Fishing The Coast, Oregon and Washington

December 2013

Oh, how I love Santa! The party was a great success!

HollyDecember 3, 2013

Happy December, three days late, and so, so, so much on my mind.
What happened to my faithful, giving ifishers?
I know what happened.- or what some of you will say. I drove you away with our inconsistent moderation and rules. I know. I did it! It's all my fault! And you said that it would happen, some day, and now is my day to step up to that plate. Yep. You were right all along.
But, at the same time, and I hear it almost every day, our strict rules are what keeps you here. They are what built us! Why ifish is different!
So, what is it? Is it wrong, or is it right? Is it good or is it bad?
I know that right now, we are seriously understaffed. This has given you your chance to see what it would be like, if we gave you an inch, so that you could take a mile.
Half of you call this a good thing, and that we "lightened up on our moderation", and half of you say it's a bad thing, and "what happened to our ifish?!"
So frustrating, and partially why I stepped down from doing so much. Half of you say that it's not a good thing to have our Christmas party on a week night, and half of you say you can't come on a week night!
Have of you complain that we are a "left wing site" and half of you say that we are so incredibly right winged that you can't possibly fit in, here.
Sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and read my private messages, and I kid you not.-- Right in a row, right next to each other, are opposite complaints! Someone will complain how strict we are, and the next private message will say, "Why aren't you guys moderating this stuff, any more? You never used to allow this!"
This happened just yesterday!
I just leaned back and giggled. What can I do right?
The stress of not knowing if anyone will come to the Christmas party is nearly too much for me! I'm so thankful for my brother, David, who is bringing an entire party of people from his office. At least I know that there will be someone there!
I put up our toy guessing contest, which usually floats itself on top of the board with activity. I normally don't have to "stick" it to the top, as every time someone guesses and inserts a post, it automatically goes to the top! There it stays with vigorous activity!
But, this year... how strange! I'm giving away a Lamiglas rod to the winner of the toy guessing contest, and only ...
Well. (giggle)
I just checked it to tell you that oh... 8 people had posted to it and guessed, but.... it's come alive!!! So far, now, there are 35 entries, and growing! It's at the top! Giggle! YES! Finally! The Christmas Spirit hits, and my personal spirit has taken a leap, this morning! Thank you! Thank you for entering the contest, and most of all, thank you for making me happy!
Here is the link to the contest if you want to make me happy, too! :)
Well. I guess I can't whine like I had set out to do, this morning! Isn't that funny how that happens!? You set out to do the whiny thing, and then God won't allow it! I love it! Thank God for His sense of humor!
Yesterday, buried in a bunch of alerts on our mod board was this awesome kind note from Thumper... asking our people to give to the ifish party. That post touched my heart so deeply! I think Jack and I are very much alike. He is more kind hearted than I am, though! To remember me, and to remember our Ifish party was so nice! Thank you, Thumper! Oh! And lookee there! Thank you to Crabbait for bumping it to the top! I love these guys!
Two days ago, I thought I was coming down with that awful flu bug that Bill had. I was achy. My nose was running madly, and I felt feverish. The next day, though, I felt better. You know what I think it was? I mean, I still feel a little yucky, but I think that I'm still allergic to leaf mold. When I was young, I had allergy testing, and they said I was very allergic to leaf mold. I had spent the day before blowing moldy leaves around!
I'm so thankful that I feel good enough to go, tonight. But, I'm spending the day in bed, so that I have enough energy for tonight! I hope that my foreign exchange student doesn't have a test tomorrow, because I'd like for him to go!
Yesterday I put the lights up on my home, and last night before bed, I walked into the kitchen. The living room was dark, except for the soft glow of the lights, outside.
"Hi, Jannie". I heard, quietly from the dark. (That's what Luke calls me)
His laptop glowed an eerie glow, from the couch. I hadn't even seen him, there! I sat down next to him.
"It's nice, here." He said to me.
He usually studies in his room, but he chose to study out in the living room, with the soft Christmas lights around him. How nice! I loved that!
I'm going to miss Luke so much! So much, that I applied for another foreign exchange student through Pacific International Academy. I hope I get another Luke! They should make more Lukes! He is so fun to have around! So kind! So polite! So fun to feed American food!
Luke enjoyed our Thanksgiving with us. I have to thank my cousin Evie and Jack, from the bottom of our turkey stuffed hearts!
I came home and bought a turkey so that we'd have left overs to experience! Must... have... leftovers!
Well, see you tonight! I hope?!? Please, come to Pietros, tonight. Bring an unwrapped gift for the kids if you like, but it's not necessary! Just seeing you there will make me so, so, happy happy!
And after that, finally.... I get to go home to my river! This is the longest period of time that I've been away from the river, and I am SO homesick! Riversick! RevSick! Billsick! Mollysick! I miss them all so much! I'm coming home, you guys!

