Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington
June 2006
Jennie's Fishing Life

 

June 1st! 2006!

June! Wow!
I rolled over in my bed and reached for my clock. 5:00 A.M.. Darn. I am tired. My body creaks and doesn't want to get out of bed, but something pulls at me. Why, like a child, am I always so eager for the day? Why can't I sleep in till noon like my teens? I've always been like this, as long as I can recall. Especially as a child, but even through my teen and early adult years. I just can't sleep in. What is it, that keeps me from it?
I sat in the half lit dawn of my office and listened to the fullness of Spring. It's amazing, and I love it.
The air is warm and moist and a heavy fog reaches down to rest on the tips of the forest trees that surround me. The greens of new growth are nearly incandescent as they come into focus.
The newly winged birds are in full chorus, yet still hidden in their camps. I imagine them to be the same as myself. Eager for the day. I can understand their motivation and excitement! They made it through a dangerous night, with predators all around. I image the parents as summer counselors. Hushing and shushing and trying to lead off giggling campers to the showers and then to the mess hall.
The babies are hungry in their nests, and the parents are eager to teach them to feed.



25 pound springer, my first this year! June 7th 2006

Even in the half lit day, Francis, my hummingbird friend, flies in to be first at the feeder. There is no one to fight her right now. She's got it all to herself! I feel her joy of being alone. Soon the rest will wake, and fight her for the empty spaces at the feeder. Chaos will ensue as the masses stir.
I certainly understand my fatigue by mid day. I start too excited, too early. I am not a reluctant enthusiast as Abbey describes. I am an ecstatic enthusiast for nature, and I don't think many could keep up this wonder for long! I wish!
The trees now stand brightly defined against the fog. Everything is dripping fresh from the rain. The air smells sweet as my coffee maker steams, and expresses it's last drop. Ah, fuel... to keep on.
As I take a sip, I open The Bible to where I left off. Good morning, God. Let's talk.

June 2nd

Still... No doctor call from the results on my CT. I really liked it when I went it, got the test, and headed over to another building for the results. This waiting can drive a kid wild!
When, oh when will they call? It's interesting when they are so casual about it. No hurries, no worries. I wonder if they'd be the same if it was about them, or their children? I guess they just get so used to it that it is just another walk in the park.
Waiting... waiting... waiting...
I'm headed to Portland for another doctor visit.
I had yet another appt. for another doctor at a pain clinic. I found out my insurance doesn't cover that well, so you know what I did? I cancelled it. To heck with it! No one can fix what I have, so why go?
There comes a point where you'd rather just let live, than to face another round of tests and "Tell me about yourself..."
I'm starting to feel like a kid when school is out--
No more doctors! I quit!

Instead, I'm doing yoga at home, and just trying to eat right. I think it does about the same thing or better than taking all those pills. I have to take some, I know, but not all of 'em.
The birds are beautiful and busy this morning. I think I'll just sit for a bit and watch. :)

 

June 3rd

Although the report is that the test came out alright, the good doc' was impressing on me how I would get to graduate to 1 year after this test, if it looked good.
For some reason, I did not graduate. I have to have another one in six months. I'm not sure I understand why, as last time we spoke, he was all for it.
Oh well, no matter! As long as he isn't talking surgery, I'm good with it!
At least the waiting is over! Phew!

 

June 6th

Did I tell you how much I adore Freesia? Well, I do. When I was married, that was my favorite gift. Just one stem is so powerfully scented that it nearly overpowers the room with scent. But, what a lovely scent!
So, when I accidentally flipped on one of those TV sale channels, they were holding up, of all thing, Freesia! A whole box of bulbs of Freesia! I simply had to have them, so I dialed up their web site, and ordered them!
I planted them here, and there, and everywhere, but especially in pots so that as they bloom, one by one, I can bring them in the house, rather than cut them!
Every morning, I pad out in my slippers, (getting them wet, wet, wet!) to check on the stem with the most mature blooming going on. Still, nothing, but I haven't checked today! I wish I had taken pictures, every morning to track their progress! That would be fun, on the net. Maybe I'll do it, still! But they are so close to bloom! Maybe today?
I took a picture, but it didn't turn out. While doing that, I captured a picture of my favorite girls.


Big Bird and Bette

Please meet Big Bird and Bette! They are darlings and very friendly. Bette is our house chicken. Often, if you accidentally leave the door open, you'll find her cleaning carpets of debris, or waltzing through the kitchen. Big Bird is not very smart, but charming, all the same. Yes, she has funny hair!
I'm feeling overwhelmed lately, by ifish. It is at these times that I concentrate on things that soothe me. My girls, above, blooming flowers, the out of doors, steelhead on their redds. These are a few of my favorite things...
I need to fish more, but it just never seems possible! I was out sick for a couple days. Thought I felt better yesterday, but today, I'm wimpy, again. It's a state of mind, right? I'm not going to let it get me down!
Off I go. Today I plan for our annual party, Ifishstock. I do hope you can make it! Join in our poll, so that the planning is yours, too? Thank you!
The cutest thing! The baby birds are out this morning, and all of their parents are out, trying to teach them to feed. Fun to watch their little wings flutter, in trying them out. They are precious!

