Wedding or Girlfriend's BD????

69scout · 02-06-2008, 11:11 AM

Well here is a question for guys out there. If you have a friend that you 've known for quite a while, you invite him to your wedding, a once in a life time event (For some of us). He says he is attending. A few days later, he calls back and says he can't go because his girlfirend's birthday is on the same day and she already has plans. This is a girl that he is been going out with for a few months, and you guys have been friends for ages.
Should I be mad at my buddy for not coming to wedding or should I be happy that he has a G.F. ?

Troutinator · 02-06-2008, 11:18 AM

it should be bro's before babes (cleaned up for iFish) right up until you get married... then... well, if you're married you know the rest of the story...

Bait Bucket · 02-06-2008, 11:18 AM

The guy needs to live his own life. Let him do it.

1-800-DrLaura

Tom H · 02-06-2008, 11:24 AM

Wow ,he can change his plans ,yours are a little more solid ,I would call him on it if you guys have been good friends you should beable to bring this up

69scout · 02-06-2008, 11:25 AM

I know he has to have his own life. The wedding was an all day thing. Cermony and reception. He could have at least attend the ceremony in the morning. But a wedding is a one time thing, birthdays come around every year.

98ramtough · 02-06-2008, 11:29 AM

If he isn't in the wedding, I wouldn't care at all. You will not even remember anyone that was at the wedding. It will go by in a blur with so many people there. Don't sweat the small things...

69scout · 02-06-2008, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom H

Wow ,he can change his plans ,yours are a little more solid ,I would call him on it if you guys have been good friends you should beable to bring this up

Its been awhile now since I talked to him. The last time that did talked to him, he was having problems with his girl. They were in counseling. Kinda of a messed up situation.

drhall99 · 02-06-2008, 12:37 PM

You don't go to counseling with a girlfriend. You exchange the bad ones for a better one. No wonder he is screwed up.

flapbreaker · 02-06-2008, 12:47 PM

If she was a girl worth keeping she would be encouraging her boyfriend (your friend) to go to the wedding.

69scout · 02-06-2008, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drhall99

You don't go to counseling with a girlfriend. You exchange the bad ones for a better one. No wonder he is screwed up.

Yeah, I know. Kinda weird that he had to go to counseling with his GF? But to each his/her own... I guess.

yankemnbankem · 02-06-2008, 01:02 PM

Well, by just reading what you have typed about your buddy, we already know that he will make a great house husband. We also can assume his girlfriend has some issues. All this before HE is getting married............. I think you should have a good time at your wedding and like someone else mentioned, you probably wont remember WHO was there anyways. It's like a deer in headlights affect.

69scout · 02-06-2008, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flapbreaker

If she was a girl worth keeping she would be encouraging her boyfriend (your friend) to go to the wedding.

My buddy seems to think that she is worth keeping, me I would have toss her back in the water along time ago. Heard nothing but complaints ever since he dated her. Well, for the first month it was a dream then reality hit him.

Hell-B · 02-06-2008, 01:23 PM

Your buddy should come to the wedding by himself. Opportunities abound at weddings.

lostbackpacker · 02-06-2008, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drhall99

You don't go to counseling with a girlfriend. You exchange the bad ones for a better one. No wonder he is screwed up.

can i get an AMEN please!!!

The Mick · 02-06-2008, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Papermaker

Your buddy should come to the wedding by himself. Opportunities abound at weddings.

Amen to that and they are all dressed up in their finest.

Fshklr · 02-06-2008, 03:58 PM

your buddy needs to get some cohones, and have em read this thread.

that being said...love changes all perception, and he did what he thought was best for his relationship...stand by your friend, he's gonna need it down the road!!

Buddy...if you indeed read this thread....FRIENDS are the greatest treasure in life..nut up!

dedicated to "Jim Copper"...dude what happened to you!......................

Hog King · 02-06-2008, 04:04 PM

He needs to DUMP her NOW.

Don't hold it against him if he "can't" make it.............send him a sympathy card! He's gonna need it.