 

HollyDecember 4, 2013

Hey guys! I think... I THINK that "One Last Cast" is our winner for the toy contest, winning a Lamiglas Rod! I say I "Think" because I'm nervous, after my last mistake!
But, I think so!
The party was a blast! I had fun, sitting at the front table. I was able to meet all the people that came in the door. Even non ifishers!
My brother is to be thanked from the bottom of our little toy collecting hearts, as he brought almost all of the employees at General Transportation! My oh my! Thank you, General Transportation! What a great group of people you have!
The ifishers that came were so fun to have around and visit with! I sure wish more of you had joined in! Although we collected 354 toys, and did really well, it was just a little light on ifishers! What happened, you guys? Traffic? Weather? Just too busy? I missed you!
I'm off to the coast, I think. Not sure, due to the weather, but I'm going to try!

HollyDecember 7, 2013

Like I said... again! I thought that the winner of the toy guessing contest was One Last Cast, but unfortunately, he didn't do the second part of the contest. Thanks to the ifish membership for bringing this to my elderly attention!
Man, am I making mistake after mistake, or no? Yes!
So, our winner is... (drumroll....) TCox19! Tcox won a Lamiglas rod for Christmas! Yay! And no one deserved to win more, as he actually attended the party! How novel! lol
You guys, one way or another, I'm going to get more people from ifish attending that party. If I need to prod you with a wading staff, I will! It is just too good to miss. It makes you feel so good! I want you to feel good!
I'm at the coast, and man is it cold, here! The moisture in the air makes it seem oh-so much colder! Then, the wind picks up and blasts you in the face, and I can't stand it out there!
I told Bill the other night before it snowed, that if we woke to snow, I'd jump up and down 10 times. Well, I made it to 6 before I realized that I'm no longer 20 years old. I was able to jump 10 times later, but not before my coffee! I was excited about the snow, but the dogs? They went wilders! That made me laugh so hard! I love watching kids in the snow! And they are my kids!
We went for a walk, or tried to, last night!

Click to Enlarge

That was fun, but oh boy did it feel good to get back inside! Willy just doesn't get why I can't stand it out there! I want a fur coat like he has!
I want to talk about the changes we have had on ifish, but I guess not today. But, we have been through so much! I am so looking forward to settling in with our new "owners". It's so hard to be bought and sold and go through the changes that happen. I had no idea that we would have to go through this twice. Once is hard enough! But, we are going to make it!
I have to tell you how weird it is to be "ifish Jennie". That means that I am associated with ifish forever! No matter if I step back a bit, it's always mine. Mine, when it is good, and mine, when it is bad! I am forever associated!
I used to always get the "Oh! I love ifish! Are you Jennie!?!" and now, when things are tough, I get, "Are you Jennie? What's up with ifish? I can't get on!" I mean, I still get the good, but I'm getting used to the questions, too, now.
If you are having trouble getting on ifish, please let me know and I will work with you on it!
Alright, so I talked about what's on my mind a little bit, but I'll go into detail, later. We need to stick it out and stick together, OK?
I tried to step down a bit, earlier, but I just can't watch ifish have any trouble. I'm here! I'm here!