June 9th

I have to block out all else that is going on. I need to. I have something very important to tend to. I promised myself I'd write here, first.
It's been so crazy out! So, so crazy!
This morning was a zoo! Still is!
But, before anything else, I have to tell you that last night, before all of the light left the valley, I walked outside to check on my freesia blooms! In the dusk of night, shining oh-so-brightly out of the surrounding deep greens, was one very tiny but opulent yellow touch of a bloom! It was SO exciting! I can't wait to go check, this morning.
I just bet.. I just bet it will be in full bloom! If it is in full bloom it will help me so much get over the stress of this morning!
Last night, Bill and I were speaking about how sad it is that Dee Dee won't follow me outside, anymore. I can't help but think of "Puff the Magic Dragon." As a small child, that song tore my heart out every time. I have visions of peanut butter sandwiches, Captain Kangaroo, Puff the Magic Dragon, and... OK, tears. Come on! Who would write such a song? Only to bring tears? Furthermore, why would it be on children's TV?
Anyhow, Dee Dee is my Puff, or I, the other way around, and we want to keep frolicking in the autumn mist, by the sea.
Dee Dee is just my speed. Kilchis runs like fire. Dee Dee and I trudge along slowly behind, poking at agates and sniffing branches, as we go. Sometimes we find a nice warm patch of sand, and we sit for a while, to catch our breath. I rub her warm fur as it absorbs the suns good rays.
Meanwhile, Kilchis entertains us, racing against dippers and charging through the river. Dee Dee and I reminisce about younger days when we, too, had Kilchis's energy. We shake our heads, together, as if we were making fun. Not admitting that we are envious. Instead, we poke fun at his silliness in youth.
I need a friend like that. Dee Dee is my home. My anchor. My rock. I understand the aching muscles and her quietly wagging tail, these days. I see her joy, still, and her eagerness to wake in the morning. Even while she struggles to stand, she smiles and makes it across the kitchen floor to receive her treat and welcome to the day. Her wagging tail still tips over my glasses of water. Proof right there, of her joy!
This morning, after I helped Dee Dee down the stairs outside, and back in again. (She needs assistance or she'll fall.) Then, right on schedule, we went for the treats. We serve soft chewy treats, now, and she took it, just as eager as a pup. Just as labs so often do, there was no chewing involved. Just a full swoop of air, and... food gone!
But this time was different. She began having what I'd describe as an asthma attack. She couldn't breathe! Foam began building and dripping out of the sides of her mouth as the whistle became more evident. "Bill!" I screamed. "Bill, come help! Dee Dee is choking!" --Or, so I thought! I still don't know!
We tried the heimlich as she struggled for breath. We tried to put our fingers down her mouth. We thought we felt the treat there, and tried, try again! Our hands got bitten, but we didn't stop. Pretty soon, there was blood everywhere from our desperate attempts to free her airway. As we did the heimlich, it caused her to defecate. There was blood, excrement and foamy vomit, everywhere! Mind you, this is at 5 in the morning, pre coffee, pre anything. The house was in turmoil!
I did a web search as her breathing became more shallow, and her exhaustion showed. Bill worked on her, all the while. No luck! I called the vet. They took our information oh-so-slowly, or so it seemed. We finally decided we'd rush her to the clinic. I yelled for Andrew to help, as Bill and I both realized we shouldn't be lifting a 90 pound labrador. Andrew, glanced around him in his sleep, and did what was required, obviously in shock by what his eyes took in. The place looked like... well, I don't know!
While Bill was gone, I went into a half sobbing, half panicked state. I began cleaning, furiously, totally frustrated by not knowing what was happening. And my cell phone that was usually in my car, was in my purse. No communication! Ach!
I wrote on the moderator board on ifish. They are so near and dear to me. My extended family, always there. They talked me through it, calmed me.
Finally, Bill pulled up. I flew open the window and he stopped short. "She's OK!" He yelled. I flopped down in my chair and let her fly. Tears poured down my cheeks. I had thought it was my fault. I had thought I'd choked my dearest big, black, adorable lab friend! I was so relieved, and yet the tears just increased!
Outside, Kilchis ran to his friend and licked her face. Obviously, Kilchis knew the importance of the incident. I watched, as the happy family seemed just fine!
Soon, Dee Dee came in the house. But, something was wrong. She began foaming again, at the mouth! "Bill! She is not alright!" I pointed out the dripping foam, as she settled on the carpet. I grabbed a towel and knelt by her side. I pet her cool back. "Dee Dee! What is wrong, sweetheart? What is it?"
Dee Dee is resting soundly right now. I don't know what is wrong. Could it be congestive heart failure? Is she still choking? Regardless, her breathing is calm, now, and she currently just seems exhausted. (So am I!)
Our plans were to go fishing this morning. So much for that, but who really cares about fishing? My dogs, of course, come first.
I have vacuumed and shampooed the carpets. My back is killing me and my heart, my emotions, they are tentative and unsettled.
Oh, Dee Dee. What power you have over my soul!
Well, I figure that her days are to be counted, from here on in. I knew it was coming. Still, that is no consolation. Death, the loss of any friend or loved one is never easy. I realize she is beyond the capacity to enjoy life much and I don't want to be selfish. I know it will be better on the other side. I know all of these things, but my heart cannot be still. I am selfish in my wanting her, here, with me... forever. My Kilchis river fishing dog. My friend who loves the word "Ducks!" but cannot hear, anymore. My friend who spent so many long hours swimming, retrieving, racing for sticks with my son, David, but now, can barely see.
She's had a wonderful life, I know. What better life can you have, than on the Kilchis river banks, running free? I know that it is good. So, so good. Dee Dee was rescued from the humane society many years ago. What luck! A dog can have it no better, than living here.


Dee Dee and his namesake, DD
Click for larger image.

Besides having the flu all week, my life has been filled with fish and joy. It just makes me realize how full life can be, even if good health is not one of the joys. Dangit, that's why I want Dee Dee to stay. It's still so good! I went out on Tillamook Bay this week when all of a sudden my line went slack. Whoo hooo! Fish on! Click here for that post.
My hummingbirds are just magnificent! You can see pictures of those, by clicking here. A new migration of them came in. There are just clouds of hummies! They are starting to thin out now, though.
And oh! My yellow roses are beautiful! Look!


Click to set wallpaper size
.

And now there is my Freesia to look forward to. Each morning, there are wonderful things in life to enjoy, to pursue, to wait for! I love to have things to look forward to. That is what keeps me keepin' on! I have to go check now! Just wait. I'll be right back, k? I have only my slippers and robe on, but who cares? It's raining, but I'll just get wet!


Freesia bloom. See it?

Alright.... not yet! But, I guess that's a good thing, because now I still have something to look forward to!
Well... Poor Dee Dee. I just pet her. I want her to wag her tail, if even just a bit.
I'm just exhausted. I think I should lay down a bit and rest. I've never gotten so much done before 10 in the morning, before!
That darn "Puff" song is now playing over and over in my head. Especially this part:
A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.

Ohhhhh!
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

Kilchis and I are going for a walk by the river.
Say a prayer for Dee Dee. Alright?

