The Coast, Oregon and Washington
Happy New Year from our home to yours!
January 2, 2015
Wow. A whole 'nother year!
And... Tax time! Oh, no! At least it will be easy, this year! No business! And soon, perhaps, no home! Wouldn't it be bizarre, if I'm all the way back to an EZ form, soon? LOL. That makes me laugh a good laugh. If my idea of improving my life is simplifying it, by golly, I'm getting there!
We had a nice New Years Eve. I did nothing. Bill slept. I stayed up to watch Taylor Swift ring in the New Year.
You know, I really liked the old Taylor. I spent time watching her old videos, and yep. That's the girl I liked. Not that I don't like her, now, I just fell in love with that little girl with the frilly dresses, and the cute sparkly cowgirl boots. :)
Don't we all like the younger versions of things?
I'm headed back to the city to interview some roommates to have to live in the OC house, until David is ready to move on. He needs to graduate first. That should be soon enough, you know. Perhaps, 20 years? Yeah. That will do. (I'm kidding, I hope!?)
Have a wonderful New Year!
I'm so excited that I'm still here that I can barely contain myself. I'm getting a bit cocky about it, and that scares me.
I think I'm going to live forever! Join me?
January 5, 2015
Just before bed, I received an e mail list serve from one of
my heroes, Alexandra Morton.
I am a fan of Taylor Swift, but like Swift, when I sent an e mail to Ms. Morton, I certainly didn't expect a return.
I did! And I feel as giggly as a teenage girl that got a letter from Taylor!!
I hold people like Liz Hamilton and Ms. Morton in the same sort of celeb 'highness'.
So, I immediately turned over to Ms. Morton's latest video, and watched it, intently. The video is full of scary news, but it also encourages me to keep up the good fight. It gives me HOPE. Collectively, these women have taught me more than I thought this little brain could contain!
Watch it, will you? Writing about it here is my small way of contributing. It's not much, but who knows who could read this, and do more than I can?
Click the words below.
Alexandra Morton- "Looking forward to 2015. We cannot give up!"
You know, in all of the years maintaining my "Mom" position at ifish, I've had to watch what political things I stood for, publicly, so that I could be a fair and balanced moderator.
In the beginning, I got right out there fairly transparently, and fought alongside my fellow fishermen and women. I quickly found, however, that my best position was to simply deliver the news, while keeping my feelers to myself.
I don't think most people even really know, now, if I'm a democrat, or republican. I've been accused of both, in the very same day (sometimes in the same hour!) and not in very nice terms! I'm told that my moderating is slanted both right and left, dependent on who is charging me as guilty! I giggle in the background, while keeping my position silent.
Fact is, I don't "do" politics. I am neither right nor left! I am pro FISH. (I really think that should be a party option!)
I am not even into fish farms so much, except the passion Alexandra Morton instills in me through her work makes fish farming
my our business!
I was reading Facebook the other day... Facebook is fast becoming one of my guilty pleasures in my spare time. I watch kitty viddies (videos) and things that make me happy. I have the ability on facebook to fast delete any content I don't want. (Something I can't do on ifish.)
I go ahead and accept most people on Facebook that invite me. I've let it be known that on facebook if you, as one of my "friends" post something that isn't a happy thing, or something that makes me disgusted, I can easily stop your content from being shown to me. I quick click "un friend" or "unfollow." This is how I build my community, there. Everyone starts with a clean slate, until you prove me otherwise!
You can do that on ifish, too! As someone who moderates content, I can't! But, you can! It's called the "ignore" button. You simply click on a members name on ifish, and add them to your ignore group. I wish more people would do that! It would make ifish a better place for each person to be! You can have community, but you can build your own community that doesn't offend you. If you read something that someone writes that is going to cause you grief, or cause you to post beyond your temper, instead, just ignore them!
While browsing through my Facebook, I found this article that I thought very educational, and should be seen on ifish. I'm going to post it, now and include a link here.
It's over on the right hand column, also, but that is a temporary feature where content changes, so I linked it above.