December 9, 2013

I'm so happy it is disgusting!
Way back when, Bill and I were doing an interview with Bill Monroe, (who refers to himself as "Your other Bill! :) ) and my Bill, (Hedlund) turned to Mr. Monroe and said, "Have you ever seen anyone so "up" before?" You can find that interview scanned at the bottom of the page, here.
Well, let me tell you. There have been times I haven't been so "up." But, I do have my ups in life! I'd say, most of the time, I'm up.
When found my son dead in his room, I most certainly was not "up". Let me tell you. This is the truth.
When my aorta dissects, I am not "up". When I heard the words "It is cancer", I wasn't up, either. But to every down, there is an up!
Like last night. I was reading a list of symptoms I was told to journal, regarding my chemo experience. Reading those awful symptoms made me feel "up!" I no longer have those symptoms! Hurrah! My health isn't great right now, but my feet are no longer burning like they are on fire, and I'm not nauseous all day and night. And I have hair growing long and full! That makes me feel so good!
I know what down feels like, so that makes me so appreciative to be up! We need to have those downs in our lives, so that we can appreciate the flip side! Mine are a little more down that others, I think, maybe not... but I think that's why I get so up! Or, maybe I'm bi polar! LOL. Whatever it is, I much prefer the up!
This morning I got up from bed so excitedly! I was trying to figure out why I was so happy, and then I knew. It's because morning is my favorite time of day! I love drinking coffee and having that quiet time to myself to look over ifish, to write, to read e mail from my friends, right before I take Willie out to run. This is "my" time!
But wait-- It couldn't be my "favorite" time of day, because... wasn't I just telling Bill last night that night time was my favorite time of day? Well, yes I was!
I love that section of time between dinner and sleep. That's my time of day! That lovely time, when I can lay down in my awesome bed, relax, watch TV or read. That's my favorite time of day!
Wait a minute...
I guess life is my favorite time of day. Life is good, because it's not death! I know what time that is, and I have been darn close more than once!
But, if I think about it, death isn't all that bad, either, because that's when I get to go to Heaven and see my Father in Heaven! Oh, shoot. I guess I'm just glad to exist!
And in between all my "favorite times of day", are my "favorite moments". I had one of those fleeting favorites yesterday! I was trying to explain in a board comment, what our ifish forum, Life in General, (and actually, ifish.net) was all about. Why I created it, etc...
I was typing out all the things that I wanted ifish to be about, when I created it. I wanted it different. Not a place to complain, but a place to share what is good in life. You know, what brings us together... and all of the sudden, I started quoting Philippians 4:6.
The thing is, I'm a Christian. But, I know that posting about religion divides us, on the board. We have a place for God's word, or religious beliefs on the board, and it's in the Angler's chapel.
Actually, I try..(and fail miserably!) to make the chapel a place for every body, no matter what religion. My pastor laughed at me, when I said this is how it was going to be. "Impossible!" He said. I said, "It's a place where we all can pray or uphold one another, regardless of what religion you believe in." Oh, it's hard!
Anyhow, I was trying to explain why I was closing a religious thread, and it made me realize that it's the same as what I wanted for the entire site!
This is a quote from the Angler's chapel, and I think it should be spread to all of the boards. ALL of ifish! Not the religious aspects, so to speak, but the reason why ifish exists. To edify encouragement.
Why can't ifish be all about edifying encouragement? For every thread, and every post and every body?!? Sometimes I think about starting a website just for that. A place where you can talk about anything. Not a fishing website, or a sewing website, but a website where you talk about anything, but you MUST edify encouragement, you MUST be nice. You MUST make someone's day better, when you post there! Ha! What a concept!
Here is the intro to the chapel:

"Welcome all, to the Angler's chapel!
Our personal walks may be much different than anyone needs to know, here. Please try to leave any differences at the door step, and join hands with us as one. It can be done in this short time we have together!

Philippians 4.6
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

This little forum is based on Christian Faith, of which I personally believe with all of my heart!"

