How can someone be so hurtful????

OceanDreams · 10-06-2010, 07:47 AM

I really dont understand love. But I guess who does, right? I spent the last 5 months of my life in love with the most loving, caring, thoughtful person I have ever met. He told me he wanted to marry me, for me to have his child, and for him to adopt mine. He promised me forever. He took me out for my birthday on a fabulous date, and showered me as though I was the only person on earth. He treated me like a princess and I was very appreciative. I loved him and felt so secure with our relationship. A week or so later, he broke up with me, leaving me with no anwers. He texted me and told me he "needs his simple life back." And he still wont talk to me. I am very hurt and confused, and need to learn to make it through this. Any advise would be helpful.

wackemnstackem · 10-06-2010, 07:53 AM

you dont need a guy like that, I could never break up in a text thats being a coward! sorry for your bad luck just hang in there and you will find better

freeflyinmane · 10-06-2010, 08:05 AM

One of the reasons for the old tradition of at least a year-long engagement was to allow things like this to sort out before being fully involved. I am sorry for you but better now than say 1-3 years later with children involved. From what you wrote, I would guess he has someone else but, again, only a hunch from his actions is all. It seems to be when you stop looking for love is when it finds you. Sure was true in my case. I tired of the constant new meetings and disappointments of the internet dating after two years of trying so I just quit. Two months later, I have a knock on my door and an old friend showed up to say hi. 8 years later we are still together and married. Life works mysteriously for us sometimes. I also think each person comes into our life to allow us to learn, either good or bad, but we come away better informed on people, perhaps less trusting or less naive but smarter for sure. You sound like a great person so maintain your standards, don't accept "second-best and remember, it was he who failed, not you so keep smiling. Life will get better.

Oregon-Jet · 10-06-2010, 08:21 AM

It cant be fun,and I feel for you two.

marthagofish · 10-06-2010, 09:16 AM

Take your time and find the right guy!
I know it's hard but taking your time will be your best friend and you will end up with someone special who is REALLY nice.

Good luck.

1991 Arima · 10-06-2010, 09:35 AM

Hang in there girl, Mr. right will come along!!!!!!

Ben Hur · 10-06-2010, 09:36 AM

It's not you, some guys can be pretty clever for quite a while. A drunk I didn't trust married one of my best friends and disappeared when he feel off the wagon for 3-4 days or a couple of weeks with no talking to her or explaining. He was pretty slick is why I never trusted him, maybe your guy probably has more baggage than he could bear to end up sharing with you. This other guy had all the right answers to any questions, way to slick like he had done it several times before (he had and knew what worked), he was a serial marry and leave em after he emptied their bank account, you dodged a big bullet.

Trust not what a man says he is going to do, just look at what he has done to get a good view of the future. (vice president hopeful Benson). Unless he's having a mental breakdown, don't have anything to do with a double minded man. Married for 37 years after a 2 year get to know you courtship and still doing well

.

salmonsteelheadsam · 10-06-2010, 10:20 AM

a girl like you has the pick of the litter keep your head up

Lurp · 10-06-2010, 10:25 AM

This puts you in a very difficult position.
You don't know why and can't figure out what would fix this.
Meanwhile it hurts all the way to the bone and you can't stop thinking about it.
First do your best to let it go, which is extremely hard to do.
If you continue to try to contact him it will only push him away, if you leave him alone and this was meant to be he will be the one to make the first move
Second don't sit home waiting for the phone to ring. That will just make it harder to get over it and drive you crazy
Third try to get out and do some things to get your mind off this problem
Avoid places you went with him and especially avoid movies that are love stories and music about lost love
Exercise helps alot
Try to get on with your life
25 years ago I was madly, passionatly in love with a woman the sun rose and set with her and when it ended I was about to crawl in a hole somewhere and die
But time does heal all wounds
Now I am married to a wonderful women and life is good (I will retire friday)
I still think of her once in awhile and wonder where she is and what she is doing I will always have a special place in my heart for her, but it was never meant to be and it took time to face and accept that
No matter what you do it will take time and you will have to work at it
Remember that the sun will come up tomorrow and life will get better
I wish you the best of luck a broken heart is hard to get past in life
But you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Always remember that the light at the other end of the tunnel is not a train coming at you

Wishing you the best and hope this helps
Mike

Sgt.Slaughter · 10-06-2010, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by salmonsteelheadsam

a girl like you has the pick of the litter keep your head up

life's a beach sometimes.....fish on

OceanDreams · 10-06-2010, 11:43 AM

You all are very kind, and I appreciate your support. It's not even that I'm looking for Mr. Right....I wasn't even looking when I met RB. What I am looking for in life is to be happy and learn how to trust people. I thought that's what found me, but now realize I was wrong. I have a brand new house, a great job, and most importantly, a smart, healthy, handsome five year old son. I am trying to focus all of my energy and love on those things, but can't seem to quit dwelling on my issue. I will continue to keep my chin up and taking care of me, and hopefully the rest will fall into place.