June 11th

Dee Dee is getting on. She has all but put an end to any fishing life. No one can leave home around here, without worry over her. I can't count the times I've said or heard, "How is Dee Dee?"
Sometimes she lays so still, I'm afraid to approach her.
Her days are countable, I'm certain. Rather than choking, I've decided that her problem is congestive heart failure, suggested by STGRule. I think that is what is happening.
When Dee Dee so much as walks outside, she becomes exhausted, begins wheezing terribly, and pretty soon she is seizing, foaming at the mouth and has no control of her bowels. We sit by her and pet and soothe her. We lovingly pinch our noses and clean her messes until the attack passes. It's heart breaking and keeps all of us on edge. There is no restful sleeping in. There are no long absences from home.
Every time these episodes occur, I swear that if I had a shot to put her down, I would. She is suffering, terribly. Kilchis is so keenly disturbed when it happens that he shakes, uncontrollably. Still, after the attack stops, she smiles at me, wags her tail, and acts as any happy old dog would. She lays on her side and opens her legs wide for her belly to be rubbed. Kilchis jumps up and down, and life is back to normal, all over again!
~~
My freesia are still not blooming! Bad Freesias! Every morning I go out to check on them and they seem to be in a state of suspended animation. Those tight little buds stay tight and tiny! I make the rounds. I have several in pots surrounding the house that I will bring indoors once they bloom. The fragrance of freesia is out of this world, and I can't wait to inhale it! I'm nearly tempted to order some cut, because my patience is wearing thin!
Yesterday, I worked out some of my frustration, pulling weeds. I have always loved the phrase, "A weed is simply a flower, misplaced." But I decided yesterday that the very strong difference is that if you pull the head off of a weed, it will grow back. Try that with one of your plants, and they die, straight away. That's the difference!
I have a strong feeling towards wanderlust, lately. I want, need, crave, to romance the road. The boys on the Salty Dog board are driving to Mexico. A dozen of them or more. My wildest dreams is to show up and go with them! What fun that would be!
Back to more reality! If only to bundle a backpack with necessities only, and hit the road down the coastal highway. Who knows where I'd stop. Could be the town next to me. Could be the mighty red woods, or further. I want to travel at my own pace, stop where I wish, small roadside shops, unique beachy inlets, a long nap and a cooling poke of a bare toe into a small, meandering stream. I crave warmth, so Kahneeta calls me. The back roads, where wild horses dart into the highway. Perhaps the joy of seeing a small town ahead that has a welcome 7-11 store. That's where I'd stop for a slurpee, and sit on a concrete curb in the heat as the sun goes down, barefoot.
Although it sounds dirty to most, after living in such a pristine place of nature, here on the Kilchis, (cool, clean and green), the stagnant warmth of asphalt and concrete call me. Nasty things like chewing gum and city flotsam and trashy jetsam at my feet bring back memories of my youth in downtown Canby in the summer, and call to me. I have to experience them just once, for the season. It's kind of like that thick, sweet odor of a carnival that gets sickening if you are forced to stay, but somehow can't resist going for a little while!
Ah yes, travel. And if I can't go, due to Dee Dee's last days, at least I can write about it. It somehow satisfies that wanderlust in me, if only temporarily. I find that I get much joy out of planning trips, and then just staying home. After all, it prolongs the satisfying anticipation. I can plan trips over and over. I can go, only once.
Watching a loved ones last days are tortuously difficult. It's no wonder I would rather wander. Staying and watching is acutely painful, but I wouldn't miss her last precious days for anything. She needs us and every minute with her, now, is a gift that I will treasure.

June 12th

Running an internet forum is difficult, at best. It's a whole different thing. Not many would understand, unless they've run one, themselves.
I have found inner strength in me that I didn't know existed. It's amazing!