-The key to my happiness, is my faith in Jesus Christ. If you want to read more of my introduction to the Angler's Chapel, please find it, here.
What I learned yesterday is that this is why I started ifish in the first place. This is what I wanted for my website. A place for everyone to come together to encourage one another. Fishing was fun! Nothing but fun, at the time, and I wanted to share that fun! Simple, right? Ha! NOT.
I wanted a place on the interweb where when I couldn't be out fishing, I could be IN fishing! Because it was FUN!! I wanted to recreate that fun, when I couldn't be out fishing. I wanted us fishers to make each another feel better! To share happiness and fun and good things!
I don't know how and why it has become not so much that, and much of the other. (UGLY). Politics, and religious battles, and hateful comments to one another. What a disgrace it is, sometimes, to see ifish members be so awful to one another!
Please, please, when you post on ifish, especially in this Christmas Season, let's try to edify encouragement and post about what is good, what is lovely, and everything that is says in Philippians 4:6!!!
Even if you aren't a Christian, this is such great advice to live by! Even if you aren't Christian, you cannot deny that Jesus had pretty darn good advice on life!
Not only on the Angler's Chapel, not only on ifish, but every day, in every way, we should follow this advice!!
So, go make someone happy! Encourage them! And speak only what is true, what is honest, what is ... well, Philippians 4:6!
I'm going to print that verse off, and put it in my purse, or paste it to my face!-- and I'm going to try to only think and speak everything it says, there! Wow. That's one tough thing to do, but I'm going to give it a go! Join me?

December 13, 2013

Yakutat
Just love these memories!

Yakutat, AK.

...and it's back to the city. Boo hoo.
I've had such happy-happy here! I don't wanna go back!
But, I do miss my "kids". You know, David, Luke, Sargie, Tammy... Well, Tammy is more like my co Mother. :)
I have some thoughts that I want to talk about, but I'll leave it till later.
Till then, off I go! Hope you have a grand weekend!

December 17, 2013

This is the day that the Lord Made! Let's rejoice and be glad in it!

OK, so it's supposed to have those "haths" and Hath nots" in it, but I don't talk like that.
So, in my words, "This is a day that God made! Let's rock!"
That made me smile. :)
I was reading this really neat thing on facebook, where a fellow believer had one of those goose bump moments where God pretty plainly speaks to you. I mean, one of those things where you KNOW that God is with you, and does something where you have no doubt, whatsoever that something happened because of God. I adore those moments! They don't happen often enough, but I suppose if they happened more often, it wouldn't be as special. Kind of like Christmas. If we had it weekly, it would be no big deal. Would it?
I had one of those moments a couple years ago. One of those times that had God written all over it.
I was having financial difficulties. It was right after a terrible flood in Tillamook, and right before Christmas.
I was getting my hair done, and I overheard this lady talking about how all of her things were ruined. That all the Christmas presents were soaking wet, and totally wrecked, along with all of her furniture, carpets, the whole house. Just yuck!
I had been having a pity party about my financial situation just that morning. Until... Until I heard that story.
I didn't have any money. Get it? Or, so I thought. But, I had 50 dollars in my wallet for groceries. That's all I had, too. But, as I walked out the door, I gave that 50 dollars to that lady. I don't even recall giving it to her, or how I gave it to her. Did I give it to another hairdresser to give her, or? I forget. But, I gave it to her, somehow.
I walked out, thinking, "What have I done?! I have no money, now! NONE! I can't afford to give my money away!"
Mind you, I think I wrote about this when it happened, so my details may be wrong. But, the general story remains the same.
I had no stinking money! And what I did have, I just gave away! DUH. What an idiot I was!
But, I had been moved to do it, and so I did.
Next stop on my list of errands was the Post office. I walked into the post office, and pulled out a non return addressed letter. Totally normal looking. I opened it up and out floated a 50 dollar bill! Do you believe that?! I mean, it was no more than 10 minutes, after I gave my 50 away!
Oh! I found the original story! It's here!
See? I knew there was more to the story, and that some of it is wrong. Inside the envelope it read, "You Bring Joy To So Many. When Asked Why God Chose Me For These Challenges, The Answer Was Because You Are Strong And Will Show Others How To Believe.
Thanks "

That's all! That's all they wrote! Now, that, that my dear readers is God!
I just think it's so neato! I love that story, and I love to hear other people's stories like that! Whoo hooo! What a way to start my day!
HE LIVES!
I'm going to go Christmas Shopping today. Please send patience my way! I'm going to need it! Yesterday, of all days, I chose to go do my shipping. Ha! That was fun! NOT!

December 19, 2013

Ninja Kwikfish!
Click to Zoom

Whoo hooo! The new Ninja!
Which one do YOU like?

I am pickled tink to see the new Kwikfish for this year! Whoo hoooo!
I love it! PLUS, it is going to have gold lettering for the ifish.net name and the Ninja name! Classy! I think it is going to be absolutely gorgeous!
Tell us what you think!

