I had to restrain myself from joining them.
It was sort of the same feeling a Mother gets when her kid is hurt on the soccer field. You want so badly to go see if they are alright, but it's just not done. I sat, ready to leap up and protect, but knowing that I couldn't!
Turns out, David, in throwing the hacky sack had nailed this guy in the head! UH OH! Trouble? NO! David calmly remained in his seat and apologized, but also told him how rude he thought the kids were being.
Next thing I know, this big kid is telling the group of hacky sackers to move along! David remained in the same position, calmly resting in his seat... handling life and all that it brings him! I cannot believe his bravery! Or, is it ignorance?
On the way home, he said, "You know, Mom... Someday I'm going to get the stuff beat out of me. I need that... or else someone is going to kill me someday. I'm far too brave!"
I'd have to agree with that, but I hope it doesn't happen. His allegiance and respect for his brother is admirable. I have never understood how two brothers can get along so well. I keep waiting, in their growing years for this to change, and it hasn't, yet. They stand up for one another like no two better friends in the world. They are both nearly 18 now, and things remain the same.
I don't stand a chance when I try to blame something on one or the other. They band together and stand up for one another and I end up at a loss. It makes it rather unequal as a single parent. Three is a crowd. One against two is unfair!
Just one more thing that makes single parenting a challenge. Where is "my" brother in all of this?
What an absolute blessing, though, their allegiance to one another is. I have so much to be thankful for.
This is why I am alive. Every time I even begin to take pity on my health condition, or feel that it's too hard to go on, I think about my boys. I can't remember the last time they have had any type of altercation. Their life, and all the joy that it brings me is a supreme reason to fight the fight. I don't want to miss a moment!
Andrew's bass guitar booms through the floor of my bedroom at 2:00 in the morning, and David tickles the ivories, or plays his sax in the background.
Every time I hear them laugh together too late at night, I have to say to myself, "Now this!! This is living!"

May 19th, 2005

Man, the thunder and lightning is REALLY close! Poor Andrew! He's been up all night because of the Star Wars movie, and now he's home, trying to get a quick nap before school starts, and nature is not cooperating!
There is a small flame on the mountain facing my home. I'm sure it's a lightning fire. The pouring rain will quickly douse it, but it's kind of interesting! I'm sure glad it's not dry out there! I live on a dead end road in the forest. Only two ways out. The river and the road! I've often thought about escaping via the river. It's almost a fun thought! Almost!
I was surprisingly peaceful last night. Thank you, Lord, for the comfort of peace you have brought me. I can sure feel when people are praying. I asked for prayer on the Angler's Chapel on ifish. More and more, this is my favorite forum on ifish. I used to check it after I was done moderating the other forums. Now, I check it first, and find myself in deep prayer for others, and the recipient of prayer from many. It lifts my days! Praise God and thank you for this forum! Please join us! It's a great network of fishermen and women who love the Lord!
Despite the fact that Andrew was driving over the pass with his friends at 3:00 in the morning, I slept soundly until the thunder hit at 3:45 AM. That woke me with a start! I was disoriented and sat up in bed wondering why I was unsettled. Then it hit me. Oh! Andrew isn't home! The movie ended at 2:20 AM on 185th in Portland. Lessee.. two hours drive time? Max?
I lay in bed calculating driving times until I drifted off again. Waking again to thunder at 4:20, I listened for sounds of his arrival. Finally at 4:45 AM, I heard the vibrations of a car, outside. A rooster crowed, probably at the headlights, thinking it was morning.
A rush of relief swept over my sleepy head. Time to get up! Yay! Although I should be exhausted, the relief of my son being home safely and soundly, refreshed me!
I'm certain Andrew does not feel the same! Yuck! Can you imagine being up all night? I can't do that anymore, no matter how good a movie might be!
The end of Senior Year is really a whirlwind of activity. Both for the parents, and for the Senior!
I received this supportive note from a reader:

Your son is adorable! When that empty nest hits you, and it may hit hard. --just remember that even though they may be away from college and you may not hear from them for a month, please, please remember that you are still their center. Their ground. --and they will always return home. It just may take a while.