June 13th

It was a rare day. The kids were both home. The sun was shining. No one had to go anywhere. The day was as long as the sun would shine, and even into darkness! The barbecue was smoking both filets of salmon and breasts of duck. The air was thick with delicious smoke billowing from the chimney on the Traeger. We peeked in from time to time. Some of the salmon was pecked at. "Is it done?" Oh! It was so good!
The air was warm, and the breeze was gentle and calm through the open doors.
"Summer breeze! Makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind..."
People came and went. Down to the river with the dogs for a short walk, out to the garden, across the field to check the mole traps.
The television was playing a movie that we were all watching in broken segments as we'd stop to do something else.
Everything came easy. The laughter, the chatter, the ease of life. Ifish was nowhere in sight. No where in thought. The fan of the computer hummed in the background, but it hadn't been noticed.
It was indeed, a rare day.
Usually, every day is ifish. Ifish is open 24/7 366 days a year! Why the extra? I don't know. Because it feels that way.
I don't know much, other than that I have been here for years with impassioned loyalty, glued to a box on my desk.
I have been more attentive to ifish than I have been to any friend. More supportive than I have been to a loved mate. I have been more protective to ifish sponsors (that pay the bills that run the wheels) more than I have been as a Mother to my own two children. I have given it my all, even when I didn't have it all!
"Please put it on pause" I yelled to the living room. I had to check on my baby. Do you know how much ifish has grown? Wow! Look at the hits! It just keeps growing! I used to be astonished to see 1000 people on ifish at a time. Now it's nearing 10 thousand! I have so much to be thankful for! This is really a hit, this fishing web site, here! I am so proud of it! I have many people to thank for it's success. It is by no means my own. It is a community project and has so many signatures involved.
But... on such a wonderful family day... why would I do this? Why would I stop to check on ifish, literally out of the blue (skies)? Was this rare and wonderful day not enough for me? Had I no sense? No reason? Why on earth?
I could just tell when I headed for the computer that all eyes were upon me. I knew they were all shaking their heads at me. Thinking, "There goes Mom! There goes the movie! There goes dinner!"
I had a good thing, a rare thing, a wonderful thing in this relaxing day, and I was headed into the office, knowing full well that I was putting an end to peace. Had I no brains?
I knew that I shouldn't, but yet the fear of becoming more behind is very real and is becoming more and more of a concern.
Alert! Alert! There were multiple moderator alerts in my e mail.
Oh no. This looks like a big one. There was a drama explosion on ifish! These are not rare incidents, but sometimes there are events that affect me more personally than others. This one concerned a sponsor. Those are never good. Oh, no. Never, ever good.
You know, even when I'm not on ifish, my mind is often full of ifish. Thinking of this thread and that, and this moniker and that, and registration and bills, and miles of people who want to advertise on ifish that I am unable to accommodate, but wish I could.
I spend time wondering how real marketing people do things, and real book keepers, and real web masters. I use google to learn the basics of what I need to do. I am not up on any of these things. I am a pianist. How did I end up, here?
Chopin, Mozart! Come back to me!
My mind races ahead to what might happen. It's like sight reading music. My vision, always four bars ahead and my fingers, stumbling to catch up.
Sometimes I'd just like to think "nothing". Real business people are able to do that. For me, taking a break from ifish seems nearly impossible. It is more than my ability, to put it aside. Ifish takes all I have and more! A vacation, even in my mind, would be so refreshing! But, I don't know how!
Someone I admire once told me that ifish was not a successful business. Not until I am vacationing at some sunny resort and able to do it peacefully and financially without strain. By that measure, (giggle) Ifish isn't a success!
Sometimes I go out to the garden, and staring into the dirt, feeling it, working it in my hands, helps.
I've tried yoga, and I'm still trying. It helps, but I don't think I have it down, yet. I've tried meditation. It too, helps!
Since my health took a turn for the worse, it's even more difficult. It takes more effort, for less return. When I'm not feeling well anyhow, things that used to bother me emotionally, now weigh me down even more. Little upsets can turn into tragedy, even when it shouldn't.
I tell you, without the ifish moderators, I'd be lost. More, or how much more do I have to be thankful for? The moderators, to whom I am forever indebted.
Work wise, small tasks, what used to take me an hour, now often takes me an interrupted three. I have to take breaks and go feed the birds, or lay down, or simply sleep. I never was as fast as some, but it was all I knew. Now I know what I was, and I struggle to try and regain at least, my old pulse. I am not only behind, but the hurrier I go, the behinder I get. Is it the beta blockers? I don't know!
The other day I tried to vacuum the house. I couldn't finish. I was totally exhausted. Giving up, I tugged at the cord. It has one of those retracting cords. The end snapped me in the ankle, and oh! Did it smart! That's how it seems for me lately, in everything! Not only can I not finish, but I get zinged in the end.
I find myself losing things and forgetting things, and making even more mistakes. Billing folks for the wrong year. (How embarrassing!) And, this is the year of "the lost". Right now, I can count three major losses. My glasses, my record book, (which I totally had to recalculate, but did, successfully!) and my...my.. my.... I forgot! I can count just fine, if only I could remember!
Anyhow, by around late O clock in the evening, totally and most utterly exhausted, I clicked off the computer screen. Things had settled as well as I could expect.
The kids were no longer waiting for me, but instead, wrapped up in their own private events.
I walked down to the living room, and sat on the couch. The room was silent. The doors were still open, and everything was incredibly still, quiet and vacant. I patted Kilchis on the head.
The chatter, the laughter, the ease and warmth of the day were just memories, floating in the air, now, and the chill of the evening made it downright cold. I shivered.
Another stolen moment?
No. It wasn't stolen. I freely gave it away. I traded it for something that has value, yes. But so little value, compared to that of a day spent entirely with my family. My children, who are so rapidly growing up and away from me?
My gosh! What was I thinking?
My thoughts turned to something that I had often joked about, when criticizing others for working too much.
When I am on my death bed, do you think I will say, "Gee, I'm so glad I worked so much!" ???
It was with that day, that I realized that I can no longer do ifish by myself. My problem is that no one on earth would do what I try to do, for so little money. I do what I do out of love for fishing, but it has become more than any one person could ever love! I will find an answer. I have to, and I'm spending this week trying to make that happen.
Dear Father,
Thank you for the gift of my children! I am so blessed!
Forgive me all of my weakness. I am so far from what you want for me. I know that you are just waiting to fill my life with everything that gives me pleasure.
Please give me another chance to receive what you want me to have. To enjoy a full day of relaxation and laughter with my children. I promise to not only be thankful for it, but to enjoy it without fear of becoming behind. I know that you will take care of me, and give me the strength and the brains to come up with a solution.
And Father? Thank you for my Freesia blooms! They are purple! I just went out to see them! They are gorgeous!!!
Amen!

June 15th

What a catching tune Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" is. It's playing in the background, and I find myself humming along. It's simple. I like it. It fits. It's lifting. Listen to it, k?
The hummies are happy, today.

Bill said with a grimace, "All the birds.. Poor birds... They are all wet! Soaking!" I said to him with a smile, "I just spoke to one of them. She said how lovely it was, the Oregon warm rain, falling on their backs.. and how they loved it."
Bill laughed and shook his head. You know, it's probably true. I'm certain they love it. They aren't looking unhappy to me!
It's all how you look at things.
Speaking of looking, I can't stop. This is hanging from my window, in front:


Click for a larger image.

What a work of art! This was a gift from a neighbor who lives in Bay City. It's fun to find an ifisher nearby. Especially one with such talent, and one who wants to share that talent! I was blown away by this gift. Truly, I spend many long minutes gazing at it. It comes to life the more I stare into it! Isn't it truly magnificent?
The craftsman's name is Billy Schreiber. We dropped by to visit, not long ago. In discussing the local band tailed pigeons, it turns out that he has more than we do! He goes through more cracked corn than we do, too!
Billy is a local fisherman and charter captain. He used to own and run a cannery, locally. Fascinating background, fascinating people.
Their household is full of amazing artifacts. They have so many hobbies! These are people that enjoy life! If you are interested in his stained glass work, you may contact Billy at this e mail. Everyone should have a piece of this glass.
My freesia is in full bloom. I visit it at least 5 times a day. My knees are stained from leaning down to smell it. I brought one indoors to enjoy it and watch it as it, too, comes into bloom. I can't wait for it's fragrance to fill the room!
I have been through the ringer this past week, and it feels good to feel some kind of soothing blanket of peace come over me. It happened one day as I sincerely gave it all over, walking on the river beach. I just stopped cold, and sang a song I love from my past, "I surrender all."
I'm convinced. I truly believe it is only then that we are able to feel peace. You just have to give it all up! I'm not sure why we, as people, insist on trying to handle life on our own. It just can't happen. Time and time again, I'm guilty of trying to take the wheel. It's not mine. I'm not capable, so Father, again, I do surrender all... and I am so thankful that you take care of me. Life is so much more pleasant when I trust you to do the driving! What a lovely scenic route you travel!

