Remembering what's really important.

[SilverFly]

I was a bit reluctant to post this on Ifish because it is such a "public" site (so many members) and this is a very personal issue. However I changed my mind after the amazing responses I got on another site.

-----

OK, let me start by saying this is NOT intended as a sappy, "poor-me" post (I have plenty of self-pity as it is ). Instead, I would like to share a "change of perspective" that I have experienced in recent months, which I hope will benefit others.

Let's call it my "reality check" for 2007.

As a few of my internet friends already know, my wife has been fighting breast cancer for the last couple of years. At first we hoped they "got it in time". Unfortunately it metastistized to her bones within a few months. Then it looked like hormone therapy was going to keep it in check, - but that ceased being effective recently (along with the state of denial we were in). Now she is in stage 4 and is back on chemotherapy. At this point a "cure" is extremely unlikely, and we are now hoping chemo will simply buy her more time with a decent quality of life.

While I never thought that I took my wife (and best friend) for granted, I realize now that I did. What I would do for the chance to "do-over" just one out of the last 19 years of marriage. And as much regret as I feel, - she feels even worse. My wife is a "spirited and determined" woman to say the least, and for most of our marriage, she put the bulk of her energies into her work. This is a woman who worked her way to the highest levels of management in a medium/small sized corporation with only a high-school diploma. The reward for her (actually our) sacrifices was to be laid off (along with her self-worth) when the company was sold.

Now we both have to accept how stupid we were for wasting so much time. All those nights "decompressing" by watching mindless TV shows. All those nights she worked late because something just "had" to get done. All those weekends wasted sleeping in or running around doing errands that were pushed off during the week. What I would do to time travel back a few years to whisk her off to a surprise romantic weekend at the beach. What she would do to have spent more time with the kids when they were little.

So here is what we have learned the hard way:

1) You don’t “always have more time”.
2) Corporations are not a “purpose” in life.
3) "Making a living” should never be your “reason for living”.
4) Never let “spending money wisely” prevent you from “spending time wisely”.
5) The bulk of what we worry and argue about is stupid, trivial crap.
6) Every day is a gift.

This year will be different.

My wife is insisting I finish my boat and take her back to Canada this summer, - what a woman!

I just dropped $600 for a 2-night, Valentine’s getaway at the most romantic hotel in Oregon.

Don’t waste a minute of 2007!

(feelfreetothrowthispostbackinmyfacethenexttimeIge tworkedupinsomesillydebate)

[OceanBlue]

THAT was quite possibly the most touching post I've read in a looong time. I didn't get halfway through before tears were flowing unabated.

Thanks for the reminder that every day I should remember just how fortunate I am for my health and the ones I love. It's so easy to lose perspective and think, "why me?" or "there'll be another day."

I wish the best for you and your wife. Bless you both and may you find a miracle. Sounds like you already have, but I'll hope for the other kind, too!

[wishin]

Thank you SilverFly. A much needed reality check for me - thank you.

[greenbuttskunk]

I've got tears in my eyes Silverfly. A TRUELY touching post.
I hope you can give your wife the gift of life every single day. I know your time together will be the greatest times of your marriage.
She sounds like a tremendous person and you are both very lucky to have each other.
I hope many many Ifishers read this and realize it is true what you say.
All we have is NOW, and if we don't cherish the time we have with the one's we love most, then we are missing the greatest blessings in life.
I will continue to get my wife flowers "just because", get that baby sitter each week for "date night", and hug her and say I love you every chance I get. I too am lucky to have a great woman I never want to loose.
Most only get one shot at life, so ya better take your best one.

Your wife, and you will be in the thoughts of all the ifish family my friend.
We wish you all the wisdom and strength to endure the journey and fight ahead.

[Seefood Man]

THANK YOU for sharing. I'm going to give my wife a long, over due
May God bless you and your wife and family during this time.
BTW don't worry about sharing here, as we are family and here for you.
God Bless you all
Sincerely
Nancy & Pete Grace

[hookumhi]

First of all ,Thank you Silverfly for your selfless act of wakeing some of us up from our hypnotic trance of work -life (state). Like you , my wife and I live the same way, but, because of you , I will look at life and live life with my wife more deeply(Thank You) I will pray for you and your wife and you will be in my thoughts . I am not good at expressing myself in text as this and grammaticly I am lacking , but I had to respond to your post and let you know people like me are very appreciative of people like yourself, that while informing us of your situation, wakeing us and reminding us of how precious life really is. God Bless you and your wife and I pray a Miracle will be bestowed on you two very soon.

