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King Salmon
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Lafayette, OR USA
Posts: 8,030
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2003 Darwin Awards!!! (long)
Here's a list of this year's winner and honorable mentions of the 2003 Darwin Award:
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
"They walk among us, eat our food, drink our water, drive on our
streets, and yet they are different somehow."
The 2003 Darwin Award Winner:
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would
be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked...
**********
And Now, The Honorable Mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company,
suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have
a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.
**********
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for
his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his
vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably,
he shot her.
**********
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was
supposed to be transporting from Harare to beltway had
escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers
to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
**********
An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police
that he was simply trying to see how close he could get
his head to a moving train before he was hit.
**********
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill
on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount
of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, a crime committed?)
**********
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski
mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard,
the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A
****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the
snickers started. The security guard completely lost it
and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't
have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief
ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event,
the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with
the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
**********
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through
a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he
lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The
whole event was caught on videotape.
**********
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a
detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told to stand there for
a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
**********
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at
5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.
**********
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than
he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find
a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his
siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,
saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
__________________
Oregon Panthers girls fastpitch softball!!
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TheRogue
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