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Chromer
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Portland, OR, USA
Posts: 901
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River Hazard Alert!..Law Enforcement Edition
All Willamette River boaters be advised, a hazardous boat driver is in the vacinity! I was anchored with the tightly distributed fleet off of the Clakamas, when a large twin screw boat, moving downstream amoung us, suddently jammed it into reverse, turned 90 degrees about 30' in front of my boat, and then punched it across the river. Of course, he took my anchor rope and smaller boat with him (dog barking, girlfried screaming, horn sounding, lines dragging, dinner on the floor).
This boat is very easy to recognize. It is green and black and white, and about 26'long. The two aboard, always wear shorts. The vessel also has a battering ram style shore anchor, matching sparkly red and blue ornaments over the wheelhouse, and is further marked and identifiable with a golden star on each side. The the markings "Sheriff boat #1" in big gold painted letters, can also be observed.
After the skipper shut down, I pulled in the excess rope to bring the two boats together while he tried to unsnarl my rope from his drive train. I steered upstream, so as to not drift back into other boats. But skippy over there kept his boat pointed downstream, so with his power out, my 18' boat alone could not maintain our position. We just spun and drifted downstream like a pair of glued together pigeons in a crash dive, as I attempted, pretty much on my own, to keep the boats from slamming into each other and everyone downstream. It was late afternoon and most of the boats had cleared out, or I'm quite certain you would be reading about this in the Oregonian.
To his defense, he had his hands full, as his partner apparently did not know a channel marker from a pair of uncovered tan lined breasts on the beach. At one point, the skipper said to his parnter "OK..engauge that outdrive!", yet 'flipper' didn't move or even take his hands off his hips (Duhhhh...what????). Maybe he forgot that he was at work and that even a state job requires that you actually do something besides standing there looking official (while tweetie birds sing in his head). If not for his uniform, I swear I would have said "are you stoned or just stupid?", so instead opted with a slightly less insulting "Well... you brough your diving gear along, didn't you?". (Got some good laughs from boats around the area with that one).
If not for the fact that I had to stay on my boat to keep it from slamming into the sherrif boat, I would have boarded and took over the controls for him, with or without being asked. I suspect that if not for their 9mm's, the fleet would have converged on them with cannonballs and flare guns. (Oops!..Sorry! Didn't mean to cast that eight ounce led through your windshield!"). Does anyone know?... Do they just rotate these guys in from crowd control detail, or do they first make sure they can swim?
Seriously now, no hard feelings there skippy. Everyone makes mistakes, even 'abudee abudee you of all people should know better' stupid ones from time to time. But if this is the #1 crew, I shutter to think about the maritime competence of the B teams!
I've had one other recent experience with the Multmomah County Sherrif Boats, recently which is MUCH more publishworthy, and the REAL reason why I am taking the time to write this and forward it to the Marine Board and Coast Guard....
A few weeks ago, as fate would have it, I came to need to entrust my boat to this department for a short time. They assured me that it would be towed to safety, as it was anchored dead center mid channel off the top of Govmt. Island, main channel side, AND at night.... that bottleneck accross from that other island, where the main channel is swift and narrow.
In fact, they did not tow it...they left it right where it was, unmanned, keys in the ignition, electronics on the dash, with thousands in gear and tackle aboard. BELIEVE THIS OR NOT...they did however return to my boat, and turned the lights off (with witnesses watching), so as to "conserve battery power"..????????...before leaving it there in the dark ALL NIGHT LONG!!! I feel incredibly fortunate that I was not royally ripped off, let alone my boat destroyed by a passing ship or barge. (It's hard to catch fish from an IOU from the county for a new boat, as they do not float well).
The stupidity and irresponsibiliy of these 'officers' (clowns) is like something from the Ripley's "Believe it or not" files. These boys need both complete training, and IQ tests. In the mean time, their state owned (free) vessels and wheapons, should be replaced with inflatable row boats and wiffle ball bats, as they have no business being out there until then. In the mean time, the rest of us competent and responsible boaters comparatively speaking should, be isued ticket books and anti-sherrif boat torpedoes.
These 'officers' committed that day, at least three violations of maritime law, and who knows how many infractions of state and county ordinances....the very same laws we are paying them to enforce, no less. They caused and then even worsened a significant navigation hazard, and imperiled both property and lives. They are NOT competent, nor responsible enough, to protect our waterways (even from themselves), and they have no business galivanting around in an overpriced twin screw boats our taxes paid for, until they recieve adequate training in boater safety as well as in the law, both of which we all are tested on.
From now on, when I see a Multnomah County Sheriff patrol boat in the water, I am going to full on self preservation red alert status. I will switch to channel 9, fire up and be ready to dodge at any moment, and the next time I see one of them blow it, or do something illegal, I will be crying bloody murder to the Coast Guard. )"May Day, May Day, May Day... state funded numbskull on colission course!" I wonder if a citizen's arrest would be appropriate.
"Pon pon, pon pon, pon pon....Destroyer in the vacinity!..all vessels take defensive postures!" If you hear that coming over your VHS, you'll know what it's about and what to watch out for, no matter what, NEVER surrender your vessel to Mulnomah County sheriffs. Remember, under maritime law, on a navicable water way, your boat is a autonomous nation. No one, including the sheriff, may board your vessel without permission or due cause (the rules for which are a great deal more stringent than probable cause), and doing so is legally defined in all modern countries as an act of war.
Safe Boating Everyone!!
[ 06-18-2001: Message edited by: ********* ]
[ 06-18-2001: Message edited by: ********* ]
[ 06-18-2001: Message edited by: ********* ]
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