I Need some advise!

suckerfish · 07-14-2005, 10:39 PM

I am seriosly thinking of selling my boat 22' NR. The boat is paid for. However, I just don't get to use the boat as much as I would like to(5 times last year). Since the birth of our son, it very difficult to find time for fishing. The wife and I don't get to see each other much because we have decided to handle all the child care responcibilitys between the two of us, and is starting to add stress to the marrage. We both work diffrent hours so our son is always with one of us. We get to spend two days a week with each other and most of that time goes to doing chores that piled up during the week. We are planning our second child, and this alone will push my boating days even farther. And to throw in the mix, we have decided to start our own business doing contract work for another company, that is starting to spirling out of control(more involved than I want to be). So, do I allow the boat to sit with little use, or do I turn the boat into usable capital. Selling the boat is my idea, and the wife really has no clue that I am even considering it. Selling the boat would allow me to pay every dept I have minus the house and wifes car. This might just be enough to find some quality child care, but I am torn between raising my kids without help and my marrage. Just don't know if I am being rational with my thinking. I know money isn't going to solve my domestic problems. I just have to much on my plate at this point in my life.

suckerfish

Mr. Krabs · 07-14-2005, 11:42 PM

"I just have to much on my plate at this point in my life."

Sounds like you have half your answer right there. What do you want to clear from it? Family? Work? Fishing? Seems like only one of those has any real flexibility.

*I'm sure there are some who will disagree with some of my words here. That's cool.*

A couple of thoughts I had while reading your post:

1. GOOD daycare CAN be a great thing for a child's development. Even when we haven't needed the coverage, my wife and I still have our littlest kids in a 2-day per week, 3-4 hours per day 'preschool' program. They have friends there, do cool projects, and it gives my wife and I a few hours per week to play.

2. Using assets to clear debt can be very smart IF you don't just reaccumulate debt afterwards. Don't trade debts for debts at the cost of your "toys." If selling your boat now will have a positive impact on your relationship with your wife that you might not be able to achieve otherwise, then for me it would be a no-brainer. I did this myself, went boatless for awhile, then got a better one when we could afford it and use it more.

3. Adding kids will definitely take away your free time for awhile... unless you're OK with going fishing while your family lives life without you. But that will taper off after awhile, and then you can do your boating and fishing as a family event. We went from one to three kids, and I've never regretted it... although I missed fishing for awhile...

Prioritize your life to take care of what is absolutely most important to you. Take care of what you MUST HAVE and be willing to sacrifice some of what you simply WANT... for awhile, anyway.

Good luck with your decisions.

tt3886 · 07-15-2005, 12:38 AM

Spending quality time with your family on the water is also a great way help you clear your mind, and prioritize work and personal issues. If you don't have some type of release, you'll end up in a rubber room.

baltz526 · 07-15-2005, 06:05 AM

run an add for the boat in the large local paper for a top dollar price for 7 days if the boat sells with no complications it was menttobe,if no calls or just weird offers notmenttobe.

Oregonhunter · 07-15-2005, 06:45 AM

Yep.....have to agree with tt3886, My wife and I dont get to spend near as much time on the water after our last child was born but we still get out on the water a few times during the summer. It is the best way I can think of to get away from things, a day on the water feels like I took several days off from work sometimes.

The little one is starting to get old enough to go and enjoy the water as well, even with young ones a day on the lake can be enjoyable (a bit more work but it is worth it.) Like others here have said if it makes things better with the wife than I would sell it but unless you are pretty sure it will have a positive affect I would have to think twice.

From the post it sounds like to me the differant work hours are more to blame than anything....its hard to keep things alive when you dont see each other much, and if selling the boat fixes this then go for it but I think you should talk to the wife and see what she thinks either way, she may get upset or maybe it would help if she knew how serious you are about making things better. Sometimes they just want to know how much we care and sometimes its just the thought that counts.

Good luck suckerfish and take care,

OH

OceanBlue · 07-15-2005, 07:34 AM

Sell the boat/keep the boat. It makes little difference except for the $$.

My advice is MAKE TIME for your wife and yourself. Find someone to care for your son for a few hours once a week.

Date your wife.

When your son is not with you... no chores, no errands, just you and your wife.
Hold hands, relax, take in a movie or a candlelit dinner. Just enjoy eachother.

Mr. Krabs · 07-15-2005, 08:01 AM

Quote:

...if selling the boat fixes this then go for it but I think you should talk to the wife and see what she thinks either way, she may get upset...

