Mom could use a few prayers and good thoughts . . . .

Don Becker · 09-06-2010, 07:24 PM

She's fading fast and we don't think she will be with us much longer. She's 88 and was diagnosed with a small intracerebral hemorrhage (brain bleed) a few years ago. It destroyed her short-term memory. This has been very tough on her because "losing her mind" has always been one of the things she has said she feared the most. Well, actually, her memory of things from long-ago has remained pretty strong and sometimes amazingly accurate. And, so far, she has never failed to recognize family. That's a big plus for us all as we work through this. But as her condition and the dementia has progressed, she has deteriorated to the point that she has been confined to the enhanced care facility in an assisted care facility. She's very unhappy there and, really, it's likely she is at or is quickly deteriorating beyond the level of care they can really give. The conditions associated with dementia (without going into detail) have led to some pneumonia. This is largely resolved for right now but she is having to have her food pureed - - - not very appetizing - - appetite diminishing anyway - - losing a lot of weight - - becoming very weak.

No doubt many of us here have faced this (and worse) with parents and loved ones. We're only looking for a quick and painless passing for her when her time comes and some peace and comfort for her in the meantime.

I love you, Mom

Don

Lou · 09-06-2010, 11:13 PM

for Mom

CGRFish · 09-07-2010, 05:17 AM

Im on the same road with my Dad right now, just not quite as far along... Praying for you both

letsfish · 09-07-2010, 06:30 AM

Prayers for you and your MoM.

CATCH AND EAT · 09-07-2010, 08:07 AM

will do don.

Luna · 09-07-2010, 04:59 PM

I've just recieved very similar news about my Grandma. Prayers for you and your mom.

Grantspastor · 09-10-2010, 08:05 AM

It's a sad thing to go through Don. I'll be glad to pray

CombinationLicense · 09-10-2010, 05:12 PM

Sorry to hear the news Don and I truly wish the best to you all

Rick

huntercgr · 09-12-2010, 11:51 AM

Jennie@ifish · 09-20-2010, 06:26 PM

How are things going with this, Don? I'm so sorry to see you have to deal with this.
This is a tough age for us!!!
I want my 40s back. That was a good decade!

Don Becker · 09-20-2010, 07:07 PM

Thanks, everyone. Yea, she's continuing downhill. 'Can't help but wonder what is behind those blank stares.

Don

Jennie@ifish · 09-20-2010, 11:15 PM

Oh, Don. That's so sad.

Don Becker · 09-21-2010, 04:51 AM

It's difficult . . . that look just seems to say "you would help me if you loved me". Don

Sgt.Slaughter · 09-21-2010, 06:01 AM

been there

& miss her

STRUTTIN-1 · 09-22-2010, 08:44 AM

For you and yours.

CombinationLicense · 09-23-2010, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Becker

It's difficult . . . that look just seems to say "you would help me if you loved me". Don

Hang in there Don, I'm sure she's not thinking that at all. Just be there for her and she'll know you love her. Both my folks have passed on already and there is nothing easy about it. I just try to be the man they raised me to be and that seems to help. Give me a shout out if you need someone to talk to.

Rick

Don Becker · 09-27-2010, 11:28 AM

Thanks, everyone. Mom continues down hill.

Don

gonfishenagin · 09-30-2010, 07:13 PM

Praying for Don and His Mom, that comfort be given to both in these times of uncertanty

Poindexter · 09-30-2010, 07:24 PM

Prayers continuing to be sent, Don . . .

jokester · 10-01-2010, 10:18 AM

Praying for your mother, you, and your family, Don!!

-jokester

Don Becker · 10-11-2010, 07:46 PM

Thanks so much, folks. Mom's had another trip to the hospital with pneumonia suspected - - the diagnosis this time is COPD. She's back at the home and on the doing-better-list. But, she really is slipping-away. As long as they continue to make her reasonably comfortable. Oh, and now there are times she doesn't really recognize us. Don

Don Becker · 10-13-2010, 11:50 AM

Today's message/update:

Dear Becker Family:

Due to the decline in Doris�s condition, whether the behaviors, loss of weight, agitation, recurrent pneumonia, recurrent UTI, Doris is being admitted to Good Samaritan Hospital today October the 13th by her doctor.

And, although the message isn't clear, there is also talk of hospice care.

Don

Sgt.Slaughter · 10-13-2010, 11:52 AM

1991 Arima · 10-13-2010, 11:56 AM

Our prayers are with you and yours.