OceanBlue · 10-06-2010, 12:06 PM

You need closure. Something that is hard to find when you don't have answers. It doesn't look like you will get any, so you need to create some for yourself.

How about you start by changing your moniker? Good a place as any, right? (maybe something like "GreatCatch" eh?)

Good therapy is to write a letter - you can mail it to him or you can burn it - whatever. The idea is not to get answers, so don't ask questions in the letter. Just get all the feelings out on the paper and then... importantly, say goodbye to the man you didn't really know and can't possibly love. No one with any character at all would do what he did.

And then, you will see, it will hurt a little less each day.

Good luck to ya sista!

Jen

OceanDreams · 10-06-2010, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OceanBlue

You need closure. Something that is hard to find when you don't have answers. It doesn't look like you will get any, so you need to create some for yourself.

How about you start by changing your moniker? Good a place as any, right? (maybe something like "GreatCatch" eh?)

Good therapy is to write a letter - you can mail it to him or you can burn it - whatever. The idea is not to get answers, so don't ask questions in the letter. Just get all the feelings out on the paper and then... importantly, say goodbye to the man you didn't really know and can't possibly love. No one with any character at all would do what he did.

And then, you will see, it will hurt a little less each day.

Good luck to ya sista!

Jen

Thank you, Jen! I have tried to figure out how to change my moniker, but was unsuccessful...any tips???? Hehe, and I like that....great catch....ill have to come up with something like that

I appreciate your advise. I have written letters, but havent sent any. I also wrote down all of the things I love about him. Perhaps I should write a list of all the things I cant stand about him. I'm just afraid I wont come up with much....

Oregon-Jet · 10-06-2010, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RB'sFisherGirl

Thank you, Jen! I have tried to figure out how to change my moniker, but was unsuccessful...any tips???? Hehe, and I like that....great catch....ill have to come up with something like that

I appreciate your advise. I have written letters, but havent sent any. I also wrote down all of the things I love about him. Perhaps I should write a list of all the things I cant stand about him. I'm just afraid I wont come up with much....

ask a admin for the change its easy to do, they log into the admin control panel and type in the new under your user title.

OceanDreams · 10-06-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oregon-Jet

ask a admin for the change its easy to do, they log into the admin control panel and type in the new under your user title.

OK, thats easy enough!!!! Any suggestions on a new name for a new start?????

StickFish · 10-06-2010, 01:43 PM

Jen's suggestion of GreatCatch is as good a starting point as any.

Be thankful that you found this out about him now and not a child and failed marriage later. You'll do fine, take your son/daughter out fishing and revel in the life you share together.

ampersat · 10-06-2010, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OceanBlue

How about you start by changing your moniker? Good a place as any, right? (maybe something like "GreatCatch" eh?)

When you've decided on a new moniker, you need to send a message to Pete to request it.

ReelGoodMan · 10-06-2010, 04:45 PM

I know this may not what you want to hear... but it's true what they say about time healing all wounds.

And as much as you think that you'll never find anyone better, there are always bigger fish in the sea to catch!

It's just gonna take some time, but eventually you'll get back on the horse.

Go out with your friends, focus on your son, heck, even let a nice guy take you out sometime, anything to get you out of the house and feeling better!

Salmon Chaser · 10-06-2010, 04:56 PM

I like I'makeeper. You hang tough you have alot going for you and you sound like a GREAT mom. When you least expect it someone will come along and be the one for you and your son. It happened to me twelve years ago when I wasnt looking. It will happen to you because you are a Keeper.

blueduck · 10-06-2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RB'sFisherGirl

I really dont understand love. But I guess who does, right? I spent the last 5 months of my life in love with the most loving, caring, thoughtful person I have ever met. He told me he wanted to marry me, for me to have his child, and for him to adopt mine. He promised me forever. He took me out for my birthday on a fabulous date, and showered me as though I was the only person on earth. He treated me like a princess and I was very appreciative. I loved him and felt so secure with our relationship. A week or so later, he broke up with me, leaving me with no anwers. He texted me and told me he "needs his simple life back." And he still wont talk to me. I am very hurt and confused, and need to learn to make it through this. Any advise would be helpful.

