Definition Humor:

[Hogmaster]

Some of these need to be examined closely to get the true meaning! :smile:

The Washington Post annually
publishes a contest for readers in which they
are asked to supply
alternate
meanings for various words. The following
were some of the winning
entries
in this year's contest:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how
much weight you have
gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever
having a flat
stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation
while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in
which you
absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored
mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that
picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding
hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an
exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified
demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines
you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his
conversation with
Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front
boxer shorts

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that,
when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist

AND ANOTHER ONE:

Each year the Washington Post's Style
Invitational asks readers to
take any word from the dictionary alter it by
adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter and then supply a new
definition.
Here are the 2001 winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax
refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start
with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a
hillbilly.

3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about
yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very,
very high.

5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously
when you are running
late.

7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(this one got extra
credit)

9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is
sending off all these
really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth
explodes and it's like,
a
serious bummer.

10. Glibido: All talk and no action.

11. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid
ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

And, the pick of the literature:
12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and
an ahole.

[Grantspastor]

Geek...wouldn't that be "plaguearism"?

[skein]

Only if it's copywrited.

Skein

[1pump]

I wouldn't mind a little "intaxication", but I did my taxes last night and it ain't happenin'. :depressed:

#10,11 & 12 on the second list describe the Life In General board. Or at least me, anyway. :smile:

[The Fishing Geek]

Originally posted by Grantspastor:
Geek...wouldn't that be "plaguearism"?

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helv">Plaguearism? Is that taking someone elses ebola and claiming it as my own?

[Grantspastor]

Stop Geek...you're making my laugh "infectious"

[The Fishing Geek]

I am taking sarchasm and making it my own.

[Paddlefish]

And a few of my own, created for an Oregonian contest a couple years back:

Mutternal instinct: A mother's natural belief that her baby is beautiful, even if he most closely resembles a Pekinese.

Swooshups: The new Nike push-up exercise bras.

Buyological clock: a woman's inborn ability to automatically know how many minutes remain until the mall closes.

Swimpotent: A man's physical condition upon emerging from very cold water.

Doopoint: The spot to avoid when walking in a dog's kennel.

Webbarrassment: The reaction upoon discovering that your ex-husband has posted naked photos of you on the internet.

Baggravation: The realization that you requested paper and you received plastic.

Hooping cough: A chronic choking reflex which appears during the first round of the NBA playoffs. (Also see Failblazers.)

Viagravation: Grandma's unfavorable reaction to Grandpa's new medication.

Premature Dejackulation: the sudden accidental fall of an automobile onto its mechanic.

Soxic fumes: the odors which emanate from a 15-year-old boy's dirty laundry.

Cupgrade: (noun) Breast augmentation surgery. (verb) To divorce your wife in favor a younger, bustier, trophy version.

Sinsomnia: Lack of sleep caused by fear of discovery of past indiscretions. (Also see: Sinquiry, Sintern)

SUVeriority. A misguided sense of self-importance, based on ownership of the biggest sport utility vehicle in the neighborhood.

Cellubacy: The refusal to carry a cellular phone.

Magniflycation: A man's tendency, when describing his sexual exploits, to exaggerate his own physical dimensions.

Swooshful thinking: Unwavering devotion to everything Nike.

And my local favorite . . .

Oswegotistical: The belief that traffic signs, signals, and regulations are really meant for the other guy.

[skein]

Since this is, after all, a fishing forum, how about:

Stealhead - A sea-run rainbow trout taken illegally

Chinock - The bonking of a king salmon

Lampray - The seeking of divine intervention for an ell-like fish

Cokanie - A soft-drink consumed while fishing for small land-locked salmon.

Skein

[RvW]

Medievil – giving your child Nyquil when they are not sick (IE Christmas eve, or when you’ve just refilled your viagra prescription)

Mafundsalow – Adapted from Italian – temporarily low on cash.

Diarehab – The time following a case of severe diarrhea when your not completely confident you don’t still have it, but make efforts to prove it to yourself.

lactomangulation (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n.
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the `illegal' side.

umfriend
The person she is having a sexual relationship with.

irritainment – being unable to stop viewing something which annoys you.

Newtrons - The magnetized particles that amazingly hold some fig newtons
together.

Snackmosphere = The air inside bags of potato chips.

Gapiana = The little strip of land between the "You are now leaving"
and "You are now entering" signs when you cross from one state
into another.

Exxonerated – The legal term to explain how the Valdez Capt never did jail time.

[ 02-11-2003, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: cirrhosis-of-the-river ]