State of the Union Address

Hemingway · 03-26-2001, 09:53 AM

Once upon a time

There was a man named Reeldeepheadinthesand TruthasIknowit. He was a large guy who thought he was wise in the ways of fish. He walked with a limp, and wore a broad smile most of the time. He could tell a joke with the best of the crew and was liked from shore to shore. He captained the controls of a vessel that was christened the "ifish". This vessel started off as a dingy but grew in length each day. The vessel grew from a dingy to a ship in a matter of a few years. The "ifish" was known to sail all the waters of the Pacific NW. The crew aboard the "ifish" was made up of a diverse crowd. There were sailors from past military excursions to dock workers. Most (not all) of them had a checkered past and they were accepted for who they were. Reeldeepheadinthesand TruthasIknowit welcomed all aboard and held no negative judgement of them with the following exceptions. Gill netters and Republicans were considered to be the lowest workers aboard this vessel. Their words were suppressed and shown to be not in the proper way of thinking with the captain. They were free to speak, but each time Reeldeepheadinthesand TruthasIknowit would immediately point out how wrong they were.

The owner of the "ifish" thought she knew where her vessel should be headed and what waters it should fish. She wanted a crew that wore deck slippers and izod shirts. It was her boat and she wanted the deck swabbed daily because you never knew when in port a kid may stop by and look at her vessel. It needed to be clean and ship shape. Crew members should greet each other with a smile and go about their daily chores in a happy fashion. She wanted a family boat with front steering, not a fishing vessel with a tiller handle.

Reeldeepheadinthesand TruthasIknowit was of a different character. He liked to run a tiller handle. One that allowed people to kick back and drink a brew and swap stories with the best of the boys. If a kid happened to stop by, welcome aboard were his first words. He didn't cater to the politically correct and let them know the world is real, and rough, and tough. He called it as he saw it. If you are gonna make it on this mans boat you better not blush when he told of tales of past ships that were plundered and women that were left in port.

Well it wasn't long and the owner of the ifish and the captain of the ifish had a disagreement. This had been going on since the dingy first got put in the water, but few ever saw it. The owner of the ifish had been informed by the captain that he had other interest and would not always be at the wheel steering this vessel. The owner needed to make sure the vessel didn't go by the way of the New Carrisa", (another vessel that found rough waters and ran ashore). The owner appointed a Co-captain for the times the captain would not be there. Reeldeepheadinthesand TruthasIknowit wanted to sail around the horn and fill the hull with rum. The owner of the ifish wanted to stay and fish the crystal clear water of the NW. The Co-captain was between the proverbial rock and a hard place and did not take a side. The Co-captain did not know the waters as well as the captain and would not take full control and sail the vessel. The captain knew it had been a long dry winter and there may not be enough water to get this vessel down the river the owner water to fish.

The captain and the owner had there final big disagreement and the owner took the captain's title away from him. This was a sad day for the captain since he had been primarily the sole operator of the vessel. The owner was sad, the captain was sad and they decided to strike out against each other, rather than work together to keep what they both loved (the ifish) in safe waters. This disruption created a huge rift in the crew. Some jumped off the ship to only drown in the waters below. Others ran circles on the ship going no where, accomplishing nothing. The ship was adrift headed for the breakers. The Co-captain wanted to steer the vessel to deep water but didn't know which way to go. The owner felt helpless with no way to communicate with the crew. The vessel was getting extremely close to the breakers with no resolution in site.

It was apparent to the wise ones on the vessel, the owner had been right all along. This was a family boat with front steering rather than a tiller handle because the crew acted like children when the vessel made this direction change. There wasn't one adult response to the situation. It looked like the crew of children were going to bicker and argue amongst themselves rather than work together to get the vessel to deep water.

Pilar · 03-26-2001, 09:58 AM

Where you been Papa? Thanks for putting this all into perspective.

Tell us how to fix it

The bend is your friend!

