The truth about dogs and cats

OceanBlue · 04-23-2003, 07:00 AM

Self-Evident Truths About Pets
* Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
* A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
* An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
* Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
* Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
* Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
* Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
* Dogs shed, cats shred.
* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?
* If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.
* No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
* Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
* Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
* Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
* People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.
* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?
* Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
* When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
* In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Hoosier Daddy · 04-23-2003, 07:21 AM

[img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

Cool Texan · 04-23-2003, 07:50 AM

[img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

My dog is not good at math though. 3 treats in the pocket, give her 3, and she sits there waiting for the other 12,000,000 that she believes to be in my pocket. :grin:

OceanBlue · 04-23-2003, 07:54 AM

CT - She's not waiting for the other 12,000,000 treats that she believes are in your pocket. She is worshipping you. [img]graemlins/hearton.gif[/img]

Fshklr · 04-23-2003, 08:12 AM

Quote:

* Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.
* Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

* Women and cats will do as they please ... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

* In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him. [/QB]

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helvetica">Great stuff PM.

:grin:

fish assassin · 04-23-2003, 08:16 AM

My wifes dog is SSOOOO dumb ...

How dumb is he??

... No matter how many times I tell him to get away from me he still expects
me to pet him or give him treats!!

... He's sooo dumb that even my wife thinks he's retarded!!

... he's sooo dumb that he thinks crab floats are chew toys!!

...
-assAssin-

Dipnet · 04-23-2003, 08:41 AM

Dipnet :grin:

BonkBonkBonk · 04-23-2003, 09:28 AM

haha my dog is so weird
she sits and stares at shadows, then snaps at them

OceanBlue · 04-23-2003, 09:31 AM

BonkBonkBonk: Is your dog a terrier? :grin:

AuntyM · 04-23-2003, 10:23 AM

I read them all to my dog Millie. She wants to know, "what is a cat?" I explained they were like squirrels only bigger. [img]graemlins/dork.gif[/img]

She laughed at the water bowl comment.

OceanBlue · 04-23-2003, 10:41 AM

AuntyM - too funny! My cat has species dysphoria. She is definitely a cat in many ways, but SUCH a dog, too (comes running when you whistle for her, drinks from the toilet and is just beside herself with happiness when I come home from being gone a while)

Beer Waggin · 04-24-2003, 06:29 PM

Oh ya..... I got this the other day from a loving friend in Texass. She knows the history between me and the dog.

NOTICE TO PEOPLE THAT VISIT MY HOUSE"

1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want the dog to be near you, stay off the furniture.
3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point?
4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog.
5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff his.
6. I like him a lot better than I like most people.
7. To you he's a dog. To me he's an adopted son who is shorter, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things.
8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, they don't talk back, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for university fees, AND if they get pregnant you can sell the puppies.