[StickFish]

Silverfly and Mrs Silverfly - may your valentines get away be a day of joy and love - you both deserve it and I am touched. I hope the day I need to be as strong as you, that I have the courage and strength to do the same.

Live for today - each days an open door

[PapaHog]

Thank you for talking about the really important things in life. My prayers are with you and your wife. May God Bless You Both.

[Capt George]

Silverfly, tears fill my eyes and both sad and happy visions flash before them. I lost my wife of 32 years to Ovarian Cancer, a 16 month struggle. We had those months to immortalize the love we shared with the family we raised.. Use every minute of every day for you and your family. Thank you both both being so brave in the face of such a calamity..

My heart goes out to you and bleeds for you.

Take heed guys, if you have a wife you love, give and do all you can for her. In fact, double all she asks for.........cap'n g

[skein]

Bless you, Silverfly, and your wife. What you describe is the best we ever get in this life. The very best.

Any of you who know me know that I live by the creed that Silverfly outlined above. We don't have the fanciest house, or the nicest boat, or the newest car, but we do have a lot of togetherness and laughter and love. Everything else pales in comparison. One of my saying is "my truck may be dirty, but my wife shines!" I see to it.

But not just by accident. I have a secret, and this may be the perfect opportunity to share it. It's wrapped up in a little verse I wrote for my wife when we had been married 11 years (it's 29 now), and it's as true today as the day we married. It goes like this:

My love,
When I first married you I made a silent vow
To live by one simple creed: Me first.

If one of us needed to say, "I love you"
Then me, first

If one of us needed to say, "I'm sorry"
Then me, first

If one of us needed to wait
Or offer help
Or just listen
Then me, first

And after all these years
Our love has grown and prospered
Because you've always put me first

I love you.


Silverfly, your post is going to touch a lot of hearts and make a difference in a lot of lives. Bless you.

Skein

[Capt George]

skein beautiful!

[Cool Texan]

Silverfly, as a husband, your words mean a lot to me. Thank you for sharing that, this thread just got bookmarked on my computer.

I will pray for the best between you and your wife.

[EULACHON]

Wow ....whata post.

I had been trying to get up enough umpf to put a similar post on the board with all of the people out there who do take life and people around them for granted.

I found out the hard way when a 89 cent c clip broke and I had one of the wildest rides in a helicopter of my life which ended quite quickly when I ran out of altitude

I took a bit of time to realize that I may not have told me better half that I loved her and would see her later did I want the last words she remembered to be where the hells my flight helmet and my lunch as I was rushing around trying not to be late........

As I was laying in the middle of nowhere waiting (hoping) I was going to be found before I became bear food I had a lot of thinking time.

I have tried to live every day with one goal in mind and sometimes it is tuff to do.

Time is short and you have NO IDEA when it will end.

So what my post was going to say is that you should always ALWAYS live to the fullest if you can.

I think about some of the people who went out to something they always do (mountain climb fish drive to the mall.......) and never come home.

I hope that things get better for you and your wife and I thank you for making a post about living life to the fullest because it IS important.

Hope 2007 is the best year yet and ALWAYS remember to leave like that was the last time you will see that person.

I changed my signature line to read what it says now and thats how I feel.

Paul

[retiredgal]

Very touching and sweet. Why does it generally take bad events, sickness, divorce, crime, war, whatever for most of us to finally realize what really matters? That our values are all wrong?

When employed, I was in a stressful supervisors job. On call around the clock. Made good money. Had a lot of stuff.

I had a stroke in 1998 and found myself in re hab for 3 months, right side effected, some short term memory gone, loss of several fingers usage. It was most unpleasant. Career came to a halt!

At that time , I woke up and decided to stop being in the "rat race", cherish the simple things, tell my husband how much he means to me daily, because without his help and support, I couldn't be where I am today and actually fishing.

Since we are both in our mid sixty's, have serious health issues we lean on each other, push each other to live whatever time we have left with "gusto". Fancy vehicles, latest furniture, newest electronic gadget, latest fashions are no longer our values. Love, companionship, sharing time together is what we value.

Fishing has become my therapy for challenge and acheivement in my later life. "Fish on" makes my heart race, and I feel so alive with the excitement.

The clock of life .......is wound but .........
And no man has the power to tell us when the hands will stop at late or early hour.

