Single income family

[ampersat]

The wife isn't working right now and so far we've been doing alright on just my income. We're hoping to have kids in the near future as well. If she were to go back to work after having a baby, about half of her paycheck would be paying for child care (off the cuff guesstimate). So, I'm thinking of promoting her to "domestic engineer" at least during the period when we're raising our kids before they start school.

Any insight or advice from those of you out there doing the single income family thing? As stated before, we seem to be doing fine on my income so far. Am I missing something or is it just that easy?

[Chromaflage]

ampersat - I applaud you and your wife for considering that option [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] !

I have four children - now 10, 11, 14 and 16. When they were young, my wife stayed home with them. Actually during the first year of my 11 year old's life, I was unemployed. We made the decision early on that one of us would be home with the children - at least until they were all in school.

We had to make saccrifices and we're still making saccrifices for that decision. We live in a modest home, no new car every two years, and no 25' SuperVee. And I think that's really the key - being willing to saccrifice the luxuries of life for time with the children. We are heavily invovled in the kids' activities and you can really tell by kids' behaviors, who has parents at home and who doesn't. I'm not saying all, but a lot of kids who are raised by day care providers suffer from it.

Currently, I have a job that allows me to work from home a lot of the time. My wife now is a preschool teacher and she's home before the first kid gets home from school. We do alright financially - not great, but OK...nothing fancy here and still saccrificing. But it's worth it!

It can be done, my friend. In fact, if we can do it anyone else can. Your child will thank you for it one day. Believe it or not, mine already do. :grin:

ORS

[ 02-19-2004, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: OregonRedside ]

[Steelie Steve]

Ampersat,
I will chime in on this. I have 2 daughters :shocked: (5 and 10). When our first was born, my wife maintained her full time job. At that time her income managed to pay about half of the daycare expenses. When our second was born we made the choice to try it on the single income. So far it is working.

At this point it has been 5 years on a single (paltry) income. It seems as though we still have those times where the income just barely covers the expenses. I doubt that will ever change though. If you can make it with the single income I would highly recommend it. The rewards are awesome.

As far as it being "just that easy?" At times, Yes. If you decide to go that route there will be sacrifices (at some point in time). Don't get me wrong though. The sacrifices, while painful at the time, are worth it. [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

It can be done in this day and age. Good luck with the decision and I hope it works out for you.

Steve

[pdxkevin]

[img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

Congrats!

[Straydog]

Do it!

There is no price tag that can be placed on the value of having one parent working at home and available for your child.

We have done it for over 9 years and while we have had to pass on some material things, the success and well being of my daughters, coupled with the pride of witnessing it, is indeed priceless.

[Salmon Stalker]

My wife has been a stay at home mom since our daughter was born over 3 years ago. We now have 2 kids and to be honest, we do struggle financially most months. We always have enough to pay our bills, we just don't take many vacations or buy many luxury items. I have never bought a new car and it took me 2 1/2 years before I finally had the money to put the new engine in my boat.

What is amazing to me is that whenever we have to get money and we don't have it, the money comes from somewhere. You will give some things up for sure. We just decided that if we were to have kids she would stay at home. We figured why pay somebody to do something that my wife wants to do and she can do better. Our kids have benefits that other kids don't have.

By the way, diapers, formula, babysitters, and baby clothes that never seem to fit for longer than 2 weeks will add to your expenses.

Good luck.

[Bait O' Eggs]

My wife is/was a school teacher. When we had kids she stayed home. It has now been 6 years and yes it is just that simple. The plan was for her to stay home until the kids were in school. [img]graemlins/eek13.gif[/img] At least that is how I remember the sales pitch. :grin:

We make sacrifices. I dont get to buy a new boat on a regular basis, she dont get to do all the things she wants. But our kids are better for it.

I cant imagine dropping my kids off at the daycare to be raised by somebody else. [img]graemlins/berry.gif[/img]

And I have almost come to realize the wife is never going back to work. I keep hoping but the writing is pretty clear on the wall.

Caring for my family should my life be cut short has been a concern. We just paid for a bunch of night classes to keep her teaching certificate updated so she could go back to work if she needs to. I could have just bought a bunch of life insurance for probably less money than the classes. But I never want to be worth more to the wife dead than alive or I might not wake up after a funny tasing meal.

