Stupidity off the Columbia River Monday ...

fish assassin · 07-30-2003, 06:09 AM

I talked to my eldest son last night ... the one stationed at the air base at
Warrenton. He told me a story I just could NOT believe! On Monday it got *real*
foggy (as Mel can attest too). Well, this guy takes his boat out over the bar
looking for salmon. He doesn't have a VHF, he doesn't have a "plastic jesus", he
doesn't have ANY way to communicate except for his cell phone.

So he's out in the fog and LOST! Imagine that! He calls 911 on his cell phone
and is put in contact with the Coasties. Has absolutly NO idea where he is at.
Coasties respond with two helos, two boats and an auxilary boat. After about an
hour or so the auxilary boat find him and tells him to follow them in. So far
so good.

The "lost sailor" decides he now knows where he is and zooms past the auxilary boat
headed for the bar. Yep, you guessed it. He got lost again and calls the CG for
help. A CG Cutter finds him this time and tells him he has to stay with them until
they get across the bar and out of the fog. Good enough, the guy is back across the
bar and safe. Another fine job done by the Coasties.

A couple of hours later (and it's starting to get dark as well as being foggy)
the Coast Guard gets a cell phone call from this same guy on the same boat. Yep,
you guessed it! He's lost in the fog again!!

Where is Darwin when you need him??

:shocked:

So, as my son is telling me this story I'm getting a little p.o.'ed about this clown
putting my sons life (and the lives of a lot of other folks' sons and daughters)
on the line for HIS stupidity. My boys' take on the matter?? "It's OK dad,
without dummies like him on the ocean I wouldn't have a job". :grin:

:grin:

You all be carefull out there, hear??

-assAssin-

Tanner · 07-30-2003, 07:15 AM

What is a plastic Jesus.

Pilar · 07-30-2003, 07:15 AM

Now tell me that it is an ifisher .... not.

We are so spoiled my friends. None of you needs to wander around the ocean, clueless and dependent on the heroism of others to save your sorry butt. No one needs to go out unknowing or unprepared.

You are not alone and anything you want to know, if anyone on the Salty Dogs board knows it, is yours for the simple typing of the question.

Any questions?

Pilar · 07-30-2003, 07:18 AM

Tanner a term coined by yours truly to describe the GPS sitting on your boat dashboard. From the song 'Plastic Jesus' about the plastic dashboard icon on the '57 chevy dashboard.

'Don't much care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic jesus.
He will keep me from a wreck
Just to save his plastic neck'

And so on.

skein · 07-30-2003, 07:44 AM

Hey Fish Assassin,

Next time you see your son, thank him again for what he does. It's amazing they could find this do-do in the first place, and then to resist the temptation to beat him with the fish bonker had to be above and beyond.

All hail the Coast Guard!

Skein

DriftR · 07-30-2003, 07:53 AM

FA,
Did the Coast Guard fine him or maybe they should have if they didn't. I am just glad that no one else needed medical or emergency help that day. Operators like that should be required to have mandatory training as part of the fine. There is no excuse going out without at least a handheld GPS and compass or VHF. Very basic equipment. It would have been fun to be the Coast Guard and dock this guy and go through his boat. Certainly they would have found some safety violation.

Mr. Fisherman · 07-30-2003, 07:54 AM

The S.S. Darwin... This brings back memories of (CENSORED BY THE AUTHOR) (the boat that should not be named)

Assasin, buy that son of yours a cold one and let him know that we are glad he is there to answer the call.

Joe Schwab · 07-30-2003, 08:14 AM

This guy wasn't operating an Arima with a Honda on it by chance? There's a guy like that at Wheeler. No radio, no nothing. Uses 911 to call for bar reports, AND GETS THEM!

You don't need a license to be [img]graemlins/dork.gif[/img]

Miss B Haven · 07-30-2003, 08:21 AM

Ha- I missed that entertainment Monday. Had the radio on the Fishing channel, not the Evolution channel. Got enough entertainment on Sunday from the fog plus all the weekenders. :grin:
I did notice the chopper was up a lot Sunday!

corrirod · 07-30-2003, 08:25 AM

Unfortunately the Coasties aren't allowed to "check for brains" when they leave these idiots, they can only check for safety equipment.

Thank your son and the rest of his cohorts for saving the stupid.

Man this really makes me mad to hear about stuff like this.

I'm surprised he didn't have 10 of his closest friends out there with him showing them what great sea captain he is. [img]graemlins/dork.gif[/img]

Woody · 07-30-2003, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Tanner a term coined by yours truly to describe the GPS sitting on your boat dashboard. From the song 'Plastic Jesus' about the plastic dashboard icon on the '57 chevy dashboard.

'Don't much care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic jesus.
He will keep me from a wreck
Just to save his plastic neck'

And so on.

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helv">Sorry to hijack this thread, :blush: but......

The song is from "Cool Hand Luke". Luke(Paul Newman) sings the song after receiving news via telegram that his mother has died.

Here are the lyrics:

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, long as I got my plastic Jesus, sittin' on the dashboard of my car.

Comes in colors, pink and pleasant, glows in the dark cause it's irridescent
Take it with you when you travel far.

Get yourself a sweet Madonna, dressed in rhinestones sittin' on a pedestal of abalone shell

Goin' ninety, I ain't scary , 'cause I've got the Virgin Mary, assurin' me that I won't go to Hell.

Get yourself a sweet Madonna, dressed in rhinestones sittin' on a pedestal of abalone shell

Goin' ninety, I ain't scary, 'cause I've got the Virgin Mary, assurin' me that I won't go to Hell.

