Fishing Forum Story

Sky-Guy · 09-09-2003, 01:02 PM

The word association thread gave me a an idea. A year ago on the PP board, I tried this and it was hilarious, lets see how good of a story we can get going here on Ifish.

This is the deal:

Each member contributes a sentence or two to the story. You can contribute a post as many times as you like, but not twice in a row.

Please try to keep somewhaton topic. Last year we ended up having a Pink Floyd Concert on the banks of our favorite zipperlip!

O.K. lets see how it goes!
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It was just another Friday afternoon, it was payday, and I was wondering to myself "How can I get out of my yard work all weekend and go fishing?" Just then the wife called and said "Honey, I am taking the kids to Grandma's house for the whole weekend. Why dont you go fishing or something?"

[ 09-09-2003, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: Sky-Guy ]

Cool Texan · 09-09-2003, 01:08 PM

I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe she would say that I should go fishing". But then, it dawned on me, her mother had died 4 years prior...what the....

OceanBlue · 09-09-2003, 01:10 PM

For a moment, I thought it must mean a cheatin' heart... then I realized she was talking about visiting MY mother! [img]graemlins/1zhelp.gif[/img]

Freakwater · 09-09-2003, 01:12 PM

Whew! She only past away last year...

Sky-Guy · 09-09-2003, 01:21 PM

....Oh well, maybe she meant someone elses grandma. So Where should I fish, the fresh or salt? The URB's & coho are coming in thick, but some tasty Albacore would be nice too....hmmm.......I decided to call....

[ 09-09-2003, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: Sky-Guy ]

Mad Mikey · 09-09-2003, 01:25 PM

It was just another Friday afternoon, it was payday, and I was wondering to myself, "How can I get out of my yard work all weekend and go fishing?" Just then the wife called and said "Honey, I am taking the kids to Grandma's house for the whole weekend. Why dont you go fishing or something?"
I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe she would say that I should go fishing". But then, it dawned on me, her mother had died 4 years prior...what the....
For a moment, I thought it must mean a cheatin' heart... then I realized she was talking about visiting MY mother!
Whew! She only passed away last year...
Then I remembered that "Grandmas' House" was that neat little B&B with the kiddie park next to it that we used to frequent. "Cool", I said to myself, and picked up the phone.

[ 09-09-2003, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: Mad Mikey ]

Freakwater · 09-09-2003, 04:31 PM

I dialed the psychic network and Dion Warwick told me....

Mad Mikey · 09-09-2003, 05:42 PM

It was just another Friday afternoon, it was payday, and I was wondering to myself, "How can I get out of my yard work all weekend and go fishing?" Just then the wife called and said "Honey, I am taking the kids to Grandma's house for the whole weekend. Why dont you go fishing or something?"
I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe she would say that I should go fishing". But then, it dawned on me, her mother had died 4 years prior...what the....
For a moment, I thought it must mean a cheatin' heart... then I realized she was talking about visiting MY mother!
Whew! She only passed away last year...
....Oh well, maybe she meant someone elses grandma. So Where should I fish, the fresh or salt? The URB's & coho are coming in thick, but some tasty Albacore would be nice too....hmmm.......I decided to call....
Then I remembered that "Grandmas' House" was that neat little B&B with the kiddie park next to it that we used to frequent. "Cool", I said to myself, and picked up the phone.
I dialed the psychic network and Dion Warwick told me....
"Go for Albacore because that's what friends are for".
So I hooked up the boat and headed West. I did not notice the huge smoke plume behind me as I launched the boat. I gunned it hard and headed out but then it happened....

Freakwater · 09-09-2003, 09:04 PM

My motor seized! #@$%&* Honda! Should have bought the Yami! So I grabbed my cell phone and called back Dion. "Why did you tell me to go for Albacore? Now I'm adrift at sea without a fish in the box!"

I said, "Vote for Albert Gore!"

Sheesh, new I should have gone with Sprint. I was thinking I should call Miss Cleo when on the horizon I saw.....

[ 09-09-2003, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: Freakwater ]

ORrinker · 09-10-2003, 05:49 AM

a three-masted sailing ship coming in my direction. "I'm saved" I thought, as I waved my hands frantically at them as they drew closer.

Just then I noticed they were flying the dreaded Jolly Roger........

