What to do about the X

sliverslinger · 01-22-2008, 04:50 PM

Well my X had this stupid restraining oder on me for the last year to where I could not see my 2 boys. Well the year has passed and I sent her an email to see if I could pick them up this coming weekend (my weekend) and she said that she would rather me not see them and that she was going to go in and get the order renewed. What can I do about her? I have not had any contact with her or my boys in over a year. I think it is just a power and control thing, and as long as she has it everything is great.

matttheduck · 01-22-2008, 05:02 PM

Lawyer up.

sliverslinger · 01-22-2008, 05:07 PM

I wonder if I can get a court appointed one. I cannot afford a lawyer. I know I am in the wrong business , They get 100+ per hour.

huntercgr · 01-22-2008, 06:02 PM

1st question: Did you not request a hearing after you were served the 1st time?

2nd question: Is there something in the divorce settlement stating parenting/visitation?

PapaHog · 01-22-2008, 06:16 PM

You need legal assistance and this probably won't be cheap. My son spent 30 thousand dollars in a custody/visitation dispute. He won but it was not cheap.

nobrownline · 01-22-2008, 06:19 PM

If you want to see your kids you CAN'T afford not to get a lawyer. Call some nonprofit organizations.

fishkisser · 01-22-2008, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sliverslinger2001

I wonder if I can get a court appointed one. I cannot afford a lawyer. I know I am in the wrong business , They get 100+ per hour.

The good ones get 200-300 $ per hour be prepared to spend some serious change on this one ...
And don't repeat the actions that gave Her the upper hand in the first place ...

AyeFish · 01-22-2008, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fishkisser

don't repeat the actions that gave Her the upper hand in the first place ...

sliverslinger · 01-22-2008, 07:06 PM

She told me to sign over my rights for the longest time then after she pulled the last restraining order I finally agreed. I had a lawyer set up all the paperwork and send it to her but she then said over her dead body.
I think she is as fruity as Brittney Spears. One time she wants one thing then just to turn around and want something totally different. I dont know what to do here. Just give up on them, I know she is just trying to keep them from me.

And I am the one who went thru the domestic violence classes

She is the one who is using power and control, using the children as pawns, mental abuse, psychological abuse.

Heck , I give up!

bait dunker · 01-22-2008, 08:32 PM

Hang in there! Im in a simular situation. my girlfriends restraining order didnt stick because she was caught lying to the judge, not to mention i didnt do anything wrong. dont give up on your kids. you can apply to the bar for legal aide. its a greatly reduced attorney fee. maybe if your lucky she wont be able to lawyer up? these are your boys, in sure your pride and joy. you might have made some mistakes in the past but keep your cool, and DONT REPEAT THEM! one thing i cant tell you, the best way to fight with a woman is to not say a word, it will driver her nuts and will make her the loudmouth screaming lunitic. she isnt the first power tripping maniac out there, the judges see them every day. get parenting time, agree to curbside pick up and no contact with her except maybe text messages to arrange pick up and drop off times. she doesnt want you to terminate rights because she wants the child support, use that as a barganing chip. in oregon if she refuses parenting time the judge can suspend the support order. remember , take baby steps, think everything out well before you say anything to her and keep your cool. write everything down, and document, document, document! good luck!

Don Becker · 01-22-2008, 08:52 PM

There may be some help here: http://www.osbar.org/public/ris/ris.html#referral . Read on down including the "Modest Means Program." Best wishes. Don

wthr4d · 01-22-2008, 10:06 PM

call the oregon bar association. they will give you the names of lawyers that will give you a consult for $35. at the very least you will know what your chances are before you shell out cash. they might even be able to help you find a pro bono or adjusted income service.

paul

sliverslinger · 01-23-2008, 04:20 AM

Thanks for all the info guys, I will get hold of them and see if they can help.

Musicman · 01-23-2008, 04:27 AM

YOU need to fight for your right to be involved in your childrens lives...period...visitation should be at a minimum as far as your involvement goes.
I feel men are too passive when it comes to fighting Mom to see the kids. You don't have to be a jerk, just assertive and straightforward....not gonna be cheap but it's worth it. Good luck.

huntercgr · 01-23-2008, 04:53 AM

I find it odd you didn't answer my questions. Which is fine, that too is your right.

jvp · 01-23-2008, 05:56 AM

my wife had her x go to the da and they had an arbitration hearing for visitation and there are no lawyers and there are no special rights. there are ways without the attorneys, you just have to dig them up.

lost_sailor · 01-23-2008, 07:57 AM

What was the justification for the restraining order? Maybe you're a psycho killer or something.

I've instructed my wife to simply have me killed if she ever wants a divorce.

dixiefisher · 01-23-2008, 09:26 AM

SS,
Don't give up on your boys.....each day that goes by without you seeing them...stacks up against you on this one. These things are ugly....and the system knows that the guy usually bows down during the process. Make every attempt you feasibly can to start seeing them again. And document, document, document. That's all that reallly comes into play. Good luck, I have walked this path, and I feel for you......

Tom H · 01-23-2008, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lost_sailor

What was the justification for the restraining order? Maybe you're a psycho killer or something.

I've instructed my wife to simply have me killed if she ever wants a divorce.

Control ,is what it is ,and our kitty cat laws ,that no matter,what the woman is aways the victim ,when my wife filed papers she automaticly got an RS order ,on me ,the way our system is against us the men . Now to keep every body happy ,there are cases of abuse by men ,but not everyone is abusive ,and you should never abuse another human ................................