Tell him Hog King said to dump her before it's too late. And it will be too late!

mpmax · 02-06-2008, 04:24 PM

I ditched my buddies wedding back in 1985 to spend the weekend at the coast with a special someone I'd just met. Haven't seen/talked to either my buddy or the gal since then. There might be a lesson in there, somewhere.

pdxkevin · 02-06-2008, 04:52 PM

He should tell her that he is going to his friend's wedding and would like it if she would go with him. If she's too selfish to see how a long-time friend's wedding IS a big deal and they could celebrate her BD on another day just as easily.... He should see this as a sign of the things to come if he stays involved with her.

fishkisser · 02-06-2008, 06:06 PM

Sounds like He's making a big mistake ...
In more ways than one ...

bullshooter · 02-06-2008, 06:24 PM

if you are asking him to be in the wedding party then he should be there. If he is not in the party then I would consider him a friend and not a "close" friend and be glad that you are at least getting a RSVP insted of a no-show.

WWDPD (What Would Dr. Phil DO?)

Super Fluke · 02-06-2008, 06:31 PM

I say bros before gf's. I wouldn't be happy with my best friend if he skipped my wedding for his gf's birthday that he's been dating for only a couple months.

Tom H · 02-06-2008, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 69scout

Yeah, I know. Kinda weird that he had to go to counseling with his GF? But to each his/her own... I guess.

Hey your friend is worse than me I would never go to counseling with a GF ,man I don`t feel so goofy

STGRule · 02-06-2008, 10:01 PM

It appears he isn't thinking with the brain in his head. It is amazing what lust will do to somewhat reasonable men.....

ORhunter · 02-06-2008, 10:03 PM

I'd say the buddy and the gal are made for each other. They'll share a common bond of misery for many years to come. Having poor social skills is something I detest in adults.

jokester · 02-07-2008, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flapbreaker

If she was a girl worth keeping she would be encouraging her boyfriend (your friend) to go to the wedding.

I totally agree

If she knew how good of friends you guys are, there wouldn't even be a question!

-jokester

Duckwheat · 02-07-2008, 08:33 AM

The ring is already through the nose or she he has him on a short leash. Whichever it is, he has very long life of faithful service ahead of him.

There is only one way I would cut him some slack. If you are relatively sure he has never had a GF, then I would consider some lee way.

Life Coach DW in Idaho Land

Weather or Knot · 02-07-2008, 10:46 AM

Maybe he sold his soul to .......her .......for somthing! A good friend of mine dint make it to my wedding and years went by before we even talked again. He finnaly told me what was going on in his life at the time and I cut him some slack. Its been said before, but your wedding day is going to go buy so fast you wont even remember who was there and who wasnt. Hopefully he makes it but if he doesnt, just know hes probably not having the good time your having on that day!

Brandon

Grantspastor · 02-07-2008, 11:53 AM

Maybe...just possibly...trying to give the benefit of a doubt...the girlfriend's family has planned some sort of big extravaganza and relatives are flying in from all over at considerable expense...and it has been planned for months...and is all her family is talking about...MAYBE then the decision to skip the wedding in favor of the birthday would make sense...otherwise your former friend is no longer a part of your life until such time as their realtionship fails...

I'm not saying you have, or should sever ties...but if his GF truly feels threatened by attending your wedding instead of a birthday celebration when it appears that both could be fit into the same day...then it appears pretty clear to me that you (and probably anyone else) won't be much of a factor on their social calender

CATCH AND EAT · 02-07-2008, 12:35 PM

Tom H, you sure this is not your thread.

Dude, let your friend bury himself with this gal. Counseling already? No I believe in counseling before the marriage takes place but ........ they are not even there yet. Toss her back IMHO and set out another bait. A good friend, life long friend would find a way. He better figure it out now or he will be a bitter henpecked jello pudding cup instead of a man.

PapaHog · 02-07-2008, 05:03 PM

My friends would come to my wedding. Period.

Cat n Tat's Dusky · 02-07-2008, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drhall99

You don't go to counseling with a girlfriend. You exchange the bad ones for a better one. No wonder he is screwed up.