Anyhow, as I grow older, I find it harder and harder for me to keep my feelings on issues so private. Keeping my 'fight for fish' private isn't doing much to help the fish, either. I used to excuse myself by saying that keeping ifish going is a big enough reason to keep my own feelers to myself. That others can so much better voice concerns that mirror mine, and there is fact in that statement, but I do believe that my life is taking on a new chapter. I really want to become more educated on these things, and actually live what I'm learning. It's tough to keep quiet, sometimes! (Although it's a heck of a lot safer in this little cocoon!)
There is much truth in Lincoln's , "Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool than to Speak and Remove All Doubt". But occasionally, I'd like to risk my reputation!
I really look up to people like Liz Hamilton and Alexandra Morton. I dunno. I want to be like them when I grow up! You know... If I ever DO grow up!
It's not all a woman's thing, either. There are certain people that I am able to learn from when listening. I learn best from people that are gentle on my spirit, yet who have words that are so important!
If you say something you feel strongly about, but say it in the wrong way, you risk making others put up defenses, instead of hearing you.
It is my New Year's wish that we should all be more gentle on people's spirits while we share passionate beliefs and views.
I do think our words would be more heard and heeded, delivered from a gentle place in our soul!
PS. I think that without even realizing it, my thoughts may have been delivered, also!
Oh1 By the way, this is what I got back from... "Alex"! :) Made me happy!
I wrote: (not even thinking she'd get it...)
I just adore you! You keep me, and so many others, fighting!
She wrote back!!!
This is the best news!
Yes! please keep fighting!
Tee hee hee! She's my hero. :)
January 8, 2015
Laying in bed last night, I thought I heard reindeer on the
roof! I leaned over to open my window, thinking, "Wow!" I mean,
"It's kind of late, Santa... but, I'm game!"
Then, I realized that they weren't reindeer at all, but instead, elk out on the river bank!
What a fun way to go to sleep, listening to the clickety clack of elk hooves on the river rocks! I love that!
You know, it's fun every night time to grab the high powered flashlight on the window sill to see if there are elk or deer or any other type critter out in the meadow.
Elk are always the most breath taking, but I love my little deers, too! It's always fascinating to see what neighbors I have, come visit.
The elk around here have been so active, of late. Every morning when I take the dogs for a walk, I can't believe the amount of droppings on the grass. It's kind of gross, but I like knowing they are around.
When the lawn was frozen, there were hoof prints, everywhere! I mean, thick! So thick that it was difficult to walk. You know what it's like to walk in a frozen cow pasture- well, it was like that! Elk prints! Deer prints, and on top of it, people and dog prints! But, we were far out numbered!
I'm trying something new this Kwikfish year, so please be patient with me! People want to be guaranteed that they'll get their collector Kwikfish., right? So, I put up a pre order for the show page, right here. It's also linked up top and on the board.
If you have any problems with it, please let me know! I appreciate your constant watch over me! I mean it! Help me out and let me know if you have any criticism or helpful hints! This is the first time I've tried this, so let's hope it goes well!
Sometimes dealing with money is scary! I don't like the responsibility it puts on me! Yikes! You know, that's why I never charged much for sponsors of ifish, or at all for members. I didn't want to be responsible! I'm still a teenager, like that!
That said, I'm now going to go play in the mud with Willie!
If growing up means
It would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree,
I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up
Love you all!
January 12, 2015
About three days ago, it hit me. SHOW STRESS!
I'm going to be in RB Boats booth this year.
I won't have a booth of my own, so things will be easy. Right?
Besides the fact that I really like Jim Mikels and RB Boats, I wouldn't have to haul all that stuff to the show. I wouldn't have to ask Pete to set up for ifish. Hey! I could even sell my pop up booth!
I wouldn't have to figure out the web cam, and things would just be... you know. "Casual!" I can just drive to the show, pick up a latte, and skip on in to an already set up booth!
