learning my lesson

[id. painter]

When bad things happen to you , how do you react.
I have had my share of good . Ive also taken my share of the lumps that life will dish out at times .
Nine years ago , I was making around 10k per month. contracting from the fed . Government.
Two bad years and I lost it all , as well as 127K that I didnt have .
In a two year period I went from feeling rich to being in debt beyond hope. i couldnt file for banruptcy, or repay the lost $ . i had no choice but to change my life completely.
I went back to school , spent 3 years trying to get a teaching job. And I was angry .
I was angry toward my self , angry toward my wife , friends and family. I didnt realize what the effects of my anger were on my loved ones.
I had no $ for fishing , or hunting or anything . I barrowed from peter to pay Paul ,each month was nothing but anxiety.
My poor wife ,, I was a butt head . I had so much anger inside me that I was not much of a mate. I would spend days or weeks or months without a smile , or any kind words toward my wife. I was soo mad.Small things would make me over react. My poor wife just kept praying that it would get better.
I hid my anger from my self by focusing on everything but my anger, I blamed my wife , I blamed the Government,blamed my father , on and on. Displaced anger .. I was angry .... all the time.
That anger is what caused me to be injured.i believe in my heart that this true ....
I had gotten so hard inside my self that I couldnt feel pain and I didnt have good judgment about things that seem obvious to most .
I was a wounded animal and I would bite you if you tried to help.I just didnt know any other way to deal with the anger(pain).
Money had become so important that my health seemed secondary.
Well to make some sense of all this rambling, ,,,
I have made the change . It wasnt something that I could make happen ,,, life had to show me the answer. With my injury I went from angry provider(failure) to helpless hunk of flesh, overnight.
I was completely at the mercy of my wife and loved ones. .
Knowing how I had acted for the last eight years (angry)I would not have blamed her, if she didnt want to care for me.But no, she is way bigger than that , she took me and took care of me . She did it all,she worked ,she cleaned ,she raised the kids ,Everything....she took my son fishing ...
Somewhere in all the problems that I was experiencing I was getting an inlightenment.
Just about two week ago my wife was lying by my side, before we fell to sleep, she said with a sigh and a tear ,,,, "The anger is all gone isnt it." I could honestly say "yes", and it feels so good.
Im hard headed and I guess it took a hard lesson to hit home for me.
Who ever you are and what ever has happened to you , dont distroy your life with anger. the days are filled with joy, you just need to know where to look and it is not your bank account. It isnt in looking back at what might have been , it is right in front of your nose ,,, you just need to stop and smell the roses.
Buy the way I still owe 40K on the old business debt,,,, but you know what ,,, I really dont care. :grin: id . painter.

[BrokeItOff]

Sounds like you have learned a lot. I have also had my issues and am learning to live in the present, not the past or the future. For me it has been difficult but my life is getting better for it.


Good luck
Shane

[DanS]

Boy i.d. that's quite a story. I tip my hat to your wife, and to you for realizing what had gone wrong and for correcting it.

Good luck and best wishes for a speedy recovery.

[OceanBlue]

Introspection is one of the hardest things going, my friend... Taking a good, hard, TRUE look at yourself and getting your priorities in order. Good for you, man! Good for you. Chris, I wish you all the best. I truly believe that your enlightenment & positive outlook will help you through the tough times to come! When's the surgery?

[ 12-04-2003, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: OceanBlue ]

[Thumper]

ID --- A great perspective! Thank you.

And hold on to that lady. She is worth it!!!

[Reelentless]

Thanks for the reminder of whats important.

Gotta go hug the wife and kids.

[id. painter]

The other day when I found out that I was due for another surgery, I posted it here on L.I.G..Someone mentioned that I haddnt learned my lesson, yet. I thought about that statement and that is why I posted my lesson. Now things are getting more hopeful. Today the pain in my neck is much less and the news from the doctor was a welcome change .
I recieved a big bunch of prayer s and well wishing ,,, it felt good . Thank you all.
The doctor told me yesterday that I MAY NOT need to be cut again. This was the best news ..it gave me hope, and that is all I need .
I have been given so many wonderful things in this life and am so grateful. I had to learn my lesson the hard way . If I could save one person that trouble, or help someone keep from messing up the good in thier life with anger ,, I would feel like Im giving something in return. A BIG THANKS to you all... Its a great day ,again ,and Im soo glad to be here. id. painter

[Pilar]

Chris, you picked the right partner. Thanks for sharing Bro.