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King Salmon
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: EFL
Posts: 5,079
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Superbowl pregame show
"With the weather a warm and sunny seventy-two degrees and kickoff
just under 300 hours away, welcome to Miami for the Fox NFL Sunday
Tostitos Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game Show. I'm James
Brown."
cut to beer commercial with horses, veluptuous bikinigirls and at least one guy with a beer belly and some buttcrack showing
"You know it, JB."
"Thanks, Terry. As always, I'm joined by my co-host Terry Bradshaw
and the entire Fox Sports team. Sit back and relax because what you're
about to see is the longest ever pre-game show in the history of sports
broadcasting. That's right. There's no need to leave your couch for the
next 300 hours. We'll be showing every single detail about football that
you can possibly imagine. In fact, we have so many features planned
that we may not even be able to fit them all in. Right, Terry."
cut to tostios commercial with similar bijini gals, and a reminder of what your superbowl party COULD have been like
"You betcha, JB, we'll be breaking down all the X's and O's in such
exquisite detail that no one, not even football coaches, will know what
the hell we're talking about. And that's not all. We'll also take out the
trusty telestrator and replay every Atlanta and Denver game this season
in super slow motion. You won't want to miss it."
cut to FOX commercial with hi-lights of past football games, all your favorite shows, directly into another wild beer commercial of people in SanDiego partying as though the fountain of youth has just been found
"Well, I'm sure we can't wait for that, but first, let's take a moment to go
down to the field to Pam Oliver for a report on the field conditions. Pam."
Pam appears on camera with 42 screaming fans behind her all with absolutely nothing to say except "woohoo" and "we're number one" as they look at each other for a sign of approval.
"Thanks, JB, it's sunny now, woohoo but as you know it has rained quite heavily hi mom
over the last two days, and the field is currently yeah, we're number one, go Saints! in terrible condition. I
talked to several of the yeehaa! partaaaay in San Dee baby groundscrew who told me that this is the worst
condition the field has been in for weeks."
"Pam, how should that affect the game?"
"Well, that's 12 days away, so not at all. But the groundscrew might have rock and roll!!, Oakland is in da house ya'll
to cancel a game of touch football they had scheduled for this afternoon, (producer in the background)hey, shut the hell up the woman is trying to talk moron....oh heck, did that go over the air?
so they're all a bit down."
"Thanks, Pam. Later in the show, by the way, Pam has a very touching
up close and personal profile of Timmy Jones, a man born without feet
who has fought adversity in order to become the Broncos' backup
practice squad kicker. And speaking of adversity, we'll also take a look at
the Fox Police Blotter. Relive this past season by looking back at all the
arrests of your favorite NFL players. It's all coming up as the Fox NFL
Sunday Tostitos Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game Show
continues after this word from our sponsors."
"The Fox NFL Sunday Tostitos Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-
Game Show is brought to you by Tostitos, the official snack food of the
Fox NFL Sunday Tostitos Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game
Show. . . . And by Budweiser, the official beer of the Fox NFL Sunday
Tostitos Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game Show . . . and by
Prudential, the official insurance company of the Fox NFL Sunday
Tostitos Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game Show." remember, when your eating refined bleached corn chips washing them down with a cool formaldehyde aged budd, make sure your prudential policy is up to date for your loving family who left you yesterday when the pregame show started
"And welcome back to the Fox NFL Sunday Tostitos Budweiser
Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game Show. I'm James Brown, and coming up
soon - Howie Long interviews the mothers of every Atlanta Falcon and
Denver Bronco player. Plus, John Madden joins us to eat some ribs.
Live! But first please join me in welcoming a new member of our Fox
Sports crew, Jennifer Love Hewitt, who is here wearing a bikini."
cut to commercial of Jenifer love Hewitt wearing the same bikini drinking a budd and finalizing a life insurance deal with a prudential agent who is eating tostitos
"and we're Back...Hi Jennifer
"Hi."
"So, Jennifer, what are your thoughts about this big game?"
"What big game?"
"The Super Bowl, you know. Who do you think will win?"
"Um, I really like the Yankees."
"Okay, thanks, Jennifer, we'll check in with you later. That's Jennifer
Love Hewitt who will be stopping by periodically to offer Super Bowl
analysis while wearing a bikini. Jennifer can, of course, be seen on Party
of Five every Wednesday right here on Fox. Terry, what else do you
have for us?"
"Well, JB, a little later we'll tell you the shoe sizes of every player in
this Super Bowl, and speaking of shoe sizes check out the Fox Sports Ticker
that is running across your screen. If you look now, you'll see all the
shoe sizes of backup players on teams that did not make the playoffs.
Pretty fascinating stuff. The Fox Sports Ticker will be there for all of the
next 300 hours with informative statistics just like that. Don't miss it."
"Sounds great, Terry. And coming up next, a day in the life of a Dallas
Cowboys cheerleader. That's an entire day. We'll show you all 24 hours
live and unedited starting right now, as the Fox NFL Sunday Tostitos
Budweiser Prudential Super Bowl Pre-Game Show continues here on
Fox. after these 30 minute beer corn chip insurance commercials"
DISCLAIMER:
Don't worry. This is just a parody. Fox's pre-game show won't be
anything like this. It won't be 300 hours at all; in fact, it'll only be
seven miserable hours.
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RogueFishr
Dude, you need to get back to work. you got waaaay to much spare time. :grin: 
Linear Mode