So, thinking that, I let everything go! I was in the thought that most everything else would take care of its darn self. The lures would walk to the show all by themselves. Little fairies would figure out where I'm going to sit. Little HTML elves would put up a pre sale page and do the paypal coding on ifish, so that people could pay for their kwikfish ahead of time, with credit cards.
I wasn't going to work all day. Just half a day, so that I could drive home by myself, before dark.
So, um... Jennie? Who would sell the kwikfish in the afternoon, when all the guys get off work and came to pick up their kwikfish? Hmmm? Carmen McDonald is such a great guy. The guys at Rapala booth, over by Fisherman's will take care of sales after I leave, each day. So, remember... Kwikfish are available at RB Boats booth till around 3 each day, and then they move over to the Rapala booth, from 3 or so, till close.
So, all crazy aside- I don't know. It totally slipped my mind that no matter what, the show and all that it entails is never easy!
Not only that, but aren't I forgetting something else? Like the SPRINGER CONTEST? Oh, my word!
Everything hit me at once! I got through Christmas, and I thought that was it for my life. I had accomplished Christmas, and this Christmas was a bit tough. So, everything after Christmas was smooooooooth sailing! Right?
There are show tickets to buy for the mods, and any extra workers that may come in. There are posts to make on the board, telling folks where to pick up their lures. And hey. This might be tricky! People are used to picking them up at the ifish booth! I have to get thru to people that I have_no_booth! If you have ever seen people's lack of reading skills, you would know that this is not easy to get through to folks. Change is difficult to broadcast on a board!
I have been so entirely wrapped up with thoughts of panic about the show, where I am going to get the prizes for the Springer Contest, (Thank you, Lamiglas!) that yesterday when I went to the puppy park, a friend drove up, and... (story time)
I adore Janet. Janet is a dog walker, and on Tuesday, she brings Stewart to the park. Stu is Willie's favorite little dog friend. He's the tiniest little black and white short haired mut-dog, and he is the socialite of the dog park. Willie adores him, and so does every other dog in the park! Stewart just gets along with everyone and everyone adores him!
When I grow up, I want to be like Stewart. He smiles constantly, greets everyone with a wag and a "Isn't it a wonderful day?", and runs off to greet more dogs and people! And all of this, with an ever growing trail of happy dogs behind him.
Willie, on the other hand, is sort of a loner. He spends most of his time nose to the ground, sniffing smells, and otherwise, has his eyes trained on me. He likes one dog, and that one dog is Stewart.
I walked up to Janet's car, and she had two huge Bernese Mountain Dogs stuffed in the back seat of her tiny Honda.
I had to laugh, but-- It was like I walked out of one life, and into another.
"Where's Stewie?" I inquired.
She looked at me kinda funny and told me her dog walking schedule for that day.
Obviously confused, I said, "Well, it's Tuesday, isn't it?"
"Honey..." She said in her thick English accent. "It's Sunday."
I don't know WHY on earth I thought it was Tuesday! The world kind of spun backwards, as I let myself rewind, and settle on Sunday.
Sunday. Church. Late breakfasts, sleeping in, doing crafts in the afternoon... that kind of Sunday...
Have you ever done that!? I can imagine a day or so off, but two full days? Weekday to weekend type confusion?
WOW. I'm losing it!
So, today, (Today is Monday, Today is Monday, Today is Monday) I'm putting up the Springer Contest, so know that we are having it, this year! I asked Jason Hambly from Lamiglas, and what a great guy he is! He is donating two quality Lamiglas rods, (as always) for our Springer Contest! First prize will be a XCC 934 GH 9' 3" , and second prize, a 15-30# Kenai KWIK! I'm so excited! I know that a springer has already been caught, but not an ifish springer! Let's go! As soon as I put up the post, I'll link it up top!
I'll see you at the show!
You know, that is, if I remember!
January 13, 2015
It's all there in the water. The river echoes the beauty of color from the treed heights down to the wind fluttered pastoral grasses.
Did I make that up, or did I read it, somewhere? I don't know, but 'thems' the words that my mind draws.