I loved that and I will keep it handy on my desktop as a gentle reminder!
Gee... a rush of exhaustion just swept over me. Yawn... Time to get Andrew up for school. Oh, he's going to love this.... I think I should get out my light saber cereal spoon for protection!

May 21st, 2005

The heat is on. Springer fishing here on Tillamook Bay is at it's peak, but no one is doing much--including me. However, I'm not doing much because I just haven't gone much! The weather has been so poor! I'm getting cabin fever, though. I have to get out!
The spring birds are also at their peak. I have wonderful mornings watching and counting the different species. We have so many, many grosbeak this year! They have so much character! We also have flocks of forty or more goldfinch that move from the front of the house to the back. Grosbeak, pine siskins, goldfinch and purple finch. Such a colorful mix! It seems almost tropical! I can sit at my kitchen table and be entertained for hours.
My physical therapist has been beating me up in the mornings, with brutal movements. She's such a nice gal. How can she hurt me so?
By noon, I just want to go to bed! I know that nothing that is worthwhile comes without work, though, and I'm so hoping to get my energy and strength back to what it was! I just keep doing what she says, despite the "ouch" involved! I was supposed to be done with physical therapy yesterday, but I was assigned four to six more weeks. It's kind of neat- like a personal trainer, but it's also tough stuff! My abs are getting tighter by the day!
I can't believe that next Saturday my beloved Kilchis river will be open for fly fishing! When the day comes, and I grab my rod off the wall, Kilchis is going to go nuts! Our walks on the river have been pretty short, due both to not being able to fish, and due to my health.
By the time fishing opens, I hope to be both more energetic, and successful in my endurance for fly fishing!
Each time I walk to the river when the water is down, I see new redds. The rain has caused the water levels to be high enough for the fish to be spread throughout the system. It seems really late for new redds. I can't help but dream that I might hook into a steelhead with my trout fly rod! Can you imagine a steelie on a 4 or 5 wt. rod and a trout fly? Whooo hoooo! I haven't seen a steelhead since the last rise of water, this week, but it's dropping now, and I can't wait to inspect the redds!
The tide is incoming most of today, and I feel like fishing. I don't know if I'll go to the ghost hole, to the upper bay, or just stay home and putter around the garden.
With the heavy rains, everything has gotten behind for me. I've been so cold all week! My exotherms have gotten alot of use, and our firewood is low!
Along with everything else, I've been finding myself dreaming of a vacation in the sunshine. Somewhere where my boys and I could go, just to be together one last week, before Andrew moves out.
David is leaving for Hawaii soon on a school band trip. Lucky kid! I've never even been, and he's taking this trip with the most "ho hum" attitude, as far as I can tell! I would be so excited! Maybe I'll just hitch a ride, and go with him!
Andrew's high school graduation has us all in a whirlwind of excitement and activity. I had forgotten how busy and important this event is! So many things to do!
Speaking of that, I guess I'll go fill out invitations to his graduation... and then go fishing? Maybe!