[ 09-10-2003, 06:50 AM: Message edited by: ORrinker ]

Kruechief · 09-10-2003, 06:35 AM

However, as the pirate vessel approached I noticed that its crew was the scantily clad Swedish Volleyball team. [img]graemlins/hearton.gif[/img]

And their Captain was the notorious Captain...

[ 09-10-2003, 07:36 AM: Message edited by: Kruechief ]

Grantspastor · 09-10-2003, 07:57 AM

Then my cell phone rang, and when I answered it was Dion Warwick on the other end saying "I'm adrift at sea without any motor also...

letsfish · 09-10-2003, 08:23 AM

... I don't want all these tuna to go bad what should I do?"

Mad Mikey · 09-10-2003, 12:10 PM

It was just another Friday afternoon, it was payday, and I was wondering to myself, "How can I get out of my yard work all weekend and go fishing?" Just then the wife called and said "Honey, I am taking the kids to Grandma's house for the whole weekend. Why dont you go fishing or something?"
I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe she would say that I should go fishing". But then, it dawned on me, her mother had died 4 years prior...what the....
For a moment, I thought it must mean a cheatin' heart... then I realized she was talking about visiting MY mother!
Whew! She only passed away last year...
....Oh well, maybe she meant someone elses grandma. So Where should I fish, the fresh or salt? The URB's & coho are coming in thick, but some tasty Albacore would be nice too....hmmm.......I decided to call....
Then I remembered that "Grandmas' House" was that neat little B&B with the kiddie park next to it that we used to frequent. "Cool", I said to myself, and picked up the phone.
I dialed the psychic network and Dion Warwick told me....
"Go for Albacore because that's what friends are for".
So I hooked up the boat and headed West. I did not notice the huge smoke plume behind me as I launched the boat. I gunned it hard and headed out but then it happened....
My motor seized! #@$%&* Honda! Should have bought the Yami! So I grabbed my cell phone and called back Dion. "Why did you tell me to go for Albacore? Now I'm adrift at sea without a fish in the box!"
I said, "Vote for Albert Gore!"
Sheesh, knew I should have gone with Sprint. I was thinking I should call Miss Cleo when on the horizon I saw a three-masted sailing ship coming in my direction. "I'm saved" I thought, as I waved my hands frantically at them as they drew closer.
Just then I noticed they were flying the dreaded Jolly Roger.
However, as the pirate vessel approached I noticed that its crew was the scantily clad Swedish Volleyball team. [img]graemlins/hearton.gif[/img]
And their Captain was the notorious Captain.....
Then my cell phone rang, and when I answered it was Dion Warwick on the other end saying "I'm adrift at sea without any motor also. I don't want all these tuna to go bad what should I do?"
"Wow, Dion! I haven't had time to fish yet!! Give ME your fish and I'll put em' in my cooler before the notorious Captain Zaq and his band of Karrot thugs sends the volley ball gals down to sink my boat!!!"
Now how would I find her boat with no motor or GPS??? Then it dawned on me, all I needed was....

Jennie@ifish · 09-10-2003, 02:56 PM

Mad Mikey!!! Quit it!
:smile:
You are supposed to follow the story from other people!!!

You are frustrating me! OK, just a little bit...
Keep this going. I wanna read it!!
Jen

Sky-Guy · 09-10-2003, 03:15 PM

to " say a little prayer for you" ( for all you old Warwick fans!)

So I prayed and prayed, but I couldnt spot Dion. Well it was time for me to start fishing on my own. I decided to....

letsfish · 09-10-2003, 06:42 PM

set up the downriggers. No sooner had the first line been in the water and suddenly I found my self moving-not just me but the entire boat! After chedking everthing I realized the downrigger itself must have got entangled with something big, very big . And I was being towed further out to sea at a nice trolling rate.Then...

Perfect Drift · 09-10-2003, 07:59 PM

thinking back, the wife told me to go fishin, I didn't know I was to be the bait!!

ORrinker · 09-11-2003, 06:05 AM

All of a sudden I see this large creature leap from the water and as it hit the water again with a huge splash I realized what I just saw???

It was Dionne Warwick and I had her hooked......

