Extreme Redneck

FinFansea · 12-01-2005, 12:21 PM

Sorry if you find any of these offensive

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.

6 Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this".

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines".

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

18. You can't remember what is under the blue tarp in the front of your house.

Chrome Bumper · 12-01-2005, 12:53 PM

19. You leave the dump with more stuff than you got there with.

12-01-2005, 01:07 PM

20. You get a divorce and your ex-wife is still your sister.
21. You have all of your teeth.....on a string around your neck.

StickFish · 12-01-2005, 02:12 PM

22. You think a family reunion is a great place to meet babes
23. Your family tree has only one branch
24. You live in a town where there are only three last names in the phonebook, but thousands of listings that end in Bubba, JimBob and SallyJoe.

25. You own several cars, but only enough tires to get one on the road at a time.
26. When your front porch colapes at least six blood hounds die

Salmo trutta · 12-01-2005, 02:35 PM

27. The "tooth brush" was invented in your home town....if it was invented any place else it would be called the teeth brush.

yankemnbankem · 12-01-2005, 02:53 PM

you can open a beer bottle with your tooth.

Your mode of transportation is a shopping cart.

The Sign on the outside of your front door says "Winnabago" instead of "Welcome"

Mr. Fisherman · 12-01-2005, 10:56 PM

If you have ever taken a six pack to a funeral...

If you have ever used an ironing board as a banquet table...

If you have a full set of salad bowls and they all say cool whip...

Ryan Pultz · 12-02-2005, 01:58 AM

rp

goodkarma · 12-02-2005, 07:15 AM

if you have ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

yankemnbankem · 12-02-2005, 09:34 AM

If your gutter from your roof top doubles as yer shower.

if everything in yer wardrobe is "cut offs"

You know yer a redneck if you use lit cigarette butts in yer daughters birthday cake instead of candles.

You know yer a redneck if you have a permanent imprint in yer forhead that looks like a beer can.

if yer Pinto has 52 inch mudders and is four wheel drive.

If the fish yer catchin n eatin are carp

if yer stove consists of a 55 gallon drum and some breather holes.

if yer fence around yer yard is made up of all the cars you "used" to drive.

if all your silverware consists of 1 can opener.

if yer Sunday best is Hunters Orange.

yankemnbankem · 12-02-2005, 09:37 AM

when yer father in law is also yer brother AND yer best friend

leadlobber · 12-02-2005, 10:28 AM

doh!

FastActionRodTip · 12-02-2005, 10:45 AM

How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person says, "Go ahead."

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "'Bout what?"

Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both em!" "OK.Ummmmm...five?"

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here, muh house is on fahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get tere?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as
to > where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Betty Sue got pregnant.Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Betty Sue got pregnant agin. Last year you suggested Tahiti
and darned if Betty Sue didn't get pregnant again."
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do different this year?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Betty Sue WITH me."

Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911.The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator
asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "Uhh, How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? Documentaries.

Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Texas State Lottery? The winner gets $3 year for a million years.

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common? No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.