June 19th

Last night was like a bad dream. Well, the last couple of days, actually. It's been touch and go for Bill's Mom. Last night was a flurry of phone calls, regarding her health. The nurse, Bill's brother, Bill's Mom's caretaker, and then another round, and another... Bill's Mom is now at the hospital, and her blood pressure was down to 60.
You just never know about Bill's Mom. She is a very strong woman. At 92, she has given us many scares, but then pulls out of them, and goes home!
Bill's dog is the same. What a strong family he has!
But, last night we heard those words that you never want to hear. The nurse said that if Bill wanted to say goodbye, it would be good to come in.
We had just arrived home from joining my immediate family at Nehalem State Park. Our family has a golf tournament, complete with trophies, prizes and awards, each year on Father's Day. It's a hoot! We even have an awards banquet! I pulled out my press card and did interviews, afterwards. Lots of hugs and lots of laughs, all around.
Coming from a festive atmosphere to an atmosphere of worry and deep sadness was a real flip. From laughter to heartache-- A whirlwind of deep rooted family emotions.
T o those of whom are familiar, this all adds up to a migraine for me. Yep. You guessed it. I woke and couldn't open my eyes. The dawn's early light hit like a lazar beam. A direct shot of pain, straight to the eye. Ah! Shut down! My stomach turned and the slightest noise, even the birds in the trees were magnified to a squeaky scream.
"Bring me some ice! Something!"
I'm better now, but man-oh-man, migraines are interesting. Interesting and awful! Sensational overload!
Pete is here for three days. He's vacationing, (ha!) or was supposed to be. We tricked him. "Come to the Kilchis Valley and relax!"
Little did he know he'd be playing family rescue, should we all need to be close to Bill's Mom in Portland.
He'll take care of Kilchis and Dee Dee. Dee Dee, who by the way is also on her last legs. If she so much as walks from the kitchen to the laundry room, she is out of breath and gasping for air. Her two left legs are not working well, so you kind of have to stand by her, to support her and keep her from falling over. She often needs to be carried, which leaves me helpless. I just can't do it. She's a big dog!
Pete ran for the hills. He just left for Memaloose for fishing, then to the Bay for crabbing. He'd better go while the getting is good!
Bill was planning on fishing with him this week, and I was going to jump in the boat here and there, when I could and felt good enough.
Things have changed. Now, with Bill's Mom's passing, and Dee Dee's tentative health, our schedules have "caretaker" written all over them.
In one way, it feels good and strong not to be the center of attention, this time. I can be support person, instead of a support-ed person. In another way, it enlightens me to the worry that people felt for me, and it's not a very good feeling. Now, I have more compassion for all!
My freesia, they comfort me through it all. I have so many planted and in so many different stages. They are going to entertain me for a long time to come! I have some that I have carried inside, and some out. Some in pots, and others scattered and hidden about the yard like easter eggs.
I discovered one last night that is rare, indeed! A deep crimson freesia bloom, that I didn't even know I had! Some of the colors are fragrant, and others not, so with each bursting flower, I have to get down on my knees and breathe in. I grade them from one to ten as far as their fragrance, and then decide for next year, which ones will grace the indoors, and which the out.
They have been a gift to me, and I'm enjoying them so much that I'm preoccupied, and tending to slack off on my real garden!
I'm being very selfish with my berries. I have deer netting up and bird netting. Those berries are mine, darnit, and that will be a whole new season of fun, after the freesia show ends.
Off I go. It's time to call the hospital for the next round of information on the support system.
Say a prayer for Bill, please. This is not unexpected, but it is never easy.
I think we can all say with total sincerity, "I'd rather be fishing."

June 20th

I am currently out of the office on personal leave due to serious illness in the family. Thank you for your patience. I will not be answering e mails or PMs at this time.

 

June 21st

Bill's Mom passed peacefully at 4:30 PM yesterday afternoon, approximately 1/2 hour after we left the hospital. Bill's brother, John, and his wife, Bea left 20 minutes after we had.
That was particularly remarkable, because Carolynne Fairweather, the hospice worker and chaplain had just enabled us to understand what was happening, and commented that often parents will wait until their children have gone from the room, to go.
I have peace. Most importantly, I think Bill and his brother have found it, also.
When we walked into the door after the trip home over the mountain, the phone rang. Indeed, Bill's Mom had made the journey home, also.
I was able to apply it to finding peace regarding my own Mother passing. That's been so long ago, but through years of struggling, I think I finally put it to rest, yesterday.
This, thanks to the most wonderful hospice lady at Meridian Park. Carolynne has been the doing this work for 27 years. She was amazing. I don't think I'll ever forget her or what she said. She was like a direct descendant from Christ! Carolynne kindness was soothing to us all.
We held hands, forming a circle around Judy, and she prayed with us in a wonderful way that included and inspired us all.
You know, I asked Bill about prayer, and had she had any? Bill didn't think so. We asked the caretaker, and come to find out, she didn't think Judy was religious, so no one had come.
I asked the nurse on call, and sure enough, within minutes, the chaplain entered the room.
This amazing lady introduced herself, and began to paint a picture with words that made it so much easier to digest what was happening. Oh, how I wish someone would have been there to help me see it this way when my Mother passed on!
She explained to us the process when the body is shutting down, naturally. Judy was 92 wonderful years young, and had no specific illness. It was simply her time. She explained what her cold hands meant. That it was her blood pooling around her center more, and that she was indeed, very close to the end.
Like I said, one of the things she said that was so helpful, "You can stay here to try to be with her all you want, but the minute you leave to go get a coke, or go to the bathroom, she might choose that moment. Often parents want to spare their children the experience of their death."
Absolutely amazing that she able to predict that. There was no suffering involved, and I know that Judy knew her children were gathered around her. Everyone was able to say goodbye and share their love with her.
The chaplain talked to us about encouraging Judy to not be afraid of the light when it comes, and that if we were afraid, that Judy might be more apt to be afraid of it.
One by one, we told her we were alright, and that her dog, Becky was alright, and that we were all taken care of. It was alright to go.
Death is like birth in reverse. She talked about how when we go through the process of birth, we are in a dark and cramped place. We might get kicked, and we may be in pain in that small place. Then we go through a tunnel, and all of the sudden we come into the light where someone is there to joyfully receive us. Death is just the same. Our friends and lost loved ones will be there after pain, after the light, and then to receive us with happiness and joy!
She also told us that we were to talk about things that made us happy about our past together, and also to chat about the people she's loved, who will be there to welcome her.
We then discussed the book of John where it said that they will prepare a room for you. In that room, God will think of all the things that make your life on earth joyful.
Judy would have her dogs there, and her horses, and since she loved gardening, some seeds, and a lovely garden with bulbs to plant, etc.
(Just think of our own rooms... Fish, huge salmon, steelhead and cutthroat! Streams, rivers, oceans forever! Freesias in bloom!)
Anyhow... it makes death so much easier for me to talk about, and essentially, for me not to be afraid of in the least!
Please, when dealing with death, find a wonderful hospice worker like this one. It can be so helpful. For me, it turned Judy's passing into a celebration of her life, rather than a scary, lonely and unspeakable event.
I have this picture in my mind, now, of Judy being with her deceased husband in heaven. Of being surrounded by her old friends that she had called for so often, before her death.
I have a vision of Judy gardening again, which she so loved, and riding horses, and doing all of the things in life, that she had recently not been able to do. Her body here on earth, no longer allowed her to even rise from bed, let alone to ride horses, or to run. She has broken free of all the pain, and she is now in a place with all of her loved ones, where there is no sadness.
For me, all I can say is, Hallelujah!
You know, I've heard of all the trumpets blowing, the welcome into Heaven's gate, and all of the regular old time biblical funeral passages. Never in my life had I been able to translate it into real-time, or see it in my mind in a way that made me celebrate the way I see it, now.
Of course it's terribly sad for all of us, but I'm almost envious of her for some of the things... for peace, for not being in pain, for endless joy in heaven!
Her beloved dog, Becky is nearly 15 years old. She is blind, deaf, arthritic, and messes the floor. Today will be another difficult day as we have our dear Becky put to restful sleep. She will join Judy in the room that God has prepared for them.
This coming week we will have a service, outdoors. Judy and Becky will be buried together at Riverview Cemetery, this coming week.
This, also, was Carolynne's idea. God bless this wonderful woman!
To read more about Carolynne Fairweather, I found this piece, written in The Daily Oregonian.
I'm going to speak with her later today. She told us three things that were important to remember, during the passing of a loved one. I'd like to share those with you so that they might help you, too. I just want to get them right, though. So, stay tuned!
And as promised... here they are!

