Tuesday Morning Funnies

[jokester]

Found these today and had a good laugh. Enjoy! :grin:

You know you're not so young anymore when...

You're the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.
You're smiling all the time because you can't hear a thing anyone is saying.
You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
You're aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as yours.
You're very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).
You're not grouchy; you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
You're having trouble remembering simple words like...umm...like...
You're a walking storeroom of facts, however, you've lost the key to the storeroom door.
You realize that aging is not for wimps.
You enjoy watching the news.
The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.
The only reason you're still awake at 4 am is indigestion.
People ask what color your hair USED to be.
You're proud of your lawn mower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking any laws.
You start singing along with the elevator music.
You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
Your car has four doors.
You routinely check the oil in your car.
You've owned clothes so long that they've gone back into style - TWICE.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".
You don't remember when you got that mole or the one next to it.
You write thank you notes without being told.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
You answer a question with, "Because I said so!"
Others ask for your recipes.
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You paint your apartment walls for a reason other than getting your deposit back.
You don't like to drive after dark.
You say the words, "Turn that music down!"
You wear black socks with sandals.
You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
You point out what buildings used to be where.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
You rake the yard without being told to.
You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.


-jokester

[pdxkevin]

that's a good one.

what about when you catch your self saying... "when I was your age.."

[Dullhook]

Good stuff brother, I can definitely relate to some of these and one of these days so will you!

Here's a few more. You know that you're gettin' old when:

1. "Getting lucky" means you find your car in a parking lot.
2. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
3. Your wife says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey I can't do both!"
4. "Getting a little action" means you don't have to take any fibre today.
5. A pretty gal catches your attention and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
6. An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee.
7. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

The "golden years" indeed!

[Rainman]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING "MARVELOUSLY MATURE" WHEN.....
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
At the breakfast table you hear "snap, crackle, pop" and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

[letsfish]

How about an increasing interest in the obits? My grandmother read them like some guys do the sports page. Now in my fifties, I find myself taking an occasional glance.