Whyme · 01-23-2008, 09:44 AM

Well if ya can not afford a lawyer ya better get learning.
The state statues are on line and so are the guidelines that the judges are suppose to be following. Use this to your advantage. There are support sites on the web that can give ya some advice from lawyers from other state.
Look for dads divorce web site and ya can git some free advice and use as ya see fit.
I'm going through the same thing and these folks have helped keep my head on straight. They have links to all of the state laws and read, read,read.
You can beet this. Always get the advice of a lawyer.

AuntyM · 01-23-2008, 10:21 AM

Get a lawyer and go to court. Your situation is so common it's tragic. My ex-daughter-in-law tried to pull the same stuff. The judge wasn't having any of it.

ORhunter · 01-23-2008, 10:31 AM

I wish I could suggest something legal............Can't add to what's already been said...

HntnFsh · 01-23-2008, 02:06 PM

If that restraining order is in effect you better make sure your not violating it by texting her.The legal ramifications can horrible.

My wife is involved in the legal system.I'll ask her if she has any ideas also.May be different up here from Oregon though.

Look into some of the parental rights groups.There are some just for Dads.

I pray this works out well for you.

sliverslinger · 01-23-2008, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by huntercgr

1st question: Did you not request a hearing after you were served the 1st time?

2nd question: Is there something in the divorce settlement stating parenting/visitation?

1, mo I dont not request a hearing becuase I was at fault that time.
2, Yes there is parenting time set in the divorce papers, stating the 2nd and 4th weekend of every month.

Get this christmas falls on the 4th weekend most of the time, She will not let me have them beings we dont celebrate it.

Get this, I was married to her, not her boy toy. But yet I have to go thru him?

huntercgr · 01-23-2008, 06:14 PM

OK, now, if you get re-served a renewal, there should be a form for you to request a hearing. FILL IT OUT. When at that hearing, bring your divorce papers that shows you have parenting times appointed by a judge. And that you are requesting those to be fulfilled.

Any more questions re: more details, feel free to PM me.

And you might want to remove the myspace links.

sliverslinger · 01-23-2008, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by huntercgr

OK, now, if you get re-served a renewal, there should be a form for you to request a hearing. FILL IT OUT. When at that hearing, bring your divorce papers that shows you have parenting times appointed by a judge. And that you are requesting those to be fulfilled.

Any more questions re: more details, feel free to PM me.

And you might want to remove the myspace links.

why, I have them printed off for evidence.

huntercgr · 01-23-2008, 06:43 PM

In the wrong hands the judge won't like it. I couldn't get in to see them, so they might be nothing, so I'm just guessing.

jvp · 01-24-2008, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by huntercgr

In the wrong hands the judge won't like it. I couldn't get in to see them, so they might be nothing, so I'm just guessing.

you can bet she will take your comment to court with her so remove any and all comments about her, her boy toy(lol) etc. no sense in loading the gun that is shooting at you

Whyme · 01-24-2008, 08:03 AM

wel let me get this straight. You have divorce papers that state you have visitation and over the past year you have not been using visitation?
If this is so, not to be mean, but you screwed up. attempt to make those visits. take copy's of your order with you and attempt to receive your kids.
If you are not doing this the court can consider this abandonment.
You must learn that there are things that she can not do, and refuse to let you spend time with them is one. If an order is in place You must do what you can to follow it. If the restraining order dose not have previsions for you visitation time then request a hearing to get your children. Start documenting the times that you are not allowed to see your kids, and take her back to court.
get a lawyer now and see your kids

Mypursuit · 01-24-2008, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by matttheduck

Lawyer up.

Go through this thread and count the number of times you get this advice.

Although everyone is well intended with their suggestions, DO NOT take any legal advice from this forum!

There is expert fishing and outdoor advice to be had on this site but there are no simple answers to you situation.You honestly need professional guidance

Sorry, I was a single parent of 3 for quite a long time and I hate to see a dad separated from his kids.

sliverslinger · 01-24-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whyme

wel let me get this straight. You have divorce papers that state you have visitation and over the past year you have not been using visitation?
If this is so, not to be mean, but you screwed up. attempt to make those visits. take copy's of your order with you and attempt to receive your kids.
If you are not doing this the court can consider this abandonment.
You must learn that there are things that she can not do, and refuse to let you spend time with them is one. If an order is in place You must do what you can to follow it. If the restraining order dose not have previsions for you visitation time then request a hearing to get your children. Start documenting the times that you are not allowed to see your kids, and take her back to court.
get a lawyer now and see your kids

In your first paragraph, you said that I did not takes the steps necessary to see my kids. When she got that restraining order, she put in there that there was to be NO PARENTING TIME, And I cant believe that the stupid judge signed it.

SalmonJeff · 01-24-2008, 03:26 PM

theres got to be more to this story... why was the restraining order given was there an issue of safety for her and the kids???

Tom H · 01-24-2008, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Salmonberry Jeff

theres got to be more to this story... why was the restraining order given was there an issue of safety for her and the kids???

It is how the system is ,I got one too ,the women ( not all but alot of them ) have a resentment ,and the way our system is she can lie like a rug and get one .........

sliverslinger · 01-24-2008, 09:05 PM

The threat was not against her or the kids but to her boyfriend back then. I found out that he was beating my kids for no apparent reason, But how do you prove it when I didnt see it first hand, I just told him that if he did it again, I would show him what it was like, she didnt like that.

And all women have to do nowadays is bring out the crocidile tears and the judges believe every word they say. The judge doesnt even want to hear your side of the story. If you dont believe me, go in to the Tillamook kangaroo court and listen for yourself.