Need some good advise

fishhog4u · 12-23-2003, 10:56 AM

Over a year ago, my wife and I of 10 years seperated. I had found out through one of her friends, that she was being unfaithful to me. Turns out, it wasn't the first time.
She went to live with a girlfriend and continued to see this other person, while denying anything was going on. She said, she had some stuff going on in her head that she needed to work out.
We have two small children and I was taking care of them whle dealing with my own personal issues.
For awhile, I went to a VERY dark place, not eating or sleeping, while trying to maintain my sanity for my kids sake.
I was very angry at the other guy and found myself one night after drinking heavily, waiting for him with a pistol in my hand. Then I thought, man, it's not worth it!!!! I would have loved to beat the crap out of him, but again, that's not worth it either, well it would have felt good.
Anyways, to make a long story short. She has been begging me to take her back. Telling me that she has changed.
I would like us to be a family again, but I don't think that I can ever forgive her for what she did to me and our family. I feel that I have moved on, been dating again and so forth. I don't think that I want to stick my neck out to have it cut off again.
Any thoughts and prayers would be GREATLY appreciated, especially during the holidays!!!!!

River Ranger · 12-23-2003, 12:33 PM

I don't know what to say other than I'll pray for you and your kids.

Greg

Grantspastor · 12-23-2003, 01:15 PM

Get some Pastoral counselling. Pray about this intensively. Best case scenario...a victory of the love of Jesus and a restoration of your family. Worst case scenario...a resumption of your former pain

letsfish · 12-23-2003, 09:31 PM

Yes, I will pray for you and the kids. And I agree with Grantspastor, as you know you could be hurt more, but the opportunity to "make it work" is attractive.Get counseling on this before proceeding and if you choose to proceed insist on counseling for your wife and couples counseling once you tie the knot again. An objective third party is going to be necessary to help you both put it back together. That scar of adultry is not going to go away because you get back together- it may fester.

Screaminreelron · 12-23-2003, 10:56 PM

fishhog, there is no greater love than forgiveness. Jesus, although not guilty of any wrong was killed by the very ones He came to save, to forgive of their sin. This type of love is supernatural,you can't muster it up yourself. I would ask you if you have ever experienced the forgiveness of Jesus, His supernatural love? If you have there is all hope in Jesus name for He is called the God of all hope. If you have never confessed your sin to Jesus I would ask you to seek His forgiveness for your sin, for if we confess our sin, He is faithful and will forgive us of all we have done wrong. Then you may be in a better position to forgive your wife.

riverrat · 12-24-2003, 01:46 AM

fishog,

first..get rid of the pistol and seek some proffesional help.
next, think of the children and how YOU are acting in front of them, what pain are they going through and how can you help them to adjust.
last, your wife ended your marriage by having an affair and by not divorcing her immediatley you opened the door to some very mixed feelings. why are you dating? please, you have a responsibility to your children first and before you can move on to a new relationship, you must divorce your wife and seek the help of a professional. pray for help.
i realize that this sounds callous, but my goodness you had a gun in your hand!!!.....rr
p.s. the bible does talk about divorce when it comes to spouses cheating. get closer to God and pray.

DAB · 12-24-2003, 08:03 AM

I must agree with Grantspastor, Others have given good advice and some haven't. I will pray for you and your kids.
DAB

duckcall · 12-24-2003, 09:35 AM

Advice: Get good Christian counceling, stop dating, look into the mirror and improve the guy looking at you. How to improve? Seek Him, focus on Him, trust Him, read His Word, over and over. I will pray for you.

Hawg Caller · 12-24-2003, 11:09 PM

FISHHOG:
i have no Idea what to tell you as Iam at the same point,same story,were in Gods hands,If it would help to talk, send me a p.m.
Rick

fishhog4u · 12-29-2003, 02:42 PM

Let first say, I am touched my all your thoughts and prayers for me. I REALLY mean that.
Let me also respond to RiverRat. First of all, in this situation, what guy wouldn't have thought like I did. And NO I don't need professional help. throughout my ordeal, I have bent over backwards to try and minimize the impact on my kids mental health. I love them more now than I ever have. I spend every waking minute with them, while they are with me. They have adjusted well. All my friends and family say that they can't believe how they are doing.
I do agree with RiverRat when he said that I opened the door for mixed feelings, by not divorcing right away. I didn't immediately divorce her only because I wanted us to stay a family in the worst way, which she totally took advantage of.
Why am I dating? Well, I have moved on in my personal life. No, I have not interduced my firend to my kids, nor will I, untill my divorce is final AND I know without a shadow of a doubt, that she is the right woman for me and my kids. I have and will continue to put my kids before myself!!!!!
I have become closer to God now more than ever in my life. I think that he was trying to get my attention my showing me that I was not living my life according to his will. well, he got my attention alright. We now go to church regularlly, the kids go to AWANA and they love it!!!
This past week, I have retained an attorney. UHG.... let the games begin!!!!!!!
Once again, I truly appreciate all your thoughts and prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: Hawgcaller, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!!!

yooper · 12-29-2003, 05:32 PM

FishHog,

Test a Spirit by it's fruit.

If she has truly been convicted by God to repent and change her ways, you will know her by her fruits.

Pray and Watch. Make your decisions based on what you see, versus what you hear....

Dig into the bible for some answers, you'd be suprised at what divine guidance can give you. ;-)

Catchalot · 01-01-2004, 04:58 PM

I agree with riverrat 100%. First take care of yourself, then worry about what you are going to do with your wife. If you are dating right now it will be very difficult for you to think clearly and make rational decisions. I highly recommend counseling. I went through it when my wife left and cheated on me. I understand your pain. You'll make it one way or another! God is bigger than all of this. Have faith brother!