Things learned

[Jettin' Fool]

>NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME ALMOST 50 YEARS TO LEARN
>By Dave Barry
>
>1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
>laxative on the same night.
>
>2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
>race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential,
>that word would be "meetings."
>
>3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
>4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
>never want you to share yours with them.
>
>5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its
>glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use,
>as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
>
>6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>
>7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
>seriously.
>
>8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
>individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
>Very often, that individual is crazy.
>
>9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>
>10. Never lick a steak knife.
>
>11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
>
>12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
>
>13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
>compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
>
>14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
>suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
>baby emerging from her at that moment.
>
>15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
>to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
>
>16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
>gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
>deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
>
>17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
>annoy people who are not in them.
>
>18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
>nice person.
>(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
>
>19. Your friends love you anyway.
>
>
>
>
>
> _____