Sorry you are experiencing this. Most of us have. Without being too gruff, a good place to start is always with reality. You said this person was the "most loving, caring, and thoughtful person you ever met!". In actuality I can safely say he wasn't. Thoughtful, caring, loving men don't act like that or at least don't make unexplained abrupt decisions that impact others to that extent emotionally. I think I would start with getting honest with yourself and take off the rose-colored glasses. I would encourage you not carry the idea that this guy was the manifestation of perfection forward with you into your life. Face the reality honestly and it will serve you well. It will cause you to swallow hard, but don't allow this fantasy to influence your attitude into the future. This guy wasn't any of the above even if he seemed like it. I think the answer about returning to his 'simple' life will become evident and expose a little of his dishonesty. Don't fool yourself. You know he wasn't perfect. Don't be a victim. You'll be fine. I'm a Dad. Take care.

Sweet Melissa · 10-06-2010, 08:47 PM

I will just give another side that may or may not help...

About 12 yrs. ago, I was head over heels for someone that I was absolutely certain I wanted to marry. From day 1, I liked him, and it didn't take long before I did truly love him. But, he had 2 little boys, and an ex-wife. It was all okay, until in a period of less than a month, I got all kinds of red flags about the ex and trying to be stepmom to his kids. I broke it off very quickly, and it was gut-wrenchingly painful for me. I was not suddenly "out of love" with him. It took months before I did not think about him every day.

In hindsight, the way I broke it off was really harsh. I went over to his house, asked for my fishing gear back and told him it was over. I don't even know if I gave him much explanation. I will always feel bad for that, but I still believe I made the right decision. If there were not kids and an ex involved, it could have been different. But, I couldn't change those things, and so I made the decision I thought was best.

So, all this to say, maybe it is not you. Maybe he is not a jerk. Maybe under different circumstances, there would have been a different outcome. I agree about changing your moniker, and I would bet you get some offers for boat rides in the future.

I hope it all works out for both of you.

Oh, and I did meet a good guy who didn't have any "baggage." We've been married almost 7 yrs., and we have 3 awesome kids. Life does eventually go on.

blueduck · 10-06-2010, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweet Melissa

I will just give another side that may or may not help...

About 12 yrs. ago, I was head over heels for someone that I was absolutely certain I wanted to marry. From day 1, I liked him, and it didn't take long before I did truly love him. But, he had 2 little boys, and an ex-wife. It was all okay, until in a period of less than a month, I got all kinds of red flags about the ex and trying to be stepmom to his kids. I broke it off very quickly, and it was gut-wrenchingly painful for me. I was not suddenly "out of love" with him. It took months before I did not think about him every day.

In hindsight, the way I broke it off was really harsh. I went over to his house, asked for my fishing gear back and told him it was over. I don't even know if I gave him much explanation. I will always feel bad for that, but I still believe I made the right decision. If there were not kids and an ex involved, it could have been different. But, I couldn't change those things, and so I made the decision I thought was best.

So, all this to say, maybe it is not you. Maybe he is not a jerk. Maybe under different circumstances, there would have been a different outcome. I agree about changing your moniker, and I would bet you get some offers for boat rides in the future.

I hope it all works out for both of you.

Oh, and I did meet a good guy who didn't have any "baggage." We've been married almost 7 yrs., and we have 3 awesome kids. Life does eventually go on.

Leave it to a lady to make a more sensitive, heartfelt post. That is the other side of the equation. Good job.

OceanDreams · 10-07-2010, 10:04 AM

YAY! Moniker is changed....

Taylor300WSM · 10-07-2010, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OceanDreams

YAY! Moniker is changed....

Good job! Proud of you!

Keeper · 10-07-2010, 03:38 PM

Nothing like a new moniker to make a girl feel better

I watched 16 years of marriage go down the drain when someone decided they didn't want to be a husband or Dad. It hurts, but with each day you slowly recover. You go through all the stages but pretty soon you realize living a happy life is really the best revenge. Muhahaha.