My only selling point for her to go to work is, that if she went to work a few years when the kids are in school and we saved it all, the kids college education would be covered. The rebuttal is, or you could just quit fishing and we could send them to an ivy league school

[Woody]

You might want to consider starting an in-home daycare business. It's relatively simple to get certified. Many parents prefer a home atmosphere to the larger daycare "factories". For the first 12 years of my kids lives my wife was able to stay home with them and bring in a few bucks at the same time.

[Chrome Bumper]

Let stay at home. You don't need a brand new boat/car.

[Cool Texan]

We've been toying with the same notion. Unfortunately, I'm too $$ oriented and realize that she makes more than daycare would cost...and I gotta keep my Bling Bling current. :grin:

We're still in discussions though. My wife goes back and forth on the topic. We've agree to table it for a month or two (kid due March 20) and then see where we're at.

[BigFishFever]

Our first was born about 4 months ago...and we made the decision to have the wife stay at home with the little one..We struggle every month, but the fact that our kiddo gets the one on one with family everyday/all day is worth it.
For some, daycare is the way to go, for others its not..its all a personal choice!

Good luck!

[Space]

I have 4 children. A 14yr old daughter, identical twin boys age 7 and another little guy who is 6. Raising one child is much more difficult than raising two. One will demand more of your attention. With two there is a playmate. How many children would you like to have? Always be prepared for the wife to say "I know we talked about having(this many)but I would like another little baby." If you are willing to sacrifice then getting by on one income might suffice. Sacrifice is the key. Be prepared for lots of new expenses. Diapers are huge. Baby clothes are another one. I tried to buy all our baby clothes second hand. They don't get worn enough to get old or used looking. Just look at the price for new as opposed to used. How about space in your home? Do you have enough bedrooms? Will you need to remodel the house? Can you afford a larger house instead. Are there other children in your area for yours to play with? Are they the kind of children you would like yours to associate with? How are the schools in your area? How do they compare to other schools when it comes to education, teacher to student ratio, attitude of the kids(attire,behavior). Maybe a visit to the schools in your area would help you to decide if you would still like to live where you do. We as parents all want our children to be successful even more so then ourselves.
As you can see there are lots of things to consider. All these issues and money seem to go hand in hand.

Best Wishes to you and yours,

SPACE

[Ramstrong]

My wife's been staying at home since my son was born 2 years ago. I'm also making about %10 less now than I was two years ago thanks to our strong economy. My wife was a Montessori teacher so we'll also be home schooling. The sacrifices are many, but worth it. Besides, I may be monetarily poor, but I'm rich where it matters.

[ 02-19-2004, 11:09 AM: Message edited by: Ramstrong ]

[lost_sailor]

Mine did child care and later had another home-based business, so we had a little income and a Mom at home.

With the cost of day-care plus the pain of handing them off for hours a day, it's worth a try to stay with them.

The first child went to day care for about 3 years, and had a great time - great for socialization... depends a lot on the provider, ours was special.

[greenbuttskunk]

amp,
My wife went to part time 8 months ago. She made good coin, but now makes 1/2 as much and works from the house. Although this is nice, it's awefully tough on her from the standpoint that kids need alot of attention. If you put a kid in daycare, she better really make good money or it's just not worth it. Being home full time is nice because she can give the kid the kind of attention they need. Don't get me wrong, childcare does have it's own benefits too, I jsut know I really like having my wife home most of the time with him. I still come home and do alot of the cooking and cleaning, so don't think having her home means she'll have everything done when you come home. Kids can really demand time, especially when they are around 6months+.
good luck with it!
GBS

[Salty Walty]

When my wife and I were talking about kids we decided that 1 of us would stay home with the kids. The one who had the best job would continue to work and the other would stay home with the kids until they were both in school. Well my wife got the better job and I have been home with them since they were born. My daughter is 6 and son 4. We have had to watch our spending and do without some luxury items. The real reward is watching them grow up and having the chance to be a part of their lives. I work 1 day a week in my daughters class and in my sons preschool. There is no substitute for being there and it may sound cliche, but they are only young once and they do grow up fast. If it is at all possible for one of you to be home it do it. You will not regret it.