As an art student, I was taught to paint/draw/sketch exactly what I saw. My art teacher would set in front of me an upside down portrait, and ask me to draw it. It's amazing how accurate you can draw, when you draw only what you physically see, rather than what your mind expects. The same is true, I think, about writing.
I don't put much effort into my writing. I'm not a disciplined writer. I just write what my mind draws. Sometimes that turns out awesome. Other times, well, you just get what I see.
But, this very morning, with its cool wind and bright winter sunshine makes me want for the river. I want to sit on my favorite tump of grass and just stare into the reflection and think of nothing. Nothing but what I see.
Sitting by the river is my meditation. I hear meditation takes some training, but if I am in the right place at the right time, it takes no effort at all. There is so much to see that all thoughts of anything except the intense hues of color that the river interprets just float away.
It's just me and the river.
Yesterday, I had a bad headache, and that drip, drip, drip of an oncoming virus of some sort. I desperately loaded up on Zinc, Vitamin C, and frankly, whatever bottle of supplements I could find! Magnesium and Calcium, with an expiration date of 2009! I don't care! Give me those!
I know for a fact that when my mind is too full of worldly stuff and stress takes over, that I am susceptible to illness. Oh, and if ever there were a time for me to be susceptible, it's lately. Christmas was stressful, and then right away, I was swept into show madness.
SSsniff. Yep. I'm sick!
But, But, but! I refuse! Our minds are ever powerful, and when you think or say or admit that you are ill, your defenses go up and begin to fight it! I need my defenses for other things! So, I'm not going to admit any sickness! Nope!
Away with those pills and supplements! I don't need them, because I feel GREAT! Right?
I'm going to get my work done and head off to the river!
I need to sit by the river!
January 16, 2015
Well, this is certainly a challenge. Watch me try to update my column, blind! LOL.
OK, so, I woke up this morning, fine. Everything working. Check! I do that, you know. So many of my parts are surgeried, that I do wonder when something will come un sewn.
This morning, nothing1 I'm great!
But then I sneezed.
My lens in my eye came loose. Oh, shoot. Immediately, that sinking feeling. That feeling of, "Oh, no! Surgery again!?"
I just had surgery last week! No way! I'm typing blind, you know. This is cool~! I'm good at it, huh? I hate to check it, thoug!
Anyhow, people with marfan have dislocated lenses, often times. Andrew, my son, was born blind, due to it. That is how I was diagnosed, at four years old. I couldn't see, either. So, they took all those broken muscles out of my eye, (A vitrectomy) and sewed in a lens, to the outside of my eyeball. They sew it with fishing mono, believe it or not! :) But, those fishing knots only last so long... in my case, about ten years. It's been eleven.
I just hope they can fix this, as I think this is the eye that I also had a corneal implant in. Shoot. Its always something.
I thank God for this long stretch of good health and great eyesight I have had. The best eyesight I've ever had, and darnit. I really wanted to keep it! I hope they can fix it. Please, say a prayer. I don't want to stop driving. :(
Right now, my lens is floating around in my eye, going in and out of vision. So, every five seconds, or so, I can proof read.
I'm waiting for the doc to call back to see if he can put Humpty Dumpty together again.
Oh goody! I get to update "All My Eye Surgeries".
January 21, 2015
It's a beautiful day. I love the sunshine! Even in the winter. How 'bout especially in the winter? It gives sort of an uplift to these long, otherwise dark days! The only thing that bugs me is when the sunlight is too bright and my lens floats around in the wrong place. It refracts and makes it very difficult to see, with all the rainbow effects. LOL.
Wow. It was on my "morning to-do" list, as usual, to check the weather. Looks like we are looking forward to some drizzly rain action through Friday, but then record highs for the weekend? Wow. Southern Coast could see some 70's?! And our Northern coast, up to the 60s. I'll take it! That sounds awesome!
