Anyone have experience with Alzheimers?

[backlash442]

Was wondering if anyone has had a parent develop Alzheimers. How did you deal with the legal matters of power of attorney, driving, etc. My dad was recently diagnosed with it. Seems to have about 90% of his memory etc. but have noticed a few dings on the car. Wondering at what point do you take the keys away? When do you step in and start taking control of their lives? I know it's not an easy answer but any insight is much appreciated and PM's welcome.

[cptdarel]

You might get hold of an atty that does family law, having him sign a power of atty, may not give you the right to conservertorship, he still has some rights, and keep the state out of it. Adult Protective Services.

[Fast Water]

Originally Posted by backlash442

Wondering at what point do you take the keys away? When do you step in and start taking control of their lives?

Take a drive with him. Let him drive you to the store or to the river.

Do an assessment of his skills (quietly) and determine his level of competency. Talk to your family members about your findings and determine a course of action.

Let your parents know NOW for your concern of their safety and well being and how you plan to assist them as the year(s) go by.

Talk abut this often and as "matter of fact" as you can. If you have Brothers and/or Sisters, please try to be on the same page delivering the same level of concern and working toward the same goals.

[OceanBlue]

Originally Posted by Fast Water

Take a drive with him. Let him drive you to the store or to the river.

Do an assessment of his skills (quietly) and determine his level of competency. Talk to your family members about your findings and determine a course of action.

Let your parents know NOW for your concern of their safety and well being and how you plan to assist them as the year(s) go by.

Talk abut this often and as "matter of fact" as you can. If you have Brothers and/or Sisters, please try to be on the same page delivering the same level of concern and working toward the same goals.

This is a tough one because his driving might be fine today, but tomorrow he might forget which pedal does what and accellerate into a bus-stop full of kids.

It's better to get him to make the decision himself, or have a chat with the doc to get his/her opinion.

The news is likely devastating and still sinking in. So it might be better to hit him while he's already trying to absorb what's happening to him, or it might be better to wait. You know him best and how he might react.

Have a conversation with dad in the morning if he seems to get worse toward evening.

Power of attorney, living wills, advance directives should all be dealt with NOW. Consult an attorney who is an expert on senior issues to properly plan for the inevitable.
Do it NOW - especially if your dad will be medicaid dependent.

Pick up a copy of a book called "the 36 hour day" - it will help you understand what you're in for with dementia and how to deal with it - from a care-giver perspective. Even if you're not the caregiver, you'll need to understand how to make it "okay" for your dad when he's having a difficult time with reality or forgetfulness.

Backlash, feel free to get in touch if you need more info. Andy and I are experiencing the difficulties of dealing with a relative with dementia and know first-hand some of the logistical/financial pitfalls to watch out for.

[fineline]

A good friend and fellow fisherman took care of his wife who had Alzheimers for years, in the end she outlasted him. It's not good. Seems like this link that leads to the Alzheimers Association website may be of help. http://www.alz.org/ Check out the EDUCATION CENTER.

[backlash442]

Main problem as I see it is my dad is stubborn. Doesn't listen to anyone. Matter of fact he'll do the exact opposite of what you suggest. Mom passed away several years ago so since then he's been more or less a bump on a log. No hobbies, interests, nothing. Not good for the brain. He doesn't even read books anymore.

Am trying to get all the legal stuff taken care of now. He has a will and living trust but the will needs to be updated. Trying to get that taken care of this week.

I've followed him while driving. Seemed ok to me. He stays off the freeways and will only drive back roads. Hard to attribute his dings to the disease or age and the loss of depth perception. But the memory is going for sure.

Thanks for the info. I'm going to look up advanced directive.

[OceanBlue]

You will definitely have an uphill battle then. Is he living alone now?

[CATCH AND EAT]

Get everything you can done now. Especially on the money side of things. Predators out there prey on folks like your dad and believe me your dad will write checks to the Olie North Defense plan for $5000. Update the will and powers of attorneys that need to be in order. Make sure your bros and sisters are involved and kept up to date.

We've been through this twice now with my wifes parents. Not Altzheimers but strokes. What a mess!. Do it now and really have a hear to heart. Like Jen said, it can become day to day really fast.

Sorry for the bad news. It is a terrible disease.

[backlash442]

No he lives with his older sister. Sort of. He spends the night at her place then goes to his. Yeah it's weird but again that stubborness. Been doing this for over 2 years.

Notified brother but virtually no comment other than thanks for the call. That's not to say he wouldn't help and I'm sure it was a shock to hear. Sure was for me and I was expecting it. Sister, well she's a nut case and has her own problems. No help there and would probably only make matters worse as the stress of being around her can be intense to say the least. Ok airing some family laundry here.

I'm just glad my wife has a good heart. She was there everyday when my mom was dying of cancer. Even had to change her and that couldn't have been easy from someone who didn't really like her. She always joked that she's going to heaven for that. Some how I think the Alzheimers is going to be much worse.

[Jsail]

Originally Posted by backlash442

Was wondering if anyone has had a parent develop Alzheimers. How did you deal with the legal matters of power of attorney, driving, etc.
I planted the seed about the legal matters early on. It's not a bad subject just a touchy one. Mostly I jusst asked what he wanted done if xyz happened and how would he like me to do it. He figured it out.
As for the driving, be careful that you don't end up being perceived as the guy who took away the freedom. Call the doctor and tell him your concerns. He's probably had to do this before and it's Ok if he does it as compared to you. Be his loving son and go with him into this dark place, it'll make a huge difference in his percetion of the un-known he has in front of him. Take control as things develope; ask him if he would like you to help pay the bills or balance the check book rather than taking it away from him and doing it. People with alzheimers will gete angry for a number of reasons as this developes. Don't take it personal, you'd be angry too.
The right doctor will answer a lot of the questions for you.

