First Time Dad, the good and the bad.

Penobscot · 01-18-2008, 10:15 PM

I found out a few months back that my wife and I would be having our first baby around the 4th of July. Very Happy and excited. About a week later, I found out two of my best friends would be having their first a few weeks after us. First buddy and his wife suffered their second miscarriage, at about 12 weeks. Second buddy finds out there are serious genetic deformities with their's, putting mother and child at severe risk. 2 Other MD opinions confirm this.

Now we are very nervous for us, sad for our friends, and feeling very lucky.

dixiefisher · 01-19-2008, 05:14 AM

congrats on your soon to be arrival....and i am very sorry to hear about your friends......life is pretty brutal sometimes....my boy was born with cerebral palsey and later (age 2)....was diagnosed with autism....it has been the toughest road to travel......and from what I have learned on my journey is......cross that bridge when you get there!....shot nerves at this point won't help a thing.....plus, you'll need em soon enough.......

Pink Salmon · 01-19-2008, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penobscot

I found out a few months back that my wife and I would be having our first baby around the 4th of July. Very Happy and excited. About a week later, I found out two of my best friends would be having their first a few weeks after us. First buddy and his wife suffered their second miscarriage, at about 12 weeks. Second buddy finds out there are serious genetic deformities with their's, putting mother and child at severe risk. 2 Other MD opinions confirm this.

Now we are very nervous for us, sad for our friends, and feeling very lucky.

I feel your pain. My wife is 6 months along and on the 2nd of jan. we had a doctors appointment at OHSU in portland. They told us that our baby boy has a calcium deposit in his heart. They told us that there is a 90% is and 10% not ; of having down syndrome. We are scared about this but as long as he comes out health we will be happy. I pray that everything comes out just fine for you guys.

Jeremy

fishstik · 01-19-2008, 10:41 AM

Jeremy,
Back in high school i was responsible for teaching 3 very special people with down syndrome wood shop practices. That was a long time ago and to this day when i see a person with down syndrome they bring a smile to my face. My wife is a couple months along with our (not so planned but welcomed) second child, and at our age this has crossed my mind but not in least would it change anything for me. I sat next to a kid at a mariners game with down syndrome and i dont think out of 50+ thousand people nobody had more fun than him

he made the game for me.

reeldick · 01-21-2008, 01:01 PM

Do what the doctor says and 99+% chance everything will be just fine.
We went through several miscarriages and then our daughter was born with all her fingers and toes.

Joe C · 01-21-2008, 01:06 PM

Don't be nervous about your own situation. As long as you do the basics (no drinking, smoking, caffeine, limited seafood etc.), and listen to the doctors you're doing all you can do. The rest is outta your hands.

People have been having babies for millenia. The odds are more in your favor now than ever before for having a successful birth.

greenbuttskunk · 01-21-2008, 01:17 PM

what Joe C said. Have your wife eat well, stay away for the drinking, smoking, all the bad things that can effect a fetus. Tell her to relax and just enjoy the pregnancy. It's the most amazing aspect of life there is. TRULY!!
It's normal to be a little freaked, but remember most problems can be detected early, and others present themselves through the miscarriage process. I'm happy you both are expecting, and sorry your close friends are not. Loosing a child like it is hard. Still hard for my wife and I a bit after three years.
Try not to feel guilty that you child made it to this point and theirs has not. I know that one may be tough for you wife. Hopefully her friend will understand.
Bottom line is as of now you have a healthy child. Keep relaxed, keep the faith, and have fun with the nesting and prep stages.
Wishing you the best with it!
GBS

Tom H · 01-21-2008, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Penobscot

I found out a few months back that my wife and I would be having our first baby around the 4th of July. Very Happy and excited. About a week later, I found out two of my best friends would be having their first a few weeks after us. First buddy and his wife suffered their second miscarriage, at about 12 weeks. Second buddy finds out there are serious genetic deformities with their's, putting mother and child at severe risk. 2 Other MD opinions confirm this.

Now we are very nervous for us, sad for our friends, and feeling very lucky.

<I would have the pregnacy terminated ,if you know there is going to be a sick little person in this world .This is just my opionion ,not meant to be flamed or flame ,a choice some one else chooses ,I wish them the best ,my self losing a child and having one with a heart condition ... JMHO

CGRFish · 01-21-2008, 02:21 PM

I am nearly speechless at the comment by TomH. Please take it for what it's worth, which is nothing..... You are experiencing one of the neatest times of life, with more than a little added stress from your friend's situation. Do the things you are supposed to do, enjoy the time, and look forward to a great time loving and being loved by a wonderful little person... We experienced several complications in our pregnancy's, and I look back on every on of them as an opportunity to develop even more love for the baby. Congratulations - enjoy the moment, and the future will be full of great times.

98ramtough · 01-21-2008, 02:25 PM

I think TomH was talking about the case of the mom and baby being at extreme risk. I agree with him. Let the flames begin...

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGRFish

I am nearly speechless at the comment by TomH. Please take it for what it's worth, which is nothing.....

Threemuch · 01-21-2008, 02:26 PM

Good luck and best wishes, I hope everything turns out fine for you. Stress doesn't help, so try not to think too much about what if's.

Tom H · 01-21-2008, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 98ramtough

I think TomH was talking about the case of the mom and baby being at extreme risk. I agree with him. Let the flames begin...

Thank you and why would you be so selfish as to kill your wife and maybe give birth to a challanged child whos entire life will be awfull

lor · 01-21-2008, 07:20 PM

Tom H, I respect your feeling and opinion on this matter.
But who are we to decide that a persons life is awful, is it possible thier perspective might be somewhat different. I'm not saying a situation won't be a challenge to the parents, but to assume the little guy/girl is gonna feel the same way is a bit of an overstatement.

My wife and I have one child, a very healthy daughter whom we love, we are expecting a second this summer. In none of these births have we for even one moment considered doing any types of test to determine if the child will be healthy. We don't want to know because it will not change our decision on the matter. We will allow the Lord to determine what type of gift he decides to bless our household with and healthy or not, we will love and share with them the beauty of this world and all life has to offer.

dixiefisher · 01-22-2008, 06:46 AM

These kind of choices are what makes America...America.....and everyone's choices are their own. Personally, I would not trade Jacob for the world....would I wish this on another human being......no, absolutley not.....was I nervous throughout my daughter's birth process....absolutely yes......and she came out healthy....and now I have one 'normal modeling' child and one who is not. I can't imagine life without Jacob, and who he is, there are times when that guy has me rolling with the stuff he does and comes up with.
Even though my son has a disability, and there are times when I grieve for his future. I'll stop to look over at him, doing whatever he is doing, and realize that he is happy....and doesn't have a clue 'what the world is suppose' to be like. Heck, there are times when it hits me, that he is enjoying this world in a far better way than I am trouncing along.
I only bring my point of view into the mix to counter the other opinion...and I know this is a BBB....but being respectful of someone, who has an obviously tough thing ahead of them, either way they go, is the proper response IMO. I know most of us responding are parents or soon to be parents....and I can't imagine a tougher thing to deal with....

Paul Touchton

Eagleclaw · 01-22-2008, 06:57 AM

Tom,

I have a brother with Downs and if you ask him and everyone that knows him they will tell you his life isn't awful... that was a hurtful and ignorant thing to say. He's the sweetest and kindest person i know. You have your opionion and I have mine but i'm just glad my parents didnt listen to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom H

Thank you and why would you be so selfish as to kill your wife and maybe give birth to a challanged child whos entire life will be awfull