December 19, 2013

This is one of those painful days where all I can do, is just to lay in bed, most of the day. I'm finally up, but, man oh man, do I hurt.
It isn't everything. It is my right, most troubled eye. I can't keep track of how many surgeries I've had in each or what eye, but this is the one that continues to hassle me.
Not to get into a long, sordid story, (if you want that, you can read "All my eye surgeries, a daytime drama!)
But, to make a very long story shorter, I remain to have what they call "blebs" in my eye, where they tried to sew holes together, where they went in for surgery.
As you know, I have a connective tissue disorder called Marfan Syndrome. With this disorder, my tissue sometimes does not connect. Guess what? It didn't connect or heal, after surgery. So, a
After several trials of putting drops of acid in my eyes, (Now, THAT hurts!) and weekly injections in my eye, (That sounds awful, but doesn't hurt that much, past the thought of it), I still have holes in my eyes. Both of them! I joke with God about it. "Thank you, Lord, for my holy eyes!" And, I do thank him. They work! Most of the time!
A couple holes were successfully covered and thus, closed by donor scleral tissue, and those are fine, but a couple holes just give me fits. Absolute fits!
Once, when I was a young parent, Andrew, I believe it was, picked up one of those little golden books, and somehow hit me in the eye with a corner of the page. It tore my cornea, and it hurt really badly. I mean, nearly intolerably. This is how this feels, today. I can't sleep. I can't rest. I can't... anything! I just want to scream.
I was OK this morning. I woke, feeling pretty fine. The only problem was that I had a bump on my lip. Guess what? I have a big old, ugly cold sore on my lip! Gee, thanks, Santa! I'm the only girl with a Christmas ornament on her lip! I'm in hiding for a week, I guess! I haven't had one of these in years. I think I must be under stress, because that's when I used to get them. Either that, or sunshine.
I had a corneal implant in this eye. I sure hope there isn't something wrong going on with that. I haven't hurt this bad in ages. I tried a bag of frozen peas on it, but my face freezes too soon to help. I tried warm. That didn't help. I tried pain pills, and it didn't touch it. I don't know. I guess it's time for the eye doc, if it isn't better by tomorrow.
I count the minutes, the hours, when will this get better!?!?! I keep having to dry my eyes. They water like a river. Computers are NOT good, but I had to do something! Since I can't really read, I'm writing! I don't often ask for prayer, but I'm begging you! I need a miracle! I want this gone! I'd take 20 injections in my eye, for this pain! Drop acid in them! Anything is better than this! If I were a dog, I'd put me out of my misery!
Pheh. Do I sound pitiful? I am!
I used to have these muscle aches when I was little, when I'd just lay on my bed and cry. I don't have those any more, and I thank God that I don't, but man, oh man. I do have this, and that's all I'm doing today. It does remind me of my youth!
Well, other than that, I'm just darn spiffy! I am going to attempt to wrap some Christmas presents. Just keep the edge of that paper away from my eyes! I know! I'm wearing glasses for added protection!
I have to thank God, because you know this is the best vision that I've ever had! It is the result of several eye surgeries, several lens implants, and retinal detachments, and vitrectomies. Yes, in duplicate. But, add them all up, and I can see! It's a great feeling to be able to see, when you lived for a long time, without. It's a darned miracle!
When I was little, I would wake up in my little blue painted room, and everything would be a soft, pastel blue-blur. I would wonder and dream what it would be like to be able to see, first thing in the morning, without putting glasses on. I am blessed with that miracle every day, now! My "contacts" are sewn right into my eye. That is such a miracle!
Yes, I hurt. I have pain that is driving me batty, but I still... even now, feel like the luckiest girl on earth! I must be nuts, but think about all the miracles that I have experienced! I have lived through an aortic dissection! A collapsed lung that was trying to push my heart over to the other side of my chest! I see! I was told I'd be gone by 35 and I'm 53! I'm alive!
I guess my eye doesn't hurt that bad.... ! and even if it does, I can take it!
Father? Thank you for all the blessings that I have been given!
Sorry to go all religion on you, but sometimes I do that. I just can't help it.
What do I try next? Since the peas didn't help, maybe I'll try frozen corn.
Oh! Oh! The whole reason I thought about writing was this: I was hurting so badly, and I took my tennis shoes off and put on a pair of Ugg boots. Oh, my! They felt so awesome! I was so thankful for those warm, cuddly boots on my feet! I think it's because when something else hurts so badly, you appreciate the good things in life, all the more! I just thought that was profound! LOL
The moral of this story is, "If your eye hurts, go put your Uggs on!"

