sibling help?

[butch4706]

Not sure if this is the right place or if I should put this in genral discussion. Anyway's I am looking for a book or dvd or any resource to give to my sister. Well this is why. My sister is very involved in her church. Not a bad thing at all. But decisions she has made because of church have had me wondering what is she doing. She has been a youth pastor for many years and is really good at it and loves it very much.

6 years ago she decided to quit a very good job to work in the office of her church for 8 dollars an hour. She is in her mid 30's and that seemed to me to be a little crazy. But it is what she wanted and she told me that is what god told her to do. Also she recently moved to a new place to work for a church. The church has a position for her but it isnt a paying position for sometime. She decided to quit her job at her old church and move across the state to help at this other church until they can afford to hire her for a paid position.

The problem is she cant afford that and has been borrowing money from my parents just to make ends meet. When I talked to her prior to her move about what she would do for work or income she would always say, God has this plan for me and god told me to move to this other church and he will provide all I need. But she is borrowing money all the time just to live. In the last 6 years she has become so involved in her church that she ignores our parents when they go to visit her. They will be there for the weekend and she will spend time with them one day but usually saturday night and all day sunday she is busy with church. In the past she has left our parents house christmas morning very early befor people get up just to make it to a church function.

She cancels family plans for church and has no other friends or anything outside her church. She revolves her whole life around church and the people in her church. I am not saying that her being a devoted christian is a bad thing but it seems to have taken over her life in a bad way. I could really write for an hour about the things that she has done just to satisfy her church. My parents are very christian and they think she has gone way to far.

Anyway I am not here to bash my sister but I was wondering if anyone here could help me. I love my sister but I feel she isnt experiencing life and she is going way to far with her church involvment and does not seem happy when I see her. Anyway's I was hoping someone here could give me some advice on how to help her balance her relationship with god and her life. Are there any resources or books you could point me to. She is a member of a 4 square church if that helps. Anyways just thought I would give this a shot. Thanks a ton to all., Butch

[letsfish]

This is hard to answer: but feel your frustration and inability to help. Some perspectives and thoughts.

• First pray for direction.
• Second, it seems your parents are her sole financial life line - maybe they need to cut back their finacial support .
• Third a direct talk with her about your perception of her involvement at the expense of family (note offending incidents) is in order: tell her how you feel (rejected, ignored,fearful for her well being.).Like many her priorities may be mixed up-put her job before her family. This can happen in the ministry easily as she mixes/confuses her commitment to God(personal spirituality) with her commitment to church(work).Ask her about personal accountability- my guess is she is not seeking advice a trusted friend or mentor. She may lack a close friend or confidant who would be calling her on these misplaced priorities.
• I will pray for you and her!

[Dullhook]

Your sister obviously has a wonderful heart (as do you) but seems to be a little misdirected. God tells us to honor our father and mother and to demonstrate our love for one another through our actions. She probably doesn't realize that the (unconcious) neglect she is showing towards her family is hurting them so much. She has the right intentions in wanting to serve God and to do His will, but is using the wrong methods.

I would make an appointment with the senior pastor of her church and discuss with him the concerns that you have voiced here. Let him know exactly what is going on and ask his advice for correcting the situation. He will then speak with your sis. Please don't be openly critical when speaking to your sister because her heart is certainly in the right place and there's already enough hurt going around. God bless you for the love and concern that you're showing towards your family. Please pray for your sister and I'll be praying with you.

[feisty's wife]

You have just received excellant advise...Pray, the advise line's up with what you beleive to be the written word,go with it.

[fishnhuntnfool]

Margin by Swenson is a good book to read even though it's now an older book. It sounds like your sister has the servant heart, but it seems like she is lost a little on where to draw the lines on her committments vs. relationships especially if she never seems to unhappy whenever she's around. There's also other things wrong with solely serving the church since we are to be a light unto the world, not just to other Christians. It's great that she believes she has found her spiritual gift and is serving, but the unhappiness bothers me. There should be a "contagious joy" that she has about her if she is truly serving in the capacity God created her for.

I agree a lot with the responses about talking to her about it, but do it lovingly and with a good understanding of what the Bible says because as stated before she has a servant heart, but no margins.

I don't want to get into a ton of details on here, but if you'd like to talk about the situation more and see what the Bible has to say you can go ahead an pm me.

[butch4706]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am hoping to talk with her on christmas. Hopefully I can get through to her. Just want her to know what our family feels about the situation. Thanks so much for your advice everyone I really appreciate it. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season., Butch

[matttheduck]

I don't think it's ever God's plan to have one of his servant's work at the expense of others. I have no problem with your sister committing herself totally to religious work, but she should understand she cannot do it if it has a negative impact on your parents. Good on you for recognizing this as a concern.