May 23rd, 2005

I still can't stop giggling.
I had a wonderful day, yesterday. I ran away from home! I woke in the morning, just knowing that I had to get away. I've been a prisoner in my own home for so many months! Maybe it was the rain and I had cabin fever. Maybe it has been my extended illness, but I just wanted to be free... to be away, to drive somewhere, alone!
The boys were leaving with their Dad overnight. I was free!
The idea that I had enough energy to do that felt so wonderful! Independence is something that I might have lost. Instead, I've won it back! Or, at least on occasion!
I dialed my best friend from high school. "We are running away! Get in your car and come meet me!"
On the way, a visual migraine hit me. This was not going to stop me, though! I pulled over and closed my eyes. I stopped at a local nursery to pass the time. These visual auras usually last about twenty minutes. I've been having them for weeks, now!
I hadn't seen my friend for a long time! I had to make it! I picked out a beautiful hanging spring basket and tucked it in the back of my car, for delivery.
As the migraine ceased, I continued on my journey. Nothing was going to stop me!
Kim had came to visit me when I was sick, but that was the first time in ages, and besides, when you are sick, the conversation revolves around IV tubes, and expected hospital stays, and worried comments. I nearly died six months ago, and it has me realizing that I can't afford to ignore my old friends. We need to keep in contact!
We met at the Spirit Mountain Casino for lunch. I had a little ifish business to do along the way, so I combined my efforts. I also stopped by to say hi to Marty Peterson at the Nestucca Valley Store.
By noon, Kim and I were sitting down to an ice cold drink, some good food, and some excellent conversation.
We go way, way back! Back to grade school and piano lessons with the same teachers. That's how we had met. We lived together at several points in our young lives. We attended PSU together, and lived in Portland. We consumed pots of coffee while we studied at Carrows restaurant in SW. Portland, late at night. We shared a lot of time in Los Angeles and saw Itzhak Perlman at the Hollywood Bowl. We lived together in Manzanita in the summers, and worked at the same places in Cannon Beach. We rented boats at the Jetty Fishery and feasted on fresh crab in the evenings.
We also did our share of things that would make one think we were invincible. Ah... the lives of young adults. We were plain nuts, but oh we had fun! Two young women in an orange Porsche, driving in the middle of the night, all over the United States. How did we ever grow to make it to our forties?
But the proof was in being together, yesterday afternoon. We talked and walked for hours and had a great time!
But-- on the way home, it hit me! Pure exhaustion! I struggled to stay awake on the curvy highway. My legs ached from the exercise and my sides hurt from laughing so much.
I finally made it home. Bill had a fire in the fireplace and I plopped down on the couch. It was there that I stayed until way past bedtime. I could not move! Honestly!
It's interesting how exhaustion can bring on a kind of worry, sadness, and depression. I slowly made my way up the stairs and sat down at my bureau. My excited and happy mood had done a 180 on me!
I took off my sweatshirt and the bright red scar that zips down my chest glared back at me in the mirror. A kind of panic and sadness swept over me.
Who was this woman with all of the scars on her chest? Her legs? Why are my legs numb? Why do I have no feeling in my left foot? What happened to the girl that twenty years ago had enough energy to keep up with life and do such crazy, fun things?
I was so tired that tears gathered in the corner of my eyes, and rolled down my cheeks. I was experiencing a small emotional crisis.
I looked over at Bill and stated,
"I'm having a nervous crack."
Alright. I admit it. The meds I take have a tendency to slow down my heart rate, and I do believe it also slows down my mental functions! Between that and the reported memory loss after being in surgery for so long, words... well, they totally escape me at times!
"A nervous crack, huh?" Bill giggled.
All of the sudden, the visual of a "nervous crack" hit me hard.
Through my tears, a smile slowly crept across my face. Then I began to giggle. Soon, I was in tears, not because of sadness, but because of laughter. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life! I think it was a combo of a nervous breakdown and a mental crack that I was attempting to describe to him. "A nervous crack" however, was not at all accurate, nor what I was trying to describe.
I fell asleep, still giggling.
This morning I woke again, to the memory of a "nervous crack" last night.
The memories of my day together with Kim, and the finale of humor under duress, well... I still can't stop giggling!

May 27th, 2005

Oh, my, but 3:30 comes early in the morning! Of all things, last night David's band had a practice, before leaving this morning, for Hawaii! My opinion? If they don't know the music, yet... uh... :)
I was just kind of disappointed, as it was my last night with David before departing. Plus, it's kind of hard on me to be up till 10, and get up at 3:00. Kind of hard? Really hard!
I sit here typing at 4:00 AM. Shall I go back to bed, and get up at 6, when I need to wake up Roo?
I promised Bill I'd fish springers with him this morning. Do I do that, or do I cave, and go back to bed? You only live once... It's OK to fish tired, right?
Besides that, it's so darn easy to catch them!
I don't know, but I do know that my eyes are screaming to shut!
I can't argue that it's quite nice out, after the heat of yesterday. It's cool, crisp and reminds me how I adore mornings! The birds are still sound asleep. How I'd love to hear their first song. Are they ever grouchy when they wake up? I don't think so!
That's because God takes care of their every need and they have nothing to worry about. As I think of David alone for five days, so many long hours away from me, I tend to worry. I think about Luke 12:22-30.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
I rest in that passage, as I kissed David, gave him a big hug, and sent him on his way. We are so much more valuable than birds, and so much more wise, too!
Then why on earth do Mother's worry?
He'll be fine, and so will I be!
Now... to fish, or to sleep... that is the question!