Old Coot · 02-07-2008, 08:21 PM

You said that you INVITED him to your wedding, but you sound like it was really a command to appear.

Invitations are available to be accepted or declined. He declined. A wedding is about two people commencing a life together. It isn't a social scorekeeping event.

Lead Bouncer · 02-07-2008, 08:56 PM

Besides, your buddy is needy. You watch what happens to your single friends. Tragic really.

69scout · 02-08-2008, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Coot

You said that you INVITED him to your wedding, but you sound like it was really a command to appear.

Invitations are available to be accepted or declined. He declined. A wedding is about two people commencing a life together. It isn't a social scorekeeping event.

I know its only an invite, but just being respectful he would show. But he should get his priority straight. My motto is "Friends are forever, girls are a dime a dozen." To him "Girls are forever, and friends are a dime a dozen."
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that he can meet someone to go to counseling with.

JustSteve · 02-08-2008, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Coot

You said that you INVITED him to your wedding, but you sound like it was really a command to appear.

Invitations are available to be accepted or declined. He declined. A wedding is about two people commencing a life together. It isn't a social scorekeeping event.

Very good point..however, in my opinion....as the poster remarked, it's a once in a life time event (hopefully) that is very special and it's a pleasure to share that event with close friends and family. If weddings were intended to soley be based on two people's commencment, then people would just go to the Justice of the Peace and have a "marriage". A wedding is a public celebration of the beginning of loving couple's lifelong commitment to each other. Celebrations are intended to be shared with those close to you.

Birthdays can be special for people as well..but you have one of those once a year (hopefully) and outside of a large extended family gathering (such as Grantspastor proposed) then you can take a gf out to on another night. But maybe that's just me. I have either been either deployed or working, sometimes both for most of my past 17 birthdays. I don't get too caught up on the whole "special day" thing.

I feel his buddy is blowing off his friend because of said gf...a gf who he is attending counseling with...if a dating couple cannot get along without outside professional help, then that relationship needs to dissolve. When I test drive a new car and it doesn't seem right, I don't run it to the mechanic for a eval/tune up. I go look for a different car.

That old line about relationships being about compromise is a load of dung. Compromises eventually turn into regret and animosity. Again, in my opinion, a true wonderous relationship is all about compatability. Two people who just click together. That may be one who needlepoints at home while the other fishes for weeks on end..that's fine..as long as neither one of them feels like they "might as well, don't have anything else to do".

to the OP..good luck on your nuptiuals. Communicate communicate, communicate. Did I mention communication? (with your spouse, not with ifish

) Don't ever go to bed angry. May make for some sleepless nights but get past the anger phase of whatever disagreement there may be.

sTeve

Hunter56787 · 02-08-2008, 11:10 AM

Time will tell, but for now I would work on your own back yard. The right Woman can make your life a blessing and the not so right woman can make you live in the worst hell you will ever know. Relish your time and your best friend is the Lady your marrying and that friendship is for life . Congrats!

jokester · 02-08-2008, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 69scout

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that he can meet someone to go to counseling with.

Now that's funny right there!!

-jokester

marked trail · 02-08-2008, 10:29 PM

I do not understand what is meant by your phrases " quite a while", and "ages". You want to convey some idea about temporal relationships, and they need more definition. Does 'quite a while' mean 6 months, 6 years or 16 years. Guy talk is sometimes confusing. One year of time sometimes seems like 'ages'.

There seems to be an urgency in your wording in this thread, and I'm not sure your friend is realy a "close friend". Let him live his life, and you should live your life.

Are you really able to be an intimate friend with this guy, anyway? Let him satisfy his wants and needs, and don't worry so much about yours in this case.
This lady friend could prove to be important in his life.

Just my $.02, so don't think I'm giving professional advice by any means. You could be quite off base in your concerns, I have a valid feeling about this matter. Maybe I'm off base.

StickFish · 02-08-2008, 11:16 PM

I've sort of stayed out of this one, but OK - here goes.

Shortly b4 our wedding my wife 2b and one of my dear friends had a knock down drag out fight. Pretty much over my bachelor party. Get this, my friends wife was making my wife 2b's dress.