Lou · 10-13-2010, 12:04 PM

Don,
Praying for you and yours!
Lou

nontypical · 10-13-2010, 02:27 PM

Don, I don't know you or your mother Doris, but my mother and I went through the same thing with my gramma. Each transition is hard to take but thankfully you have the strength to keep being there for her!!! The most important thing is for her to see your face if she still can, hear your voice, and feel you holding her hand. Don't worry about the recognition. I believe there is something greater in a person's presence that they recognize. These are some of the most important times to spend with her, even though the hardest by far. I hope for strength and peace for your whole family and especially for Doris.

langararocks · 10-13-2010, 02:35 PM

Sorry to hear Don, Your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

Darrell

huntercgr · 10-13-2010, 07:53 PM

Sorry to see this Don. Praying for her comfort, and yours.

CGRFish · 10-14-2010, 03:37 AM

Praying for you!

gonfishenagin · 10-14-2010, 10:09 AM

prayers for you and your family

Jennie@ifish · 10-17-2010, 02:24 PM

Lots of prayers coming your families way, Don. We love you.

siletzsal · 10-17-2010, 07:38 PM

Don Becker · 10-22-2010, 06:39 PM

Thanks again, everyone. 'Short-report of the past couple of days: 'to Good Samaritan Hospital for several days with suspected pneumonia, then to Forest Grove Hospital Geriatric Psych Facility to again reassess her medication needs, 'finally determined she's now beyond the capability of the unit she's been in at the assisted-care facility. Interesting that some of the family has known this for months.

So, now (maybe early next week) she'll be going to the Alzheimer's unit at a nursing home in the area. Again, not that the distinction is of any importance, she apparently does not have Alzheimer's - - just dementia that is progressing.This move to a nursing home is actually a good thing for Mom. She'll get the care she really requires for however-long she has remaining.

Don

blueduck · 10-24-2010, 05:22 PM

Sorry about your Mom. Sounds like she is in good hands and her remaining days will have some peace. Really tough duty for you. Concentrate on the memories. We are all in the same boat. Fortunately she has a supporting family.

Don Becker · 10-27-2010, 11:58 AM

And, per the latest report, she's off to the nursing home tomorrow. At this point, I don't think she'll be aware-enough to care. And, she'll get more of the level of care she needs. Don

gonfishenagin · 10-27-2010, 06:45 PM

Glad to hear she is doing Better

Don Becker · 10-28-2010, 07:37 AM

Last night, we removed her personal possessions from the assisted-care facility and moved what she will need into her new room at the nursing home a couple of blocks away. 'Three-bed room . . . clean and pleasant, as a dementia ward might be

. . . this stuff breaks your heart. The quality of life is just gone save for the few smiles family recognition can bring. I guess we have to enjoy those moments.

I love you, Mom.

nontypical · 10-28-2010, 10:10 AM

...save for the few smiles family recognition can bring.

But that is everything.

Just hold her hand and be there for her to see.

I hope she is in peace.

Don Becker · 10-28-2010, 06:51 PM

'Did that. Vicki and I just returned from our visit - - Mom's so miserable.

Don

Luna · 10-29-2010, 07:56 AM

So sorry. Prayers for you, your mom, and the rest of your family. My heart goes out to all of you.

DAB · 11-10-2010, 05:47 PM

Still praying

BCF · 11-22-2010, 05:11 PM

Sorry Don. I have been though it a couple times. When I finally allowed myself to cry, it really did help.

Life doesn't get more real.

My thoughts are with you and yours tonight.

Robin

Salmon Chaser · 11-22-2010, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Becker

She's fading fast and we don't think she will be with us much longer. She's 88 and was diagnosed with a small intracerebral hemorrhage (brain bleed) a few years ago. It destroyed her short-term memory. This has been very tough on her because "losing her mind" has always been one of the things she has said she feared the most. Well, actually, her memory of things from long-ago has remained pretty strong and sometimes amazingly accurate. And, so far, she has never failed to recognize family. That's a big plus for us all as we work through this. But as her condition and the dementia has progressed, she has deteriorated to the point that she has been confined to the enhanced care facility in an assisted care facility. She's very unhappy there and, really, it's likely she is at or is quickly deteriorating beyond the level of care they can really give. The conditions associated with dementia (without going into detail) have led to some pneumonia. This is largely resolved for right now but she is having to have her food pureed - - - not very appetizing - - appetite diminishing anyway - - losing a lot of weight - - becoming very weak.

No doubt many of us here have faced this (and worse) with parents and loved ones. We're only looking for a quick and painless passing for her when her time comes and some peace and comfort for her in the meantime.

I love you, Mom

Don

Don my thoughts and prayers are with Your family and especially your Mom. I lost mine Oct 30 14 days short of her 88th Birthday. Hospice helped us so much I will never be able to thank them enough. She passed at home in her bed with her boys at her side just the way she wanted.
I pray when the time comes it is just the way it was for my Mom, painless and loved ones at her side.

Don Becker · 11-22-2010, 07:23 PM

Thanks, everyone. Her time is near. No doubt "the old man's friend" (pneumonia) will take her. She's essentially comatose.

for Mom to enjoy some peace. Don

huntercgr · 11-22-2010, 07:59 PM

Sorry to hear this Don.

for her peace, and

for you and the rest of your family.