Mad Mikey · 09-11-2003, 05:42 PM

I got her to the boat and she spit out a half dozen carrots and a cell phone. Meanwhile, the pirate boat was closing in tossing beers cans and obsenities. I got the motor running and headed towards the dreaded bar. The waves were HUGE and my boat was small, can I do it??? Right before I entered the bar my phone rings and..........

happybrew · 09-11-2003, 06:59 PM

my wife asks me if I can bring home some cans of tuna for grilled tuna sandwiches for dinner. I tell her I can do better than that, however as I approach the bar.....

STGRule · 09-11-2003, 07:18 PM

A thin and misty fog came out of the bay. I could hear vague, sing-songy voices. As I looked over my shoulder the pirate ship was just mere feet off my stern. As my mouth dropped open I heard a noise from the bow.....

happybrew · 09-11-2003, 07:34 PM

It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard! I felt like Odysseus listening to the sirens! Would I run aground on the rocks, like the story in the Odyssey? Were they pirates, sirens, or both? I shook my head to clear it. Where is the duct tape? There it is!

letsfish · 09-12-2003, 07:50 AM

A quick reality check had me doubting all that was happening around me... but it was so entrancing. Still with a bit of sanity I struggled with what I should do. Then I remembered the old fisherman's cure for confusion: fish bait! I flung open the bait box, threw my head in and inhaled heavily. I felt my body tense, then relax, I lifted my head up and saw...

Mad Mikey · 09-12-2003, 05:47 PM

The sirens, standing on the jetty. They sang as I passed by and then went into a lip-lock. I was mesmerised and confused. Oh No! I was just a few feet from crashing into the rocks.
Right about then I heard a strange voice and it told me to.......

STGRule · 09-12-2003, 05:54 PM

"Go to the light.... Go to the light...." I looked to the stern and saw a bright light. I was confused as the pirate ship had been behind me moments ago. Was it safe? Could I trust the voice? Just then the entire boat was bathed in a blue light that seemed warm and safe. I looked up at the light and....

[ 09-12-2003, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: STGRule ]

happybrew · 09-12-2003, 06:33 PM

the ghost of Mariners Past appeared above me! "Ahoy, Matey!" he called. "You could put that duct tape to good use right now by......

Mad Mikey · 09-13-2003, 05:49 PM

taping it on your motor mounts and put a strip on your fuel line after you get that darn hook out of it.
Start up your motor and head on in, it's happy hour in Garabaldi!!!!
I was fortunate that the next wave pushed me away from the rocks and I scrambled for the duct tape.
The motor fired up and I was cruising. BUMP!!!
Oh NO!!! the pirate boat again, what now????

RvW · 09-13-2003, 06:24 PM

I zipped past the pirate boat and entered the bar where my motor belched and blurted again, flatulating a final plume of dark red smoke which settled on the water in the shape of a honda wing. The motor seemed to be saying its final farewell and without a mere effort to repair it again, I tossed it overboard to rid the boat of excess weight.

I turned to see the mythical pirate boat gaining ground and had to think fast. Captain "cyclopse" seemed determined to pilfer any goods aboard my vessel and I was amazed at his persistance being there was no trashy women or cheap booze on my boat...and certainly nothing of value. My dog "puddinhead" gave me that look...you know, the look a dog has when you find the steaming gift he left for you on the carpet...well he had it, and then some.

As I searched for a "gift" on the deck he eyeballed the smoked carp I was given by Willierower to take along on my trip. Suddenly an idea struck me with more force than the nausea I got from sampling the smoked carp.

I dressed "puddinhead" in two lifevests and tied the bow rope around him. I then teased him with a bit of smoked carp and took a huge piece and threw it 20 feet in front of the boat...he jumped into the water and paddled like crazy to get to the smoked fish, the rope from him to the bow tightened and the boat began to move! As he consumed the first piece of fish I threw another piece 20 feet boyond him again and again. His feeding frenzy propelled the boat forward with amazing consistancy and all I had to do was throw the fish in front of him a bit in the direction I wanted to travel.

Unfortunately it didnt take long for the smoked carp to have a similar effect on "puddinhead" as it did on myself.

He left the foulest trail of unmentionable matter behind him that 'dem ole carrot-pirates wernt too fond of. Captian cyclops' eye was watering so bad that he steered his ship into the rocks which crumbled upon impact. The split hull spilled carrot extract, smelly jelly, red egg dye, ultra-bite and numerous empty cans of WD40 into the water.