Lets just say with less than a week to go we were on pins and needles. She finished the dress and he delivered it. I was crushed - neither attended our wedding. At the time did I miss them, I barely remember being there, well except for the ring rot on my finger and some pictures of us - two of which show me dancing - quiver. That folks is 2 of five times I've danced. For my sanity the other three were not photographed - thank god.

My only life long friend, outside of my direct family members, that attended my wedding, I've lost contact with. None of my other close friends from high school attended, none of my friends from college attended other than a couple of my Professors. Not one of our wedding party do we even have a phone number for; My best man, the matron of honor, the groomsmen, the bridesmaids, not even the ushers. That was 19 years ago this September.

My one friend who couldn't make it, who on the day before our wedding delivered my wife's dress and didn't attend is still my friend, my hunting partner, the one who is there to help with a mountain of tuna on a hot Sunday afternoon, the guy who calls me when he has an elk down, someone I can say - lets go grab a beer or a show. He helped me learn Fall Chinook Fishing on the Columbia. Helped me catch Twig #1's first Chinook. Helped me drag so many deer out of the woods I can't remember and me the same. Drug me out in the woods to shoot 1,000 rounds of 223 cause I was having a bad day. Took me hunting when all I wanted to do was hide.

What am I trying to say. He's your friend. Don't count him out. Sure, I was disappointed that he and his wife were not at "our" wedding. The few years that followed were shall we say uncomfortable, but through his patience and mine, he thankfully is someone I can still call a friend.

Go celebrate your wedding. Have a great time. Just remember, your buddy who isn't there might need you when this is all over and you the same

PS: Congratulations by the way

69scout · 02-09-2008, 02:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marked trail

I do not understand what is meant by your phrases " quite a while", and "ages". You want to convey some idea about temporal relationships, and they need more definition. Does 'quite a while' mean 6 months, 6 years or 16 years. Guy talk is sometimes confusing. One year of time sometimes seems like 'ages'.

There seems to be an urgency in your wording in this thread, and I'm not sure your friend is realy a "close friend". Let him live his life, and you should live your life.

Are you really able to be an intimate friend with this guy, anyway? Let him satisfy his wants and needs, and don't worry so much about yours in this case.
This lady friend could prove to be important in his life.

Just my $.02, so don't think I'm giving professional advice by any means. You could be quite off base in your concerns, I have a valid feeling about this matter. Maybe I'm off base.

I'm not saying she is not important. But we are close friends, for more then a decade. We've done everything together (Well not everything). Through thick and thin we've always been there for each other. Even when I met my fiancee. Still had time for my buddy, had my priorty straight. My fiancee understands, that's what I love about her, UNDERSTANDING!!!! Like I said before, I am happy for him that he can meet someone special, and I hope she treats him right (Vice Versa). Just would like to have my buddy be there for me when I'm praying to the Porcelain God.....

Chrome Bumper · 02-09-2008, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by STGRule

It appears he isn't thinking with the brain in his head. It is amazing what lust will do to somewhat reasonable men.....

I wanted to say that but didn't want to offend anyone since there are gals reading this.

Set you friend free, let him learn from his mistakes.

fishkisser · 02-09-2008, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 69scout

I know its only an invite, but just being respectful he would show. But he should get his priority straight. My motto is "Friends are forever, girls are a dime a dozen." To him "Girls are forever, and friends are a dime a dozen."
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that he can meet someone to go to counseling with.

Maybe you should tell your Wife to be ,your statement on friends and girls ...

Just because your friend is taking care of his prioritys first it shouldn't end a real friendship ...

Your just not the center of his attention at the moment ...

water and sky · 02-10-2008, 07:55 AM

If this were some movie script, ok, there needs to be a "right" or a "wrong". But, this is your LIFE. You get to decide what these actions mean. Either his priorities are "wrong" and you hold it against him, or you just roll with it and move forward.

It's hard enough to merge two people's lives together in marriage or romance. Focus on that. Your buddy is trying to work out his own partnership. It aint perfect. It's real. If you only want perfect friends - good luck.