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Old 05-06-2011, 07:16 PM   #1
Austin
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Default Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Here are a few chevy jokes that were sent to me I thought I would share. This is only for fun, not wanting to offend anyone. After all, any american car is better than an import

Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.


Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.


Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.


Q: How much wood could a GM*truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the*Ford*towing it.


Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.


Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.


Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said,
"I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Chevy"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade.


Q. What do you call a Chevy at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle?


Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.


Q. How do you make a Chevy go faster down hill?
A. Turn the engine off.


Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The*tow truck*takes most of the impact.



Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two*Fords

Q. Whats the difference between a Chevy and a shopping cart?
A. A shopping cart is easier to push.


Q. Why are the new GM*trucks*more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.


Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?


Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.



Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.


CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every*Vehicle*Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques


CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.


CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.


CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.


CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.


CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed


CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet


GMC= Garage Man's Companion


GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company


GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming


GM= General Mistake


GM= Glued Metal


Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for our Chevy's,
our tools would rust.


From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.


Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevys-do the
best you can"


Thats not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.


Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.


I could never keep a Chevy under me, I was always under the Chevy.


Speed Kills, Drive a Chevy and live forever.


A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!




"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."

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Old 05-06-2011, 07:38 PM   #2
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

I like them.
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Old 05-06-2011, 07:52 PM   #3
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

On a quiet day,

you can hear a chevy rust.
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Old 05-06-2011, 11:54 PM   #4
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

The universe could use some balance (and truth )

What the acronym "Ford" really means
Found on road dead
Fix or repair daily
First On Recall Day
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Found On Rubbish Dump
Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
For Only Runs Downhill

One option only available in a Ford, heated tailgate ( hands get cold pushing)
:backlaugh:
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Old 05-07-2011, 01:36 AM   #5
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

You know, fords may be first on race day, but they are always found on the road dead with the driver returning on foot and before you fork over the repair dollars, the mechanic has to flip it over to read directions!
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Old 05-07-2011, 04:51 AM   #6
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

you just made my day. i have a brother n law that drives a chevy. and he,s always got something nice to say about my ford. he has a diesel and i have a gas and he,s always saying something about gas mileage. like he asks how many mpg then when i tell him and he will say he knows somebody that has one just like mine and he never does that good. kinda like im lieing. i only get alittle over 12 mpg on the hiway, and if i was lieing i couldnt get to the next station. but i have a 2001 350 superduty crew cab with the 6.8 10 cylender. he has a super cab type chevy so its alot smaller truck to start with. i have never rode in his truck. but mine has all the power i need. i can pull my 28 ft sea ray 70 mph and can push the gas down and still feel it picking up speed real good. the next time he says something about my truck im going to invite him up to our local drag strip for a grudge run. and see what he says.LOL. i have beat a few of the diesels, ford and chevy. but i do have to buy alittle more gas. but i saved enough money when i bought my gas truck over a diesel to buy one heck of alot of gas. i bought used a couple of years ago. i saved about 5 to 7 thousand on the gas truck. thats alot of free gas.LOL.
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Old 05-07-2011, 05:54 AM   #7
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

And then came : (Dodge) -:backlaugh:
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:10 AM   #8
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

You missed one
For Off Road Driving

I have a cumins
I know it gets better mileage towing or bobtail
then ford or chevy
and yes it's made here but I'm sure someone has something negative to say about it. which is fine envey always brings out the worst in comments.
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Old 05-07-2011, 06:50 AM   #9
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smoke It View Post
You missed one
For Off Road Driving

I have a cumins
I know it gets better mileage towing or bobtail
then ford or chevy
and yes it's made here but I'm sure someone has something negative to say about it. which is fine envey always brings out the worst in comments.
I am a super-duty owner, but after driving my buddies 08 cummins I would definitly buy a dodge, they are nice trucks.
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Old 05-07-2011, 08:23 AM   #10
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by black tail rattler View Post
I am a super-duty owner, but after driving my buddies 08 cumins I would definitely buy a dodge, they are nice trucks.
A friend of mine has an 05or06 Ford I think, And he has had nothing but problems when he first got it ,has them ironed out now he thinks
seems when the engine was manufactured by Navistar they used sub-standard head bolts on the diesel engine and every time he would get a load under it,It would stretch the bolts ever so slightly and puke out all the coolant finally after the third time he bought ARP head bolts and has not had that problem again he was lucky it was covered under warranty the head bolts he had to buy it's a 6.0 engine it's a nice truck it has every option you can think of including butt warmers one of my most bestest options and it's red
To date I have done nothing to my truck but change the fuel filter and oil once a year or every 5000 miles I don't drive it much bought it for towing our 5th wheel not driving everywhere else I get close to 22mpg on the freeway and 16.0mpg when towing out trailer all stock no mods I do use two stroke motor oil when I fill up helps with lubricity