June 21st...later

Please note that our local bass columnist, Stan Fagerstrom is introducing a family camp for those interested. It is an awesome opportunity to spend some quality time with Stan and your family.
Please click here to learn more about this unique opportunity! Man, that sounds fun!

 

June 22nd


Click on the
Freesia!


Swallow babies!

Summer!

Oh my!

June 21st...later, later!

It's night time. I put a freesia by my desk, so that when I wake in the morning, it will be in bloom, and fill the room with fragrance. I also have a candle to light.
When we are under stress, we should take care of ourselves, and that is what I am doing. I have wonderful fresh ground coffee that will be ready when I rise. I'm going to take good care of me! If I don't, who will?
As for now, a hot bath and a long, summer's nap.

As promised, here are those papers on dealing with grieving and death. So well thought out! Thank you to author and hospice expert,
Carolynne Fairweather!

June 24th

My fly cast is getting longer and more effortless, all the time. It's a relief. Fly casting should be easy. It's getting there! Funny to work hard to make something less effort. It is how it works, though. Don't try with fly fishing, and you are getting nearer to your goal.
It surprises me, sometimes, how far my fly will go with such little force. Just let the momentum of the line work for you. I like that!
I'm getting better at casting at awkward angles to keep it out of the trees behind me. Still not much luck with a roll cast, but I'll learn.
My purple Joe lays out straight and quietly on the deepest pocket of the other side of the river. The line's shadow plays on the clear shallows near me, glistening in the sunlight. I can tell the take by the shadow's quiver, before I feel the tug. Of course, it's not a big cutthroat. I can tell that by the movement, too. A small steelhead smolt has taken a meal much to big for its britches.
I begin to bring it in, hoping that he'll come off, before the fly comes to my hand. Sure enough, off it goes, and I giggle as it jumps out of frustration. Another trick! Another falsely presented meal by that mean female trickster that lives up the hill, there. Shame on me!
I try as much as I can to use hooks much to large for 'theys little ones mouths', and I'm usually successful. Still, I can imagine the frustration of being lured by a juicy cheeseburger when I'm really hungry, and then biting into something that bites back. That's just not nice!
Still, the naughty in me giggles as the fish continues the protest. Jumping here, there, and one last goodbye. No doubt. It's not pleased with me.
I just wish it'd tell it's big brother, "Hey! There is an awesome meal I'm saving for you, and it's on the end of that girl's line over there!" I've always wanted to "get" my big brother. Haven't you? Wonder why it doesn't work that way. Those fish, they hang together, protecting one another.
The long summer evenings are my very favorite... You know, just like Fall is my favorite, and winter snow is my favorite, and the first breath of Spring. Yes, those are all my favorites. Oh wait... My very favorite, the first full blown storm of Fall. Oh, yes. That's my fav.
As I walk across the rocky river bank, an odd East wind rushes a blast of warmth in my face. So different from the chill that surrounded me, as I fished. In the next moment, stillness, and the chill hit my legs again.
I spied a Freesia, bursting forth the color of the picture below. I also caught a whiff of the fragrance which lingered after the wind. I fondly call them "kneesia" because they are at a height where you can't lean over to smell them. You have to get on your knees, cup them in your hands, and fill your face with them. The first time I smelled them, this year, I burst out in tears, I was so happy.
Freesia do that to me... Oh! And parades, and Safeway openings. Get that! Can you believe that the other day when I went to our new Safeway opening... I cried? Oh brother! How embarrassing to be greeted by Joe handing out coupons in the produce section, and not to be able to look up due to tears? Give me a break! And please, a handle on my emotions! No one gets this excitable over mangoes!
David was playing in his jazz ensemble at the doorway, and Andrew was working in the deli. It was just all too much! I think it was the music. Yeah, that was it! Same as parades. I do alright until the marching band comes along. Then, I get those sup-sups that I can't suppress. Dang! I start nervously looking around for a place to hide the dampness in my eyes.
"Why is that lady crying?" A young child tugs at her Mother's dress.
Ach!
The sun is rising over the mountains, and everything glistens in the sun, this morning. There is a soft dew, and my slippers are wet, from watering the hanging baskets.
I think I'll wrap up in a warm robe and greet the morning with a cup of coffee, out on the deck.
Soon, the Tillamook parade starts, and Andrew will be playing bass in the back of a truck bed with his friend, Kyle on guitar. I can't wait. Do you think I'll cry? Shoot, yeah.
It's a lazy Summer Saturday morning... and these are my very favorite.