Don Becker · 11-23-2010, 04:41 PM

Thanks again. I just returned from seeing Mom. I spent about a half hour. She did know me. But, otherwise, I just held her hand, told her I love her and pretty-much went along with her delirious mutterings. She was more awake than recently and somewhat more alert. But, she is fading-away. We really don't think she is in pain. Don

CGRFish · 11-23-2010, 06:16 PM

Praying for you and your mom.

Kevin S · 11-23-2010, 07:12 PM

I'm praying for you, your Mom and your family.

I ask the Lord for comfort and peace.

OCLunkers · 11-25-2010, 09:53 AM

Im Praying for you guys, the lord has a plan for all of us, and though it may be difficult for us to understand, his plan is perfect and we will all understand it someday when we are in paradise.

Don Becker · 11-25-2010, 12:07 PM

'Wife and I are off to go be with her for awhile now. Don

Don Becker · 11-25-2010, 07:13 PM

Mom couldn't even "come to" enough to recognize that we were there. Very sad. Don

blacktail hunter · 11-25-2010, 09:18 PM

Sorry to hear but my family's prayers are with you and your mom.

Don Becker · 12-05-2010, 03:12 PM

Vicki and I stopped-in Friday evening. This was the first time in the recent past that she's even been alert-enough to know we were there. She knew who we were and even paid me a compliment. The nurse who was feeding her was very nice and the three of us had a good visit with Mom chiming-in occasionally but, Mom was ready to go back to sleep soon so, we left. Don

STRUTTIN-1 · 12-05-2010, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Becker

Vicki and I stopped-in Friday evening. This was the first time in the recent past that she's even been alert-enough to know we were there. She knew who we were and even paid me a compliment. The nurse who was feeding her was very nice and the three of us had a good visit with Mom chiming-in occasionally but, Mom was ready to go back to sleep soon so, we left. Don

Prayers for peace and comfort.

Sea Jypzee · 12-06-2010, 07:39 PM

Don Becker · 12-16-2010, 04:41 AM

Thanks again, everyone. 'Time for an update. Mom seems to be holding her own for now. I don't think she's in pain, they are getting her up for meals, it's difficult to tell if she recognizes us, it takes her mind forever to formulate a thought and then, most often, the words that come are incomprehensible. Her situation remains very sad but, for now, if she is suffering, it isn't evident. Best wishes and Merry Christmas everyone. Don

Don Becker · 03-26-2011, 09:38 AM

Time for another update. When I started this back in September, I sure didn't think Mom would be with us this long. It's been a journey. She has transitioned from the assisted care facility to a real nursing home/Alzheimer's care facility. Really, she needed to be here long before. We are actually very, very happy for her right now. Given her condition, she is in as good a place, both physically and emotionally, as she can be. The facility is clean, well run, they really like and care for Mom. She is kept clean and groomed. We are convinced she is in no pain. Her medications and diet are all well in balance, no more acting/crying-out, etc and she is at peace and happy. Her cognition varies and, mostly, she recognizes us as her family and her face lights-up when we visit but, often she cannot name us or names us incorrectly. This week, my brother (Jon) and his wife (Rhoda) and I were there while she was in the dining room awaiting lunch, She perked right up and announced "here is all my family" - - she knew none of our names. A few days before, my daughter had been there (also as she was having lunch or, maybe it was dinner) and she brightens-up and announces to the group "This is my granddaughter" - - not sure whether she knew Tammy Jo's name on that visit, though. For quite a time now, my wife (Vicki) has been "Opal" to her - - Opal was a life-long friend of the family and of Mom & Dad since their grade-school years, I think; and, as I recall, Vicki never bore any resemblance to Opal. She always recognizes me and often can tell me my name is Don but often, further questioning will reveal she thinks I'm my Dad (Don Sr) - - Dad died just about three years ago and they divorced in the 70's (she remembers none of that). Nevertheless, things are as good as they can be for Mom right now and that makes us all very happy for her. When asked, she can tell us she has no pain, she is happy and she has no worries - - - that is worth a LOT! Don

huntercgr · 03-27-2011, 08:33 AM

Quote:

Nevertheless, things are as good as they can be for Mom right now and that makes us all very happy for her. When asked, she can tell us she has no pain, she is happy and she has no worries - - - that is worth a LOT! Don

Don, just yesterday I was wondering if I'd missed something. No matter what, memories from photos like that can't be replaced, and will always be there to remember days from the past.

And you can't ask for anything more than what you wrote above. Glad to hear she's resting comfortably.

Don Becker · 03-27-2011, 11:36 AM

Thanks, Phil. Don

CATCH AND EAT · 03-29-2011, 05:48 PM

will do don