I have now been married six years to the greatest guy who loves me for who I am.

Chin up and let him go...you WILL do better.

Crzy Hansen · 10-14-2010, 01:37 PM

Hang in there, been in your shoes a time or two myself but it does get better with time...

dons2346 · 10-14-2010, 02:52 PM

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger. My daughter went with a guy for over a year and he dumped her with a text message also All I can say is good riddance. If they don't have the cahones to break up face to face, then they aren't worth keeping..

Hang in there, my daughter made a better catch and so will you.

Bisko · 10-14-2010, 09:30 PM

Quote:

I also wrote down all of the things I love about him. Perhaps I should write a list of all the things I cant stand about him. I'm just afraid I wont come up with much....

Excuse me but, the man you thought you loved does not exist. He apparently was a lie from head to toe.
It should not be hard to write the things you did not like, you should not like any of that phony.
I might also add this, 5 months is such a short period of time to decide anything let alone your entire future with somebody.
You are young and by what you say have a pretty good life right now so take your time and enjoy the security you have now with your kid and relax.

OceanBlue · 10-15-2010, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OceanDreams

YAY! Moniker is changed....

Wooohooo! Good job! (and good choice by the way

)

siletzsal · 10-17-2010, 07:50 PM

You are a princess!! This was Gods way of letting you know that you and your son deserve far better. I hope & pray that all your " Ocean Dreams" come true. Hold your head high and be proud of the fine woman you've become. You deserve only the very best!!

Don

in 'em · 10-19-2010, 12:03 PM

Hi there...I don't frequent the chapel as much as I once did...but for whatever reason God brought me here today for the first time in months...maybe a year! The combination of this and another thread lit a light bulb in my head to offer you this encouragement..."pray about it". I know, I know..."that's it!?!?!" you're thinking lol!

But click the link below...it was a graet insight and overlooked too often. Jesus cares for you...it was a good reminder for me today...he cares, we can talk to Him. We all seek so much validation from this life...people, work, hunting, fishing, sports, tv, looks, etc etc etc...but the only lasting satisfaction is found through Christ who gives us everything we need...including the strength to persevere through anything we may face...from relationship trouble to death and everything in between.

http://www.ifish.net/board/showthrea...65#post3317765

DAB · 10-22-2010, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by in 'em

Hi there...I don't frequent the chapel as much as I once did...but for whatever reason God brought me here today for the first time in months...maybe a year! The combination of this and another thread lit a light bulb in my head to offer you this encouragement..."pray about it". I know, I know..."that's it!?!?!" you're thinking lol!

But click the link below...it was a graet insight and overlooked too often. Jesus cares for you...it was a good reminder for me today...he cares, we can talk to Him. We all seek so much validation from this life...people, work, hunting, fishing, sports, tv, looks, etc etc etc...but the only lasting satisfaction is found through Christ who gives us everything we need...including the strength to persevere through anything we may face...from relationship trouble to death and everything in between.

http://www.ifish.net/board/showthrea...65#post3317765

You beat me to it.

Well put. Great advice.

Hang in there young Lady, God will provide what ever is best for you.

DAB

old_heli_logger · 10-25-2010, 12:41 PM

Hang in there girl!! If it gets too bad, take your son fishing; you'll both feel better. You're drop dead gorgeous, if he's lucky some fisherman will find you. Take care!
Good luck!

OceanDreams · 11-18-2010, 09:58 AM

I just wanted to give you all a lil update on my situation! I am doing MUCH better!!!!! Took some time off work to sort out my feelings and learn how to deal with losing someone you love. I was able to get the closure I needed and found out that it was, infact, another woman. I never thought he would ever do that, but atleast now I know it was nothing I did.

Thank you all sooooo much for your support and kind words. Life is an amazing journey, and I am thankful to be happy again, and actually look forward to each coming day!!! I havent had a chance to make it out fishing in a few weeks, but hope to soon!!!!

Thanks, again, fellow Ifish friends!!!!!!!

gonfishenagin · 11-18-2010, 12:55 PM

I went through something similar 8 yrs ago when my wife split, turned out it was another woman too. I was Hurt, Bitter, depressed,Angery. it took some time to realize it was not me. now 8 years later I am happily remarried 2 yrs ago and life is way better. just be strong, be confident in yourself and Live Life