 

June 24th

My fly cast is getting longer and more effortless, all the time. It's a relief. Fly casting should be easy. It's getting there! Funny to work hard to make something less effort. It is how it works, though. Don't try with fly fishing, and you are getting nearer to your goal.
It surprises me, sometimes, how far my fly will go with such little force. Just let the momentum of the line work for you. I like that!
I'm getting better at casting at awkward angles to keep it out of the trees behind me. Still not much luck with a roll cast, but I'll learn.
My purple Joe lays out straight and quietly on the deepest pocket of the other side of the river. The line's shadow plays on the clear shallows near me, glistening in the sunlight. I can tell the take by the shadow's quiver, before I feel the tug. Of course, it's not a big cutthroat. I can tell that by the movement, too. A small steelhead smolt has taken a meal much to big for its britches.
I begin to bring it in, hoping that he'll come off, before the fly comes to my hand. Sure enough, off it goes, and I giggle as it jumps out of frustration. Another trick! Another falsely presented meal by that mean female trickster that lives up the hill, there. Shame on me!
I try as much as I can to use hooks much to large for 'theys little ones mouths', and I'm usually successful. Still, I can imagine the frustration of being lured by a juicy cheeseburger when I'm really hungry, and then biting into something that bites back. That's just not nice!
Still, the naughty in me giggles as the fish continues the protest. Jumping here, there, and one last goodbye. No doubt. It's not pleased with me.
I just wish it'd tell it's big brother, "Hey! There is an awesome meal I'm saving for you, and it's on the end of that girl's line over there!" I've always wanted to "get" my big brother. Haven't you? Wonder why it doesn't work that way. Those fish, they hang together, protecting one another.
The long summer evenings are my very favorite... You know, just like Fall is my favorite, and winter snow is my favorite, and the first breath of Spring. Yes, those are all my favorites. Oh wait... My very favorite, the first full blown storm of Fall. Oh, yes. That's my fav.
As I walk across the rocky river bank, an odd East wind rushes a blast of warmth in my face. So different from the chill that surrounded me, as I fished. In the next moment, stillness, and the chill hit my legs again.
I spied a Freesia, bursting forth the color of the picture below. I also caught a whiff of the fragrance which lingered after the wind. I fondly call them "kneesia" because they are at a height where you can't lean over to smell them. You have to get on your knees, cup them in your hands, and fill your face with them. The first time I smelled them, this year, I burst out in tears, I was so happy.
Freesia do that to me... Oh! And parades, and Safeway openings. Get that! Can you believe that the other day when I went to our new Safeway opening... I cried? Oh brother! How embarrassing to be greeted by Joe handing out coupons in the produce section, and not to be able to look up due to tears? Give me a break! And please, a handle on my emotions! No one gets this excitable over mangoes!
David was playing in his jazz ensemble at the doorway, and Andrew was working in the deli. It was just all too much! I think it was the music. Yeah, that was it! Same as parades. I do alright until the marching band comes along. Then, I get those sup-sups that I can't suppress. Dang! I start nervously looking around for a place to hide the dampness in my eyes.
"Why is that lady crying?" A young child tugs at her Mother's dress.
Ach!
The sun is rising over the mountains, and everything glistens in the sun, this morning. There is a soft dew, and my slippers are wet, from watering the hanging baskets.
I think I'll wrap up in a warm robe and greet the morning with a cup of coffee, out on the deck.
Soon, the Tillamook parade starts, and Andrew will be playing bass in the back of a truck bed with his friend, Kyle on guitar. I can't wait. Do you think I'll cry? Shoot, yeah.
It's a lazy Summer Saturday morning... and these are my very favorite.

 

June 26th

OK. Just visualize this, if you will.
I'm not pleased with Bill. I told him I needed help to drive to Portland today, a full 10 days ago. He forgot, and made other plans, so I'm really nervous about driving to Portland, alone.
At 5:00 AM, I rise to go downstairs.
Need coffee. Need coffee, badly. Need to check e mail. Quickly, I gather dog treats, coffee and prepare to be rushed, before showering and going to Portland for my doctor visit.
Not a peaceful "listen to the birds, and oh! look at the freesia" type day.
Mind you, Dee Dee can't hold her waste. I had forgotten that in a sleepless fog.
I get coffee and sit down.
Fog played in my head, craving caffeine.
I have no contacts on. I can only use them for driving, if that. They are old, scratched and need repair. They hurt to wear!
I get to my computer as always, and my internet is off. I'm frustrated. My weather station didn't record all night long, (Again!) and I have no internet connection and don't know why.
"Internet disabled" I have no e mail, no connection, my weather station has not loaded.
The boys... the boys... I'm on a hunt. The only one who would have touched it is the boys.
So, I'm on my way to the boys room, and not casually!
I'm ticked! The logs say it went off at 10, just when the boys get in gear for a night on the net.
On my way, without coffee, I tripped over the corded connection, then did a face plant in Dee Dee dog dew.
Good Morning, David! I'd like to have a word with you!
It seems that last night, the second Dee Dee, (My beloved son, David) decided he needed an extra internet connection, so little did I know, an internet cable was strewn across the living room, mine unplugged, and his important X box cable, plugged in it's place.
Things HAVE to look up, from here on.
Right?

June 27th

We are struggling with tears, today. All of us, fragile and tender hearted. We walk quietly, we whisper, and find ourselves breaking into tears all to often over things that key happy memories, throughout the day.
We had Dee Dee put to rest last night at 9:30 PM. I loved that dog so much.
I cried so hard that involuntary gasps for air and violent cramps seized me. Invasive noises and guttural moans from deeper inside of me than I knew I could go without a knife. I had no control, and I worried briefly about too much pressure on my fragile insides. Terrible sobbing, gut wrenching, uneven breaths like I was simply going to split open. The more I learn about and experience death, the more I relate it to birth. So many similarities. Complete with fetal positions, darkness, tunnels, coming into a light... all with violent contractions.
There is nothing easy about either.
If you've lost a best four legged friend, you know what I'm talking about.
I sat on the river bank past sunset, holding a box of Kleenex in one hand, building a statue of tear soaked tissue with the other. Kilchis, for the first time ever, thought it was well past time to go in, and sat by me, whining, confused.
The house is strangely quiet.
A family is like a mobile. When you rearrange or remove one part, the rest of it gets thrown totally off balance, and hangs, limp and broken. A lot of rebuilding and moving around needs to be done to regain some sort of balance. This will take time.
Right now, we are still hanging like a mass of objects on loose and entangled strings. We appear broken. But we will regain our balance, even if it means adding a puppy. Boy-oh-boy would a puppy put a test to a fragile balancing mobile, right now!
Somehow I know that this is the last wave of the Tsunami, and believe it or not, I almost have a relief going, right now. I see a light ahead.
I'm looking forward to fishing. Some normalcy of life.