[Steel Reign]

My hat is off to any couple who makes this major decision of one parent staying home with the new baby. My wife did it until our daughter started whole day school attendance. Sure we we poor for a few years but the Lord provided in many ways, ie.. extra OT, great deal on a dependable car, Costco diapers, and many others.
This is a sacrifice that is well worth any potential wages. Now there are benifits also, like home cooked meals on a regular basis, clean laundry, clean house, and best of all you know that your child is getting the best care that only her mother can give.
Be prepared to talk alot with your wife about what is going on in the world outside of the house, because she will need to talk with an adult after being all day with the baby.
It is a major decision that you will not regret. Take it and you will not be sorry.
kevin

[Willow Drifter]

I have 2 sons (2 & 3) my wife stays at home and we would have it no other way. In our opinion we are the best care providers for them and it has been Wonderful. I applaud you on your thoughts. [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

[love2fish]

My wife was a stay at home mom for the first 20 years of our marriage. After the kids started school, she would spend a lot of time at school helping out with classroom stuff. We had 4 kids going to the same schools at different times. It worked out pretty good until they hit high school, then they didn't want mom around anymore. Only one left in school now, and the wife is back to work. It was pretty tough at times, but we got through them.

love2fish

[RogueFishr]

Amp,
We have a 3 and a 4 year old. We originally planned on my wife going back to work after our first was born. I had always been motivated by the $$ and couldn't imagine my wife NOT returning to work as soon as possible. Once the first baby was here, we quickly decided against that and chose for my wife to stay at home. We have had to make some big sacrifices in the last 4 years. On paper, there was no possible way to survive without her income. But, somehow, we have made it work. We had some HUGE hurdles along the way, but I can't imagine doing it any other way. The early years of your childs life are amazing. They learn and develop every day, at an alarming pace. I can not imagine missing that, or having someone else there for them, in your place. Its only 6 years until they are in school.
Its all about choice and whats important to you. Most of our friends have chosen the daycare route. They all say that their daycare is different because its a special person, they are more like family than a daycare place, etc, etc. In the end though, I have never heard anyone say they wish they had spent less time with their kids when they were young.

The first 4 years have gone by very fast and I don't imagine they will slow down any. The sacrifices have been definite, but, the rewards have been immeasurable.

Good luck.

RF

[Eric W.]

Me and my wife and lived on one income for >9 years. We don't vacation in Mexico, we don't eat lobster every night. But God provides. Thinka bout it this way.

7:00 kids get up for school
8:00 off to school (to be raised by some one else)
4:00 kids to daycare (cuz you and wife are @ worK) again kids being raised by some one else)
5:30 pick kids up - rush home -
6:00 make dinner ( no time for kids) "go play"
7:00 clean up for dinner
7:30 home work
8:00 pm bed time for kids

Weekends

Get up try to get yard work, house work and laundry done before monday - also try to squezze in visits to grandparents and cousins.
Sunday try to go to church -

This schedule doesn't include if you kids is in sports, cub scouts, awanas or any other activities.

Then when are you going to fish. I well you what, I would rather have a SMALL boat and time to fish, than a BIG boat and no time to fish!

Keep the girl home!

[STGRule]

Keep the girl home!

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helvetica">OR you could keep the "boy" home.

I stayed home until both of the kids were in school full time (did daycare too). Then I went to college full time, worked full time, was a Mom full time, all at the same time (bless the man I married 31 years ago). Started a bottom-of-the-barrel job and had to be away from home during the summer (bless the man I married 31 years ago). Dad had to run the house for a couple of summers. The kids did juuuuusssttt fine. Do it however it works for the three of you. If you work hard enough, it will all be good, no matter how you do it.

[Gus Orviston]

Amp,
A huge vote for a stay at home parent. We are fortunate to do this with some ease. My wife took a leave of absense from Intel (where we met) during our first pregnancy. When her year was up, we both agreed the extra money wasn't worth letting somebody else raise our kids( and she was doing very well at Intel in her career).

We went so far to move much closer to work, so I could come home for lunch, leave later in the morning and see all kids awake, and get home quicker. Focus on the family, it is what is most important.

gus

[ry]

one of you could work a graveyand shift and the other a day shift, that way one will always be home with the kid.

[Cool Texan]

GBS, Meredith want to make a little money watching one more? :grin:

[Lured In]

10 months and counting down until..."momma's early retirement" begins. :shocked:

My wife and I have been working on this for quite sometime and have finally got to the point that we think we are going to be able to pull it off.

