Death Notice

CATCH AND EAT · 04-14-2003, 12:00 PM

Yep.

Cool Texan · 04-14-2003, 12:44 PM

THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY-DEAD AT 71

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Cap'n Crunch and many others.

The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

OceanBlue · 04-14-2003, 12:52 PM

CT: That's not how I heard it...

1pump · 04-14-2003, 01:17 PM

PM,
I about lost it when I saw the oven window in the background.

OceanBlue · 04-14-2003, 01:19 PM

1pump: I know. this pic was originally posted last year by ******. I about peed myself laughing... He always came up with the greatest images!

Cool Texan · 04-14-2003, 02:03 PM

Classic!!! :grin: :shocked: :grin:

OceanBlue · 04-14-2003, 11:52 PM

Thought you might like to know...

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense.

Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure early in the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.

For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second (or even last, as long as your best efforts were given).

A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six year old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.

It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.

Finally, a woman who was stupid enough not to realize that coffee is hot, and was awarded a huge pay-out for her stupidity, caused Common Sense to finally throw in the towel.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Jim · 04-15-2003, 05:56 PM

Where is ******???

Jim

OceanBlue · 04-16-2003, 05:26 AM

I dunno. I haven't seen him post in quite some time.

The Fishing Geek · 04-16-2003, 05:57 AM

Do a search for member ID #87 in the main forums. He's been around.

Point-of-Sale Clerk · 04-16-2003, 08:16 AM

****** has been busy.
He has been wooking nights at an entertainment type of job. I did come across this clip of him doing his stuff:

******'s new job

:grin:

OceanBlue · 04-16-2003, 09:27 AM

[img]graemlins/applause.gif[/img]

*** - you need to start a separate thread with that one! OMIGOSH! I gotta excuse myself now...

[ 04-16-2003, 10:28 AM: Message edited by: Pilar's Mate ]

Hoosier Daddy · 04-16-2003, 09:30 AM

I'm not even going to click that.......

I don't want to know.

lingslayer · 09-09-2003, 09:10 AM

One of Dad's favorite sayings that I think he stole from Will Rogers:

"I don't know why they call it 'common' sense when its so dammed rare!"

And as OB pointed out it may just be extinct in todays politcally correct world. :depressed:

J

Kruechief · 09-10-2003, 06:29 AM

***,

Great, my whole family is now rolling on the floor laughing. :grin:

Krue

09-10-2003, 06:38 AM

***, this "babe" is looking for you!