I agree with this sentiment 100%. Don't do a major thing like selling the boat without letting her know. She knows how important the boat is to you, and may end up feeling responsible if you sell it and regret it afterward.

reeldick · 07-15-2005, 08:06 AM

Do what OceanBlue says! I think some of us have been there and "not" done that.

RoscoeP · 07-15-2005, 09:28 AM

If you can do it financially, I would do everything to keep the boat. Talk to the Mrs. about it though. Don't worry. Before you know it the kid(s) will be ready to go with you for some quality family time on the water. My boys are 16 and 13 now. Seem like just yesterday I was in your shoes. Bringing a baby into the world is a huge adjustment, and it will get easier with time and experience. Our children are the greatest blessing we could pray for, so cherish every moment you have with them. The fish will always be waiting for you.

lost_sailor · 07-15-2005, 10:16 AM

I will just note that a $1000 boat might float just as well as a $20,000 boat.

And, your kids will be better people if they have a chance to hang out with someone besides their parents. AND you and the wife need to spend SOME time having fun without the offspring ... just every once in a while!

(My kids are 17 & 14, my boat is 47, my marriage is 23)

night stocker · 07-15-2005, 10:38 AM

Remember,now you asked for advice,so here is my 2cents.Don't sell!I have gone through exactly the same situation.I work graveyard and the wife worked days.We had very little help with daycare with my three sons,16 yrs,13 and the little guy is 7 now.It seems like all the daycare places wanted them for 40 hrs a week,no weekends and not before 7 am.Well that never worked out very long for a lot of reasons.First is cost which took my fun money away.Second,I loved changing my kid's diapers and doing the little feeding thing.Sounds kinda strange doesn't it?I really missed the little guys.Third,I just wanted them there for a few hours in the morning so I could cop some ZZZ's and then pick them up.But I already had the day paid.I would do it all over again,but my days changing diapers are over!Short of the grandkids when they come in a while.You know,I still made time for a couple days or so on the water in my boat per month,which may not seem worth it to you,but I had fun and adventure those two days which made it worth it.It does get better.Just hang in there,and don't think "Oh, instead of getting out,I really should be painting the house or whatever"Load it up and go.It really was the only thing that held me together.I looked forward to my next adventure.This is getting drawn out so,I would have regretted selling my boat and then I would have wasted the money on DR. bills,and never got another boat.Then I really would have been miserable and hard to live with.I do have a very understanding wife,bless her heart,but time can be managed.I hope this helps.

Boats · 07-15-2005, 12:30 PM

My advice. Save your marriage and sell the boat to me.

FishinTechnician · 07-15-2005, 02:42 PM

Sounds like you are heading for a rut. "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Sell the boat and you'll end up being a slave to your new business. I was a lot like you 30+ yrs ago with a young family and was pushing the envelope with a traveling job and a career in the Army Reserve. We made time to recreate and took the kids with us while they were still infants. Those boys grew up in the boat and developed a love of fishing and the outdoors. That combined with their love of sports kept them busy enough never to cause their Mother and I one bit of grief.

Birdnest · 07-17-2005, 10:57 AM

Suckerfish,

I was in almost your exact position last year. The thing to remember is that you can always get another boat when the timing is better. A broken marriage, kids growing up, etc. aren't as easy to undue.

I got to a point where I felt guilty about a luxary item that was collecting dust. I miss my boat, but I have never regreted putting my family"s best interest ahead of mine.

Joe

Fast Water · 07-17-2005, 11:32 AM

Quote:

I just have to much on my plate at this point in my life.

Sounds like you figured out the problem and it actually doesn't have anything to do with the boat.

Save the boat. It's paid for and is only causing a little grief in the back of your mind.

Work out how big a plate you and your wife are willing to carry and how much you want to pile on it. After that has been worked out you may find that down the road you and your family will find the time to enjoy your boat.

Good luck!

GRUMPYR · 07-17-2005, 03:24 PM

ok here goes.... a-d-v-i-c-e
G

Jennie@ifish · 07-17-2005, 04:27 PM

Ocean blue has it right on.

If only we had.. !

Jen

stilly bum · 07-17-2005, 06:12 PM

Quote:

I just have to much on my plate at this point in my life.

Having another kid won't make it any better.

RvW · 07-17-2005, 06:59 PM

The more time that goes by, the less the boat is worth on the market.

Compromise! Sell the 22ft boat, and set aside enough to buy the first good deal on a drifter with quality kicker you see. Dont look for one, it will find you.
Youll have to fish different water, but youll catch just as many fish.