Bill stopped by yesterday after a visit to the dentist. It was SO good to see him. I'm homesick, sitting here in Oregon City, waiting for my eye surgery. I so badly wanted to jump in his truck and ride along home with him, but I have a pre op appointment on Friday. That would give me two days at the coast, and a problem getting back here. So, here I is. :)
I'm counting on this surgery being successful. I can't even imagine my life, without this eyesight that I've been so spoiled by.
Sometimes I wonder if it's such a good thing to enjoy such great eyesight, when the possibility of losing it would be so dramatic. Yikes.
I was talking to someone at the puppy park a while back, and he said he'd rather die than lose his eyesight. I was really shocked by that. How could it mean so much to someone that they'd rather lose their life?! Well, now that I'm experiencing that possibility, well... I still can't imagine rather dying!! It would be hard. Yes. But, I'd still rather stick around! And, realizing that makes it all the more endurable.
Yeah... So if I have to live like this, it will just have to be. Period. Oh, bummer, but life is still awesome!
I remember once a ways back in life, a very nice man wrote a song for me entitle "Softer Vision". Oh, how I wish I'd have kept those words. It was about me seeing things in a softer way. Where life wasn't so hard edged. I need to remember that lesson, if not the exact words. Life is softer, when you can't see well, and you know, that isn't always so bad!
I have been flattered and rather surprised at the support of my friends on Facebook, as I go through this time in my life. Actually, shocked at some of the lovely comments, support, and flattery. They love my attitude! My humor over it?!
I think it's neato that they like me, and that they think I've got a good handle on this, but quite frankly, I have no choice, and neither would they. It is what it is. I can either live with it and laugh about it, or... is there another option? If so, I can't figure it out.
I guess I wonder what it would be like to not really have to worry about losing my vision. Now, that would be strange!
I don't like it. I don't want my eyes like this, and I really miss my vision. It makes me frown, sometimes, but I try to do that in private. It's just not an attractive look on anyone. :)
I have to laugh at the memory of the last time I lost most of my vision and tried to bobber fish. I forgot. It just didn't even occur to me that once I threw my bobber out there, I couldn't see it! OOPS! Now drift fishing... I could do that!
Yesterday I went on a walk with Willie to the park, and we had so much fun! It was a little hard crossing a main thoroughfare, but after I did that and was still breathing, it was fun! Life is still good, even with softer vision. I just trip a bit more, and walk into a few walls. That's all.
So, to catch you up... Pre op appointment on Friday, looooong blurry weekend until Tuesday when Dr. Thomas Hwang performs a miracle by tacking one of the haptics in my eye back down, closes me up and I recover!
He said that if by chance the lens tears, he'll have to take it out. (We aren't going to think of that as an option, now are we??)
...All the while, enjoying my newfound awesome eyesight! Wednesday at 7:45, he takes the patch off, and I begin the process of recovery. Then, off to the show on Feb. 4th.
The Sportsmen's Show is the only real worry. I do worry about being well enough to pull this show off. I really doubt I'll be allowed to drive by then.
But, again... it is what it is! I think I can! I think I can!
Because... I MUST!
January 25, 2015
Sunday... Two days until surgery! I can't wait. You have no idea.
I am so homesick for the river, and for Bill and Revvie and Molly and the chickens! That went way too far with the "ANDs" but, I kept remembering everything I miss!
What I would do to lay in bed and listen to the river symphony broken by elk crossing the river. Things like that dance in my mind's eye, and I just want to be home, home, home!
I have been enjoying my time with my son, though. He's been so good to me. He holds my hand and pets it, and takes me everywhere. He's so thoughtful of me. It's so nice to get a little return for all that Mom time. :)
Since he's been helping out financially, things are flip-siding a bit. The first time he helped out, he said, "Mom, you have no idea how good this feels. There will come a day when I am taking total care of you..."
At the same time, I don't want that time to come! I had in my mind's eye, that story book that I read the kids, way back when they were little, "I love you, forever. I want you, for always, as long as we are together, my baby you'll be!" What is that book?! Oh, found it! Love you forever, by Robert Munsch. I keep seeing that little boy that grew into a man, holding his Mom. Yikes! Will it come to that!?