Just then a coast guard helicopter spotted the trail of biohazzard behind my crippled criscraft with "puddinhead propulsion" and apparently dispatched a sherrifs boat to the scene.

Upon arrival, officer Donut boarded my vessel and with an angered look in his eyes said...

[ 09-13-2003, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: Row Vs. Wade ]

pdxkevin · 09-13-2003, 07:17 PM

"Will it be a complete inspection today?" He said is in a manner tha could only mean one thing... He knew that there wer krisie Kreme on board. Trying hard to devirt his attention away in hopes he would beleive he was mistaken, I...

salmurai · 09-13-2003, 09:29 PM

hauled ole "puddinhead" in and handed him over to officer Donut and said,

RvW · 09-13-2003, 10:07 PM

"Dionne Warwick asked me to give you this dog. She told me you had a dog as a young child that drowned in your Barney and friends blow up swimming pool. "puddinhead" here is a great swimmer. Yep, its your dead puppy re-incarnated, brought back to life and he's all yours. Im sorry but Ole puddinhead ate all the krispy creme donuts, but your welcome to more of the smoked carp...Dionne told me you would like it, she was right!...here, have some more! She said that I should tell you to tuck those rainpants into your boots, and not to buy white briefs anymore.

She also said I would be very wealthy and soon marry a brunnete swimsuit model from Sweden who happens to be alergic to both dogs and ...

[ 09-13-2003, 11:37 PM: Message edited by: Row Vs. Wade ]

happybrew · 09-14-2003, 05:51 AM

fish. So allergic, in fact, that she won't even be able to be around anything that has only touched a fish. I'll end up having to choose between her and fishing. It will be a tough choice. In any event, the sheriff was buying none of it. "That dog ain't my dog!" he snarled. "You realize, of course, that I can make sure you never boat or fish again? Unless, of course, you cooperate by giving up them Crispy Cremes"

This was a difficult choice to make. I could either continue to fish, and lose my Crispy Cremes and my future brunette Swedish swimsuit model, or I could lose the boat an my fishing licence and keep the donuts and the model. Suddenly officer Donut's radio squawked and...

Abalone · 09-14-2003, 06:17 AM

Officer Donut there's an emergancy call in from Three Rocks road. Urgent, Snaggers are killing
and littering the banks with dead fish. All the Ifisher warning signs have been torn down and are being used to make camp fires. Respond immediatly.

[ 09-14-2003, 07:35 AM: Message edited by: Abalone ]

RvW · 09-14-2003, 07:16 AM

Officer Donut grabbed the microphone which was ductaped to a 64oz bananna milkshake cup.. "This is officer Donut, 10-4 Im on my way"
Just then my cell phone rang, it was Dionne Warwick again "Let me speak to officer Donut" I handed the phone to him...
"Officer Donut, this is Dionne Warwick, first, I suggest you look in the drybag under the starboard seat"

Donut lifted the seat, opened the drybag and found my last dozen Krispy Kremes. He snatched one with his thumb and forefinger, held it a few inches from his face, took a violent deep breath and released the tasty pastry. It disappeared without a sound.

Dionne spoke through the phone again "now, I suggest you take ole puddinhead and get down to the salmon river immediately, but on your way you should stop at...

Abalone · 09-14-2003, 07:38 AM

Stop at Jennies house and pick up that Apple cobbler she made for the Captain.

[ 09-14-2003, 09:36 AM: Message edited by: Abalone ]

RvW · 09-14-2003, 08:47 AM

...who smelled a bit like smoked carp himself.

Donut placed the remainder of smoked carp in the krispy kreme box and jumped back aboard his sherrifs sled which sped away. Puddinhead looked back at me with a "glazed" look in his eye and I couldnt help but think Ms Warwick better be right about the swedish swimsuit model.

As I pondered how I would reach the shore with no motor and no puddinhead propulsion, four motley looking dudes swam up to my boat with carrots clenched in their teeth like daggers. I searched the boat for a weapon to fend off the pirates when ...

Abalone · 09-14-2003, 09:37 AM

When all of a sudden Officer donut got this great big idea to.......

" I think I will go visit Grandma's house ! "

Where Mrs. Guy was organizing a big surprize party for Mr. Guy who happens to be officer
donuts brother in law.

[ 09-15-2003, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: Abalone ]