Now is the only time you own.
LIVE-LOVE-LAUGH-TOIL with a will.
Place no faith in tomorrow, the clock may then be still.

[Dullhook]

Thank you for your inspiring post. Sometimes we take things for granted in this busy world. Material things come and go but precious time spent with loved ones is blessed.

[SilverFly]

Dang it you guys! Now I'm getting all choked up!!!

I truly appreciate all the kind words, and especially to those who shared their own personal losses. I would NEVER wish this on anyone, but somehow it makes it easier knowing that we are not alone.

And thank you Skein for sharing your personal words to your wife. I had you pegged for this rough, tough, salty guy, - hooda thunk you were such a softie! I like your saying about your wife "shining" because I have always said my I can see my wife's spirit shining inside her.

I will print out this thread and share it with her.

God bless

[SilverFly]

I shouldn't be on the stupid internet right now, - but I can't sleep because my love went to God last night. Maybe it will ease my suffering to share what a rare and wonderful person she was with you. I always knew I loved her beyond words, but didn't have a clue just how much this would hurt.

The world is a darker place today because the brightest human spirit I have ever known is now shining with Him instead of us in this world filled with pain and suffering. I wish I could put into words how lucky I was to have shared my life for 20 years with this woman. EVERYONE that knew Tammy loved her. Sure she could be extremely stubborn, bossy, demanding, controlling, hot-headed, sarcastic, and spoiled rotten, - but for some inexplicable reason, this just made people (especially me) love her even more. Of course, she was also one of the kindest, most genuine, intelligent, funny, romantic, sentimental, honest, determined, loyal and devoted people I have ever met. I could write page upon page and just scratch the surface, but here are a few snapshots of who my Tammy was.

You know when your at the movies and there is this one woman who laughs louder than anyone in the theater? But somehow you don't mind because it is so whole-hearted and filled with joy that it made you smile and laugh louder too? That was Tammy.

You know how you could be in a rotten mood at work, and there is this one co-worker that cheers you up even though they just jabbed you with a smart-aleck remark? That was Tammy.

You know how you can be at a party or family gathering and having an "OK" time, but then this one person shows up and suddenly everyone is talking, laughing, and having fun? That was Tammy.

You know how there is always that one person who can't resist taking in a stray animal even though they already have enough pets? That was Tammy.

You know how some people seem to have more "spirit" than most, and in rare cases, so much spirit packed into one body that when they smile everything and everyone around them begins to "shine"? THAT, was Tammy.

In classic Tammy form, she had to control things to the very end. In spite of her failing body, she fought for every breath until the kids had left the room. As soon as my daughter was gone, she relaxed and her breathing slowed until she peacefully passed within a few minutes. I knew then she could hear us because she didn't want her kids to see her go.

God I was a lucky man.

Thank you all for the prayers. She knew many were praying for her, and that gave her great comfort.

[ampersat]

[Riverbankslayer]

Keep your head up SilverFly
She will always be watching over you and the kids.
You and your family will be in my thoughts!

[Dullhook]

Thank you for sharing your heart and Tammy's with everyone. What wonderful memories of her you'll carry forever.

Blessings, Dh.

[Ryan Pultz]

I am deeply saddened by this please brother don’t thing that you WERE a luck man you still are. To be married to a woman that sounds as wonderful as your wife you are a lucky man to have memories. God bless please ask if you need anything I will be praying for you in the tought time rp

[Keeper]

I am so sorry.

[StickFish]

My families condolences to you and yours in the tough weeks ahead.

"No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
When we're gone
Watch the world simply carry on
We live on laughing and in no pain
We'll stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today"

[DarrenH]

I am truly soory for your loss, you really made me think of how lucky I am

[RODACTION]

SilverFly, you are a very strong man, I am very sorry for you loss.

My familys prayers go out for you and your family.

Best of things to come for you,

Ken

[1bigfish]

[Cool Texan]

I am sorry to hear about your loss.

[HntnFsh]

Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

[jokester]

Originally Posted by HntnFsh

Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Praying for you and your family!

-jokester

[R Jackson]

I am very sorry for your loss Silverfly.

[joemomma]

Yes Silverfly, you were blessed! God bless you and the kids, still prayin for ya!

[rimrock]

I am so sorry for the passing of your wife. Thank you for the gift you gave us all in sharing “what’s really important.” I pray Jesus will be close to you and your children in those quiet times, He will be.