David said to me, when we were talking about something similar, "I keep expecting you to grow old, but you never do!" Yes! That's the way I planned it, David!
I still feel young, no matter how many surgeries, no matter what breaks. I still feel like a kid. No one will ever take that away from me!
Please, please, please, pray that the surgeon's can make me see, again! I can still be a kid, if I'm blind, but it's much easier if I can see!
January 26, 2015
Twas the day before surgery, and all through the house, all the creatures were freaking out! Oh.... I don't know what to say.
I forget, for the life of me, how long recovery is. I have searched ifish high and low to try and find a mention about it. I mean, how many times have I been through this? You'd think I'd know! But, no. I know not. I forget! Totally! I guess there is good in that!
I go in tomorrow very, very early, and then the next day go in very early again to take the patch off. And then what? Do I see? I know that there is a lot of swelling and it takes a while for the best vision to settle in. Oh, I hope this works!
Surgery is getting rather tiresome.
I must be thankful and appreciative, though, that surgery is even an option. That there is hope in fixing me... that I've had such good vision for so long.
It's just that I have so much to do! I have no time for this! LOL. No time to be sick! I have a show to do!
OK, off to print off the master list of people who have already paid for kwikfish. If you haven't paid for yours, know that you can do so, here.
I'll look forward to seeing you all at the show. I'm in RB Boats booth. Just look it up on the show directory. Last I tried, they didn't have that up online, yet. I'll go see if they do. If so, I'll print it here! Have a great day!
I just found it! It's booth 615! That's where the Kwikfish will be!
Hey! Lookee here! Pictures of the Kwikfish1
PreOrder for the show, here!
Ifish Kwikfish 2015!
January 28, 2015
Tears be gone! I'm so thankful for my left eye, right now, you have NO clue!!!
I'm done with that sissy tears stuff. It is what it is. But, still, the shock of it all did cause (bloody) tears to run down my cheek.
Yuck! Yeah. Yuck is right. The more those yucky bloody tears fall, the sooner I'll see, right!?
I'm learning to use accessibility tools on the ipad, the mac, the iphone, but you know what's funny? First Android has a lot more to offer, and second, the directions for all of these things are not in visually impaired type! I guess they figure everyone has someone to do it for them.
Speaking of such, David is upset. I think that yeah, he's upset for my loss of vision, but also for himself.
Once, not too long ago, I came to my computer, and Skype was up. That's a chat program that David uses to talk to his friends with. I couldn't help but catch the word "Mom". I read it. Yeah, cursed me, I read it. I know that's wrong, but it was right there on MY computer! I didn't read after I read these words. "I have the day off tomorrow, but I think I have to hold my Mom's hand."
I struggled with whether or not to say anything, and finally asked a friend. His advice? Laugh about it. Make a joke about it. So I did. David felt awful, though. I knew he would. He did end up explaining his position in a way that made me feel a lot better. I forget what it was, but something about the fact that it is an honor to be able to help back, after all I've done for him. You know, I get it. I probably would have said the same thing about my Mom, in this situation. My Mom, however was the queen of independence until her last days.
Regardless of my very limited new vision, I'm going to be like my Mom. Independent. No one need worry about that. I will figure out these aps by myself, darnit! I am NOT a quitter. If I can write this column without too many mistakes, I can do ifish. I can do most anything.
This morning was the unveiling of the bandage over my eye.
Surgery, yesterday was nearly five hours, instead of two. It was a nightmare, I guess, trying to sew the spongy layers of marfan tissue back together again. I have had more than several eye surgeries on this eye. Each time, the incisions don't heal and leave a small hole where my eye fluid leaks out of. So, they have to go back and sew a scleral patch over the hole, so that my eye will retain fluid and have good pressure.
I guess my eye has had just about enough, though. I guess it was like the game of "Whack the mole" where the good doc would cover one hole with donor sclera, and an old incision would spring a leak. So, he'd sew that one, and another leak would come up. The sick side of me giggles at the thought of this, but I guess he wasn't giggling, after standing for four plus hours!