Last edited by Smoke It; 05-07-2011 at 08:25 AM.
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Old 05-07-2011, 08:59 AM   #11
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smoke It View Post
A friend of mine has an 05or06 Ford I think, And he has had nothing but problems when he first got it ,has them ironed out now he thinks
seems when the engine was manufactured by Navistar they used sub-standard head bolts on the diesel engine and every time he would get a load under it,It would stretch the bolts ever so slightly and puke out all the coolant finally after the third time he bought ARP head bolts and has not had that problem again he was lucky it was covered under warranty the head bolts he had to buy it's a 6.0 engine it's a nice truck it has every option you can think of including butt warmers one of my most bestest options and it's red
To date I have done nothing to my truck but change the fuel filter and oil once a year or every 5000 miles I don't drive it much bought it for towing our 5th wheel not driving everywhere else I get close to 22mpg on the freeway and 16.0mpg when towing out trailer all stock no mods I do use two stroke motor oil when I fill up helps with lubricity

Well not driving it much does help from it breaking down.

Qickest way to put a persons undies into a wedgy,

Talk trash about their
Truck
Dog
Wife
beer
children
Not nessasarly in that order
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Old 05-07-2011, 09:30 AM   #12
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

id rather push my ford or new (cant believe im saying this) nissan then a chevy
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Old 05-07-2011, 09:48 AM   #13
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Default Re: Ford guys,This Is Your Brain here's a few Chevy jokes

Many years ago, when I lived in AZ, I used to make regular deliveries to the parts department of a local Chevy Dealer.

Below is a facsimile of a sign they had on their wall:

This Is Your Brain:



This Is Your Brain On Drugs:
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Old 05-07-2011, 10:58 AM   #14
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

What do you call Chevy shock absorbers?

Passengers.




Why do Chevrolets have heated back windows?

To keep your hands warm while you're pushing it.
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Old 05-07-2011, 11:07 AM   #15
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

DODGE:

Daily
Overhauls
Do
Get
Expensive
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Old 05-07-2011, 11:23 AM   #16
sherman51
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

i really think they all make pretty good trucks unless you get one of the ones made on friday. its just that the one youre driving at the time is the best.LOL.
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Old 05-07-2011, 01:12 PM   #17
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by sherman51 View Post
i really think they all make pretty good trucks unless you get one of the ones made on friday. its just that the one youre driving at the time is the best.LOL.
I have to agree, Even though I like ford the most, dodge and chevy can make good trucks every once in a while!:backlaugh:
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Old 05-07-2011, 03:05 PM   #18
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

I delivered RV's for a couple years with a Dodge w/cummins. Very very few chevys were hauling RV's. They didn't hold up as well as Ford and Dodge and were a lot more expensive to work on. For the average guy one is good as the other. The couple years I hauled RV's I put 260,000+ miles on the truck.
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Old 05-09-2011, 07:12 AM   #19
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smoke It View Post
You missed one
For Off Road Driving

I have a cumins
I know it gets better mileage towing or bobtail
then ford or chevy
and yes it's made here but I'm sure someone has something negative to say about it. which is fine envey always brings out the worst in comments.
I think Dodge trucks are made in Mexico?
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:21 AM   #20
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by AuroraDan View Post
The universe could use some balance (and truth )

What the acronym "Ford" really means
Found on road dead
Fix or repair daily
First On Recall Day
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Found On Rubbish Dump
Flintstone Or Rubble Driven
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Forward Only, Reverse Defective
For Only Runs Downhill

One option only available in a Ford, heated tailgate ( hands get cold pushing) :backlaugh:
Missed another one:
Full Of Rat Droppings

Everbody has their favorite.
Don't forget International Harvester and Studebaker.
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Old 05-09-2011, 02:23 PM   #21
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Dont' forget "F'd Over Rebuilt Dodge"





Disclaimer: I have both a 1/2ton Chevy and 1ton Ford, and would be happy to own a Cummings Dodge as well.
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Old 05-09-2011, 04:05 PM   #22
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Austin View Post
DODGE:

Daily
Overhauls
Do
Get
Expensive
Mostly
Old
Parts
And
Rust
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Old 05-09-2011, 09:26 PM   #23
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Default Re: Ford guys, here's a few Chevy jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Da Bank Maggot View Post
Mostly
Old
Parts
And
Rust
Move
Over
People
Are
Racing
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