The key for us (like anyone) was changing our spending habits and approach to debt. We have no credit cards, and hopefully by the end of the year the only debt we'll be carrying is the house.

From that point on, though saving aggressively and keeping to a tight budget is our goal. We'll see how it goes, but I know it will mean so much to her to be able to stay home and 'just be mom'. [img]graemlins/hearton.gif[/img] :grin:

[Cool Texan]

My wife, as of today (this flucutates regularly) is still saying she wants to go back to work after the kid is born. She runs an assisted living facility, and absolutely loves her job. She also has moments where she thinks she'll want to be home...so who knows. Odds are she'll keep working, but will really have to think about it once #2 gets here.

[Tanner]

Amp,
My wife has been a stay at home mom for the last 15 1/2 years. I absolutely would not have it any other way. I could not stomach the thought of my kids being raised by someone else (during the day). I make a good living but am far from rich, we have our money troubles but in the end my kids end up much better people. I understand when a single mom has to work or when both parties of a married couple have to work to make it. What I don't (and never will) understand is how someone could miss out on a lot of the experiences of their child growing up just so they could be more comfortable and have nicer things. Let me tell ya, raising kids makes life go real quick. Before you know it they are on their way out the door.

Being a parent is all about sacrifices. Once that child is born, everything is a sacrifice. All of a sudden your kid's plays, music lessons, sports etc. etc. takes over and if you miss it,,, you and your kids lose...

My absolute favorite time of year to fish is in the fall for chinook. I used to tell my wife to write me off for the month of October. Well, three years ago my kids started playing football. Anybody want to guess when Youth Football Leagues run their season. If you guessed "for most of fall chinook season" You hit the nail on the head.
Needless to say, I have not done a whole lot of fall chinook fishing in the last three years.

[Redbull]

CT,

It's what she says now, but you just wait bucko. Danielle really struggled going back, but she wanted to at the time. I'm not so sure this isn't going to change soon. She really misses being at home with the little P very badly.

Regarding child care, we lucked out and got this one dicked - Grandmas!

Both our moms are in town and they job share the little one. :grin: Everybody wins. Danielle could quit tomorrow but I think she's afraid to tell grandma the gig would be over.

[TheRogue]

There's a few things that you need to really look at if you decided to both continue working. For us, it was a foregone conclusion. My wife went to school just as long as I had, gotten the same degree, and was marching up the ladder faster than I. So, she was not staying home. Neither did I.

There's some things you really need to do before hand. I would never let my children go to the daycare factories that are out there today. At the age of 6 months, my daughter began staying with our neighbor, who ran a very small State-Certified day care out of her home. We knew the history, and we knew what was going on at all times. To this day, my daughter still calls her "Aunt Cindy" and visits her and her 2 daughters regularly.

Around the time my son was born, our neighbor moved on to different things. We spent a couple of months looking around before we came back to the person our neighbor originally reccomended. We've had no regrets with this person for the last 3 years...again, a small, State Certified day care center out of her own home. My kids love to spend the night there.

It's very difficult to find quality care for your children, definitely...but very worth the effort.

Yes, it's a sacrifice both ways. I had a stay-at-home mom, my wife did not. In a lot of ways, I wish that she could stay at home now, but that's not to be. I can't imagine asking her to stay at home at this point in her career.

We both work very hard in the evenings and on the weekends, to make sure we spend as much quality time as possible with the kids. Before we had them, I (we) normally fished/hunted 1 or both days on the weekends, and often took time off during the week. Now, I'm lucky to get out 2x a month, the weekends are filled with kid activities, and the evenings are a mixture of school stuff for my daughter and getting my son interested in something besides building Lego towers!!

I applaud all of those who do have a stay-at-home parent, husband or wife. [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

But, the world won't come to an end if your wife does decide to return to work....it actually may end up being a little harder than if she did, if you do it right!

Keep telling my wife as soon as she reaches 6 figures, I'M staying at home!!