He sent me home, and I was so elated that it was done, that I was all smiles. I did it. Without anesthesia or anything! I chose no anesthesia, so that I could feel better, after, and boy did I! I felt so good that it wasn't until much later that I realized that when I thanked Dr. Hwang, he looked uncertain, unhappy, and sort of worried. But, I don't think he wanted to burst my bubble. I said, "So, I can go to the show?!" It didn't even process that he said, "We'll see."
I just wanted home. David took such good care of me. Went to Freddies twice for medicine, and on the way home was thinking I'd want Baskin and Robbins. He asked and went back for what turned out to be the best darn bowl of ice cream I have ever tasted! YUM. Want more!!! Two scoops! Pralines and cream and Jamoca Almond fudge! Dang, that was good! And to top it off, he took Willie for a walk, so I could eat in peace!
Anyhow, this morning, I went in at 7:45 in the morning, thanks to my sleepy David driver. Yep. He held my hand, yet again.
I went in, and Dr. Hwang wasn't in yet. Another doc who assisted asked to look at me. He told me "Your eyesight will be very blurry when I take this off." OK.... He took it off.
"Is it off?" I asked?
' Yes. How is it?'
"Ummmm. Black. Are you sure it's off?" :(
"Can you see this?" I could see nothing, so asked and was told he waved his hand in front of me.
"How bout this?" Light! Yes. I could see light. But, still.... really?!
I have always been able to see after surgery. ALWAYS.
This was frightening. Immediately, tears fell. In the doc office! I never do that!
"You are OK..." He reassured me. It will be OK.
There is a lot of blood in your eye, and it will take some time to reabsorb. When that happens, we hope you can see again. Your lens is once again in a good position. We are happy with that.
Dr. Hwang came in later, and looked. He, too, was pretty happy with the way my eye looked and even admitted his earlier worries. He said, "It looks better than I was afraid of. There is a problem that happens with too many surgeries, where your eye looks like a prune, and you don't have that, thank God."
What? I had never heard of that risk! Yuck! He said it looks bad and is very painful. Oh, yikes. You know, I think if this ever happens again, I'm done. Let the darn lens float around in my eye. It's better than this! My eye is SO sore! He went to lift my lid. YOUCH!
It's so weird, though. I can't tell if my eye is open or closed at any one time. I think it's open? I just took Willie for a walk. There is no way I should drive, really. I'm legal to drive, but I shouldn't. I told him that, and he said, "Yes. There is 20/40.... and then he pointed at me, and said, "And there is 20/40." You see, I have no depth perception in that eye, and very little peripheral vision. I could drive if I had to, but I think it's safer that I not. I would only consider driving a couple blocks, if that.
What in the WORLD am I going to do about the show? My first thought is that I can't! How can I? I just don't know. Even if I got a ride there and back, I couldn't see people! I couldn't find my darn booth! And my eye is extremely ugly. I have to wear my patch or my glasses around the clock. Argh. I just don't know what to do, and I'm praying about it. I just don't know what I'm going to do.
All I know is that I'm done crying. The shock brought it on, but now I'm OK with it.
Losing my eyesight is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, it may be the only way to keep me down long enough to live longer! I kill myself doing too much! I know I do. In the time that I've been impaired, I have started to teach Willie about truffle hunting. Even in this short time, we have developed a new level of understanding between each other, that's been so rewarding! He is so good at hide and seek! It's fun! It makes me laugh! And laughing makes me live longer. It makes us all live longer!
I've been more thoughtful to people in person, and I smile more, even if I can't tell if people smile back. I just beam. Who can't understand a smile?
Less time squinting at a computer, and more time living.
I've played the piano every day.
If losing my eyesight; if living with softer vision is what it takes, than by golly, take my vision, Lord. I'd rather praise you and live the life that you want me to live, instead of fill my world with computers and stress. He will lead my way. Everything happens for a reason.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
I worry about that show, and I'm praying to remove that worry. It will work out. Somehow!
HOME | EMAIL