My dad was recently diagnosed with it. Seems to have about 90% of his memory etc. but have noticed a few dings on the car. Wondering at what point do you take the keys away? When do you step in and start taking control of their lives? I know it's not an easy answer but any insight is much appreciated and PM's welcome.

[Joe C]

One thing to think of. When my grandma was first showing the signs of alzheimers, my dad sat down with a videocamera and basically interviewed her about her life. (this is actually a good idea to do before a relative gets alzheimers, but at the very least you can do it before the symptoms get too bad).

He had a list of questions about her parents, her vacations, her friends, her old jobs, raising her kids, etc...

All those things will fade if you don't capture them soon. If the videocamera sounds odd, maybe a tape recorder, or just take notes after talking with them.

[OceanBlue]

As Jsail mentioned - finances & independence in general are a touchy subject. As the disease progresses, his paranoia will, too. That's the number one reason for getting the POA and other financial issues taken care of early on. He will grow increasing distrustful of the people closest to him. He will hide things - money, important papers, etc. Of course when he loses track of it, someone will have "stolen it" from him. You may be accused of all sorts of heinous mis-deeds. It's not him talking, but the disease. It will hurt, but you need to remind yourself that this is not your father.

You will start to pretty easily identify when he's "there" and when he's not.

If he's entitled to VA benefits for assistance, get the paperwork rolling for that. I know of a couple of cases that have taken over a year to process and pay out.

Think about guardianship and conservatorship. Ask your dad who he wants making medical/welfare decisions for him (guardian) and who he wants taking care of his finances (conservatorship). Make sure all family members are on board with his decisions and kept abreast of what's happening. This disease will either bring the family closer together or rip it apart. Much easier if the family comes together.

[backlash442]

Video sounds like a great idea. Only my dad is refered to as "secret agent man". He doesn't talk about anything. Keeps it all inside. Lots of emotional issues from growing up in Foster Care. There are some deep dark secrets and in fact has completely blocked several years of his life out. I certainly don't take after him. So you can kind of get an idea of what I'm dealing with and am going to have to deal with.

I've been going to the doctor with him lately. It was me who made the appointment to get him checked out because of his memory. In fact I didn't even tell him why he had to go see the doctor. It was his last visit in which the doctor said he didn't think he was going to develop alzheimers but in fact he already had it. All this since mid August believe it or not. The doctor feels it's a tough call on the driving as well as P.of A. Especially if he wants to fight it. Doesn't think a judge would grant it at this stage. On top of this my dad keeps "forgetting" to take his medication for memory loss. Yeah it's going to be tough.

He should have VA benefits. I'll check into that. Again thanks so much for the information.

[Pelican]

Yes, my father, for eight years. Aricept kept the disease at bay for about six years, then a downward spiral.

Legal
Talk to him a little bit, real easy like, every week about the need for a “Durable Power of Attorney”, same thing for his Living Will, and final Will “Dad, I want to take care of you, and you’ve got to help me with this now so that I can protect you in the future”. Don’t try to horse him into it. Finesse. Patience. All ducks in row prior to meeting with attorney.

Think “Safety”.
After watching him nearly buzz off hand on his tablesaw, I secretly opened the control box and safely removed electrical power, then buttoned everything back up like normal. He soon gave up making his fireplace kindling with it, gave it a few choice words and forgot about it. I made the kindling thereafter.
Two car wrecks - I drove his vehicle away and parked it at my place. Told him he sold it.
Professional Care
Begin now visiting Alzheimers Care facilities. Don’t swoon over fancy wallpaper, fine carpets and beautiful furniture. Ask to see the weekly roster of who’s on duty. Note the staff to patient ratio. Dad’s place was not modern but the ratio was a healthy 1:1. Also there were 4 RN’s on staff. Listen to the Nursing Supervisors! They will coach you on managing the transition from home to facility, especially the first day. Thereafter, get to know the ward staff and I do mean get to know them personally. That, and your frequent visits at different hours will impress on upon them to really look after your dad.

It will be hard. It is life. It is a demonstration of your love.

[Chug]

We just had a Search Monday night For a missing Fellow ( found safe). But Yamhill county is the first in the state of Oregon to Use a system for tracking Alzheimers & Autisic (Sp) Called "Project Life Saver". Using a radio tracking device. When subject goes missing or Just walks away, they call a Phone number. We get Activated, Run the Scanners. Most are found with in .30 minutes of the phone call. due to the Range of signals. Our Helo is also mounted with Antenna.

Other SAR Counties are now, starting to adopt this program. For Rescue of lost person/Childs. To locate faster & keeps from Harms way.

Pm. If you want more details.

Just add the WWW's.
projectlifesaver.org/site/

[backlash442]

Dad's supposed to be taking Aricept (sp?) but isn't good at taking them. More stubborn than anything else. Doctor started him on it mid August but he's probably taken less than half of the dosage he's supposed to. Same goes for his b.p. medication.

I've thought about the tracking device although he's a long ways from needing something like that. It could literally be years before he got to that level.

[Hell-B]

Get the book "Learning to speak Alzheimer's" It is really a help.

Try to get the power of attorney done now. It will become invaluable in the future.

The sooner you get everything in order, the better. It progresses quite rapidly and things become even more difficult.

Good Luck it is a learning experience.