May 25th, 2005

I should have bought a lottery ticket, yesterday! I told you yesterday that I was going to go catch a springer. There is nothing hard about it at all! I learned that from Bill Monroe's wife. She caught one first time out this year and said, "Just what is so hard about this, anyhow?" Uh huh!
So, with that attitude in tow, yesterday, I set out to get mine. Not a problem! I landed two in the first hour out on Tillamook Bay! Whooo hooo! Not only was it easy, it was a snap! Maybe it's just a 'girl thang', but I just shake my head at all you guys out there with your serious demeanor and your frustrated attitudes. This is supposed to be fun! Easy! I'm so sorry for your grief and hard times. What's the deal? Tie a spinner on a stick. Add a chunk of lead, and troll around. Bingo!
Anyhoo-- I tied on a "Tim Juarez" chartreuse and white spinner, and 30 feet from the get-go nailed the beauty posted above! Click here for more pictures that I posted on the board, yesterday.
It was really fun! I played the first one sitting down, trying to remember to breathe and be calm. It was not a problem! After I landed it, I was overcome with emotion. Unexpectedly, I was nearly drowned in a tsunami of tears. "Are you alright?" Bill asked with concern. Through intense 'sup sups' and bountiful tears, I smiled. "Yes! I'm fine!" Women are so weird! But at least, we can catch fish.
This was followed by an unnaturally long hug for Bill as our boat was being swept out to sea. I didn't care. Take me anywhere! Take me away, sea!
I was alive! They said I couldn't do this! I did it! I'm still alive! The sun shone on my shoulders. The bay was calm and I had a flipping, flopping 21 pound springer spraying beautifully fresh scales all over me! This fish was so fresh that it's scales were just flying all over like a shower of celebratory glitter!
After I began to calm down, we decided to try down the bay a ways. "Bill! Bill! There he is! I have another! A limit of springers in an hour? Just WHAT in the world IS so hard about all of this? Tee hee! I got a little overexcited about this one. I yelled "Whoo hoooo!" at the top of my lungs totally forgot there was anything medical to be concerned with. I was unstoppable.
I goofed! I fell back into the old habit of sticking the rod butt into my gut for leverage. Bad girl! Although I only goofed for a second, this caused a trip to ER in the afternoon. I had evidently bruised my kidneys and it just so happened that my blood thinner level was too high at the same time. This caused internal bleeding. The Tillamook doctors insisted that I stay for further tests, but my California doctors said I could probably leave, safely. What a confusing system! I finally decided enough is enough on the tests thing, and signed an AMA and left. That's short for "Against Medical Advice". It felt weird to do that, but I was just so tired of medical... you know? I love my Tillamook doctors. I hope they are not upset with me.
Anyhow-- back to fish number two. It was just as gorgeous and three pounds heavier than my first! I signed off on my tag, and from then on sat at the trolling motor to try and get Bill into a fish. I had a blast just running the boat! I learned a lot, too! Now, this part of fishing IS tough! How in the world do they do it? Trying to manage against the wind is one thing. But, Bill also manages to eat, fish, talk and troll all at the same time! I was relieved when an hour later, Bill finally stuck his hook into a nice 20 pound springer. I netted it for him, and laid it neatly against the boat side, while he pulled it in. We have our new system up and going. I can't lift the fish, so he does the heavy part. The stark reality that I can still fish for salmon is still causing mass smileage, still. In fact, it's a perma grin! I can't stop! Ever seen a girl in the emergency room, sicker than a dog, but still smiling?
No, doctor! Don't give me morphine! I'm still totally pain free on Spring Salmon!
I was totally exhausted when I got home from the hospital, and fell into a deep salmon coma the minute I hit my bed.
Woke up to the sun shining. I could be fishing right now. Bill is out with Norm Ritchie and friends. But, you know? I have an entire freezer of fish, after yesterday's catch and besides... I don't want to rub it in. For some reason, those guys have a terrible time trying to catch springers.
I mean, how hard can it be?