Osprey · 03-26-2001, 10:05 AM

Thanks Papa,for showing us the error in our ways,I just hope some of us can see the light.....careful it might be a Train [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img] .......Os

Jennie@ifish · 03-26-2001, 02:03 PM

A train...... or a near miss?
What IS a near miss anyhow? I mean, if they didn't hit, then it is a miss, not a near miss, right?
And what about those rear view mirrors that say..."Objects appear closer than they are"
Why don't they fix that?
And if you bought powdered milk, what would you mix it with?
And... further more, if you bought a humidifier and a de humidifier and put them in the same room, which one would win?
I think most of those are Steven Wrights.
So.... hem..... I've been getting requests for Chapter two...
Jen

nipper · 03-26-2001, 03:07 PM

To of my favorite Steven Wright lines:

"I spilled spot remover on my dog, now he's gone"

"If you had everything, where would you put it?"

Cheers,

Nipper

Tanner · 03-26-2001, 03:10 PM

Hey Jen,
I'm in the water restoration business. If you put one of the Drizaire (TM) 150 Dehumidifier up against Sears most powerful Humidifier. The Dehu would kick some serious tail. For a large commercial sized humidifier like they use in large greenhouse growing operations. You would need a larger dessicant dehumidifier. [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]

CAGEY · 03-26-2001, 07:16 PM

Hemmingway, just one word to your post. BRAVO

Starr · 03-26-2001, 07:23 PM

My favorite Steven Wright passage, "all things being equal, fat people use more soap."

03-26-2001, 07:27 PM

I like the way George Carlin puts things.
When travelling aboard an airplane I'm not getting on the plane! No leave that for the daredevils, I'm getting IN the plane.
or
What does a dog do on his days off? Lay around? Hey is'nt that his job?
or
A dog loves you no matter even if you leave him outside all day he is just glad to be with you.
A cat however always looks like it's trying to figure out a way to get into the knife drawer.

Co-captain? More like first mate.

[ 03-26-2001: Message edited by: bigstew ]

Spooled · 03-26-2001, 07:38 PM

Bigstew. You sure that B.B. King dude is not a rapper? [img]images/icons/wink.gif[/img]

03-26-2001, 08:20 PM

BB King a rapper? UGH [img]images/icons/frown.gif[/img] That's almost as bad as saying Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix played disco.
Stew

[ 03-27-2001: Message edited by: bigstew ]

Jennie@ifish · 03-27-2001, 03:46 AM

George Carlin on a bus, accidently sitting on a magazine:
Someone asks him, "You reading that?"
He gets up, turns a page and says...
"yes"
Jennie is asleep getting ready to go Chinook fishing. Couldn't help but giggle though.
Jen

Spooled · 03-27-2001, 05:49 AM

Stevie Ray Vaughan played backwards does sound like Donna Summer [img]images/icons/shocked.gif[/img] . Brother Jimi played backwards sounds the same [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img] .

Bigstew, we gotta get you into some Travis Tritt, George Strait and Brooks & Dunn. You WILL catch more fish.

03-27-2001, 07:40 AM

Me listen to country music?????? No thanks! Have to be a lot of fish and I do mean a lot.
I grew up having to listen to that ....music? and I would have to be tied down and forced to listen to it again. I will watch Faith Hill though....with the volume turned down.

Tanner · 03-27-2001, 08:36 AM

Country Music. Isn't that an oxymoron. There are only two kinds of music I cannot stand: Country and Western. That is unless your talking about the classics. Johnny Cash and Marty Robbins. This crap nowadays is just countrified pop. Travis Twit wouldn't know a horses a$$ from a horses mouth.

Bobber Down · 03-27-2001, 09:53 AM

Hey now about not liking country music. I was going to ask who on this board would like to go along, when Shania goes sturgeon fishing with me. I haven't asked her yet, but I'm sure she'll go. I must be in dream mode, while waiting for boat parts to arrive. See what it does to a person when you don't get to fish.

SteelieSteve · 03-27-2001, 01:02 PM

Hey BigStew Faith has got a great voice but I do agree with the rest of whatcha said; just between us the blues rule! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif[/img]
The worst day fishin is still better than the best day working

SS

bajaspecial · 03-28-2001, 05:27 PM

Well, since SOMEBODY closed the thread entitled "A Simple Solution"...

[ 03-29-2001: Message edited by: bajaspecial ]