Just my .02, BTW can you tell I'm a big Cool Hand Luke fan :grin:

WP · 07-30-2003, 09:15 AM

FA,
Your son may just be doing his job, but he is a hero to me...along with all the ladies and gentlemen of the Coast Guard. It is a shame that fools such as this waste their time and our money in this manner but...all things being equal, I would rather have them doing this type of insane task than to loose them for the important things they do! Please relay the respect and thanks I feel to your son, he is one of the good ones.
WP

Tanner · 07-30-2003, 09:23 AM

Ahhh GPS. Who'd a thunk it. I have heard the song.
:grin:
Thanks Pilar

Pilar · 07-30-2003, 09:40 AM

Right on! It amazes me what some of the people who hang out here know.

We should find this guy and have a tunaholics intervention. :grin: :grin:

[ 07-30-2003, 10:51 AM: Message edited by: Pilar ]

puffins crew · 07-30-2003, 10:07 AM

Hey John Boy, I dont think we need this yaahoo 30 miles off shore looking for tuna.

Maybe we could use Skiens fish bonker idea to rewire his common sense. :grin:

Just a thought.

Peace, Tom

[ 07-30-2003, 11:20 AM: Message edited by: puffins crew ]

Orca · 07-30-2003, 10:41 AM

At what point do they just put fools out of their misery?

Doryfisher · 07-30-2003, 12:01 PM

Unfortunatley stupid people do stupid things and thanks to Fish Assassin's son people are there to help them. Three cheers for the coasties.........

lost_sailor · 07-30-2003, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by fish assassin:

The "lost sailor" decides ...

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helv">Hey now ...

it wasn't me! I have GPS and VHF and I'm definitely in the market for a plastic Jesus, and my boat will never be seen in the ocean.

I'll bet the CG wishes they had a torpedo after the last phone call ... [img]graemlins/dork.gif[/img]

[ 07-30-2003, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: lost_sailor ]

CAPT KUJO · 07-30-2003, 12:16 PM

Hey I know a licensed skipper out of Newport who does the same thing. Execpt he goes 30 miles out for tuna. I'm with FA's son...cause if he didn't have a job, I wouldn't either as they wear USIA Exotherms!

CAPT KUJO

fishbait · 07-30-2003, 12:34 PM

Natural section works when man lets it........

Tacklebuster · 07-30-2003, 12:45 PM

Bernie- Don't sugar coat it bro, tells us how you really feel

I'll be in your neck of the woods heading to the spark plug to bully around the coho's. Any recent reports or last minute advice?

DriftR · 07-30-2003, 03:57 PM

Woody,
"What we have here is a failure to communicate" "Taking it off here boss"? Next Ifish fest you gonna eat 50 eggs Woody? That show always brings a little laughter even though I've seen it about 5 times.

CATCH AND EAT · 07-30-2003, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Tacklebuster:
Bernie- Don't sugar coat it bro, tells us how you really feel I'll be in your neck of the woods heading to the spark plug to bully around the coho's. Any recent reports or last minute advice?

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helv">Yeah Chris, take a gps and a radio dude. :tongue: :grin: Haven't paid much attention to it this week. Still smiling about the tuna on Saturday with Mel. Has'nt worn off yet. :grin: See :grin: .

I'll be there Saturday and Sunday for the Salmon Carnage out of Ilwaco. I will tell you that last saturday after the tuna trip we stopped of salmon for a few minutes. Mid afternoon and not another boat in sight and we were getting bit no problem'o. Even the nooks were biting. It's just going to get better. This was north of one heading to the CR and past BTW. Big secret I am sure.

Tides look pretty good for a low tide nooky bite first thing am:30. Wind will supposedly be out of the north at 15 with 3seas 5 swell for both Saturday and Sunday. Long as the bar cooperates it should be a great day. Gotta get my mind off tuna and back on salmon. WAIT!!!!!! I am going Tuna fishing on the 9th for a possible Halbacore trip. Definitly Tuna with the possibility of Butts in the forcast.

Now we take you back to salmon.... :grin:

Go get'em Chris. Let me know how ya do.

[ 07-30-2003, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: CATCH AND EAT ]

Woody · 07-30-2003, 04:26 PM

Quote:

even though I've seen it about 5 times.

<font size="2" face="verdana,arial,helv">Only 5?

I think I'm up to 50 or so.

Here's one:

Boss Paul: That ditch is Boss Kean's ditch and I told him that dirt in it is your dirt. What's your dirt doing in his ditch?
Luke: I don't know boss.
Boss Paul: You better get in there and get it out boy.

The Bad Fish · 07-30-2003, 07:55 PM

shakin the tree boss, shakin the tree..

CATCH AND EAT · 07-30-2003, 11:45 PM

Ah yes, not a radio on board, no GPS, What a knuckledragginfool [img]graemlins/dork.gif[/img]

Sometimes I am accused of being over careful out there or a little intense in a crowd. Well, those accusers are right. But guess what? I come home alive to kiss my wife and children goodnight.

The ocean is nothing to mess with. It's all about respect and preparedness. Shezzz where have I heard all this stuff from before.

I was under the impression that in this area a radio was required. So are flares in any body of water 3 miles or wider. That dude just cost the tax payers a lot of money.

Absolutly crimminal. However, I am glad the coasties were there for him. He has family too (assuming he figured out how to reproduce)

and his life DOES MATTER (yes I am sure of that.

) He just needs a good stiff fine and a steel toed boot in his "six" to learn him about boating matters.

This is the exact reason the boater safety program is so important. Not the cure all but it helps.