Dear Tide Detergent

[Jennie@ifish]

Mods, if this is not good, delete. This just made me laugh so hard I spit out my coffee! :smile:

Dear Tide Detergent:


I’m writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it since the beginning of my married life, when my mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going though menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn’t come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative. My attorney said that I would no longer be considered a suspect!


I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.


Signed,


A relieved menopausal wife

[happybrew]

[Fish Hawg]

:tongue:

[Small Fry]

:smile: [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] :smile: [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

[Spotted Owl]

[img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]
No ideas for the wife please.

[crabbait]

You...but...she's advocating...you can't.......nevermind. :smile:

[Jennie@ifish]

... and just in case someone enjoyed that one, too much. Here is a bad one!

Subject: Rabbit Groaner

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across
> the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but
> unfortunately
> the little rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
>
> The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over
> and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.
>
> Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful
> that he begins to cry.
>
> A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying
> on the side of a road and pulls over.
>
> She steps out of the car and asks him what's wrong."I feel terrible,"
> he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
>
> The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a
> spray can. She walks over to the! limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and
> sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
>
> The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off
> down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves
> again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops
> another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and
> again,
> until he hops out of sight.
>
> The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What
> is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
>
> The woman turns the can around so the man can read the label. It
> says:
>
>
>
> (Are you ready for this?)
>
>
>
>
> (Are you sure?)
>
>
>
>
> (This is bad!)
>
>
>
> (You know you could just click off and not rea! d the punch line.)
>
>
>
> (You know you're gonna be sorry.)
>
>
>
>
>
>
> (Last chance.)
>
>
>
>
>
>
> (OK, here it is.)
> It says:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

[Lemon Head]

Hey.... I'm not supposed to have this much fun at work!!! thanks for the laughs!! :smile: LH

[Silver Hilton]

Is she also going to have to write the Ginsu Knife people?

[Lemon Head]

I Love it!!!...Your killing me!!

Happy B-Day! :smile: LH

[Jennie@ifish]

Good. I'm killing me, too. :smile:

My friends keep sending me jokes. It's Jennie's Birthday Joke day: :smile:

A Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to
become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to
write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react
to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry,
howl
in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

[Jennie@ifish]

Several men are in the locker room of a gym.

A cell phone on the bench rings and a man engages
the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone
else in the room stops to listen.

Man: "Hello"

Woman: " Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Man: "Yes"

Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this
beautiful leather coat. It's only $1000. Is It ok if I buy it?"

Man: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."

Man: " How much?"

Woman: "$60,000."

Man:" Ok, but for the price I want it with all the
options."

Woman: " Great!" Oh, and one more thing..... The
house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're
asking $950,000."

Man: " Well, then go ahead and give them an offer,
but just offer $900,000."

Woman: " Ok. I'll see you later! I love you."

Man: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room
are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: " Anyone know who this phone belongs
to?"