HollyDecember 22, 2013Holly
HollyHollyHolly
A Christmas Story (With Pictures!)

Twas the night before Christmas and a fragile child lay in bed,
What were those sad thoughts, that raced through his head?

"Will Santa forget me?" A tear fell down his cheek.
Everything! Even Christmas! It all seemed so bleak.

This sweet little child, with his heart filled with fear, didn't know that Ifish and General Transportation were Santa's helpers this year!

D & H Transfer drove a big truck to pick up toys
Just for the hospital that kept safe, those girls and boys!

He drifted to sleep fitfully,
but he awoke in the night-
He thought he saw a sleigh in the sky,
lit up against the snowfall, so bright?

Christmas morning he woke to sounds of great cheer!
Had Santa NOT forgotten any of them, this year!?
He heard laughter and excitement and boys and girls squeals!
And in one gift- just for him! A brand new rod and reel!

That little boy, he got better, and he grew up to be
A good man who worked at "General Transportation" as a trainee,
He joined a website named ifish, who had a tradition,
of gathering toys for children who were in the hospital, and now this is his mission!

HollyHollyHolly

God bless all those people at Randall Children's Hospital, who help all those children to have a very Merry Christmas! Thank God for my brother, who inspired the people at General Transportation to join in the effort.
Thank you to Pete and his daughter, Madeleine, who come every year to count the presents and to help pack them on the truck!
I'm just so thankful to D & H Transfer, because every year, no matter what, they come with a big, shiny truck that takes the toys to the Hospital!
Thank you to Sherri, (from D & H!) for all of her inspiration and good cheer! She always makes me laugh, and calms my fears that no one will attend!
Thank you to Amp, for sitting with me at the front, and for all of the people that come, bringing toys and making this all possible!
I feel like I'm one of those people accepting some kind of award, but the award isn't mine. The award goes to every single person who attended, whether you brought a present or not! Whether you drove a truck or not, and wherever you work, and whatever website you belong to!
YOU
made so many children happy, and as I await Christmas Morning in my family, I know that I will wake, knowing that some little child in the hospital, this year, is going to be excited and happy to open a gift that without you, wouldn't have that gift!
It just makes Christmas for me! Like, TOTALLY! Christmas to me, means so much more than just family, since we started this tradition! Thank you for that, too!

 

 

