Almost moved over to the swishy side.

[Paddlefish]

Quite a number of years back, my then-wife took our kids to a borrowed cabin on Mt. Hood for several days of snowplay during their spring break. I had to work but planned to join them for the final weekend.

During her absence, I thought I'd spring a big surprise on her.

I'm not sure whether the wooden front door on our house had been painted or stained or both-gone-wrong. It was a definite dark brown shade -- not the envy of anyone driving by.

She'd always wanted it to be purple.

So, while she was out of town, I took advantage of the opportunity to paint it purple. "What a great surprise!" thought I. "I'll be the hero!" (Don't ask about painting an exterior door in the dark, in 40 degree weather, when you can't completely close it because of the wet paint.)

Misson accomplished, I joined the rest of the family for the weekend. Shortly after my arrival, after spending my several days of "bachelorhood" at home, the lady in question noticed hints of purple paint around the cuticles of my fingernails, where my midnight paintbrush cleaning had apparently left some purple residue.

"Is that nail polish?" (Asked with a ver-r-ry serious face.)

Not wanting to give away the anticipated big door surprise before she could get home to see it in person, I hesitated, hemmed and hawed, stammered and stalled, but didn't offer much of an answer.

That's when I saw the really-most-scariest-Godzilla-doesn't-want-any-part-of-this face I think I've ever seen from a woman -- or anything else.

After some quick consideration, and deciding that I preferred my blood to be contained within its previously appointed veins and arteries, I admitted to the door painting caper.

The crisis was defused, for the moment anyway, though I thought I could hear a ticking sound all weekend, up until she actually saw the purple door.

It proved so successful, in fact, that, the following summer, I decided to paint a couple of front yard light fixtures the same color.

"I can't believe you talked Dad into painting those purple instead of their original black," said my oldest daughter, while visiting.

"It was all his idea!"

I can't believe that I was that brave.

[Splash]

Wait until the purple fades.

[Hogmaster]

Not sure which one(s), but that story has serious MAN LAW violation written all over it!

[ampersat]

A few acceptable "man answers" would have been:
I was helping a buddy paint some kwikfish purple for the upcoming springer season; he owes me a springer trip and some beer for this.
I changed the fluid in the 4x4 transfer case and the hand cleaner caused the ATF fluid to stain my fingers.
That shade of purple is from the PVC pipe adhesive (don't explain why you were using PVC pipe adhesive though; let her ask)

Nice surprise though. Too bad it couldn't stay a surprise until it was a surprise.

[Chrome Bumper]

Originally Posted by ampersat

A few acceptable "man answers" would have been:
I was helping a buddy paint some kwikfish purple for the upcoming springer season; he owes me a springer trip and some beer for this.
I changed the fluid in the 4x4 transfer case and the hand cleaner caused the ATF fluid to stain my fingers.
That shade of purple is from the PVC pipe adhesive (don't explain why you were using PVC pipe adhesive though; let her ask)

Nice surprise though. Too bad it couldn't stay a surprise until it was a surprise.

I have used every one of those, you just don't need the look:

That's when I saw the really-most-scariest-Godzilla-doesn't-want-any-part-of-this face I think I've ever seen from a woman -- or anything else.