June 28th

I'm so excited! Without difficult things in life, you can't fully appreciate the good, the easy. Well, I've waded through the hard things, and now I'm going to get the good things! I can't wait!
You know, despite it all, the other day was just so awesome. I had to go to Portland and I was having trouble driving alone. I was also just going through a difficult morning, leaving Dee Dee who was not well, all alone, at home. But, I had no choice. It was my doctor's last day before retirement. I could not put the appointment off.
In the car, I prayed harder than I had prayed in a long, long time. I prayed that my Father in Heaven would 'drive' for me. I prayed that he would be with us through Dee Dee's illness. I prayed that the doctor would be able to help my vision.
And then, I surrendered it all to Him, and sang the song, "I Surrender All" all the way to Portland. Funny. I searched the radio dial for praise songs, and then just gave up and sang my own!
For a while, I wondered if He was listening to me. Boy, was He! And boy oh boy, is God a good driver! I had no problem! No traffic jam! No rude drivers next to me!
All day, I felt His loving arms around me. Little things kept happening that made me 'know'.
There was a parking place in just the perfect spot. I felt God smile and give me a wink as I pulled in, effortlessly, and walked the short distance to the building.
When the doctor asked if I had my old contacts for him to see, I knew they were in the car. (Oh, no! I don't want to walk back there!) But then, there they were! Right in my purse! I didn't put those there! There, again, was God's hand on me! Yay! I couldn't help but smile!
The latte I ordered was perfect! Hot, not too sweet! Wonderful!
Life was just as good as it gets.
The visits to both the low vision clinic and the contact specialist were on time! No waiting! In fact, one was even as early as I was!
I was just sick with worry over the cost of my glasses. Over 800 dollars, and not insured! And that was with cheap frames! I won't get into the details, but they ended up costing me out of pocket, only $110!!!
WOW! GOD! Thank You!
With God's loving arms wrapped tightly around me, I left, and drove home with a smile from ear to ear.
He knew what I was about to face, in putting Dee Dee down, later that evening. He was with every one of us as we did, and He's been with me every since.
With every passing hour, I am healing. I will never forget our beloved Dee Dee. She was so good, and so kind, and so quick to smile at all of us.
Thank you, Father... for keeping her loving memory in my mind. And thank you for helping me through a very difficult time. I don't know how people get by, without You.


Dee Dee

...and I don't know how we'll get by without you, either... Dee Dee. Save a place for us.

June 30th

The very last day of June! Wow! I'm still stuck on Spring, yet the calendar days march on! July? No wonder my blue berries are starting to ripen!
I hope you realize how much fun it is to pick out what color of freesia I want to tantalize me, each morning.
Yellow? Purple? Violet? Crimson?
I walk, sleepy headed out to the porch where it's cold and crisp. I have no idea what they might smell like inside, but soon after setting the chosen darling on my desk, the heat of the office begins to turn on the fragrance. By the time my coffee maker percolates it's last exhaustive sigh, the fragrance is starting to brew.
It's all so steamy and warm and good. Warm toes by the heater, and the rich, heady smell of freesia and elegant coffees!
Oh! I get packages quite often, so when one came the other day with Bill's name on it, I was delighted to set it down in front of him and wait for him to open it. He was like a kid at Christmas, and I was gifted the joy of watching him open it.
A little history. Bill comes from a family where you are gifted things like brand new underwear for Christmas. White pressed handkerchiefs or, as a growing young man, beautiful hand crafted fine quality dress shoes.
This, for a growing fishing and hunting boy who rarely dressed up, and only when his parents required it?
He would have been ecstatic to unwrap hip boots or a hunting vest, but... dress shoes? Not that he didn't appreciate the dress shoes, not that they weren't fine and beautiful, but let's just say that he still has them, and they are just as shiny as the day they were unwrapped.
I'm from a family where you choose what the other person would be thrilled with. The goal is to take time to think, and try to figure out what would make the person incredulously happy, thrilled, and surprised by the givers insight. That way it is fun for both!
The purpose of gifting is to create joy! Joy! Joy!
These days if I am sent a white envelope and he can feel that there is a sample of an ifish advertising pen inside, Bill is eager to open it for me. He doesn't get things in the mail, often, and he oos and ahs over the surprises.
Hey! I still get a thrill out of toys in the cereal box!
Sometimes I order tackle for ifish, and my hands are getting to the point where it's difficult to open boxes and such, especially the secure way things are packaged, these days. Bill is more than happy to assist. He's like a little boy when he does!
So, day before yesterday, a package came and it was to "Bill and Jennie". I set it down in front of Bill, at the kitchen table. Oh my gosh, the excitement of it all! A total surprise! What could it be?
Inside were three pounds of Peet's coffee, and some almond biscotti from a dear friend and ifish reader, "PhoebusGroup." Bill was absolutely beside himself. The smell of fresh coffee overwhelmed the kitchen, and has been gracing our mornings, ever since. Phoebusgroup? You have no idea how lasting the joy of that gift has been!
Good smells can be so healing! Aroma therapy!
And so, with a deep breath we take in the heady aroma of freesia and fresh coffee. Add to it, Bill's excitement over opening that surprise gift and I am certain that despite the sadness, the loss, life is a treasure worth living.
Thank you!
This gift, (if even for a little while each morning) erases the sadness in his eyes due to the loss of his best friend, Dee Dee and his Mother, Judith, and his Mom's dog, Becky. Wow. That's a heck of a list, in one week's time.
It is the little things in life make such a difference and give us confidence that life is indeed worth living.
Today we are up early, getting ready for his Mother's graveside funeral.
It will be a lovely gathering at River View cemetery.
Her obituary is here, and their history is deeply woven in Oregon's history.
A violinist will play on the hill. Around her grave site, we will remember Bill's Mother and celebrate all of our wonderful memories of our lives with her.
Afterwards, we will gather at his brother's home with all of our friends.
Despite the fact that Bill feels more at ease in Romeos and jeans, Bill will wear a black suit and his beautifully hand sewn black leather shoes that he received as a boy for Christmas so many years ago.
His Mother would be thrilled.

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