May 27th, 2005

Oh, my, but 3:30 comes early in the morning! Of all things, last night David's band had a practice, before leaving this morning, for Hawaii! My opinion? If they don't know the music, yet... uh... :)
I was just kind of disappointed, as it was my last night with David before departing. Plus, it's kind of hard on me to be up till 10, and get up at 3:00. Kind of hard? Really hard!
I sit here typing at 4:00 AM. Shall I go back to bed, and get up at 6, when I need to wake up Roo?
I promised Bill I'd fish springers with him this morning. Do I do that, or do I cave, and go back to bed? You only live once... It's OK to fish tired, right?
Besides that, it's so darn easy to catch them!
I don't know, but I do know that my eyes are screaming to shut!
I can't argue that it's quite nice out, after the heat of yesterday. It's cool, crisp and reminds me how I adore mornings! The birds are still sound asleep. How I'd love to hear their first song. Are they ever grouchy when they wake up? I don't think so!
That's because God takes care of their every need and they have nothing to worry about. As I think of David alone for five days, so many long hours away from me, I tend to worry. I think about Luke 12:22-30.
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
I rest in that passage, as I kissed David, gave him a big hug, and sent him on his way. We are so much more valuable than birds, and so much more wise, too!
Then why on earth do Mother's worry?
He'll be fine, and so will I be!
Now... to fish, or to sleep... that is the question!

May 30th, 2005

The last Monday in May, all across these United States, we observe Memorial Day. As stated back in 1868, it is a time when we can bind together "by cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead."

All is calm in the Kilchis River Valley. How I wish it was this way all around the world. I am humbled to think that others have died for the peace that I am experiencing this morning!
On Saturday I got up to experience the first day of trout season, here on the coast. No, it's not really the same as it has been in history. You can't keep the fish, and there are so many different rules and regs for each different river that it's taken the punch out of the historical celebration. The opening of trout season has grown a little "ho hum" and confusing.
You wouldn't know that, however, by my dog Kilchis's reaction. I thought he was going to explode when I reached up on the garage shelf for my fly rod and tried to prepare for the event, as he jumped all over me! I couldn't help but laugh. He was so darn noisy that riverside, I'm sure all the fish heard him and shot upstream! I still enjoyed a morning of casting alternate flies and spinners. The weather was perfect, and the river had a good flow of water to it. I even saw a lone steelhead! It had to be either a stray summer, or a late winter. Imagine the fun if it had been a stray summer, and it took a fly on my three weight! The thought of it kept me casting.
Yesterday, Joe and Evelyn Schwab joined us for a morning on the bay. We provided a very relaxing (too relaxing!) trip for them. I think that we saw one fish caught all morning, and it was wild.
I live in such a wonderful world. Peaceful and relaxing are the keywords, this weekend, and I have so many people before me to thank for this peace.
Just reading the headlines each morning has me realizing that my peace is not universal. How I wish the blanket of calm that spreads over the Kilchis river canyon could stretch across the world.
I am humbled by my wealth, and I have no money. I am rich with peaceful forests, the symphony of the river, and the blanket of fog that keeps me safe and sound and quiet on this Memorial Day.

May 31st, 2005

OK. How much can one girl take? I woke up with what I believe to be a retinal detachment. I hope it's not true, but I can't deny what's happening. I hope it's just a migraine. Flashing lights in my left eye. My good eye. Bummer.
It's off to the doc I go... I can't drive, so I have to figure out how to get there! Yikes.
Pray that I'm having a migraine! Oh good! I still have a sense of humor!
(Update:) OK, I'm going to go to my dentist appointment, and then to Casey Eye in Portland. I've cancelled two dentist appointments in the last two weeks, because of ER visits! I'm beginning to think that dental appointments CAUSE emergencies? LOL.
While waiting, I put up Stan Fagerstrom's new column. It's really neat, about the new Gami floats. They are so cool! Please read, here!
Oh... I so don't want to risk losing my eyesight.

May 31st, 2005 later...

I'm back! They released me unharmed! Hooray! My retina is intact. I still can't see well, so something is askew, but they didn't find out what. I have to go back, but they didn't keep me! Whoo hoooo! It's so good to be home. I've had enough anesthesia for a lifetime, thank you!


A journal of my adventures.