December 24, 2013

Wow! It is really the night before Christmas! It really is! What happened? Just yesterday I was laying out in the back yard, sunning myself! The world is just zipping by!
Thank God my eye is better, but man oh man, I'm just not very well. I can tell that my immune system is just shot. I'm trying to take vitamins, and eat spinach salads, but nothing seems make me better.
I'm always biz, biz, busy. Too busy?
I wish I could take a day off and just rest. Or maybe a month?
Christmas is hard. It's a job. I know that all Mothers can agree. But, I see on facebook all these awesome Moms and Grand Moms baking their Christmas goodies, and making it sound all so joyful! How on earth do they do it? I can barely get the fudge made!
Mothers are the center of the household. "If Momma aint happy, aint nobody happy."
Mothers are the center of Christmas. They are what makes Christmas, Christmas. I firmly believe that. It doesn't have to be that way. There are plenty of non traditional families who pull it off, just fine with their own, peaceful traditions. (Peace. What peace?) They may even have more fun, because they are more relaxed? I don't know.
But, because of my super heroic Mother, this is how it is done in our family. My Mother was so heroic. She may have been exhausted, but exhaustion to her, meant success, I think.
On Saturday mornings during December, she'd yell up to a sleeping family of five kids, "Christmas is clean!" (Uggg, I detested that!)! She made triple super batches of at least 10 different kinds of goodies. I think she started in November, the year before? LOL. German cookies that had to spend time resting in a bin... Lebkuchen, pfeffernusse, spritz cookies, yeast breads, and candies, and... oh my! She taught piano lessons, raised five kids, cooked all the above, and also, held an annual Christmas party for 25 piano students, Moms and Grandmas, and provided most of the goodies! Oh, my!
It's no wonder that I have such expectations of wonder.
And I can't do it! I can't!
My Mother was the center of Christmas. She made Christmas happen! Now, my sister Teri has taken over the lead of Christmas, and she is the same hero as my Mom. How does she do it?
I feel like I'm chasing my tail. I do and I do, and I don't get things done!
Thing is, ever since Andrew died, I have this super expectation that I have to make Christmas happy, even when it isn't. Now it is even harder to make Christmas a miracle for David. How can I make Christmas the happiest time of the year, when things aren't very happy? Holidays are a tough time, for those of us, who have lost someone close. Every says so, so it must be.
If only.... If only I could de program myself from family traditional expectations, all of that which I was raised, and make Christmas something different, all together? Being disabled, that would match my abilities, so much better! I could make it a time of rest, and yell out, at 1:00 PM, to everyone still sleeping, "Christmas is a peaceful chaos! Christmas is messy, and we don't care!" Oh, yes! That would be so fun!
I once saw a comic strip of a tangled mess of Christmas lights, still in a loop, hung to a single plant holder hook, on the front of the house. The caption read, "My wife asked me to hang the lights."
Perfect! That's my Christmas!
I can't do it. I'm programmed for life to try and try. but each year, I never come close to what my Mom did. Christmas must be everything to everybody I'm responsible for, and I'm responsible to make it perfect.
Every present must be carefully thought out, and exactly what they wanted. Creative, surprised, perfect!
My lights are hung on the front of the house, without a bend or twist. Perfect. Just as Mom would have it. Everything in my life is still judged by my Mother, even now that she is gone. It's always, "What would my Mother do?" Agh! She haunts me with perfection!
Every year, we had "Sweet Petals" for Christmas morning. I've yet to make them. The recipe is here. Better get on it!
I hope that's the right one. I don't know where the original is! Shoot. Another worry, right? Well, it's Christmas! Another failure of mine!
I also have to go get one last present. It's hard to make Christmas so special, when you don't have a lot of cash to work with. Yikes!
I will succeed, right? Christmas will be merry, merry, merry!
Sometimes I wish I could lay back, give food to the poor, make Christmas for someone else, special. A family who couldn't afford it. And for us? A day of rest and celebration.
But, I don't wish that, really. If I did, I would do it. I know that David would be more than happy if I told him that this year, we were doing that. It is me. It is me that wants him to be afflicted with the Christmas madness, and to carry it on to his family, some day. --and it is because of my heritage. Thank you, dear Mother.
After all, it's Christmas... and it's tradition!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Gotta go make the sweet petals!

December 25, 2013

Waking up on every Christmas morning, I can feel magic in the air! No matter the stress from the days that approach it, they are all erased, and joy fills my heart!
The radio is softly playing Christmas carols, my scentsy burner is burning wonderful smelling Christmas smells. Cranberry and pine, and who knows what, but it's delicious! The tree is lit, and all of my Holiday lights are lit. It's quiet out. Peaceful. Joyful.
Jesus Christ was born, today! Hallelujah!
And, for your Christmas enjoyment, please see this video. It brought tears to my eyes. I don't know these kids, but God bless them for such an amazing performance! I really, really enjoyed this! I hope you do, too!
Merry Christmas to the biggest and 'bestest' family, that I could ever wish for! I love you, all! The members of ifish are the best present a girl could ever ask for! You are pretty much everything to me! I long for the people that have left ifish to come back, to understand why we have rules, and to help us to uphold them, so that we can be one big family, never, ever to be separated again. Know that I miss you, no matter what.

What is the Secret of Christmas?


Click it to zoom it bigggggg!

HollyDecember 26, 2013

And, let's prep for the New Year! I found this interesting article that I think we all could benefit by reading and heeding. Click here.
I found I was guilty of many of these! Especially, reading my e mail too late at night. I'm not doing that, any more! Plus, I'm turning off my bleeping, beeping tones that tell me something is new. Goodbye, intrusives tech noises! Hello, music to my ears! -Silence!
You don't need it in the boat, you don't need it on a train, you don't need it in the sunshine, you don't need it in the rain!

 

 

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