Words of Wisdom

[Kruechief]

WORDS OF WISDOM
>
>
> 1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach
>that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for
>weeks.
>
> 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for
>anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one
>tumble down the stairs.
>
> 3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to
>the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
>
> 4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
>hospitals dying of nothing.
>
> 5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every
>table had an argument going.
>
> 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
>no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
>
> 7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they
>notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first
>thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
>
>8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
>
> 9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
>attention to criticism.
>
> 10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two
>hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty
>cents? :tongue:
>
>11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now
>the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
>
>12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I
>have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to
>the first.
>
>13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody
>discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here,
>it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even
>more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which
>states that this has already happened.
>
>14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
>takes a whole box to start a campfire?
>
>15. You read about all these terrorists-most of them came here
>legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for
>as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster:
>you're two days late with a video and those people are all over
>you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.


From My Email,

Krue

[Point-of-Sale Clerk]

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
--Mark Twain

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
--Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
--Mark Twain

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
--Mark Twain

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
--Mark Twain (1835-1910)

First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He created school boards.
--Mark Twain

Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels.
--Mark Twain

I've lived a long life and seen a lot of hard times...most of which never happened.
--Mark Twain

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
--Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
--Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
--Mark Twain

Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
--Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
--Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
--Mark Twain

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth.
--Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man
--Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything
--Mark Twain

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
--Mark Twain

Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
--Mark Twain

Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.
--Mark Twain

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
--Mark Twain

[Kruechief]

Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
--Mark Twain

[ 01-14-2003, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: kruechief ]

[Silver Hilton]

Some emotions cannot be fully expressed with the golf club still in one's hands.

- Bobby Jones

[ 01-14-2003, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: Silver Hilton ]