TR

[Hoosier Daddy]

Three cheers for those who stay home!
My wife spent about 10 years in education, first in preschools, then elementary's.....she's home now with our one and only (2 yo). She loves it. It's a lot of work, but it's the most important job you can have.
If you don't have to have someone else care for your kid, why do it? We get by. Same as the other folks have said. You just don't buy the toys, take the trips, etc. It's just a matter of priorities. We are lucking in that we have a ton of help from my wife's family, but we'd be doing things the same way regardless.
Unless both of you are making a LOT of money, it's really not that big of a difference when you figure daycare, cost of the added driving and time to get to daycare, etc., and the benefit to your kids is HUGE.
Ideally, you'd be able to try it out and see how things work, then decide whether you should both be working or not later, doesn't always work that way though.
If you can do it, have someone stay home.

[Spotted Owl]

Be ready for the sacrifices, Stick to your guns lots of people will not agree with that decision women inparticular,and support your wife every chance you get in any way that she needs it will be tougher on her than on you. Give it time then reap the rewards of well raised children and be proud that you did it and not some day care facility.

I applaud you and your wife ofr considering this decision and will aplaud you guys even louder when you make it work. Goodluck and enjoy them youngens while you have them.


[img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

[ 02-23-2004, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: sled19 ]

[2LEYS]

If at all possible have someone stay home. Most people can do it. You just can't have a bunch of toys.

[ICHTHYDEMON]

In our house its reversed. I'm a stay at home Dad and take care of our 2yr old son. We're very fortunate that my wife has a VERY good job and we don't have to skimp or struggle to makes ends meet. For the fisrt 1 1/2 years I worked weekends and stayed at home all week. It got to the point where we never saw each other and my wife said it was time for me to quit all together...Oh Darn! :grin:

At first all my friends teased me about having a Sugarmama,but I think it was just jealousy. I don't think they believed me when I told them it was like having a full time job.

I still get some funny looks when my son and are out running errands and people ask if we're giving Mommy a break today. People aren't used to seeing a man as the child care provider.

[ampersat]

Wow! Thanks for all the support. For me, it's really about the quality aspect of the child rearing experience. We don't take vacations and I'm not planning on a new Alumaweld anytime soon. It does mean staying in our current house a little longer than we might have planned to (thus some slight remodel projects) and I know it's going to be tough financially. However, I really feel like it's worth it in terms of the total family experience.

Now if we could just get her pregnant, we'd be on our way.

[Hoosier Daddy]

It's worth it. Most people can do it. It's just a matter of priorities and convincing yourself you CAN do it. As far as priorities go, what else could be a higher priority?

[Cool Texan]

Lets not forget that in some cases, both spouses are career oriented people who enjoy what they do at work. My wife is one of those. She loves her line of work in running the Assisted Living center and interacting with the residents on a daily basis. She's struggling with the decision at hand, but will likely return to work.

[Hoosier Daddy]

I understand that CT. My wife was very career oriented too. Of course, with her career, she dealt with other people's kids and that formed her views on how things should be.
I would never say that not staying home is wrong, but I have to say that I think staying home is GENERALLY better. Not that everyone can or should do it, just that I feel, for us, that there is no other acceptable choice. I also tend to think that our kids would be doing better if more people did stay home. But that's my opinion only, and there are certainly kids from homes with working parents that are great kids, just like there are kids from homes with stay-at-home parents who aren't, and would maybe be better off on their own. It's the parent's decision, as it should be. And it's not anyone else's right or duty to tell you different.
Another thing to remember is that the way you feel now is probably not the way you will feel after the baby comes. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was wrong. When the baby arrives, nothing else matters anymore. In fact, you wonder why anything else ever mattered to begin with.

[roundtuit97128]

A stay-at-home parent is an interesting topic. I personally feel that alot depends upon what the parent is doing while at home. I think we've all seen situations where the, "Domestic" one plants themselves in front of the TV and vegitates day-in/day-out and resents the heck out of the one who gets to escape daily and has a life outside the home.
The issue should be, what is the stay-at-home parent doing? Ya sure, we've all got domestic duties but what is being done to enrich the lives of the little ones and prepare them for school and eventually life?
Comments?

[Hoosier Daddy]

If you're not staying home for the right reasons, why do it at all?
My wife was a teacher. Our biggest concern is that our daughter is going to be bored to tears when she goes to school because there won't be anything there she hasn't already been doing for years.

[Straydog]

Originally posted by Hoosier Daddy:
As far as priorities go, what else could be a higher priority?

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helvetica">Bottom line, says it all.

Our kids would be much better off with one person at home in the vast majority of cases.