More Humor

[RichH]

Got this in an email at work. Thought you might get a chuckle.

Reflections on Life......

1. Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.

2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?(hey_yall?)

6. I've always wanted to be somebody. I should have been more specific.

7. Ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you, but you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is and idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

9. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

10.One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

11.A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?"
I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

12. Future historians will be able to study ath the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Book Store.

Hope you enjoy these as much as I did...

------------------
Rich H

[This message has been edited by RichH (edited 01-30-2001).]

[parker]

I thought we all just got in to trouble for posting humor to this board?

Knock it off! Apologize now, or RT will lose his sponsorship!

Parker

[THE REEL HEY_YALL]

Why do people ask me questions all the time? I know I'm a genius, but come on? Oh yeah, what's alphabet soup? Is that something along the lines of spam?

Parker, that was in trouble for posting adult humor. Seems that even mundane jokes about normal human function are viewed as unclean by a small minority. At least not belonging on a fishing BB, which I can understand. So best we don't go there again. But I can't imagine anyone being bothered by funny benign threads like the good one posted above, especially when they are topic posted as humor so those prefering only fishing info can avoid clicking on it. Funny is good. - RT

[KilgoreTrout]

I think this is humor for the whole family.

Finally, something "positive" written about men...

1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be president.
6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's butt if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
9. The world is your urinal.
10. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too
icky looking.
11. Same work... more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
14. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
15. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
19. You know stuff about tanks.
20. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
21. You can open all your own jars.
22. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
23. You can kill your own food.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.
26. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
27. Everything on your face stays its original color.
28. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
29. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
30. You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
31. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking
"He's mad at me."
32. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
33. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
34. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
35. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
36. You don't have to shave below your neck.
38. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
39. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
40. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth.
41. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
42. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
in 45 minutes


Enjoy,

Dave